Beauregard and the Beast

by Evie Drae

  Kyle frowned. “I’m sorry, Adam. I feel responsible. I was the one who pushed Bo on you. Maybe I should’ve left well enough alone. I just wanted you to be happy.”

  Sighing, Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. “I was happy. Am happy. It’ll be okay. Bo’s dealing with something right now, and I’m feeling helpless. Once he gets through it, we’ll be back to the way we were. I gotta get through this shitty period. Then it’ll be good again.”

  Kyle nodded, but the frown didn’t leave his face. He gave Adam’s elbow a squeeze. “I give your ass shit, but it’s outta love. You know that, right? I’m here if you need me. I can even get mushy if that’s where you’re at. We can have a few beers and discuss all your fears, maybe even shed a few tears.” He beamed. “Check it. I’m a poet and didn’t even know it.”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Adam couldn’t stop the grin tugging at his lips. “You’re a real piece o’ work. If I—” He stopped and spun on his heel. Across the room, the cheery boy-band ringtone he’d assigned to Bo blared from his cell. He’d kept his phone on full-blast volume ever since Bo left, something he rarely did. But he wasn’t about to miss his call.

  Adam bolted through the gym, sidestepping his sparring mate from the day before, who worked on his jujitsu moves with his trainer on a mat between Adam and the lockers. He skidded to a halt in front of the bank of open cubbies most of the guys kept their shit in and grabbed for his bag.

  By the time he dug out his phone, the screen flashed a missed call. He cursed and called Bo back, praying to a god he didn’t believe in that he’d answer.

  “Hey.”

  Adam swallowed. Bo’s voice was so small and distant. He sounded defeated. Broken. Done. “Hey, babe. How’re you doing? How’s Lulu?”

  “She’s okay. In a lot of pain, but mostly out of the woods. They’re keeping her pretty drugged up.”

  Bo sniffled, and Adam imagined him huddled into a corner of a cold hospital room, hugging himself. Adam wrapped an arm around his own waist, wishing he could hold Bo. Wishing he could take some of his pain. “Is there anything I can do?”

  He almost tacked on a do you want me to come out there? but knew better. If Bo wanted him, he’d ask. If not, it would be pressing a subject Bo had already made clear he had no interest in.

  “Actually….” Bo sighed. If possible, his voice grew even smaller. “I was calling to see if you’d ship me my things.”

  Adam sank onto the wooden bench in the locker area. He kept his back to the gym behind him. “Tell me what you need and I’ll have it overnighted. I can send you more money too if you need to buy anything while you wait.”

  A long, painful silence stretched before Bo finally cleared his throat. “I appreciate that. Really, Adam, thank you. But that’s not necessary. Pick the cheapest option and I’ll pay you back, okay?”

  Closing his eyes, Adam nodded even though Bo couldn’t see. He wouldn’t push him. Not here, not now, not on something they could iron out later. When Lulu was better. When they were back together. “Okay, sure. What do you need? I’ll get it out this afternoon.”

  Again that bone-chilling, agonizing silence ate up the airspace between them. Bo let out a slow, shaky breath. “I need everything. I… I’m quitting. I-I’m not coming back.”

  “You’re not….” Adam’s throat closed. He pressed to his feet, his knees wobbly as he stumbled toward the bathrooms. He had to get away. He couldn’t break down in public. Especially not to the epic degree he was about to. “You don’t have to quit. I told you in my last message, I told you that you could take vacation. For as long as you needed. For as long as it takes to get Lulu better.”

  “I-I’m sorry, Adam.” Bo’s words came out broken and strained. “But I have to stay here. I have to focus on Lulu. Not just through her healing, but after too. She’s struggling. With life, with school, with everything. She needs me. I… I’m staying here. For good.”

  Adam rested his forehead on the closed bathroom door. He pressed a hand over the ache in his chest. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them back. He couldn’t let Bo know how much he hurt. He didn’t deserve the guilt that would bring. He was doing the right thing for him and for Lulu, and that’s all that mattered. Bo didn’t owe Adam anything. He wouldn’t let his own pain cause Bo to believe otherwise. He’d be strong for them both. “I understand. If you text me the address, I’ll have everything shipped today.”

