Spark (Fire Within Series Book 4)

by Ella M. Lee

  Kostas shook his head, his smile turning shy and sweet. “That is not true at all.”

  One thing my lack of self-confidence and constant anxiety allowed me was the ability to handily deflect every single ounce of praise thrown my way. Even Nicolas, who dedicated entire pretty speeches and foreign dates and extravagant gifts to the cause, couldn’t get me to admit I was worth anything at all to him. Kostas’s light compliments were nothing compared to that, and therefore I wasn’t so easily baited.

  My heart remained in my throat as I looked around the room. The rest of the meeting had been tame and professional, mostly wandering through community topics that hardly needed any attention or direct handling. I let Ryan and Nicolas weigh in on decisions, more interested in tracking reactions from the other clans.

  I was particularly interested in keeping an eye on the Skys, Smokes, and Waters. When it came to clan hierarchy, we all knew who was in charge.

  But I wasn’t getting anything out of them. Claudius and Arturo both seemed annoyed at having to attend this conclave at all. Stephan’s amused and smug expression never dropped once throughout the afternoon. Juniper’s eyes lingered on Nicolas, and he let his own wander to her frequently. I really needed to ask him where he was going with that.

  Gemma and Renaldo were too busy running the meeting to offer me any clues as to their states of mind.

  Now that dinner was served and copious wine and beer had been poured, the room loosened up. The sounds of conversation grew louder from the far end of the table, where Ryan, the Waters, and the Verdants were having a good-natured debate. Gemma leaned across the table to speak with Nicolas, who had seated himself between Yuki and Juniper. Stephan had engaged Xiao, speaking to her in low undertones, although I couldn’t read his tone. And here I was in the middle, trapped with Kostas, flirting.

  No one paid us any mind, so I picked at my food and wondered how I could get out of this situation as quickly as possible.

  “It’s a shame that seeing each other more often won’t be possible,” I said gently, pursing my lips in what I hoped indicated mild disappointment.

  He leaned in close, his nose almost brushing my cheek. “I won’t tell,” he whispered.

  “Sanctions aside,” I said, “I am so busy with research. It’s impossible for me to get away. But it has been nice getting to know you.” I touched his arm. “I feel a connection here. Wild is such beautiful magic, and you are such a beautiful person.”

  His dark eyes studied my hand as I let my fingers linger lightly on the cuff of his shirt for a moment before picking up my fork once again. I’d finished only a quarter of the delicious salmon and farro dish before me, and I was starving.

  Kostas thankfully let me enjoy my meal, pouring me more wine when I asked and telling me stories of Andrea, who watched us as though she knew we were talking about her.

  As dinner ended, pinnacle members cleared out to other parts of the house. I followed Kostas into the library, where we had drinks by the fire. Thankfully, Nicolas was somewhere else, sparing me the gut-wrenching annoyance of watching him and Juniper together.

  Or perhaps he was sparing himself from watching me.

  I was attempting to keep yawns from my throat sometime later when I glanced out the window and spotted Nicolas and Juniper walking the grounds—with Stephan.

  Oh, I’m sure Nicolas is just loving that.

  Nicolas’s rigid posture and bland expression told me exactly how tense he felt near Stephan. Nicolas waved his hands toward the grounds in what seemed to be argument.

  I forced my attention back to Kostas, whose gaze had followed mine.

  “Out of my league,” he said with a small shrug.

  “What?”

  “The likes of them,” he clarified, pointing. “None of those three would ever deign to speak with me.”

  “Is that why you’re here with me?” I asked, offering a teasing smile.

  “Ah… no,” he said. “Not at all. But it is interesting to watch them from afar, is it not? None of them have ever had a thing to worry about. The world loves them. Their clans love them. They are stable and secure. Nicolas Demarais broke every convention in the book, yet we gather eagerly to watch his accomplishments.”

  “Nicolas likes being the center of attention,” I said. “Something I have a feeling both you and I hate.”

