by Lee Wardlow
She patted her hand resting on her shoulder. “Thank you, for everything.”
A lifetime of caring. Always supporting them no matter how many mistakes they made. Never being afraid to confront them with the truth even when it hurt like Ally needing to be home for her own sake.
“We love you, Sophie. You’re our daughter too.”
She nodded unable to speak. She appreciated that sentiment. Her father carried Joshua to the bedroom for her. She took Joshua from him at the crib. “Nana loves you peanut. So very much.” Sophie kissed his cheek and laid him down. Time for his nap, Joshua was a good sleeper and ready for this.
“Nigh, nigh.” He rubbed his eyes tiredly.
She and her dad backed out of the room and softly, shut the door. In the hall, she laid her forehead against the solid wood.
“You okay, honey?” Duke asked her.
Nodding, Sophie pulled herself away. “I’m kind of tired, Dad. Could we go home?”
“Sure honey. I’ll take you home.”
She went downstairs and told her in-laws goodbye. She didn’t pay attention to what her dad was doing. She was in a fog, thinking about what Deandra had told her earlier. She needed to pull herself out of this funk.
Maria sent home the food she had made for her. Her dad was gathering that together. He carried it to the car. “Sophie, what’s wrong?” He asked snapping his seatbelt in place.
She stared out the window. “Talking to Deandra today, I realized that I’m probably depressed. I sit around and watch television. I don’t work anymore because I’m so exhausted.”
“So maybe do some of your charitable stuff that doesn’t affect you every day.” No one understood how she felt. Their suggestions were only irritating her.
“I’m afraid of germs,” she grumbled.
“Wear a mask, Sophie. You can’t quit living which is what you’ve done.”
She nodded. “I have,” she agreed with her dad. “I’m exhausted all the time. My bones ache. My head hurts. I feel pukey most of the time. I even avoid Joshua because I can’t lift him, and it breaks my heart when he wiggles his fingers at me and I can’t pick him up. I just don’t have the strength,” she explained.
Her dad backed out of the driveway. “So, what are you going to do about it, Sophie? Keep letting chemo rule you or are you taking back your life? You’re stronger than this. You aren’t acting like my girl, Sophie.”
“Could you drop me at the office for a while?”
“I can,” her father told her. He didn’t ask why. He just did as she asked.
She wasn’t sure what she was thinking. Sophie had been removed from the business a lot since the second treatment. She was just too tired. When Doctor Roberts told her that everyone had different reactions with chemo, she wasn’t kidding.
Before, she got home from her chemo treatment, she had a full blown, migraine. By the next morning, she was nauseated and vomiting. That lasted two to three days. Then she was nauseated for two to three more days. Then she was just bone tired and achy until her next treatment. How was she supposed to not let it rule her life?
Her dad parked in front of the door. She turned and looked at him. “I could have walked from a spot. You didn’t have to park right in front of the door.”
“Sophie, the first thing you can work on in getting your life back,” her father told her. She waited for him to finish. “Is getting that sunny disposition back we, all know and love.”
She chuckled at him. “I wouldn’t go that far, Dad.”
“Maybe not but this grumpy gal needs to go. Get out. I have places to be.”
Sophie burst out laughing. She glanced at her dad and realized that he achieved what he wanted. Her laughter. He leaned towards her. “Give your old dad a kiss and get out of here. I assume someone in there will take you home?”
“Yes, Daddy, someone inside will take me home.” She planted a kiss on his whiskered cheek. “You need a shave.” She scowled at him.
“I always need to shave, honey. The hair on my face grows fast. Remember I had a nice beard in just a few days?”
She thought about her dad when he worked outdoors in the winter months. He had a thick, beard to protect him from winter’s frigid temperatures.
She nodded in response. “Thanks for the ride Dad.”
“No problem. You guys all coming to our house, for Thanksgiving, next Thursday?”
She leaned in and gazed at her dad. “All but Ally. She’s going to be with Brian.”
