Flag on the Play

by Sherrie Henry

  “Great game!”

  “We’re number one!”

  Cody’s mom had all the great party food laid out: pizza, hot wings, nachos and dip and cupcakes with candy spiders on them. Bottles of soda were in a tub of ice along with a couple of gallons of apple cider. It was time to feast.

  Some people broke off in groups. Most sat in the living room to watch the horror movie, but Liam noticed a few couples slinking off to the dark corners to have little make-out sessions. Oh man, he wanted to grab Cody, but he bided his time. He felt a tug on his shirt.

  “Good game today.”

  Liam came face-to-face with Monica. “Uh, thanks.”

  “You’re best friends with Cody?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Can you put in a good word for Hannah? She really likes him.”

  “She put you up to this?”

  “Sorta. We talked about it.”

  Liam tilted his head over to Cody. “She’s asking him about me for you, right?”

  Monica ducked her head and shrugged. “So?”

  “I think Cody can make up his own mind.” They both turned to see Cody put his arm around Hannah’s waist. Liam felt such hatred at that moment, he crushed his cup, spilling what little was left out onto the floor. “Dammit.”

  “Here.” Monica gave him a napkin. He cleaned up the cider on himself and the floor.

  “Thanks. Been all klutz today.”

  “Yeah, I noticed your thumb. What happened?”

  “Kitchen, knife, being stupid.”

  “Ah I see.” Monica grasped his hand and brought the injured thumb to her lips. “Better?”

  Liam wanted to throw up, but he stamped it down and forced a smile. “Much.”

  “You’d be surprised what a little feminine attention can do for boo-boos.” She tilted her head up and gave Liam a peck on the lips.

  Liam closed his eyes as the too-soft lips met his. He swallowed the bile down, burning his throat.

  “Hey, Hartley! Best scene’s coming up. Depp’s character gets shredded.”

  Liam was never so grateful for an interruption in his life. “Coming.” He looked back at Monica. “It’s a great scene. Wanna watch?”

  “Ewww, no thanks. Gore isn’t my thing.”

  “Catch ya later.” Liam forced himself to walk casually over to the TV.

  After the movie Liam made sure he kept up with small talk with various groups so Monica couldn’t corner him again. Cody was still cozying up with Hannah, so Liam tried to ignore them. It was hard, as each time he caught a glimpse of them, he saw red.

  It wasn’t long after the movie ended that people started heading home. Liam could finally breathe once Hannah and Monica left. Soon it was just him and Cody, dumping cups and plates in the trash.

  “Great party.” Cody dumped the slushy ice from the tub into the sink.

  “Yeah.”

  “You don’t sound too convincing.”

  “I was trying to keep Monica off of me. You weren’t resisting too hard with Hannah.”

  “I know it’s hard for you. You’re not bi. I’ve dated girls and enjoyed it. To you, being firmly on the gay side, a girl making advances is repugnant, I’m sure.”

  “Did you enjoy tonight?”

  “I enjoyed being with my friends. Hannah and I had a good conversation. And I will admit, she kissed me. Full disclosure here.”

  “Yeah, well, Monica kissed me too.”

  “And I’m telling you, it didn’t mean a thi—wait, what?”

  “Monica kissed me.”

  “How did you feel?”

  “Like I was going to throw up.”

  “Yep, female advances equal repulsive. There’s no bi in you.”

  Liam made a face. “And you’re sure about Hannah?”

  “All the time I was talking to her, I was thinking about what we were going to do tonight.”

  “All right, then.” Liam stuffed the last of the pizza boxes into the trash bag.

  “I think we’re good here.” Cody grasped Liam’s hand. “Shall we retire to the bedroom?”

  “You read my mind.”

  Neither boy got any sleep that night, which made balancing on a ladder to tuck-point the next morning a challenge indeed.

  LIAM DOWNED his lemonade. Even though it was fairly cool out, he was sweating profusely. After the tuck-pointing, he volunteered to help cut and haul some wood from the downed trees on the property. He and Cody were sitting in the backyard, enjoying the late afternoon sunshine. Cody’s mom came outside with more to drink.

