Stargaze: Half Light

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “Are you finally ready?” Kelby asked from the seat next to me.

  “Yes.” I was all strapped into my seat in the pod surrounded by screens with words in a foreign language along with images in bright colors. Nothing made much sense to me. I waited for my nerves to kick in, but they didn’t.

  “Don’t act like that took me long. It didn’t. Excuse me if I needed a few minutes to get ready.”

  “Took you longer than it took me.” He ran his fingers over the screen directly in front of us. A light turned on the ceiling above.

  “I’m not an alien warrior.”

  “Alien warrior?” He raised an eyebrow. “You do realize you are the so-called alien to me.”

  I adjusted my translator. “I’m coming to help. I’d watch it.”

  “I can do this without you. Last chance to change your mind.”

  “If you can do this without me, why take me?”

  “Because no translator is perfect. Besides, some potential allies respond better to females.”

  “Oh, so you are taking me because I’m a girl?”

  He glanced over at me. “You aren’t a girl.”

  I let out a grunt. “Yes, I am.”

  He shook his head. “No. You are a woman. I would not take a child with me.”

  “That’s not what I meant.”

  “Yet you wouldn’t have been outraged if I called you that?”

  “Of course I would have. But that’s different.” Why was he asking me to apply logic in this sort of situation? Speaking of which, weren’t we on a tight deadline? “Shouldn’t we be going soon?”

  “We are already going. You feel no movement on the pods anymore. But don’t try to change the subject. How is that different?”

  “Oh. I didn’t realize that. And it’s different because you are you.” I gestured over to where he sat. Even sitting he was crazy tall. Where was he in junior high when I couldn’t find a boy taller than me to dance with? “Yeah. That’s why.”

  “I wouldn’t disrespect you that way.”

  “Oh.” I was surprised to hear him say that. For one reason or another I’d assumed he was a chauvinist jerk. He’d lied to Rachel, which made him bad in my book. But then again I was trusting him with my survival, so I better hope he wasn’t too big of a jerk. “Good to know.”

  He let his hands hover over the screen, and the images changed. “That was brave of you.”

  “What was?” I wished I could understand the words running along the bottom of the images.

  “Following your brother.”

  “I couldn’t let him go alone.” I was feeling guilty enough about leaving him now, but this felt like the right decision. I’d ignored instinct once in my life, and it had led to the worst tragedy. I wasn’t doing it again.

  “And your brother is the only reason you went?”

  There was nothing insulting or rude about his words, but they hit me in a sensitive place. It was as if he was questioning my motivations, and finding some that weren’t quite as laudable. “No.”

  “You have a sense of adventure.” His eyes roamed over me, and my body reacted. Warmth spread all over me, as if someone had wrapped me in a blanket.

  Once his eyes returned to the console, and I could think straight I replied. “How would you know?”

  “You voluntarily left Earth, and you voluntarily came with me.”

  “I left mostly for my brother—and now this is to save Earth. You know, my home.” Yes the decisions had technically been my own to make, but did I really have another choice?

  “Are all Earth women this way?” He stretched his arms above his head and leaned his head back against them.

  “What way?” I gaped at his bulging muscles. He made the jock-frat guys at school look tiny.

  If he noticed my reaction he didn’t show it. “Pushy. Intense.”

  “Excuse me?” I forgot all about his muscles.

  “It’s just Rachel acts that way now that she’s free of the influence of modifiers, and you do too.” He turned his seat so it was facing me. “I’ve never met any other Earth women.”

  “Are all Lexa men arrogant jerks who think they get to control everything?” I turned in the opposite direction, putting my back to him.

  “Well, I’m not sure if I’d call it arrogant. Strong. Alpha.”

  “Ugh. Get lost.”

  “I doubt you want me to do that.” He pulled my seat back around.

  “How would you know?” I tried to turn my chair again, but it wouldn’t budge. He was holding it too tightly.

  “You really want to be on your own out here?”

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “So you’d be okay if I just opened the pod and sent you into space?”

  “I’d die.”

  “I’d give you air.” He smiled. It was far too charming.

  “I didn’t mean I wanted you to ditch me.”

  “I am well aware.”

  We needed a subject change. “How long have you guys been planning this?”

  “This as in what exactly?” He removed his hand from the back of the chair, but I didn’t try to turn again.

  I sighed. “Really? You can’t infer what I’m getting at from my words?”

  “There are a number of things going on, so no. It’s not that simple.”

  “Okay. I’ll help you out here. When did you decide to go against your leaders?” I may have been unusually calm, but that didn’t mean I was feeling particularly patient.

  “Oh. The resistance. That.” He turned facing forward again.

  “Yes. That.” As if the resistance was nothing? It seemed like a whole lot more than nothing to me.

  “I’ve questioned the Emperor for quite some time now. Ever since I discovered the truth about Earth. And the truth about Rachel… and what he’d done.”

  “Meaning kidnapping an innocent child to mate with his son?”

  “He lied to all of us about that. He and Telton.”