  Kostas’s expression was one of great admiration. “Yes, that is true. I did not imagine myself a pinnacle member of a clan. You?”

  “Never,” I said with a choked laugh, twisting my hands together in front of me.

  “You are so good at it,” he said. “I don’t think you see that.”

  I swallowed, my heart racing. “I take things one day at a time. It’s easier to get through it that way.”

  Yes, good, offer him vulnerability. Men love vulnerable women.

  Kostas took my hand. “Don’t forget to think about yourself occasionally. This role… it makes it easy to overlook the things that matter.” His hand tightened on mine. “Fiona, could I entice you to come upstairs with me?”

  It took every ounce of my self-control not to snatch my hand away. “I think not,” I said. “It isn’t… it isn’t that you aren’t… I’m sorry. I can’t.”

  His eyes dimmed along with his smile. “Are you thinking of yourself?” he asked.

  “I am,” I said. And my handsome boyfriend, whom I hope is still eager to have me in his life.

  Kostas nodded. “Then no doubt the decision is a sound one.”

  He stood, raising me off my chair in a gentlemanly fashion and kissing my hand briefly before letting go.

  Kostas isn’t so bad. There were worse people to have as allies, and it didn’t seem as though my rejection had bothered him overly so.

  It felt strangely satisfying and relieving to let him go. Because my mind had been going there, had been wondering if he’d proposition me, had been frightened that saying no would blow up all my work so far.

  It was freeing to realize that it hadn’t.

  I exited the library without looking back, rounding the corner until I found myself in one of the extravagant bathrooms. I shut the door and locked it, leaning against the wood, breathing hard.

  I spun, turned on the faucet, and let cold water run over my hands, cupping them so I could splash some on my face. When I looked up into the mirror, I was paler than usual, my hair coming undone from its tidy braid. My blue eyes didn’t even look like my own, set in a serious and stern expression. I smiled, but it seemed forced.

  This place stressed me out.

  I put my palms on the edge of the sink and stood there for a few minutes before my breathing and heart rate calmed.

  When I slipped out of the bathroom, I headed straight upstairs to our suite. No one was there when I arrived, so I threw myself into the shower and let the hot water settle me.

  One more day. I needed to get through one more day, then I could get back to what I actually wanted to be doing: helping Daniel.

  When I had dried off, dressed, and returned to the common room of our suite, Ryan and Nicolas were back. They both looked as bad as I felt. Ryan was reading something on his tablet, his head in one hand, the collar of his shirt undone and his eyelids drooping. Nicolas sat on the couch, eyes closed, listening to something through earphones. I was relieved he was with us and not still politicking his way through the conclave.

  I wandered up behind him and brushed my fingers against the bare skin above his collarbone. “What a—”

  I froze, watching with shock as Nicolas startled, jumping to his feet abruptly and whirling on me. He ripped his earphones out, holding them in his clenched fist. When his eyes met mine, they were bright and furious.

  No.

  Frightened.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, my voice a hoarse whisper.

  He shook his head. His eyes cleared, but his breathing was still elevated and his stance was defensive. “No,” he said. “Forgive me. This conclave is dredging up far too many unpleasant m
emories.”

  Without another word, he stalked past me and out the door of the suite, closing it behind himself with a sharp click.

  My gaze found Ryan’s. He watched the door with a frown, the corners of his eyes wrinkled in concern.

  “What did I do?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he offered. “Nicolas is jumpy because of Stephan. He’ll be okay.”

  “Should I go after him?” I asked. “Or… should you?”

  “He can handle himself,” Ryan said, but his eyes went back to the door, and I got a hint of uncertainty from him. “I’m sure he just needs a few minutes away from all of this.”

  I nodded, but my insides tightened. Did he need a few minutes away from me, too? Was that why he hadn’t invited me along? I quelled my anxiety. This isn’t about you. It’s about Nicolas. I needed to support him, even if it felt like he didn’t want that from me right now.

