Rules of Lying (Jane Dough Series)

by Stephie Smith

  It was only seven a.m., so I figured I should wait another hour before starting the calls. In the meantime, I’d get to work myself. I grabbed up my cellphone to take outside with me so that when eight o’clock came, I could rock and roll. Just as I reached my front door, my doorbell rang, so I peeked through the peephole.

  Granny! And by herself. Holy crap! How had she gotten here? I wrenched open the door and almost fell on my face.

  Scores of people were quietly scurrying across my property. Sue stood poised on the other side of the courtyard and when she saw me, she let out a “Yippee!” yell. She lifted a bullhorn to her mouth, announced that I’d finally gotten my lazy butt out of bed, and that the pond digging could begin.

  I stared in amazement, my gaze scooting back and forth between Granny and my early morning visitors. Then I ran out the door, grabbed Granny, wrapped my arms around her, and held on tight. I was going to burst into tears and I really didn’t want to. I didn’t want to have cry-baby face for the rest of the morning. I swallowed hard and squeezed Granny again before stepping back.

  “Oh, Janie, look how many people care about you,” Granny said. Her face was glowing with joy and I wasn’t about to steal any of that from her, but I doubted I knew many of the people in my yard. The true stars of the day were Hank and Sue. Because of them, Granny thought I was loved and cared for by all these people. I owed Hank and Sue big-time for that gift.

  I took Granny by the hand and led her down the walk, staggering through my open gate, my mouth hanging open as I took it all in. Someone shoved apart the side doors of a van and men lifted out tables, quickly setting them up near the sidewalk. People deposited coolers and cases of water on them. Weed-wackers came whirring to life, and Granny and I walked toward the street from where we could watch the whacking down of weeds around the swamp. As many hands as there were doing the whacking, it took only minutes to get it done.

  When two trucks carrying Bobcats came around the corner and lined up in the middle of the street and volunteers surged forward to unload them, I did start to cry. And then I cursed my father. This crying thing was all his fault!

  Hank came up beside me from out of nowhere, holding a chair for Granny, which he settled her into before turning his attention to me. He had his cowboy hat on his head, a broad smile on his face, and tenderness in his eyes. He nodded toward the swamp where two guys had started up sump pumps at opposite ends. About twenty people were staggered around the swamp, each with a cooler next to him or her. They all had nets in hand and were scooping like crazy.

  “That’s for the fish and tadpoles and turtles that have started livin’ in your pond. We want to transition them, not kill them.”

  Who knew that saving tadpoles could be so sexy?

  I tipped my face up to tell him how I felt, how grateful I was for his friendship and for his help and for his caring about Granny and wildlife and nature. I never got a word out. He pushed his hat back on his head, looked down into my eyes, and then pulled me to him, giving me a kiss that shocked me senseless. It was a real kiss. Not a brotherly smooch, but a sexy kiss with tongue that sent shivers to places that shouldn’t have been shivering out in public. He let go and I staggered back, almost falling on my butt, reeling from that kiss. He caught me and pulled me to him again, my body flat against his.

  Our faces were a couple of inches apart. He glanced down at my lips and then back up to my eyes with a hunger that made my heart stop beating for a few seconds. My entire body quivered in anticipation of that next kiss. But it didn’t come.

  “God, Janie,” was all he said and then he let me go.

  Dang.

  He winked at Granny who was grinning ear to ear and two seconds later he was gone. I licked my lips, wanting more. Double dang.

  Sue came up and gave me a look that said, “Wow!”

  During the next few hours I saw almost everyone I’d ever met—neighbors, friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances. They either stopped by to work or brought something to leave behind. Sue and I were setting up two more tables for the food and drinks when she nodded across the street.

  “That could be the start of a romance,” she said. I followed her nod to see tiny Angie, the psychic who had given me advice at the fair, smiling up into the face of Hank’s tall, muscled friend, Keith. Keith was talking animatedly, pointing down at his knee, making pawing movements in the air. Something told me he was recounting the story of Little Boy leading me to his kittens. Angie laughed gaily, her gaze glued to Keith’s face. I smiled back at Sue.

