Lift Me Higher

by Kim Shaw

“Mama, please don’t be morbid.” Torie sighed.

  “I’m sorry, but it is. And for those little boys to have to go through that, it’s a shame. Those sweet little boys. Did you see that Joshua? He’s like a little man, offering me a cup of tea or coffee to go with my pie. He’s too cute. Ooh, and Josiah…don’t you just want to eat him up?” Brenda laughed.

  Brenda leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes, feeling the effects of all the food she’d eaten plus the two glasses of wine she’d consumed.

  “They are great little boys. They make their father proud,” Torie agreed.

  “Humph, it’s too bad Monte’s mother is fairing so poorly. I know that can’t be easy for him. And she’s young, too. She’s only a few years older than me. Thank God my health has been okay, praise Jesus. And my mind ain’t in such bad shape, either,” Brenda said.

  Torie nodded in agreement on both accounts. She knew that Mrs. Lewis’s illness was taking a toll on Monte. She didn’t know how she’d handle a similarly debilitating illness in her own mother. Every day Monte tried to sound hopeful, but she could tell that he was losing that battle. Although Mrs. Lewis had been having some not so bad days, it was becoming obvious that the Alzheimer's disease was not going to release its grip on her. All Torie could do was be supportive when Monte wanted to talk about it, and be patient when he didn’t.

  Brenda fell soundly asleep by the time they’d reached the Southern State Parkway. Her light snoring made Torie smile. She was glad that her mother had had a good holiday, and she also sent up a special thank-you to the Man upstairs for allowing Brenda and Monte to get along so well. Torie knew from their first conversation about Monte, and the dozen or so they’d had since, that Brenda disapproved of Torie getting serious with anyone right now. She glanced over at her sleeping mother and shook her head. It didn’t matter how old Torie got—she apparently would never be too old for her mother to try to run her life.

  Brenda awoke early the next morning, well rested and in good spirits. Torie heard her mother clunking around in the kitchen. She lay in bed for a while, enjoying the sounds of her mother preparing breakfast. She felt like a little kid again, back at home, and she awaited the call that would come from Brenda when breakfast was finally ready.

  “Torie,” Brenda called about twenty minutes later.

  Torie kicked back the covers, slipped on a red silk bathrobe and stepped out into the hallway.

  “Be right there, Mama,” she called before heading into the bathroom.

  Torie emerged a few minutes later to find her mother seated at a table laden with fresh coffee, hominy grits, sunny-side eggs and turkey bacon. Torie’s mouth watered as she sat down.

  “Mmm, I haven’t had hominy grits in ages. You know I can never cook them just right,” Torie said as she sprinkled pepper on her eggs.

  “That’s because you always try to cook them too fast. I’ve told you before—I don’t care what the box says, grits need to simmer for a long time,” Brenda said.

  The women enjoyed a relaxing breakfast. Afterward, as Torie refilled the coffee cups, Brenda seized the opportunity to speak her piece.

  “Torie, I really like Monte. I do. And his boys. I had a great time yesterday,” she began.

  Torie felt the but coming; however, she was not about to fall into her mother’s trap.

  “I’m glad, Mama,” she replied casually.

  Brenda pursed her lips, choosing her next words carefully. “I wouldn’t be saying anything at all if I didn’t think you needed to hear it. I can tell by the way you two interact that this thing has moved far beyond casual like you made it out to be. Are you in love with that man?”

  “Yes, Mama, I am,” Torie said without hesitation. “I’m in love with him and with his boys. And before you even go there, let’s not. I know exactly what you’re going to say and, believe me, it’s nothing I haven’t already said to myself. However, it’s different this time, Mama. I’m not a young and naive little girl. My eyes are wide open, and I know what I’m doing.”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes, I do. Monte is nothing like Kevin was. He’s nothing like any man I’ve ever known. He celebrates my independence and supports me in my goals.”

  “That’s great, honey,” Brenda said.