  “Okay.” Bo’s voice was barely a whisper. “Thank you, Adam. I’ll send you a check to cover whatever the shipping costs are plus the money you advanced me. I just need a few weeks to find a job. I-if that’s okay?”

  Clenching his hand into a fist, Adam laid it against the bathroom door where he wished he could punch a goddamn hole through the flimsy particleboard. Instead he schooled his voice to an even keel. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re on family medical leave, which is a federally mandated labor law. Take advantage of it for a while, okay? Don’t get a job right away. Lulu needs you.”

  Bo huffed out a breath. “That only applies to businesses with fifty or more employees.”

  Damn obstinate mule.

  A laugh bubbled up Adam’s throat and broke on a sob. He tried to play it off with another mirthless chuckle, praying Bo hadn’t caught his moment of weakness. “Don’t be a pain in my ass, Bo. If nothing else, do it for Lulu. Swallow your stubborn pride and let me help. Just this once. Okay?”

  Adam braced himself for another sharp, painful bevy of words that would break him.

  Instead Bo sighed and whispered, “Okay.”

  It only took Kyle about five minutes after Bo hung up to pound down the door. He found Adam on the floor in a puddle of his own sweat and tears. The exact opposite of the beastly image he demanded Adam portray.

  Rather than conspire to empty the gym so Adam could sneak out unnoticed or develop some other over-the-top plan to hide Adam’s weakness, Kyle crouched on the ground beside him. “I think you’ve put in a solid day’s work. Whataya say we pile into my Jeep and head back to your place? There are some IPAs in your fridge calling our names.”

  “Might wanna give me a minute.” Adam wiped the back of his hand over his cheek. “Can’t go out there lookin’ like this. The Beast doesn’t cry, after all.”

  Kyle scoffed and slapped a hand over Adam’s shoulder. “Fuck ’em. The Beast can do whatever the hell he wants. After beating the record for longest title streak in the history of the UFC, it doesn’t matter what you do. Your opponents shit their pants at the thought of climbing into that octagon with you. Whether you show a little human emotion or not, they’re still gonna leave brown streaks in their drawers.”

  Adam snorted and allowed Kyle to pull him to his feet and straight into his arms. He only hesitated a moment before returning the hug and burying his face into the crook of Kyle’s neck. Fresh tears threatened, but he bit them back. “Bo’s moving to California. He isn’t even coming back to get his things. He asked me to ship them to him.”

  “Oh, Adam.” Kyle pressed a strong hand to the back of Adam’s head, rubbing the other in a soothing circle over his shoulder blades. “Fuck, I’m so sorry.”

  Adam shrugged but didn’t move from Kyle’s comforting, fatherly hold. His dad would never deign to show such physical or emotional support—especially not in public—but Kyle had never shied away from it. He was the father Adam had always wished for. The father his own had never been.

  And that’s who Bo was to Lulu. Adam couldn’t forget that. Maybe he wasn’t the father Lulu had always wanted, but he was the only parental figure she had left. He was her rock, her soft place to fall when things got shitty. It made sense for him to be close if she was struggling with life. Adam couldn’t fault Bo for the purity of his love for his sister, nor could he even consider asking him to change his mind.

  What’s done was done. Bo was no longer in his life, and he needed to find a way to accept that. Sooner, rather than later.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

&n
bsp; “I DON’T understand why I can’t go home with you.” Lulu folded her arms and scowled, but the pain behind her grump flashed like angry lightning in her bright blue eyes.

  Bo sighed and rubbed at his temple, the sunny yellow of Lulu’s rehab room compounding his headache. “There isn’t a home to go to right now, Lu. I can’t get an apartment until I have a job, and I can’t get a job unless I know you’re being taken care of. This is a necessary but temporary evil.”

  “But you have a job.” Lulu’s scowl deepened. She added a pouty lip and huffed out a short, irritated breath. “Adam said you could have family medical leave until I’m healed. Well, guess what, I ain’t healed yet.”