  I couldn’t believe it when my boss showed up, shovel in hand.

  “I’m here! he cried, with sweat streaming over bulging biceps like a river over boulders!”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell him he’d used that river over boulders line previously or that there was nary a bulging biceps in sight. Well, actually, there were plenty of them. They just weren’t his. Maybe someday he’d forget about helping me write my next historical romance, but until then, I’d play along.

  By noon the pond was drained and dug out. Some company brought in a lining material and installed it efficiently, good-naturedly fending off suggestions from the crowd. Reporters banded together to order pizzas in every combination and every variety of crust. Teachers from the high school I’d attended sixteen years earlier brought desserts. Homemade desserts. The kind that required at least two napkins for cleanup. I was ready to cry again.

  The parade of folks lugging in covered dishes, bags of chips, and drinks never stopped. George Griffith from Town Hall showed up with a twelve-pack of soda and an envelope.

  “I’m not sure I want to take that,” I said when he held the envelope out to me.

  “Sure you do, young lady. It’s a permit for your pond digging. You owe some cowboy seventy-five dollars. Unless you refuse to take this envelope. Then you’re gonna owe the town a hundred.”

  I grinned and took it.

  Two guys from a local sod company appeared after lunch with free sod to put around the pond, except for the areas that had been marked off for taller grasses. An hour after Hank had explained to the sod company why we didn’t want those areas filled in with regular grass, another company showed up to plant tall grass. As quickly as needs were reported, needs were filled.

  And so it went all day long. Friends and strangers came and did things and left. Some offered to take the little fishes and tadpoles home for the night and bring them back in the morning after the water, run into the pond with a hose, had an evening to settle. At around six, a local brewery set up free kegs; thirty minutes later we were partying. A boom box started up, rocking the neighborhood with a dance beat. A few guys pulled out grills and got them going. Hot dogs and hamburgers appeared aplenty.

  I scurried around, raking soil, hauling weeds, picking up trash. I was sweaty, sticky, and sore. But my frightful swamp had been transformed into something beautiful and charming, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

  Through it all I wondered about Bryan. He never came or called. Sure, he was probably busy, and even if he wasn’t, why would he want to get involved? I also wondered about Hank and that kiss. Did it mean anything or had it been a spur of the moment impulse? It felt like something, but I just didn’t know for sure.

  It was dusk when Katherine sneaked up next to me. Hilary had stopped by earlier and taken Granny back to Belle Vista. Nicole had shown up as well. Marci, as usual, had been too busy with her own life, and my mother … well, she hadn’t gone to any of my sisters’ weddings, nor had she watched us graduate from high school or college, sing solo in the choir, perform the leading role in a play, participate in any sports, or perform as cheerleader for the high school teams. I didn’t expect her to show up here.

  Katherine scouted out the immediate environment and then leaned in to say. “I don’t know what you did when you took Mom to the bank, but whatever it was—”

  “Was not my fault,” I finished for her. Criminy, I was in for it now. I had hoped Mom would keep mum about our dr
ive-through fiasco, but apparently I’d hoped in vain. And it would be just like Katherine to rub my nose in it, even though I’d been trying to help out.

  “Fault? Why do you say that?” She tipped her head back and gave me the eye.

  “Well, uh, I just … thought you were, um, you know, going to blame me for something.” Did she know about the bank incident or didn’t she?

  “I’m not blaming you, I’m thanking you.”

  Pigs were flying, I swear to God. Well, maybe not to God since I was lying, and maybe I’d take back the swearing part, but I figured God understood exactly what I meant.

  “Mom said she doesn’t need anyone to take her to the bank anymore,” Katherine said while I was still mentally pinching myself. “She can do it by herself. Of course, she’d been saying that all along. The difference is, now she means it.”