“Chemo day after,” he stated, “need a ride?”
“Dad, I think it’s best if Josh takes me.”
“Maybe, maybe not. Maybe it would be good for Josh and you to let me and Heath take you this time.”
“You guys been talking about this?” She asked.
“We have,” her father agreed. “It’s taking a toll on Josh too, Sophie.”
She nodded. Her dad was right about Josh. “It’s a date, Dad. You and Heath can take me, next Friday.”
Sophie shut the door to her father’s car and headed to the door of Russack Landscaping, she glanced over her shoulder and waved to her dad. In the entrance, Jagger sat at the front desk, not Ally. He was busy working on something.
He was surprised to see Sophie, she could see it. “How are you, Jagger?”
“I’m good.” He leaned back in the chair, her chair.
“Where’s Ally?” She glanced around the receptionist area, so familiar but still she hadn’t been here much in two months that it felt awkward to her now. She realized that she didn’t miss this. She missed being with Josh but not this. Sophie needed something else in her life.
“In the kitchen,” he replied. “We were working on the invoices together. Without you, it’s a two-person job,” he teased her. “I have two new contracts that need to be completed so while she’s on the phone I’m tackling them.”
“She’s on the phone,” Sophie repeated.
“Brian, making plans for Thanksgiving weekend.”
“Ah,” Sophie replied. “Josh in the office?”
“Not with you, he’s glued to his desk.”
She frowned at Jagger. “What does he do in there?”
“Not sure,” Jagger replied shrugging his shoulders.
She turned and headed to Josh’s office. He was on the phone. He missed a word when he saw Sophie. She smiled at him. He held up his finger and she nodded towards the kitchen. He smiled at her and continued his conversation.
Sophie headed towards the kitchen. She thought she might grab a Gatorade from the fridge. Her daughter was arguing with Brian on the phone about Thanksgiving. It didn’t sound like she was going with him after all. His plans seemed to have changed. He was staying on campus because their biggest game of the season was on Saturday after Thanksgiving. He had too far to go home to turn around on Friday and be back on campus.
She headed back to the entrance and pulled a chair up to the desk. Jagger glanced up at Sophie when she sat down. “How are you feeling Sophie?”
“Weak. I don’t like feeling weak, Jagger,” she replied being her blunt and usual self.
“You sound like my mother.” She thought about how, Jagger made that statement. He wasn’t judging his mother. He was sad.
He continued to type away on the keyboard. Almost as if he was avoiding Sophie. Maybe he hadn’t meant to tell her that much about his mother’s illness.
“I like the haircut. Better than the surfer cut you had when you interviewed here.”
He leaned on his elbows. “I had lunch and played golf with Max Satterfield.”
Sophie whistled between her teeth. “How’d that go?”
“I have two contracts for new business,” Jagger replied.
“A little Josh, clone.”
Jagger tilted his head to the side and frowned. “Something wrong Sophie?”
“No, I’m mean and grumpy. Just ask my dad.”
Jagger handed her the client sheets about the new opportunities. She took them in hand and re
viewed the information. Two new clients like Satterfield Manufacturing. “Josh is going to have to hire two new crews.” She glanced up at Jagger.
“One,” he said. “For now.”
She frowned at him. “How do you get that? We’re strapped with the business we have.”
“The cleanup that we’re doing is minimal right now. Ally and I have been reviewing the crews, jobs and scheduling with Josh. I’ve shown him with one crew we can handle the new business with Miguel running them both. His efficiencies aren’t being used properly.”
“Really?” She wondered at his audacity. How was Josh taking Jagger’s revamping of his crews?
“Yes. Sam is pleased with the changes I suggested too. He likes the smaller jobs and can handle more of them with less people which frees up more resources for Miguel.”
“Well you have it all worked out. How’s Josh handling all this?”
