Earnest

by Kristin von Kreisler

  “I’ll spread the word,” Anna said.

  “What is that Naomi Blackmore thinking? Her family’s lived in this town for generations. You’d expect her to care about our history.”

  All Mrs. Scroogemore cares about is money.

  “Why, I remember visiting your grandmother in that house when you were a child,” Miss Pringle said. “Imagine Gamble losing that treasure. Those people at city hall should have turned down that application the day it reached their desk. They’re ignorant about history. The very idea!”

  All week after work Anna and Joy had been making Christmas wreaths at Anna’s counter. Bits of fir, cedar, and red satin ribbon littered the floor. Now on to straw wreath forms, she and Joy were gluing sand dollars, collected on the beach. Once finished with a floppy bow, the wreaths would bring in a nice profit.

  “I ran into Mr. Webster at Norm’s Drugs. He says he’ll support us at the meeting,” Joy said.

  “They’ll have to listen to him since he lives so close,” Anna said.

  “I hate to think who Mrs. Scroogemore is lining up to take her side.”

  “They’ll be up against April Pringle. This morning I got her on board.”

  “She’ll show ’em! We’ll get ’em!” Joy waved her fist in the air. “Bombs away! I love a good fight.”

  Joy’s enthusiasm traveled across the room to Earnest, lounging on his lily pad. He opened his eyes and unfolded his body. After a yawn and stretch, he padded over to the counter and stationed himself next to the sand-dollar pile.

  Every Christmas Earnest waited for the dollars to rain down, pennies from heaven, because he liked to crunch the dollars in his teeth. Anna had to pry them out of his mouth to keep him from swallowing the sharp-edged pieces. Perhaps he enjoyed the salty flavor, or, heaven forbid, he was calcium deficient.

  “How are things going for John and Penelope?” Anna asked.

  “They just got auctioned off! John’s cruel master is going to whip him half to death in a salt mine outside Tunis, and a wicked overlord bought Penelope. Bad news all the way around.”

  “What if the wicked overlord turns Penelope into a used hag, and John won’t want her anymore?” Anna asked.

  “Not going to happen! They belong together. Their love is the real thing.”

  “I’m not sure any love is the real thing.” Anna aimed her glue gun at the straw and left a glop.

  “How can you say that?”

  “I thought Jeff and I loved each other. Look what happened.” Anna still felt vulnerable for telling him about her parents. She didn’t like him having the power of that knowledge, but then, so what?

  “Love wasn’t the problem with you and Jeff. The problem was that he acted like the Twit,” Joy said.

  “I dread facing him and Mrs. Scroogemore at city hall.”

  “I don’t. I can hardly wait. Bring ’em on!”

  “What if Mrs. Scroogemore hates us forever? She’ll never sell us the house,” Anna said

  “At least we might save it.” Joy pressed a sand dollar onto a lump of glue. “And don’t worry about Jeff at that meeting. He’s earned the opposition we’re rounding up. He brought it on himself.”

  “Yes,” Anna said. “He did.”

  CHAPTER 32

  On a cold Saturday morning, Jeff thrummed his fingers on a round claw-footed table in the Unicorn, a Gamble coffee house. It was located in a redbrick building that was covered by a Virginia creeper, whose stems grew in odd directions like dead ends on a city map. The Unicorn was the only place that served food and allowed dogs, and Jeff had brought Earnest along for support. Jeff was about to meet Tiffany, his first NorthwestSingles.com date—and his first date in three years with someone besides Anna.

  He rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans legs and petted Earnest, who’d curled up under the table near the fireplace’s flames. Today isn’t really a risk, Jeff insisted to himself. It would cost him just an hour or two and the price of two pastries and coffees. If he and Tiffany liked each other, fine. If not, they could get up and leave. But, then, that would be awkward, and rejection could humiliate him. Let’s be honest. Today is a risk, a flying leap into the unknown.

  Jeff checked his watch. In ten minutes Tiffany would fling open the door. And who knew? She could be the love of his life. From her online photo, he’d seen she was a pretty blonde. And from her get-to-know-you e-mails, he’d learned she was a photographer—and he’d assumed they were equally creative. An added plus: She lived on Gamble, so future dating, if it happened, would be easy.