  I put on a show of nonchalance, checking out my fingernails, which weren’t looking so good after all the work I’d done. “Really? Imagine that.”

  “I’ve been trying to. I’ve been trying to imagine what you did or said that made the difference. All Mom said was there was nothing at the bank that could scare her now. I don’t know what that means, but I have to hand it to you: whatever you did worked.”

  Hmmm. What to say? Silence seemed the best policy.

  *****

  I was just about to call it a night when someone handed me a note from Hank. He was waiting for me down by the lake. It seemed a little strange, but then I thought about that kiss. Maybe he wanted to explore this new facet of our relationship with a moonlit walk along the water’s edge, just the two of us, alone.

  I went all tingly inside. I’d been thinking about him too. Wouldn’t it be amazing if I fell in love with my best friend from childhood? He probably knew me better than most people, and he still liked me enough to kiss me. That was saying something. I wasn’t sure what.

  I let Sue know where I was going, and then I trekked around my property, past the fence, to the road behind. I took long strides in my eagerness to see Hank, but when I met the dirt road that ran through the woods to the lake, I skidded to a stop. Gee, it was a long way to that lake, wasn’t it? I couldn’t see anything of the water from where I was; the narrow, overgrown road disappeared into the dark.

  Why hadn’t Hank met me here instead of down there? Bryan would have met me here and then held my elbow while he walked me down there. If Hank was planning to compete for my affections, he’d have to dust off the gentleman in himself because he had stiff competition.

  Except, I reminded myself, he didn’t have any competition. Bryan hadn’t even shown up.

  Well, I didn’t care about Bryan any more than Bryan cared about me. Not when I had Hank waiting by the lake. Motivated by the saying that a bird in the hand was worth two in the bush, I struck out again, determined to see Hank. Of course, Hank wasn’t really in my hand; he was in the bush. Maybe it was a bush different from Bryan’s—unless Bryan wasn’t even in the bush anymore—but it was still a bush, and one that was located at the end of a long, isolated trail.

  My steps weren’t quite so confident now. I ventured about twenty feet more and then that little voice in my head said, “Go back.” Was that really my little voice talking or was that just fear—fear of pythons or the dark or something equally dumb? And why did I even think fear was dumb? Wasn’t the little voice supposed to tell me when to be afraid?

  But I couldn’t be in much trouble since I wasn’t getting goose bumps. Then I remembered I hadn’t gotten goose bumps before Carlson was murdered and that could have been terrible trouble for me, so maybe I shouldn’t count on them as a sign.

  I tried to recapture the excitement I’d felt just moments ago at the thought of a moonlit walk with Hank, but the attempt fell through when I noticed there wasn’t a moon. No stars either. The sky was a murky gray filled with low-lying clouds; nothing was popping through that mess.

  I went another twenty feet and threw a glance back at my house. It was getting dark fast. Even my white privacy fence was being gobbled up by dusk. Sounds were muffled by the dense humidity. If I didn’t know there was a big party going on back there, I’d never guess it.

  Now the whole thing was feeling more than a little weird. Why would Hank want me to meet him in a creepy place like this? I did a quick sweep of the woods. The trees seemed to grow to monstrous proportions; my body seemed to shrink in comparison. Shadows loomed in front of tall black trees that guarded a deep, dark forest. Deep, dark forests could hide deep, dark secrets, and God knew I hated secrets.

  Something scurried along the ground at the edge of the woods, and I realized my little voice was right and I should be listening to it. I’d apologize to Hank later, but I was getting the hell out of there.

  I whirled around to haul ass back home, and I would have too, except Sheila stood in my way. Sheila, and a big ole gun that was pointed right at me.

  Chapter 33

  Keep moving down the path,” she said. “There’s no going back now.”

  I managed to make my voice work, which was pretty amazing considering that any minute I was going to drop dead from fright. “What are you doing, Sheila? What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

  “Something I should have done six months ago. Who could know you’d be this much trouble? A historical romance writer, of all things.”