  When Lulu pointed at her casted leg, Bo’s stomach flipped. She was far from being healed; that was the truth. Even if he had an apartment, he couldn’t take care of her. Not without shelling out big bucks he didn’t have for specialized medical and rehab equipment. And the only way he could get those big bucks—or any bucks, for that matter—was if he found a job. Which would mean also finding someone to take care of Lulu during the days and evenings, requiring even more money he didn’t have.

  Adam’s offer to keep him on the payroll while Lulu healed was a fortunate one, but it was also inappropriate. He didn’t want to take advantage of his good nature. There was no law saying Adam had to keep paying Bo, and by doing so, it forced a connection he would rather see severed. A painful, impossible connection that would lead Adam on if Bo allowed it to continue.

  Because no matter how much he wanted things to be different, Lulu’s accident had changed everything. She needed him here. After waking up and realizing what had happened, she’d broken down and begged Bo to take her home. She was miserable and confused and didn’t want to be out on her own anymore. It was too scary and had led her to make choices she both regretted and feared she’d repeat.

  Clearing his throat, Bo shifted his attention back to where it belonged. On his sister, not on the man who refused to leave his head or his heart. Over the past two weeks, despite being hundreds of miles apart and not speaking on the phone once, Bo had failed at his goal of getting over Adam. He’d also made a painful and brutal realization.

  He loved Adam. A day late and a couple hundred million dollars short, wasn’t he? Even when they’d been together, he hadn’t given Adam what he deserved. He’d held back, his focus always on Lulu and never fully on Adam.

  Bo placed a gentle hand over Lulu’s casted knee. “You not being healed is even more reason a rehabilitation facility is the right place for you right now. I wouldn’t be able to take care of you outside of here, especially not if I’m working all hours of the day. They’ll be able to do all the things I can’t and more.”

  “Like what? Feed me watered-down Jell-O and get on my last nerve with all their poking and prodding?” She let her head fall to the pillow. Tears swam in her eyes. “I want to go home, Bo. Please don’t leave me here.”

  His heart pinched. If it were up to him, he’d never deny Lulu anything. But it wasn’t up to him. Not this time. He wasn’t equipped to care for her, and at the end of the day, there was no home to bring her back to. The motel he’d used mostly to store his belongings and take an occasional shower over the last few weeks couldn’t be mistaken for anything of the sort. And before he could look for a more permanent residence, he needed at least one pay stub to prove he had steady and reliable income.

  “I promise I’ll start hunting for a job this evening.” Bo offered a flat-lipped half smile. “But don’t get your hopes up. Cost of living out here is higher than it was back home. Things might be a bit tight for a while, and for now, your school insurance is covering this. We’ve got to take advantage while we can.”

  Lulu wiped at her cheeks and sniffled. She kept her gaze locked on the hot pink cast covering her leg from hip to toes. “You can’t look for a job tonight.”

  It would be her first night alone in the rehab facility, but their visiting hours were stricter than the hospital’s. He couldn’t stay overnight, as he’d been doing there. Still, he could stay as late as they’d allow. “I’ll stay here until they kick me out. I promise.”

  She scrunched her face and peeked a half-squinted eye at Bo. “What about Adam?”

  Bo suppressed a sigh. Even in her drugged-up stupor, Lulu had harassed him about calling Adam. She kept insisting he’d want to be with Bo during this “trying time.” She also kept reminding him she wasn’t stupid. His love for Adam was apparently written all over his face. Long before he’d made the realization for himself, she’d known, and she liked to remind him of that. Endlessly. “What about him?”

  “Tonight’s his big fight.” Lulu raised a brow when Bo winced. “Don’t you think you should at least watch? I doubt they’ve got pay-per-view channels at this fancy place. You should find a bar that’s playing it and support him from afar. I’m sure he’d love that. Then report back. Because I’ll be dying to find out how hard he creamed his opponent.”

  He wanted to. He really did. But it was foolish. Not only because he’d left Adam and had no right to continue seeking a connection, but because his fighting terrified Bo. It had been hard enough to see him come home with injuries so frequently. It had been a different matter entirely when Bo had watched him get hurt.

  How could he watch an entire fight? Adam was bound to get wounded. In Bo’s current high-stress, fragile, and heartbroken state, he’d never survive watching some jerk pound on his boyfriend.