  After yesterday Jeff needed something to be easy. Grabowski had called to demand a beefed-up drainage study because of wetlands behind Mrs. Blackmore’s property. The request had rankled Jeff because the drainage plan he’d already submitted should have been enough. But what came next maddened him: With overt sadistic pleasure, Grabowski mentioned the planning commission’s upcoming meeting, and he snorted, “We really value the commissioners’ opinion. It’s crucial to our deliberations.” In other words, If the planning commission votes against Cedar Place, you may as well hang it up, buddy—heh! heh!

  When a good-looking blonde opened the door and stepped inside, rubbing her cold hands together, Jeff ’s heart thumped. Beginner’s luck! But she wore a white parka and ski hat with a pompom that bounced as she crossed the room. Tiffany would be in a black down coat.

  Since half the women on Gamble wore black down coats, Jeff had e-mailed Tiffany to ask how else he’d recognize her. She’d answered that a python would be curled around her neck. So she has a sense of humor! Jeff replied that she’d easily spot his Prussian-blue hair. She said he’d hear her coming because of her chronic hiccups. He pointed out that he’d be recovering from unsuccessful plastic surgery and she couldn’t miss his bandages. Finally, Jeff and Tiffany had agreed on a red muffler for her and a green one for him so together they’d make Christmas, which was coming soon.

  Jeff stared at the door and waited for a red muffler, as Earnest basked innocently in the fireplace warmth. Jeff had not discussed with him the purpose here today—perhaps that had been a mistake when harmony between Earnest and Tiffany would be essential. To prepare for their meeting, all week Jeff had read online about introducing dates and pets. One article had warned that if something went wrong, it could take months to undo. Others had suggested slipping your date a treat to offer in friendship, or letting your date know where your dog liked to be petted. Most important was keeping your dog under control so no atrocity got committed.

  Easygoing, friendly Earnest would never commit an atrocity, Jeff believed.

  At last, in walked Tiffany in her black down coat and red muffler. She’d clearly posted a younger photo of herself on NorthwestSingles, but she looked pretty good. Before Jeff could ponder the ruse, he stood up in his green muffler and grinned, then warned himself, Don’t try too hard. He waved to her and pulled out her chair at the table.

  The scrape of chair legs on oak brought Earnest out from his hiding place. As Tiffany approached, he took one look at her and planted his paws firmly apart as if he were standing his ground. He pressed his body against Jeff ’s legs and with a wary expression watched Tiffany advance like an enemy squadron over the crest of a hill. Earnest acted as though he were bracing himself for rocks hurled from a catapult.

  “Tiffany. Happy to meet you.” Jeff held out his hand.

  Hers brushed his palm, more a swipe than a shake. “Nice to meet you too.”

  “This is Earnest.” With pride, Jeff nodded toward his best friend.

  Tiffany looked at him as she might have looked at a Tyrannosaurus rex. “He’s so big.”

  “He’s just your normal Lab.”

  “He’s scary.”

  “You said on NorthwestSingles that you liked dogs.”

  “Little fluffy ones. He’s a thug.”

  “Earnest is not a thug.”

  Don’t get defensive. Maybe she meant that as a joke, like the python around her neck. Apropos of nothing, Jeff chuckled like a
n idiot.

  Earnest apparently did not think any more highly of Tiffany than she did of him. His hooded eyes seemed to say that looking at her full force might send him into apoplexy. When Jeff lamely pointed out, “He likes to be petted on the chest,” Earnest retreated out of Tiffany’s reach. His disapproving squint said, I’d rather singe my tail in the fire than let you touch me, you vile interloper. You have woolly mammoth breath!

  “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. He usually likes people,” Jeff said.

  “He doesn’t like me,” Tiffany said, flat as a tortilla. She sat down and shrugged out of her coat, but left her muffler around her neck. The red wool clashed with her cable-knit sweater, which was the color of a sour, underripe persimmon.

  “Give Earnest time. He’ll love you.” Less than half Jeff’s heart was in that declaration, however, because Earnest drew highly trustworthy conclusions about people and he rarely changed his opinion.

