Nightclub Sins: A Billionaire Romance Series

by Michelle Love

  “August, if you didn’t have to go, would you and I…” I didn’t know how to say the words and closed my eyes in frustration.

  “I’d want to be with you if I didn’t have to go.” He kissed my cheek. “You’d be my girl if I could stay. I’d take you out on dates and take you to cheap motels where we’d screw like rabbits—if I didn’t have to go. Hell, one day we might even have gotten married and had a houseful of babies.”

  “If you didn’t have to go,” I finished his thought.

  “But I do have to go.” He began peppering my face with soft kisses as his cock got even harder and he started moving back and forth within me.

  He was right about the pain being a thing of the past, as now his girth only served to excite me. The way he moved on top of me had me moaning and making odd little mewling sounds that I’d never made before. “I’ll never give what I’m giving you to another man. Not ever. I’m yours, August Harlow. Only yours. Take that promise with you, August.”

  The smile that spread over his handsome face left me nearly breathless. “And I’m yours, Tawny Matthews. Always and forever.” His lips pressed against mine, sealing our little fake pact.

  We both knew that it wasn’t real. Well, I knew he’d have sex with other women. But my words were real—I meant them at the time. I was his. Only his. There was no way I could imagine having sex with another man in that moment, or having it be this good with anyone else.

  That night, August took me so many ways it boggled my mind. He’d left me with so many memories that I had enough to last me a lifetime. We made love in the shower, on the floor in the hallway—he couldn’t seem to keep his cock out of me…

  With all the memories flooding my mind, I opened my eyes, feeling the need for a little self-love. Pulling the drawer on the nightstand open, I’d just reached inside to get my vibrator when a knock came at my door.

  For the briefest of moments, I thought it might be August. But then a little voice called out, “Momma, I’m scared. Can I sleep with you?”

  Ah, reality hit me once more. No self-love tonight, Tawny.

  Chapter 5

  August

  After a video conference with my partners about the nightclub, I headed out of the conference room and into my office.

  I’d gotten myself a suite of offices to work out of for the charities I gave to regularly. With myself and one other member to staff the place, I only needed three rooms: my office, Tammy’s, and the conference room. Tammy’s served as the lobby too.

  “Tammy, you can leave after lunch today since it’s Friday,” I called out to her as I walked past her office.

  “Thanks, sir,” she shouted back at me. The poor old thing was hard of hearing, but she was a wiz with research and helped me pick the best charities to give to.

  As I took the seat at my desk, I spotted the date on the large calendar. It had been a solid week, seven whole days since I’d seen Tawny. She had taken up permanent space in my mind, and I couldn’t stop thinking about her all the time.

  So, I called my sister up. “Happy Friday, August.”

  “To you, too.” I tapped a pencil on the desktop. “So, it’s been a week, and Tawny Matthews is still on my mind. That said, are you free to babysit tonight?”

  “I am,” she said, then paused. “I’ve been thinking, though.”

  “About what?” I swiveled my chair around and looked out the window. The sky was a clear blue, telling me they had finally gotten the Big Bear fires put out.

  “About your, um, uh…I guess you’d call it a condition.” She stopped, and I gritted my teeth.

  “What about it?” My hand went right to my head, massaging my temples as tension filled it.

  “Well, have you talked to your therapist about this? You know you haven’t dated since you were discharged. You might not do well with that kind of pressure.” She meant well, I knew that. But she didn’t understand.

  “I’ve been with women since I’ve been back, Leila,” I corrected her.

  “But you haven’t dated,” she attempted to correct me. “You’ve met women at bars and hooked up, but you haven’t tried to have a relationship with anyone. And you’ve probably already done a number on Tawny before, loving her, then leaving her.”

  “Like I had a choice, Leila,” aggravation filled my voice. Tawny knew I’d had to go.