  Scratch that. More like ex-boyfriend. Or ex… whatever the heck they’d been.

  Bo snorted, and Lulu cocked her head in question. What was he supposed to tell her? Don’t mind me, I caught myself referring to my boss as my boyfriend even though I’d never been willing to accept that label despite him begging for that commitment.

  Yeah, no. Not happening. “Adam has plenty of support, Lu. I’m staying here. With you.”

  She blew out a heavy sigh through her nose and frowned. “Can I get some water?”

  Bo leaped to his feet, thankful for a task to distract him. Especially one he could manage. It was hell to feel useless. “Of course. You need or want anything else?”

  Lulu shook her head and held out a hand, palm up. “Can I borrow your phone while you’re gone? Mine needs a charge, and I want to check my Facebook.”

  Without thinking, Bo slipped his cell out of his pocket and handed it to her. He scurried from the room, water pitcher in hand, and located the nurses’ station. A haggard woman, bent over a stack of papers, pointed him back down the hall he’d come from. The water and ice machine were a few doors down from Lulu’s going the opposite direction.

  When he got back to his sister’s room, she was smirking. He narrowed his eyes and placed the water on the over-bed table. “Why do you look like the rat who got the cheese?”

  She shrugged and pressed her lips together, failing at hiding her grin. “I got some fun news. Nothing for you to concern yourself with, big brother.”

  Rolling his eyes, Bo poured Lulu a glass of water, handed it to her, and flopped into the armchair by her bed. The tiny trip had done jack-nothing to shift Bo’s thoughts from Adam. His stomach roiled at the thought of him facing a big fight. Especially alone. Especially when it meant so much and held the power to make or break his career.

  If things had been different, Bo would’ve been there. He would’ve griped about it and probably lost his lunch—at least twice—out of fear for Adam’s well-being, but Adam wouldn’t have been alone. He wouldn’t be facing such a huge, life-changing moment without someone by his side.

  But isn’t that how Adam had always approached life? Alone by choice? He had his manager and his coach. They were friends, even if not overly close ones. That’s all he’d ever needed, so why did Bo think he’d want anything different now?

  Because Adam had done a lot of things with Bo he’d never done before. Things that proved he wanted him for more than the simple ease of having a live-in sex partner with no strings attached. Things that meant so
mething.

  Bo groaned and dropped his head into his hands. Why couldn’t he stop torturing himself with these thoughts? It didn’t matter if Adam cared for him enough to try a real relationship. It didn’t even matter if Adam loved him.

  With Lulu facing a long and painful recovery, paired with crippling depression and anxiety, Bo’s only option was to move to Berkeley. He had to help his baby sister get back on her feet—both literally and figuratively.

  Lulu placed one of her small, delicate hands over Bo’s. Scabbed-over cuts and bruises marred her skin, as they did nearly everywhere the eye could see. Tears pricked at the back of his eyes when she gave his palm a squeeze.

  “Go. You know you want to.” She smiled when Bo shifted his gaze to meet hers. “Adam needs you, even if he won’t know you’re watching. I betcha he’ll be hoping you are. This is a big moment for him. Be there, as a friend, if nothing else. It’s the least you can do for all he’s done for us. For giving you the time and money to spend with me in the hospital. For offering to do more if you weren’t such a stubborn butt-face and refusing to let him.”

  Bo pursed his lips, but a chuckle slipped past them anyway. “I’m not the only one who got the old man’s obstinate streak.”

  She flashed a grin and shrugged. “You love me for it. Although yours annoys the crap outta me. Go.” She waved her hands toward the door. “Don’t forget to call and tell me what happened once it’s over.”

  Shaking his head, Bo stood. If the draw of seeing Adam weren’t so strong—even a bruised and bleeding Adam who would tear out his heart—Bo would never dream of leaving Lulu. Not on her first night alone in a new and scary place.

  But for once, he was going to put himself and his own needs over hers. Not permanently, but for tonight, he’d find a bit of happiness to call his own. And in the morning? He’d find a job. One that paid enough for him to get Lulu and himself a little apartment near campus. And one that, whether his heart wanted him to or not, would allow him to sever ties with Adam. For good.