  Ryan and I spent the next hour or more going over notes from today, distilling the important parts down to send to Teng, our eyes straying occasionally to the door. Nicolas didn’t return. After midnight, I stood in the bedroom, trying to decide whether I should go look for him or go to bed and deal with everything tomorrow. I was just about to throw on my sweatshirt and coat when I heard voices in the common room—Ryan and Nicolas.

  I peeked my head around the doorframe. Nicolas caught the movement. He waved a hand and murmured some final words to Ryan before heading my way. I backed up, nervous, but his expression was so sad and exhausted that I couldn’t maintain any sort of anxiety.

  He opened his arms to me, and I slipped into his embrace. “I’m sorry for frightening you,” he said quietly.

  “Um, I feel like I should be saying that to you,” I said. “You really don’t have to apologize. We’re all under a lot of stress.”

  He shook his head against me and kissed my temple. “I do not feel safe here. My reaction had to do with that, not with you.”

  “I know. What will help?”

  He sighed. “I want to finish this whole ordeal and go home.”

  “Same,” I said. “Where did you go just now?”

  “I took a walk around the property. On the way back in, I ran into Arturo. We sat down to talk for a while.”

  “Oh? Anything interesting?”

  “No. We caught up. Cleared the air between us officially. We hadn’t spoken directly since Lightning’s creation.”

  “How did that go?”

  “Arturo is a good man. He was gracious about it. I believe it helps that Claudius is so much on our side. I am glad to have them as allies.”

  I let my hands wander over his chest and to the hem of his T-shirt. Gently, I lifted it, pulling it over his head, messing up his impeccable hair. With one hand, I held his chin firmly and kissed him, running my other hand over his hot skin.

  He tensed, pulling away slightly. “Fiona, I’m sorry, I’m not in the mood for—”

  I put a finger to his lips. “I’m not suggesting sex.” I pointed to the bed. “Go lie down. On your stomach.”

  I gave him a light push and followed him to the bed. He settled on it, and I straddled his thighs, studying the expansive tattoo on his back. I’d memorized its every line and curve over the past year and a half, loving the coiled dragon’s arched wings, the oddly geometric pattern and bold black ink.

  “Close your eyes,” I said, and Nicolas obeyed.

  I traced my fingertips down his back gently, and he shivered. As softly as I could manage, I leaned in and kissed my way down the dragon’s spine and along the curved tail, enjoying each hitch in Nicolas’s breath.

  I pressed my palms into him, sliding them over the contours of his hard body. Nicolas was a work of art, and I found it strange and improbable that he was mine. Slowly, I increased the pressure, massaging his muscles, following every curve and cord.

  Nicolas gave a soft, breathless gasp of pleasure, and I smiled, impressed that I could get him to relax long enough to show that sort of emotion.

  After a while, I let my hands still and lay down on him, pressing my cheek into his warm back.

  “Thank you, lamb,” he murmured. “I’m sorry for being short with you last night about Claudius, Stephan, and Daniel. Perhaps it is not the worst thing for Stephan to know this detail. He always did want access to Daniel. If he thinks we have Daniel or can get him back, he might toe our line for once.”

  “Can we get Daniel back?” I asked. “You haven’t seemed optimistic about it.”

  Nicolas’s eyes opened. “I’ll be honest—I don’t know. It is possible that we can’t, that there is no solution to our problem, at least not one accessible to magicians.”

  “But you don’t want Stephan’s help?”

  Nicolas exhaled sharply. “Right now, we have the leverage. The second we ask for anything from Stephan, he has the leverage. Nothing is worth that.”

  I sat up, ice creeping into my veins. “Daniel is.”

  Nicolas shifted under me. “Lamb,” he said, and his tone was tired. “Daniel did everything he could to make Lightning a success. He gave his life for it. He obviously felt that our clan was more important than himself. He would not want us to endanger that safety for him.”

  “How do you know? Have you asked what he wants?”

  Nicolas gently dislodged me, and I clambered off of him. His tense jaw and stiff shoulders told me I was on thin ice tonight—as I’d been all week, it seemed.