  “Back then you didn’t. But now that you do, she’ll want more from you if you guys go out. She’d expect more this time around. You have to admit that to yourself. And you’re not exactly in a condition to be there for anyone yet,” my sister said gently, reminding me of my problems.

  “I’ve only had three episodes in the last four months. That’s progress, considering I had one almost every day when I first came back.” Getting up, I headed to the window to look outside as I tried to hold onto my temper.

  “You’ve only been in therapy for one year, August. Give yourself more time, man. Don’t push yourself to do too much too soon. A relationship takes work.”

  I had to butt in, “Leila, a relationship, really? I’m talking about taking the girl to dinner, not asking her to marry me.”

  She laughed a little. “Okay, maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. I live in the future, you know that. Always thinking ahead. Dating isn’t like meeting a girl in a club, August. It’s not like fucking girls while you’re in the marines either. One date leads to another and another and more after that, then there’s just hanging out together, doing nothing at all. And then there’s her kid to think about.”

  “And what about him?” I asked. She wasn’t making sense to me.

  “Kids make sudden noises. Sudden noises have been known to set you off,” she said. “Just call your therapist before you ask her out. See what he thinks.”

  “Fuck!” She was right. I had to think ahead. “I’ll call him now. Bye.”

  “I love you, baby brother.” She hung up, and I pounded the wall with my fist.

  Why can’t I just be normal?

  Taking a seat at my desk again, I made the call to my therapist. His secretary patched me through to his personal cell since he wasn’t in the office. “Doctor Schmidt here.”

  “Hey, Doc, it’s August.” My head began to pound; my mouth went dry.

  “August, how are you doing?” his voice cracked. Age had taken a toll on the old therapist, who specialized in helping ex-military people deal with PTSD. The good doctor had served in Vietnam and knew all too well the perils of war and what goes along with them.

  But even Dr. Schmidt hadn’t seen the kinds of things that people serving in this war had seen. But I had. Everything I’d been through during my deployment continued to clutter up my head, making me see things that weren’t there, people who were no longer here, but showed up in my brain anyway.

  “I’m doing okay. I’m calling because a woman from my past has moved into town. I saw her last week and would like to take her out. She was my neighbor in the little town we grew up in. She’s got a young son, too. I think he might be mine,” I said, as I smiled at the thought.

  I might have a son.

  “Is the young lady unsure of who the father is?” he asked with concern.

  “I don’t think so. I mean, I don’t know. We didn’t get to talk much. I ran into her at the Science Center; she was there for her son’s field trip. She had to get going, but I told her I’d like to take her out sometime and she agreed.”

  “Oh, I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship, August,” he interrupted me. “You’re doing well, but that might put too much stress on you. I know I’ve cautioned you about your business dealings being too much for you, and for the most part they haven’t been. But a woman and a child, too? I’m afraid of what might happen. A grown woman might be able to handle one of your episodes, but a child…well, you’d scare a child if you had one in front of the poor thing.”

  Even he thought I wasn’t ready. But why did everyone keep saying shit about a relationship? It was one damn date! “Okay, so a rel
ationship is out for me right now. But how about one date, Doc?”

  “You knew this girl from back home. You think you might be the father of her child, and you think this is about one date?” he asked me with a hard tone. “This isn’t about one date and you know it, or else you wouldn’t have called me. This is about getting involved with two people, her and her son. And that’s a thing you’re not ready for. Perhaps if you’d stayed on either of the medications I’ve prescribed for you, then you’d be ready for something like this. You’re the one who refuses to take medication to help your condition.”

  “I didn’t like the way they made me feel. I don’t like to go through life feeling numb, Doc. And therapy is working for me. If you’ll recall, I’ve only had three episodes in the last four months. I’m getting a hell of a lot better.” Someone besides me had to see the fact that I was whipping this PTSD shit’s ass without the use of pills.

  “Wait until after our usual appointment to ask this young woman out. That’s my opinion—the thing you called me to get, I’ll remind you. Goodbye, August, see you next Thursday.”