  “Yet you’re following Telton now?” That didn’t exactly put me at ease, especially because I’d left Noah with him.

  “He had his reasons, and they were far different than the Emperor’s.”

  “So you say.” I stared ahead, wondering why there were no windows. It wasn’t as if I’d been in lots of space pods before, but it was strange to have to rely completely on screens.

  He spun toward me again. “Listen. I get you don’t like me. I get you don’t like Telton. But you have no idea what the Emperor is capable of. He has harvested planets for decades. You cannot imagine the amount of power he’s amassed.” Kelby’s eyes were wide and wild.

  I shivered. The whole situation was scary, but seeing the crazed look Kelby got while discussing the Emperor was downright frightening. “Yet you think we can defeat him?”

  “With the right army. Yes.” His eyes were completely back to normal. It was as if he’d never been upset. Maybe the modifiers made it easier to switch between emotions. I had no idea how it all worked. I wasn’t exactly a science person, but something like a modifier had to have so many implications.

  Eventually I was going to learn more. “And you think we’re going to build this army?”

  “We’re sure going to try.”

  I ignored the second round of shivers. Where had my calmness gone? I wasn’t afraid. At least I wasn’t going to admit I was. I had faced worse than this. I’d been there to identify a body—the body of a brother I’d failed to protect. And I’d broken the heart of a boy who was already broken. This was nothing. This was just me at risk. Well, unless the whole plan failed, then everyone I cared about was in trouble.

  “You can rest if you want. I’m going to take us into hyperspace, but it’s going to be a few hours.”

  “Rest? Do you think I can rest at a time like this?”

  “You’re not going to have a better time in the near future.”

  “I figured that.”

  “When we get there you need to stay close.”

 
“Really? I planned to run away the second we leave this ship.” I rolled my eyes.

  “Could you stay serious, please? There is a lot at stake.”

  “I wasn’t aware of that.” The fear was slowly dissipating again. I could handle this. I could handle anything.

  “Sarcasm. I see you have it too.”

  “Do any societies not?” From an anthropologic perspective, this experience was priceless.

  “Many.”

  “Ugh, that would suck.”

  He glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes. “That much a fan of sarcasm?”

  “Yeah, and my guess is if they lack that they also lack humor.”

  “Sometimes. Not always.” He ran his hands over the screen.

  There was a low hum. Maybe that meant we were in hyperspace? I probably should have asked about it, but instead I asked the stuff I was really interested in. “Are there groups without humor of any kind?”

  “Oh yes. And I agree with you there. Not fun at all.”

  I smiled despite myself. “You do have a sense of humor.”

  “Of course I do.”

  “But is it the modifiers?” Finding an opportunity to ask about them had been easier than expected.

  “Modifiers don’t change our personality.”

  “Then why take them?” I shifted slightly in my seat. I was starting to feel stiff.

  “Because they help fill a void.”

  “I can’t really imagine. I have the opposite problem.”

  “Too much emotion?” His voice softened.

  “A lot of it.”

  “You hide it well.”

  “You are seeing me on my good day.” When in doubt, I resorted to humor.

  He laughed. “If leaving Earth with a bunch of strangers and facing a Fleshard is your good day, I can’t imagine what your bad day is like.”

  “You don’t want to see it.” It involved flashbacks and lots of tears. Lots and lots of tears. And a heavy dose of anger that worsened over time.

  He looked torn, like he was debating what to say.

  I made it simple on him. “Don’t ask, because I’m not telling.”

  “Okay then.” He nodded. “I can respect that.”

  “So where are we going exactly?”

  “You ask me now when it is too late to simply turn back?”

  “I know what we are going to do. I mean where are we going to do it?”

  “We’re going to the Bunker.”

  “The Bunker?” I asked for clarification. “Like a fallout shelter or something?”

  “No, a bar is probably the word you’d use. They serve all sorts of beverages that intoxicate.”

  “We are going to recruit for the resistance at a bar?” I started to question my faith in Kelby. “Lovely.”

  “There are very few places where anyone can meet in private. Especially where all species are welcomed.”

  “Got it.” I was sure he had his reasons. I’d trusted him this far. I had no choice but to continue.

  “But I have to warn you. The language may be foul. If that is the case you may turn off your translator.”

  “You think I can’t handle foul language?” I laughed.

  “Also crude humor.”

  “I grew up in a house with two brothers. I can handle that too.”

  “Where is the other brother?”

  Why had I said that? I’d walked right into the question. Maybe I’d wanted to. I had this strange desire to share things with Kelby. It was a very bad desire. I was in a vulnerable place already. There was no reason to make it worse. “He died.”

  “Oh. I am sorry.”

  I said nothing. I hated to say thanks when someone said they were sorry. It made no sense. I was thanking them for being sorry. I figured since he wasn’t even human he wasn’t going to be concerned with how polite I was.

  After a few moments he broke the silence. “I had a sister.”

  “Had? So she has passed as well?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “She fled.”

  “Fled?”

  “I’m not the only one in my family who’s been part of a resistance.”