  “I don’t need to ask Daniel anything,” Nicolas said. “I know his mind. I’ve known it for years.”

  “Don’t you think I’d know his mind, too?” I asked.

  “Of course,” Nicolas said. “But not as well as I do. I’m sorry, Fiona. I’ve known him longer, and I can read his mind. It isn’t a slight against you.”

  “It feels like it.” I shook my head. “This whole fucking conclave feels like a slight against me. I just… it sucks to stand here and show ourselves off when all I want to do is be home solving our very real problems.”

  Nicolas sat back on his knees and put a hand to his face. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s only for another day.” His dark, shadowy eyes met mine. “What can I do?”

  Tears pricked the corners of my eyes, and I bit the inside of my lip hard to distract myself. “Tell me we’re going to go home and rescue Daniel. Please.”

  But I saw the words on Nicolas’s face before he said them. “I can’t promise you that. I want to, but I can’t. I’m going to try.”

  I got up off the bed and picked my coat up from where I’d discarded it earlier on the chair.

  “Fiona?” Nicolas asked.

  I didn’t turn around. “You’re not the only one who needs fresh air.”

  I kicked on my shoes and stalked out of the apartment, practically hurling myself down the stairs and out the front door.

  I trusted Nicolas. I did. Which was why hearing that he didn’t know what to do about Daniel troubled me so much. Nicolas, who could solve just about any problem he came up against, didn’t know what to do.

  My heart broke at the mere thought that we were so close to Dan, that I could talk and laugh and walk with him, but that we might never get him back. It wasn’t fair. There had to be something we could do.

  I hated feeling so helpless.

  I sat on the bench that had now become familiar to me, bathed in the cold light from the path’s lanterns. I drew my coat closer and reached into my pocket for my phone, tapping through several apps. It was late enough in the night that not even our family was still up, and there was no chatter in our normally busy channels.

  I tapped Daniel’s name in my text messaging app, bringing up our last messages, sent on the morning of Lightning’s creation.

  Fi! FI! Where are you?

  Asleep, you monster.

  Come inside! I need you!

  You do not. Go away.

  Fi.

  I’m sending Nicolas. You two can sort

  out your nonexistent problems.

  But I need my lieut
enant. :)

  How many years until you realize

  I hate mornings?

  Never.

  I love you… but get fucked.

  And Dan’s last message, which I’d read a thousand times:

  But I have pineapple buns. Forgot to mention. Sorry. I promise they are fluffier than Nicolas’s bed. Come here!

  It was stupid to be so sentimental over such a normal message between us. Thinking back, it never even occurred to me to say goodbye to him. It hadn’t occurred to any of us.

  Because how could anything we did possibly fail?

  And that was what scared me the most about this new problem with Daniel. We’d failed before. Nicolas had failed before. What if we did it again?

  “My god, why are you out here in the cold yet again?”

  I looked up at the sarcastic drawl and the crunch of boots on the gravel path. Stephan walked toward me, bundled into a black wool greatcoat, his hair fluttering in the light breeze.

  “Fuck off,” I said, looking away quickly. “How did you even find me out here?”

  He pointed toward the house. “My room overlooks this path.” He sat next to me on the bench, leaving a few feet of space between us. He folded his hands in his lap and offered me a grimace. “I’m not impressed by your attitude, you know.”

  I shoved my phone into my pocket and stood, eager to be away from him.

  “Wait,” Stephan said, putting out a hand. He didn’t seek to touch me, but I stepped around him regardless and continued toward the house.

  “You’re scared,” he called.

  I stopped and spun. “I’m not impressed by your attitude, you know.”

  “Come back here,” he implored.

  “I don’t answer to you.”

  “Stop being an impetuous brat,” he snapped, lifting his chin. “You have the world’s foremost expert in magical anomalies sitting in front of you. Ask questions, and I will give you answers. Or don’t you care about Daniel?”