Jagger frowned. “Sophie, that is why he hired me, so he could be with you. He encourages me to make the operation of his company better, more efficient. I haven’t forgotten who owns it though, if that is what you’re worried about. I respect Josh a lot.”
She sat back in her chair. “Ignore me, I told you I’m grumpy.”
Chuckling at her, he then leaned closer, “What’s wrong, Sophie?”
“What’s right?” She snapped at him.
“When I say this to you, don’t take what I’m saying wrong because I see what you’re going through, and I know how bad it is but you’re going to get well in the end.”
“My bones will never be the same. They might be brittle, I’m told. I might lose my breast and what will my hair look like when it grows back in?”
“I get it you’re angry. My mom is too.”
She gasped at him. “Does your mom have breast cancer?” Her voice had gotten softer. She leaned on the edge of the desk regretting that she pushed so far when she didn’t know what was wrong with his mother.
“No, she doesn’t. There’s no cure for Mom’s disease.” He looked at Sophie and he smiled sadly. “She’s bed ridden now with Parkinson’s. She’s only fifty-five. She didn’t address it when she should have. Mom ignored her symptoms until they couldn’t do anything to help her.”
Sophie reached across the desk and grasped his hand, she squeezed it hard. “I’m sorry. She must feel like I do. Out of control of her own body.” Jagger nodded.
“Before she got sick, she was beautiful and vibrant. She had this beautiful, long blonde hair. We look a lot alike.” He lowered his eyes to their hands. “I miss that woman that she was. She was shocked at first, refused to believe anything was wrong. My mom was always healthy. She ran mini-marathons. She’s bitter and angry now.”
Sophie understood everything that Jagger was telling her. It sounded exactly like her own story only with a different disease and a different outcome, she hoped. She was bedridden for only a few days. She felt hopeless which made her feel these emotions that weren’t helping her cause. She needed to pull herself out of this. She was even more convinced of this.
“I’m so sorry, Jagger.”
He nodded. “Me too.”
“You don’t need me to tell you this but you’re doing a great, job. Josh hasn’t had to worry at all about the business.”
“Thanks, Sophie.”
She got up to see if Josh was off the phone. He had turned his chair towards the window and was deep in conversation with whoever was on the other end of the call. She sighed and checked on Ally who was quieter than ever, talking to Brian. At least they weren’t arguing now.
Heading back to the entrance, she didn’t know what to do now. This wasn’t her domain anymore. She glanced around the entrance. She took her phone out of her pocket and called her dad to see if he would come back and get her. He didn’t answer.
“What’s wrong, Sophie?”
“Dad didn’t answer. I was going to ask him to come back and get me.” She contemplated walking home. There was a time when she could have done it, but she knew that was pre-chemo days. Now she wasn’t able, and she almost wanted to cry.
“I’ll run you home,” Jagger offered.
“Thanks Jagger. I’d appreciate it.”
He wrote a quick note, leaving it on the keyboard where Ally would see it when she got off the phone with Brian. Then he walked with her outside to his shiny, white Dodge. She chuckled to herself wondering if he and Josh argued about their choice of vehicles. Josh was a diehard Ford man.
“Who takes care of your mom while you work?” She asked him.
He held the door for Sophie. “I have twenty-four, round the clock care. Not sure how much longer that will work. They are recommending she go to in-house care. She’s becoming a handful.”
“You don’t want to do that,” Sophie understood his feelings on nursing homes.
“I don’t. She’s my mom. She’s ready to go when I’m ready. I think some days, she’s making our lives difficult, so I’ll give in and put her in a nursing home.” He smiled at Sophie more out of frustration than anything else.
Sophie was seeing Jagger in a different light than she had when she first met him. He was a charmer all right, but he was a kind and caring son also. She patted his broad shoulder. “You’re a good son, Jagger.”
He snorted. “Tell Mom that, would you?”
She chuckled at him. “Jagger, sometimes, we don’t always appreciate our loved one’s efforts when things aren’t going so well. I’ve been really difficult.”