  The call over, my doctor’s orders given, I put my phone down and dropped my head.

  If I could do anything over again, it would be to make sure I didn’t lose my Glock on that raid that night. If I had never lost it, then I would’ve never been issued a new one. A faulty one. It wouldn’t have misfired, and it wouldn’t have left one of my good friends and fellow marines dead. Then I wouldn’t have this PTSD shit—or not quite as bad as I had it, anyway.

  John Black, a good man and a friend, is the reason I received the millions of dollars that I then turned into billions. I’d won a lawsuit against the manufacturer of the gun that killed John, and walked the payout into an investment firm owned by my now partner, Gannon Forester. Gannon took the money and invested it in the same things he’d invested in.

  All I wanted the money for in the first place was to keep John Black’s name alive. I might’ve accidentally killed the man, but by the Grace of God, I was able to make generous donations to charities around the world, helping people in his name.

  I’d achieved my goal in that regard, but I had yet to reach my goal of being able to live a normal life as a civilian—to reach my goal of not being tortured by what happened that awful day. The attacks would always start out of nowhere; I’d be living my life as usual, and then I’d see John, clear as day. My heart would pound, thinking the same damn thing every time: he’s alive!

  I’d smile at the man who looked healthy as a horse, the way he always had. I’d call out his name then something would flash, and the sound of a bullet ripping through the air would sizzle in my head. John’s face would become distorted, and then he’d get hit in the side of the head with the bullet that had exited my Glock all on its own.

  Blood would pool around him as he lay on the floor, his blue eyes open still, looking at me, silently asking what I had done to him. And that’s when I’d begin screaming. Over and over, I’d scream his name and then I’d just scream until someone managed to drag me back to reality.

  I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone. But I sure as hell wish it would just go the fuck away and leave me alone.

  John Black couldn’t come back. The money I’d made went to helping others. I’d made sure that some positives would come out of that terrible moment. But my brain refused to let it go. My mind held that horrible memory in a steel cage. And when I least expected it, the cage would open, replaying the scene for me to experience in its entirety once more.

  When would the pain end?

  Chapter 6

  Tawny

  A week and a half passed with no call from August. Maybe he’d been too busy, or too involved with someone else to make the call. I had no idea, but I knew one thing for sure—I didn’t ever want to be a burden to the man, especially not after he’d served our country.

  If he didn’t want to see me, then so be it. I’d dealt with worse scenarios before—I’d already handled the idea that I’d never get to lay eyes on him again, or that he’d never come back alive. I could learn to handle the fact that we lived in the same town, and that he knew that, but just didn’t want me.

  That night we’d shared, the things we’d said to each other, it was all just a fantasy. Our emotions were heightened, and we were both living a dream, afraid of the future. None of it was real. Well, none of it on his part anyway.

  The fact remained that I’d felt as if I belonged to August Harlow for a long time. A big piece of my heart had become his with our first touch. I wouldn’t say I’d pined for him after he left—not exactly—but a part of me had changed that night. He’d filled my dreams for years, and even in the more recent years, he’d sneak into them every now and then.

  Lately, ever since I’d seen him again, he’d become all I could think about: about the scent of his hair and how it’d feel if I could run my hands through it again; about how his body would look now with nothing covering it.

  I bet he’s got tats now.

  What kinds of tattoos would I find covering his tanned flesh? What new and interesting things did he have to talk about or show me? Would that old chemistry still ignite the passion it had seven years ago?

  I wanted nothing more than to get answers to all those questions and the many others that filled my mind. But I wasn’t going to get any answers because, for whatever reason, August chose not to call me. He chose not to take me out the way he’d said he wanted to at the Science Center. He chose to ignore me.

  And I was going to let him. Because he didn’t owe me a thing.

  After dropping Calum off at school, I headed to do a little shopping—window shopping, that is. I couldn’t afford a thing on Rodeo Drive, but it didn’t stop me from walking up and down the sidewalks to look at all the hip and trendy things displayed in the many windows.