  Jeff asked Tiffany if she’d like a cup of coffee. She preferred tea. He suggested that they have the Unicorn’s specialty, raspberry scones. She was gluten-free, she said, and she didn’t like the food here anyway. When Jeff went to the counter for her tea and his coffee, Earnest followed as if he refused to be alone with someone he suspected might be rabid. He seemed to ask, What would happen if that woman bit me?!

  From a blue plastic tray, Jeff set cups on the table and reclaimed his seat. Earnest plopped down as far as he could get from Tiffany. He groaned like he was auditioning for next Halloween’s recording of scary sounds. He turned his head away and watched the flames.

  Jeff said, “So tell me about your photos. Are they portraits? Nature?”

  “Autopsied bodies. Tumors and moles.”

  “Oh, right. Moles,” Jeff said vaguely, feigning interest. “They’d make an unusual artistic statement.”

  “My pictures are for documentation. I’m a medical photographer at Mountain View Hospital’s pathology lab.”

  So much for creativity. “Do you like the work?”

  “Yeah. I really get off on all that blood.”

  Tiffany’s amused expression told Jeff that it was again python-around-the-neck time. But the joke came too close to sarcasm, a cousin of contempt. Jeff forgot to laugh.

  Silence crawled on wounded knees across the table. As Jeff rotated his coffee cup for something to do with his hands, he searched his mind for a neutral topic that might stake out common ground. But maybe there is none. “Did you grow up in Seattle?”

  “Yeah. What about you?”

  “Born and bred there,” Jeff said. “How’d you get to Gamble?”

  “Cheap rent,” she said. “You too?”

  “No. I visited a friend here, and I liked the forests and small town. In my book, the rural always beats the urban.”

  “Not for me. I miss the city. I may move back.”

  As if to encourage Tiffany to do just that, Earnest rose to his feet. He yawned as if his boredom had become intolerable, and to put a little spice in Tiffany’s day, he intended to show her his incisors.

  “Wow. Look at that dog’s teeth.” Tiffany shrank back at their ferocity. “Are you sure he’s safe?”

  “Absolutely sure. Earnest would never hurt anybody.”

  Earnest, however, seemed bent on proving he was more than a muffin. He stepped between Jeff and Tiffany, raised his head, and barked. The bark did not cross the line to vicious, as in, Prepare to meet your maker because I’m going to shred you to ribbons. It was more a bark of impatience: You are a positively soporific and tedious drag. Now shoo. I want Jeff to myself.

  “Earnest, quiet!” Jeff ordered.

  Earnest barked at Tiffany again. We don’t want you here. Why don’t you go sidle up to an asp?

  “He never barks at people,” Jeff said.

  “He just barked at me. I’m a ‘people.’ He must not like my smell.”

  You, you horrid woman, are what I don’t like! Earnest underscored his view by barking again. He reared on his hind legs and set his paws on Tiffany’s shoulder so she almost toppled out of her chair.

  As Unicorn customers gaped with open mouths, Jeff jumped up and helped Tiffany sit straight again. “I’m sorry. He’s always well behaved.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding. He’s awful.” Tiffany got to her feet and yanked her coat off the chair. “This match is not working.” One end of her red muffler dragged behind her as she hustled herself—and her tumors and moles—out the door.

  Jeff slumped. Great start to your dating career. He sat back down and patted Earnest. “I can’t be mad at you. You’re right.”

  Earnest rested his head in Jeff ’s lap as if to say, Indeed, she was horrid beyond measure. As Jeff scratched Earnest’s triangle ears, Earnest’s sad eyes added as forthrightly as anyone ever added anything to a conversation, She was unworthy. In other words, Jeff knew, Earnest’s sad eyes were saying, I want Anna.

  Jeff thought about Anna as he sipped his coffee. Their first date had started on a morning like this one after she and her gladioli had washed up on his condo’s shore. Jeff had taken her to a tyke soccer game, and Anna had cheered right along with the parents: “Good job!” “You can make that goal!” “Keep going!”

  Afterward, they’d intended to rent kayaks and look for the otters’ lair that everybody knew about in Heron Harbor, but on the way to the marina, Jeff stopped to show Anna his latest house. Only the foundation, subfloor, studs, and roof were finished, but she could see where Jeff had planned the doors, windows, and fireplaces. He walked her through and explained the purpose of each room. Soon they were discussing exterior colors, the master bath’s tiles, and the den’s furniture arrangement.