  “Wait. Seriously?” Now this was new information. “I thought the rise up against the Emperor was new.”

  “None of us believed her. I hate myself for my reaction…” He looked straight ahead at the screen.

  I debated whether to press him. I couldn’t help myself. This was important. I was sure of it. Also, I found myself surprisingly concerned with knowing as much about Kelby as possible. It was because my life was in his hands. That was the only reason. “You didn’t defend her?”

  “No. And it is what I am most ashamed of.”

  “Where is she now?” He had made it sound like she was alive, so I was hoping that was a safe question.

  “I don’t know. It’s been five years. She has never communicated with us—which I understand. It would have put her at such a risk.”

  “What do you mean?” I was afraid to ask.

  “Meaning if she was ever found she would forfeit her life.”

  “This Emperor doesn’t sound like a great guy.” I shivered again. I hoped I never met him. I tried to put myself in Rachel’s shoes. How horrible must her upbringing have been in the hands of someone like that?

  “Are your leaders great?” He watched me.

  “Well, we don’t have a planet leader. We’re broken down into smaller—”

  “I know how Earth politics work. But the leaders you know.”

  I shrugged. “Don’t you know it’s impolite to ask people about politics?” Or religion, but I wasn’t sure if that even existed on Andrelexa. “Back to your sister.”

  “Why are we returning to her?”

  “Because I get it now.” I decided to be forward. “I get why we’re going to the Bunker. You think we might find your sister there. It makes perfect sense. It’s a private place where you expect to find people sympathetic to your resistance.” It was all starting to come together. I didn’t doubt he was upset about the Emperor, but I understood his determination to be the one to recruit. I didn’t blame him. If I had any chance of seeing Joseph again I’d jump on it.

  “We are not going to search out my sister. Not to mention I doubt she would even talk to me.”

  “You never know. Families can be good at forgiving.” I didn’t know that from experience, but it sounded like what I was supposed to say.

  “What happened to your brother?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” I looked away, once again wishing there was a window so I could watch space. Thinking about Joseph so much was making me sick. I needed air.

  “Come on. I told you about my sister.”

  “And she’s not dead.” I tried to pull myself together. Kelby wasn’t the first person to ask me about Joseph. This wouldn’t be my first time telling this story.

  “You’ll have to tell me eventually.”

  “I will?” I shouldn’t have asked it like a question, but I did.

  “Yes. Eventually we must all reveal our pasts, dark or not.”

  “What makes you think it’s dark?” I pulled into myself, dampening down the pain. I could talk about Joseph without becoming a mess. I was strong enough.

  Kelby turned his chair and put his hands on the arms of my chair. “Because all it takes is one look in your eyes to know you’ve experienced darkness.”

  “You’re right.” I tried to break the intense look he was giving me, but I couldn’t. His eyes had mine locked and unable to move.

  “But I was serious about what I said. You need to stay with me. For now your secrets can stay bottled up inside.” He looked away.

  I blinked a few times after he broke the intense spell. Was it possible for eyes to be that powerful? He’s not human I reminded myself. Who knew what kind of powers he had? “I will. Same goes for you.”

  “I’m not going to leave you by yourself.”

  “Even if you find your sister?” I hated how vulnerable
I sounded.

  “Yes.” He nodded. “I promise.”

  “Because you’re afraid of what Rachel would do if something happened to me?” I wasn’t really sure what power Rachel held, but the room had fallen silent when she’d uttered the words about payback. I assumed it had meant something.

  “No.” He shook his head. “Because I would never do something like that.” He tapped my translator. “This should work. If it fails, tap my arm twice so I know. Also if the person is untrustworthy grab hold of my arm.”

  “Are all of our tells going to involve your arm?” I teased.

  “Is there something else you wanted to grab?”

  I stifled a gasp. “And you were warning me about crude humor.”

  “I have no idea what you’re referring to.” He gave me a sly smile.

  “Fine. Got it. I may have oversold my gift a little, but it usually works.”

  “I trust it. Either way your presence gives me cover.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “I’ll look like less of a threat with you by my side.”

  “Excuse me?” Vulnerability be damned. I wasn’t going to sit back and take that.

  “Because any enemy of mine will assume I am distracted by you.”

  “But you won’t be?” I couldn’t believe the words left my mouth.

  “I could be very distracted by you, but that will have to be another time.”

  “I wasn’t offering.”

  “No?” He arched an eyebrow. “Then what was that exactly?”

  “Just a question.”

  “You know you are attractive. Why pretend otherwise?”

  “I don’t know that. I especially don’t know what someone like you would find attractive.”

  “I like honesty, Angie. So let’s get this out in the open.” The way he said my name sent a thrill through me. “I’m attracted to you.” He turned away.

  He’d also been attracted to Rachel. But I left that on the tip of my tongue. I had no interest in making him angry.

  “This is your last chance to rest. I’d take advantage of it.”

  “Maybe I’ll close my eyes for a minute.” I highly doubted I’d actually fall asleep.

  10 Angie

  “We’re almost there.” Kelby’s voice came from right next to me.