  She spooned a little more sugar into her coffee cup. She stirred slowly, watching the sweetener dissolve before speaking again.

  “I’ve always admired your optimism, Torie. You’ve had some tough breaks in life, but you always seem to land on your feet. Always got that bright smile and those positive thoughts. It’s a good quality to have,” Brenda said, looking at her daughter. “But, honey, you’ve got to consider that you and Monte may not be looking at this thing realistically. You’re headed to the other side of the country to work on that television show. Monte has roots here. He’s got those boys to think of. He’s got his ailing mother to care for. He can’t just zip out to California on a whim, and you need to focus on your career. You can’t come flying back to the east coast when you’re missing each other.”

  “What are you saying, Mama? That we can’t be together because we’ll be living in different states? Mama, people find ways to make long-distance romances work all the time. And besides, this is only temporary.”

  Torie cringed to hear her mother giving voice to the very concerns that had caused her so much angst over the past few weeks. There was no way, however, that Torie was going to let Brenda know how worried she was.

  “You don’t know that,” Brenda was saying. “Did you ever stop to think about what comes after the show? Your career is about to take off. There could be movies, jobs that might take you out of the country. You never know,” Brenda continued excitedly.

  “Of course I’ve thought about that, Mama. Aren’t I the one who told you that my career was moving forward? You wanted me to stick to little off-the-beaten-path plays and commercials, lest you forget.”

  “No, I didn’t forget, and I still don’t think you should completely discount the vehicles that got you this far. However, I ain’t too proud to say that you were right. You took a chance, and it paid off. I’m proud of you, honey.”

  “I know you are, Mama, but I really don’t think you truly understand how hard I’ve worked for this, and that I’m going to continue to work hard to reach the highest levels of professional success that I can. I’ve thought about all of that.”

  “And have you talked it over with Monte?”

  “Yes…somewhat. Mama, I won’t lie. I was very concerned about this relationship, especially in the beginning. For a minute I began to doubt myself, doubt my ability to focus on loving Monte and doing what I needed to do for myself and my career. But, Mama, why can’t I have it all? If I just believe that I can, if I stay strong and focused, why can’t I?”

  “I used to think having it all was possible, but, sweetie, life just…life doesn’t always…” Brenda trailed off as she looked at her daughter.

  “As long as Monte supports me and my goals, I think we can make it work. At least, I know it’s worth a try,” Torie said softly.

  Brenda reached over and patted Torie’s hand.

  “I hope you’re right about that, Torie,” Brenda said after a short pause.

  “Mama, please just be happy for me.”

  Each woman settled into their private thoughts as silence fell between them. Although they held different levels of optimism, a nagging doubt plagued them both.

  Chapter 20

  Hello Hollywood

  “Chica, did you get references for this couple you’re subletting to?” Lisette asked.

  With a purple marker, Lisette labeled the brown cardboard box she’d just sealed with duct tape.

  “Yes, I did. I got a letter from her employer and from his previous landlord in Boston. They moved here for him to complete his graduate studies at NYU. So you can relax, Ms. Worrywart. I’ve covered all the bases,” Torie said.

  She wiped the moisture that had begun accumulating on her foreh
ead with the back of her hand before picking up the next glass-framed photograph from the stack on the floor beside her. She tore off a sheet of bubble wrap from a roll and began covering the picture.

  “I’m just checking. You never know. I’d hate for you to come back and find your apartment destroyed or, worse, find those people up in here with fifteen of their relatives from back home.” Lisette laughed.

  “You’re nuts. It’ll be okay. I’ve given them a six-month lease and told them that we’ll see what happens after that.”

  “Hmm, I see,” Lisette replied. After a brief pause, she asked, “Is that the same thing you said to Monte?” she asked.

  Lisette eyed her girl suspiciously. Torie had not said much about the status of her relationship with Monte in the past few weeks and Lisette had fallen back, thinking that Torie would eventually open up about it. Lisette imagined that the impending separation could not be easy for Torie to deal with, but she was also proud of her girl for staying the course when it came to pursuing her professional goals.