  A pretty red dress caught my eye. Being a redhead, whose favorite color also happened to be red, has proved to be difficult. The wrong shade of red looked terrible on me, but there were a handful of red items in my wardrobe that worked. The dress that had caught my eye was a design I loved, but the shade wouldn’t work on me.

  The price tag peeked out from under the sleeve, and I saw a four-digit number there. Whistling, I walked away, knowing there was absolutely no reason to waste any thought on that expensive dress. I couldn’t afford that in my wildest dreams.

  But I looked back longingly for a second anyway, and that’s when I ran into someone. “Shit! Sorry.”

  “Hey!” came a surprised male voice that I instantly recognized.

  “August!” This time I fought the urge to jump into his arms, but was happy to find him pulling me in for a hug. Once again, my feet left the ground as he picked me up, hugging me tightly.

  My arms wrapped around his neck, and when his lips met my cheek, an inferno erupted inside of me.

  Damn, I’m easy!

  Putting me down, he looked into my eyes. “Tawny, I’m sorry I haven’t called.”

  Even though I wanted to ask him why he hadn’t called, I just waved my hand in the air, as if waving the words away. “No, that’s okay. I mean, I’m sure you’ve been busy. Or maybe you just didn’t want to call. It’s not like you owe me anything. I understand.”

  “No, it’s not like that.” He looked around then took me by the hand, pulling me along with him. “Let’s get some coffee and talk.”

  We went into a café, the trendy 208 Rodeo Beverly Hills, where he ordered us a couple of cappuccinos, and then we took seats at an outside table.

  “August, you don’t have to feel bad or try to explain anything to me,” I said before blowing across the top of my steaming cup.

  “I want to, though.” He took my cup, setting it down before taking my hand and holding it on the tabletop. “I’ve only held off because of my condition.”

  “Condition?” That threw me off. I couldn’t see a damn thing wrong with the man.

  His eyes clouded, and his demeanor changed. “I have PTSD. I don
’t talk about this with many people, but I want you to understand. When I was serving, a gun misfired, and I accidentally shot and killed one of my fellow marines. He was also my good friend. It’s done a number on my brain—that and the other things I’ve seen during my missions.”

  My heart stopped. He’d gone through so much more than I ever would have guessed while serving our country. “Oh, God! I’m so sorry, August.”

  He squeezed my hand. “Thanks, Tawny. It happened a few years ago, and I’m in therapy. I don’t get violent or anything like that, but sometimes I go into this state where…it can be pretty scary for the people around me.”

  “I am a nurse, August. I’m accustomed to helping people deal with things like that.”

  He laughed as he let my hand go, only to run his fingers over the back of it, making butterflies swirl around in my stomach. “I hadn’t thought about that, Tawny. I really hadn’t. I suppose you could handle me if an episode came on.”

  I nodded, knowing I’d handled a lot of tough situations. I could definitely handle anything he had going on. “So, anything else stopping you from taking me out? My son perhaps?”

  “No, just my condition. I don’t have an aversion to kids if that’s what you’re thinking.” One wink told me that was true.

  An aversion to kids or not, I wasn’t the kind of mother who brought strange men around her kid. But there was one man I’d let Calum be around—if that man wanted and when the time was right. “That’s good to hear. That said, I’m picky about the men I bring around my son. I don’t think it’s healthy for a child.”

  He didn’t seem put off by my words and even smiled. “I think that’s the sign of a pretty good mom. So, I can take you out, but the kid’s going to be left out of it?”

  I nodded. “So, it’ll just be you and me on any date you’d care to take me on, August.”

  He looked away and then back at me as he contemplated what I’d said. “I can handle that. For now.” He took my hand in his again and squeezed a bit. “I thought about you a lot while I was away. Your going away present was a thing I cherished. I still do. It was the best present I’ve ever gotten.”