  “You boys finish?” She set the pitcher on the step and sat down next to Liam.

  “Yes, ma’am.” Liam refilled his glass.

  Marissa laughed. “Please don’t call me ma’am. Makes me feel old.”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  “No worries. So, Cody said you had some questions you wanted to ask me?”

  Liam looked out over the expansive yard. “If you don’t mind.”

  “Nope.”

  Cody nudged Liam. “Go ahead. She’s a good listener.”

  Liam swallowed. “Me and Cody. That’s natural, right?”

  Marissa furrowed her brow. “Of course it is.”

  “I’ve been taught it’s a great sin and I’m going to hell.”

  “Oh, hon, no. Look, I don’t want to sway you from your religion—”

  “I’ve lost my religion. I can’t believe in it anymore. I need to know I’m going to be okay. You accept Cody, and me, and us and….” His voice trailed off.

  “I’ve been where you are.”

  Liam glanced over at her. “Really?”

  “Yes. Born into a very Catholic family. But I realized at a very young age, what was coming at me at every Mass was pretty much bullshit. Pardon my language.”

  Liam snorted. “I’ve heard worse.” He gave her a smile. “How did you get out of the church?”

  “I had to bide my time until high school. I finally sat my parents down and told them I couldn’t believe in what the priest was saying. That any higher power couldn’t hate his or her creations, that he or she would create such inequality. And I was totally against the no birth control thing. That really rubbed me the wrong way. I’d done research at the library—this was back before everything was on the Internet you know—and found that human sexuality isn’t something to be repressed. Not that I condone sleeping around, sex and love need to go hand in hand, but it doesn’t need to be saved for marriage or be something to feel guilty about.”

  “So you don’t believe I’m going to hell?”

  Marissa gave a little laugh. “Hon, that’s why I love being Wiccan. We don’t believe in hell. Hell is a Christian concept.”

  “There’s no heaven or hell?”

  “Wiccans, other pagans, some of us believe in what’s called Summerland. A place we go when we die until we are reincarnated. Hell doesn’t exist.”

  “But what about people like Hitler, or Stalin? Shouldn’t they be in hell?”

  Marissa paused, taking in a long breath and letting it out. “To be honest, I struggle with topics like that. Leaning on my youth teachings, yes, hell would be a good place for such evil. But to reconciling such evil in my Wiccan beliefs—I came to the conclusion that people like that don’t go to Summerland, they just cease to exist, no reincarnation. That their evil energy is dissipated into the universe, forever dissolving out into the reaches of deep space.”

  “Wow, that’s profound.”

  “Nah, just the way I can deal.”

  “So what about the Bible?”

  Marissa patted his knee. “The Bible is a book, a good book, but it was written by men, and men are fallible. I don’t like how some people will pick and choose what they want to follow out of it. They should use it as a guidebook, not a rulebook. Use the teachings of doing good deeds, of not throwing the first stone. Of being kind to strangers and helping those in need. That’s what they should take away, not a strict or not-so-strict adherence to rules written in a time w
hen slaves were the norm and women were property to be bartered for.”

  “Never thought about it that way.”

  “I never did either, until I took a ‘Bible as Literature’ class in college. The discrepancies stood out, the outright contradictions. It was then I solidified my beliefs.” She put her arm around Liam. “I’m not saying to dump all your beliefs, or even change them. I’m just giving you a different perspective. You have to decide what is right for you. Each religion, even mine, has its good points and shortcomings.”

  Liam sucked down the rest of his lemonade. “I can’t see any shortcomings with yours.”

  “There are. Like the question of evil from before, there’s no consensus. It’s just what I’ve decided to believe. And the threefold rule.”

  “Cody told me about it. How can getting threefold of good coming back at you be bad?”

  “Because it works the other way as well. If I put bad thoughts or bad deeds out there, bad stuff can come back to me threefold.”