  Torie smiled. “Monte won’t hear of it. He keeps saying things like it’s all going to work out and three thousand miles ain’t nothing. Says he loves me and wants me to live my dreams. If that means waiting one month or a hundred months, that’s what he’s going to do. He’s talking good talk, but I guess the test will be in the doing, huh?”

  “Amen to that. Like my papi used to say to his customers, nosotros hablamos cuando la oficina de cambio.”

  “Say what?”

  “Loosely translated, it means, ‘let’s talk about it when the check clears.’ It’s, like, people talk a good game and make all kinds of promises, but as we all know, talk does not pay the bills. You feel me?”

  Lisette and Torie laughed, their fists bumping in agreement. Every day Torie soaked in a little more of Monte’s optimism, allowing it to nourish her heart and soul and keep her fears at bay. She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but she also knew that she wanted him to be right. The thought of losing out on love again was one that she didn’t relish. Especially given the fact that, with Monte, it felt as if she’d found her soul mate for the first time.

  “Hey, I’m really proud of you. I know I give you a hard time some of the time—”

  “All of the time,” Torie teased.

  “Whatever. Anyway, you’re really making me proud, little sister,” Lisette said.

  “Aww, don’t make me cry. I promised myself I was going to get through this move without turning into waterworks,” Torie said.

  “No, we’re not going to cry. This is a time of celebration. My girl is going off to do the damned thing and I couldn’t be happier. But I want you to know how proud I am of you. You could have given up after what happened last year. Or you could have done the same thing this time and let your chance slip through your fingers,” Lisette said.

  “Oh, like you would have let that happen?”

  “Okay, on second thought, maybe not. But still, I’m proud of you, with your bad, independent self.”

  Torie crawled across the carpet between them and threw both arms around Lisette’s neck.

  “Thank you, girl, for always having my back,” Torie said as she hugged her friend.

  “You’re welcome. Now go out there to Follywood and give them hell.”

  “Miss Torie, Torie…did you have a good flight?” Martin called as he scooped Torie into his arms and gave her a tight squeeze.

  “Hey, Martin,” Torie said, hugging him back and then releasing him and taking a small step backward. “The flight was pretty good, I must say. No turbulence, no crying babies and the salmon they served wasn’t half-bad.”

  Martin held on to Torie’s shoulders as they laughed. When he finally released her, he reached down and took the carry-on bag she had.

  “Well, then, it’s all good. Why don’t we go and get your bags,” Martin said.

  He took Torie by the hand and led her through the crowded airport. Mid-January was still considered holiday travel time and, judging by the steady throng of people milling about, Bob Hope Airport seemed to Torie to be a major hub.

  “Martin, I really appreciate you coming to pick me up and for helping me land an apartment in your building and, well, for everything. You’ve been terrific,” Torie said, looking up at Martin.

  They were standing on the right side of the moving walkway, but they were not walking. Other travelers passed them by on the left, in a hurry to get to their destinations.

  “How many times are you going to thank me and how many times am I going to tell you it was really no big deal? There was no way I was going to let a Southern gal like you relocate to my neck of the woods without a personal escort.”

  “Be that as it may, I really do appreciate it. So have you spoken to Lana or Robert?”

  “Yep. Rob called me yesterday when he got in. He’s got some friends who live down in Pasadena so he’s staying with them for a while. He said he wasn’t sure where he wanted to live just yet so he was going to hang out with them until he found something he liked. To be honest, I think he’s afraid that his role on the show might be short-lived.”

  “Shoot, the same could be said for all of us. We’ve still got to make homes for ourselves.”

  “I hear you. And Lana, well, you know that girl. She’s been here for two weeks and she’s already met some guy. Suffice it to say, she hasn’t had much time to holla—well, at least not at me, if you know what I mean.”