  “A sofa should go against this wall so your clients can look at Mount Rainier,” she said.

  Jeff walked across the room and stood under the windows. “It’d be better over here.”

  “Look how much cozier it would be if you could see the mountain and fireplace at the same time. And you could feel the sun shining through the skylight.” Anna pointed to the roof opening where it would be installed.

  Jeff had to hand it to her. She was right. But he didn’t feel threatened. He liked that he could share his work with her and she would understand.

  They went to Plant Parenthood, then stopped at the Chat ’n’ Chew for a late lunch, after which they paddled around Heron Harbor and went for dinner at Sawyer’s. Since Jeff didn’t want the day to end—and Anna seemed to concur—he took her to see the movie Take Me Home and for ice cream at the Creamery. When he kissed her on the sidewalk, she tasted like toffee. That had done it. Never before had Jeff been smitten. What more could he ever want than Anna Sullivan?

  As Jeff stared at the Unicorn’s fire, he admitted that Anna had been a swan, and Tiffany, a mud hen. Anna, gold, and Tiffany, lead. The two women were as far apart as a star and a mole. But he couldn’t recross his and Anna’s burned bridge, not after she’d compared him to her cold, ambitious parents—and she surely hated him. All he could do was move forward. Somewhere out there in the ether there has to be another woman.

  CHAPTER 33

  On Waterfront Park’s rocky beach, Jeff and Anna waited with Earnest for the Christmas boat parade. Each person in the crowd held a lighted red candle and a copy of the carols’ lyrics, compliments of the Rotary Club. The moon shone on the dark water, which was ruffled by a cold breeze. Everyone was talking.

  Including Jeff. He scolded Anna, “Look how thick Earnest is around the middle. Don’t you see he’s getting portly?”

  Yes, Anna saw, but she didn’t need Jeff pointing it out like she was a blindfolded amoeba.

  “You’re not walking him enough,” Jeff said.

  “Christmas is my busiest time. I don’t have enough hours in the day,” Anna defended. “Besides, you know Earnest doesn’t like to go out in the rain.”

  “He doesn’t complain about it when I take him out.”

  “Maybe you don’t read the signals. Rain makes him unhappy. It shows in
his face.”

  “When I take him jogging, he loves it no matter what the weather is.”

  In other words, I’m a better dog parent than you are, Jeff was saying.

  The gall, Anna thought. She tugged her parka closed against the cold. She was bundled in layers, a thermal onion, but a chill was seeping through. “I walk Earnest every morning unless there’s a storm.”

  “That’s not enough exercise. It’s a lot harder on Earnest to lose weight than not to gain it in the first place,” Jeff nagged. “If you let him get fat, it’s a terrible mistake.”

  You are the terrible mistake. Not to put too fine a point on it, so was agreeing to meet Jeff for the parade. The plan was to turn Earnest over to him for the holiday here instead of at Plant Parenthood. It had seemed like a good idea.

  Anna had thought the parade could substitute for their weekly walk with Earnest. If they were singing carols, they wouldn’t have to talk. And Earnest had always loved this night. When he’d spotted Jeff walking down the hill to join them, he’d dashed to him, the red bow around his neck dancing as surely as his paws. He’d led Jeff to Anna. My family is together! Jingle bells! Joy to the world!

  Now, however, Anna gripped her candle and felt little joy. She wished she’d never said she’d come tonight. She felt sad—and not just because Jeff had lectured her about Earnest’s weight as if he were a lord and she were a peon. She also felt sad because Christmas rekindled memories of Grammy’s death and of lonely holidays at boarding school, and on this Christmas Anna would remember past happy ones with Jeff and Earnest—and she’d be alone again. The prospect made her heart feel like a rag someone was twisting water out of. Just when Anna needed Earnest, he’d be with Jeff.

  Who, by the way, was wearing his best cashmere sports coat and gray slacks under the black topcoat he saved for special occasions. Undoubtedly, after the parade he was taking out some attractive, dressed-up woman—maybe that grocery checker. Not that Anna minded. She would never dress up for Jeff again. Not if wild horses dragged her to her closet. Not if someone offered her a winning lotto ticket.