  “I don’t see how you can do anything bad.”

  “Well, I get angry and anger begets anger. I get angry against people who do bad deeds, like a mother who kills her children. My inclination is to say she deserves the death penalty, but I’m sworn to do no harm.”

  “But you wouldn’t be pulling the switch, so to say.”

  “No, but I’m putting the bad energy out there by thinking and stating my opinion. It’s like I can feel the negative energy build when I think about situations like that. I have to meditate a lot when news stories such as those are aired, try to diffuse my thoughts. It can be hard work.”

  “I would think someone who kills their children doesn’t deserve to live.”

  “And you’re not alone, not by a long shot. But doesn’t even your faith say you should forgive the sinner?”

  Liam cocked his head. “Yeah.”

  “While Wicca doesn’t believe in sin per se, we do believe in forgiveness. To keep up the positive energy so it always outweighs the negative.”

  “And how do I deal with messages from my pastor that what I feel is wrong? That I’m damned?”

  “You need to forgive your pastor and hope one day he can see the error of his ways. That love is precious, in all its forms.” She turned and gave him a hug. “You aren’t damned. My Cody loves you and so do I.”

  Kelly took that moment to come running out of the house and plopped down in Cody’s lap. She shoved a book in Liam’s face. “Story?”

  Marissa laughed. “I think you’ve made quite an impression on Kelly as well.” She let Liam go and collected the empty glasses and pitcher. “Guess it’s story time. Once you’re done, you’d probably head home. It’s getting late.”

  “Yes, Ma-Marissa. And thank you.” He took the book from Kelly and started to read about a fairy princess and her faithful companion, a dragon named Sue.

  Chapter Ten

  LIAM SHIFTED in his pew, feeling again like the walls were going to close in on him. He’d never found a reason to stay home on Sundays after that camping trip, so he went, each Sunday, ever the dutiful son. Even after his talk with Cody’s mom, he still felt guilty as he crossed the threshold into the sanctuary.

  He was getting good at tuning out the pastor and letting his mind wander. He didn’t dare to think of Cody for fear his cock wouldn’t behave, so he concentrated on what he wanted his life to be. He daydreamed what college would be like, sitting in lecture halls that could seat his entire senior class. Stimulating conversation about all topics, nothing taboo and no fire and brimstone. Where he could walk to and from class holding hands with someone. He was careful to not give his “guy” a face. He knew what face he’d give him. So it was just a disembodied hand in his as they strolled the quad. He began to internally debate what classes he’d take, what his major would be, what he wanted to do with his life. He enjoyed writing, but didn’t know how he could make that a career. He thought about what he enjoyed next and figured biology was a good fit. He liked learning about plants especially, so maybe a career in plant research, finding cures for diseases from plants.

  Sunday after Sunday he sat lost in his thoughts, going through the motions with the sit down, stand up, sing and recite but never hearing anything but his thoughts. It was the only way he could survive the onslaught of gay bashing coming from the pulpit. He had already received some college catalogs and had researched their class offerings. In his mind, he planned out his freshman year, selecting what clubs he’d join and what parties he’d go to. He’d definitely be joining the LGBT club, the biology club, hell, if Cody went to the same school, he’d join the photography club with him.

  He and Cody had discussed going to the same school. Cody was in the process of applying. His first choice was Northwestern in Chicago; his second was the University of Chicago. Both were great schools, although Northwestern had the better biology program. But he’d take either. Both were in Chicago and if that’s where Cody was, that’s where Liam would go.

  He was startled out of his thoughts as the choir began to sing. He’d survived another Sunday without hearing a word. Only twenty more months to go and he’d be off on his own.

  LIAM LAY on his bed, the sun long set. His homework was pretty much done, but it was too early to call on Cody. He could just make out bits and pieces of the game his dad was watching downstairs. He got up and locked his door, then stripped. He pulled the picture of him and Cody at the campground out and closed his eyes to play the memory of that weekend. Nothing. He tried to bring up the feelings of the Halloween weekend, him and Cody in Cody’s bedroom after the party. Again, nothing. He was so frustrated he could cry. His eyes lit on the pocketknife on the dresser. He palmed it.