  “Ooh, you’re terrible, Martin. As long as she makes time for our little bitty show, then she can do whatever she wants. All I know is that I’ve come out here with my game face on and everybody else’s better be on, too, if we’re going to make this show number one in it’s time slot!” Torie stated emphatically.

  “I know that’s right. Man, some days I have to pinch myself to be sure that this is all really happening. And the fact that we’re shooting out here in Cali is icing on an already scrumptious cake. I can’t tell you how happy my mama is to have me back within thirty minutes of her.”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t know about all that. I was just really getting used to New York and now I’m starting all over again by myself,” Torie said.

  She didn’t want to sound as though she was complaining. She knew that this was the chance of a lifetime and she was truly grateful. But as she watched the descent onto the tarmac at Bob Hope, the realization that not only had she left behind snow and twenty-degree temperatures but also said goodbye to the most important people in her life hit home. Lisette, Monte, Josiah, Joshua and her mother were now three thousand miles on the other side of the country and she might as well have taken a trip to the moon for as close as she felt to them just then.

  “Don’t worry, T., I’ll play stand-in. By the time I finish showing you my Cali, you won’t be homesick at all,” Martin said with a warm smile.

  Torie looped her arm through his as they stepped off the moving walkway and hugged it close to her. Martin had already proven to be a really good friend. She resolved that dwelling on her melancholy thoughts and weighing him down with her tales of woe-is-me would be disrespectful to all that he’d done for her. She planted a smile on her face and continued on to the baggage-claim area.

  Like a kid in a candy store, Torie sat with her face practically pressed to the glass of Martin’s convertible. She wished that they could ride with the top down, but it had begun to rain as soon as they pulled out of the parking lot. As they sped along the I-5, passing breathtaking valleys and vast mountainous terrain, Torie finally felt as though she understood why easterners would be willing to trade in their skyscrapers and move west.

  “God, this is so beautiful,” Torie squealed.

  “Okay, you’re really looking like a tourist now,” Martin said when Torie pulled out the digital camera that Monte had given her as a going-away present.

  “Can you believe this is my first digital camera? Monte gave it to me a couple of days ago. I was still using my old Olympus camera and taking rolls of film to the drugstor
e like a square,” Torie said, laughing at herself.

  “Good old Monte. How is he?” Martin asked.

  “He’s excellent, thank you. He and the boys drove me to the airport this morning.”

  Snap…snap. Torie took pictures of the Saint Bernard that was riding in the car next to them with his head sticking out of the window. He was moving his tongue up and down, seeming to be trying to lap at the air.

  “Boys? How many kids does he have?” Martin asked.

  “Two. Joshua is nine and Josiah is seven. Joshua’s got a birthday coming up next month—double digits—so he’s feeling a little mature these days.” Torie smiled. “And little Josiah’s front tooth is finally growing in. He was beginning to get a little self-conscious because all the kids in his class have their permanents already, at least in front.”

  Torie continued snapping pictures as she caught a glimpse of Toluca Lake.

  “Wow, that’s, uh…well, I’m a little surprised to hear you talk like that,” Martin said.

  “Like what?” she asked.

  “Like, I don’t know, motherly. I didn’t know that you and Monte were, well, as close as all that. Sounds like you’re one big happy family,” Martin said dryly.

  Torie considered Martin’s statement before replying. He was right to a certain extent. She did feel like Monte and the boys were family to her. She prayed for them before she prayed for herself. She enjoyed listening to them all talk about their days when they were apart and she liked making plans for them when they were together. Even though she’d always thought little girls’ clothing and accessories were much cuter, she’d begun to enjoy going to the boy’s section in stores and picking up things for them. And by the time she’d finished hugging and kissing Joshua and Josiah the night before she left New York, her cheeks were wet and mascara stained.

  “Well, I’m not their mother. I like to think of myself as a really good friend to them…or an auntie. I mean, they’re the best little boys in the world, and trust me, I’m not just saying that,” she stated.