“Ally told me.” He cleared his throat realizing he might have offended her, the boss’s wife.
Sophie laughed. “I’m sure she did.” Sophie got in the passenger seat and Jagger shut the door for her. When he got in she asked him, “Why aren’t you dating anyone? You aren’t getting any younger, you know.”
He did a double take. He didn’t know the real Sophie. He hadn’t been exposed to her brashness. Her inability to have a filter for her mouth.
“How do you know I’m not?” He asked.
“Please, you’re either with my daughter hanging out or with Doug. Are you dating one of them?” She teased him.
He frowned at her and shook his head no then he pulled out of the spot and headed towards the road. “Too much competition for the mirror with Doug in the mornings.”
Sophie burst out laughing.
“You have a great laugh,” Jagger told her.
“Ally is the boss’s daughter and only eighteen. She is a great girl though. I do enjoy her company. She has made the last few weeks bearable if you want to know the truth.”
“You’ve been having a tough time with your mom.”
He didn’t look at Sophie but shook his head yes.
“She has a way with my mom that I don’t have even though we’ve been close for years.”
Something Sophie didn’t know. Ally had met Jagger’s mother. She had been to his house.
“Does she come there often?” Sophie asked.
“When she’s not home, she’s at my house,” Jagger explained. “I can’t often go out because of Mom so Ally and Doug both come over or sometimes it’s just one of them.”
Sophie nodded but remained quiet. She wasn’t sure how she felt about her eighteen-year-old daughter spending so much time with Jagger Crosby.
“We’re just friends Sophie. She’s in love with Brian.”
She glanced at Jagger. His eyes remained on the road. He turned into her neighborhood. Still a few roads away from where she and Josh lived. Winding through the streets, in the summer, the tree limbs met in the middle covered thickly with leaves offering shade to walkers and cars parked on the road. She loved the older neighborhood. Sophie glanced out her window watching the houses pass by her.
“Ally is mature for her age,” she stated.
“She is. She is kind and considerate. Sometimes, she talks to my mom. I like that about her. It makes my mom happy. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that makes her happy.”
Sophie gazed at Jagger for a moment.
“She gave up school to watch me go through this.”
He nodded. “She needed to be here, Sophie.”
“She did.”
Sophie was beginning to understand more each day what it meant to her daughter. To get her a glass of water. To take some of the burden off Josh. To feel a little less helpless.
Jagger stopped the truck in the drive. “Thanks, Jagger.”
“You’re welcome. Anytime,” he added.
“Thanksgiving plans?” She asked.
“I’ll be with Mom and the caregiver. I’m picking up one of the prepared meals from the grocery store. I just have to warm it up.”
“That will easy for you but nice. I’ve heard good things about them.”
“Have a nice, day with your family. Josh told me that you’re spending the day with them.”
“I am. We’ll be at my parents. His parents will come over. My brother and his family. Heath and Hannah. My grandson, Joshua.”
“Sounds really nice.”
She patted his arm. “I’d better let you get back to the office.”
Sophie got out of the truck and headed inside. She let the puppies out of their crates and took them out. They were nipping at her heals and jumping at her, so excited to see her. She sat on the swing in the backyard for the longest time watching them play. Her foot gently moving her back and forth, lost in thought.
She needed something different in her life. For fifteen years she had been by Josh’s side. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed it but once upon a time, she had painted and did pottery. She had written stories. When she had Heath and Hannah and a business to run, she didn’t have time for those things. Her illness had taken her away from the business but maybe it was telling her something.
“Come on ladies. Let’s go inside.”
In the house, she sent Josh a message.
Would you bring home a drawing tablet and pencils from the craft store? Please. I think I’ll take this opportunity of downtime to doodle.
It was a while before he responded but when he did Josh loved the idea. Once, she was good. He also hated that she didn’t do it anymore but there just wasn’t time. Now, she had all the time in the world.