  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Who’d have thought my bleached-blond, cigarette-smoking, high-heeled, sandal-clacking neighbor would be a gun-toting lunatic?

  She jabbed her gun toward the lake. “Go on, turn around and make tracks, or I swear to God I’ll shoot you right here. I got a silencer on this gun, so don’t think I’m worried about it.”

  Yikes. I did as she said while trying to think at the same time. My brain tended to freeze up from fear, but I had to overcome that flaw if I wanted to survive. This was no Detective Evans determined to trick me into a confession. This was a crazy woman who planned to shoot me and shove me into a lake.

  Oh my God. The lake! It would be freaking full of alligators. What in the world had made a moonlit stroll around an alligator-infested lake seem appealing? And at dusk too! That magical time of day when alligators charge from the water to attack and devour prey. Hank would never have asked me to meet him by the lake at dusk. Hank wasn’t an idiot like me. If Sheila was taking me to the lake, I could only hope she shot me before we got there. There couldn’t be anything worse than being eaten alive.

  My brain started the chant, In ten minutes this will all be over. In ten minutes—No! In this case over meant OVER. Finito. The End. And I wasn’t ready for that. I’d only just found the two men of my dreams.

  “Come on, get a move on,” Sheila barked. “You think I got all night?”

  Well, gosh, I didn’t know, but considering that I was the one walking the plank, I didn’t think it was very nice of her to hurry me up. I mean, I had things to consider, didn’t I, while my life flashed before my eyes? All those regrets I was supposed to feel as I circled the drain of death? Yeah, and I wasn’t getting robbed of my just due.

  I thought about Erin, who showed real artistic talent and now wouldn’t get to explore that because the rest of my family thought talent only happened to other people. “No one in our family ever had any talent,” Mom had always said. Like it had never happened before and therefore wasn’t genetically possible, no matter how many generations passed. But then, maybe she’d only said that to discourage me.

  I thought about my family, who would probably gather to speak in hushed tones about the poor choices that kept me from getting anywhere in my life.

  I could hear Mom say, “I told you she’d never amount to anything, and just look … eaten up by an alligator. That’s what she gets. What isn’t changed is chosen!”

  Katherine would nod and say she tried to help me, but I just wouldn’t listen. And then Marci would say, “David saw an alligator once, and when I asked him about it, he called me stupid!”

  I stum
bled over my feet, probably because I was dragging them. For crying out loud, these weren’t the things I wanted to think about as I was dying. These were the same depressing things I thought about while I was living. Wasn’t I supposed to think of what I should—and shouldn’t—have done? Why did these ridiculous thoughts about my family have to run through my mind?

  It was all their fault. If they had just accepted me the way I was, loved me the way I was instead of trying to change me into someone else, I could die happy.

  And I swear, that’s when it happened. I heard this loud booming voice in my head, sort of like my little voice only way more intense; I was pretty sure it was God. The voice said, “Why can’t you accept them the way they are? Love them the way they are?”

  My jaw dropped open, and I stopped short. Oh my God. Why hadn’t I seen it before? By not tolerating their viewpoints of me, I was intolerant too. And tolerance wasn’t even the right word. What I’d needed to learn was acceptance. Even if they didn’t accept me the way I was, I could accept that they didn’t accept me, and if I did that, if I truly accepted them the way they were, I’d never be angry with them again.

  I hung my head back and looked up at the blackening sky. Thanks a lot, God, for teaching me this when it’s too late to help.

  “Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Sheila said from behind me. “You need to keep moving, or you’re dead meat.”

  I was having the biggest epiphany of my life, and my bimbo neighbor was calling me dead meat? There was only so much I could take.

  I swung around to face her. “Maybe I’ll end up as dead meat, but I’m not taking another step until you explain what this is about. I deserve to know the truth.”

  “You want the truth?” She gestured at the trees. “This property we’re standing on is worth twenty-five million dollars, if we can get your land too. Without your land, we can’t get the area rezoned, which means the whole project goes down the tubes.”