  The playoffs were the next weekend. He couldn’t go back in with an injured thumb. He looked down at his flaccid cock. He knew he couldn’t go there, but just to the outside of his junk, just on the inner thigh. He let the blade press into his flesh, oh so carefully. The pain radiated up from his groin. He took in a deep breath and pressed farther, making an inch-long slice. He welcomed the release of pain, the sharp sting of the blade piercing the flesh. He grabbed some tissues and put them underneath his leg. He made another slice parallel to the first one, this time letting a small moan escape. His cock started to thicken as the sharp ache became a throb. He palmed his erection and began to stroke, this time the memories of Cody flooding his mind doing their job. Just as he was about to climax, he made one more small cut; the pain of the slice and the eruption of his orgasm combined, nearly making him black out. After coming to his senses, he wiped himself up, chagrined that he still had to make stops at the dumpster on the way to school.

  IT WAS playoff time and as they were going in undefeated, the stakes were higher now. They were the smallest school in their particular division, thus their talent pool was limited, especially with a couple of linemen injured. Liam wasn’t hopeful of a win, but he’d be sure to put in 110 percent.

  The whole week brought pep rallies and extra practices, leaving Liam exhausted each night. Even Cody was too tired for their late-night chats. Liam found he didn’t even need the release of cutting; as soon as he hit the bed, he was sound asleep.

  That didn’t mean he didn’t miss Cody like crazy. He spent any spare moments thinking up scenarios that would put them together. Most sounded crazy in his mind, like Cody had his house broken into, and Liam was asked to help with repairs, others not so crazy, like Cody needing to cram all night and needed to be quizzed. But none really worked in his mind. Maybe over winter break they could just hang together at Cody’s house.

  Friday came and Liam was pumped. They loaded onto the bus to head to the local community college’s field. They might have been undefeated and the number one seed, but their field was nowhere big enough for the crowds they expected. The college’s field would be neutral territory.

  Liam geared up in the strange locker room. It was huge compared to the one back at school. Hell, the entire campus seemed huge, even though it was a re
latively small school in comparison to other community colleges. It made Liam feel a little grown-up.

  He jogged out onto the field with the rest of the team and began to limber up. Some leg stretches, push-ups, crunches, and practice kicks and he was roaring to go. He looked up into the stands, hoping to spot his parents, but there were too many people. However, Monica was on the field, helping the cheerleaders stow their gear. She looked over at him and winked. Liam gave a halfhearted wave and turned back to his team, hoping it looked like he was conferring on some important point of the game. It was then he saw Hannah cozying up to Cody. She planted a kiss on his lips. Liam’s anger flared; he wanted to hit something, someone, anyone. Cody was his, dammit, and Hannah needed to go away. He took in a deep breath, trying to get the anger to dissipate. Instead, he channeled his anger into his kick.

  Kickoff went extremely well, his kick sailing into the end zone. The game was on. The first quarter saw Liam’s team down by fourteen, but they closed the distance to be within three points by halftime. The locker room was certainly subdued at half. Liam stole a glance over to Cody, who was looking dejected. He’d missed two receptions. The coach was certainly trying with his pep talk. It was good the cheerleaders weren’t allowed in here. Liam didn’t know if he’d be able to take Hannah fawning all over Cody, trying to cheer him up.

  “Game’s not over, boys. Only down by a field goal, not bad against this team. Give it your all and I’ll be proud.” The coach’s words were followed by hoots and hollers.

  “Go out there and get ’em!” The team rose up and headed back out onto the field.

  Third quarter seesawed back and forth, ending in a tie. Fourth quarter followed suit as neither team was willing to give up an inch. It was down to the last few seconds of the game. Liam’s Cardinals were down by three, and their opponents had the ball. Liam sat on the bench, hunched over and biting his nails. He was certain they would just run out the clock and win.