Spark (Fire Within Series Book 4)

by Ella M. Lee

  Of course I understood, even if he didn’t think I did. Stephan had hurt him, had scarred him deeply. He couldn’t let that go—ever. And I’d willingly allied myself with Nicolas’s worst nightmare.

  Not only that, but my actions had indicated that I trusted Stephan more than Nicolas, that I believed Stephan could do something Nicolas was incapable of.

  And if bringing back the haunting memories of his past and injuring his pride weren’t bad enough, I’d told him I was going to walk into the same situation he’d almost lost his life escaping from.

  I couldn’t have betrayed him more thoroughly if I had made it my singular goal.

  But this was Nicolas. He could get through anything. I’d killed his lieutenant, and he’d threatened to have me tortured and killed. Somehow, we’d gone from that to a healthy relationship.

  I held my wrist up in front of my face, studying the dark line of ink.

  We’d get through this, too, right?

  By the time I walked down the front path toward the edge of the property, where we’d been assigned our portal location, my insides had turned cold and numb. I looked around the bright day and noticed the Wild pinnacle members waiting for their portal on the other side of the property. I waved mechanically, and Kostas waved back.

  Ryan and Nicolas stood in front of a glittering purplish portal. Nicolas was looking away, but Ryan shielded his eyes against the sun and watched me hurry across the snowy ground.

  When Nicolas heard my approach, he turned toward the portal and swept through it, not even looking in my direction. I sighed and let Ryan take my luggage. He seemed to sense something was amiss, but he didn’t speak. I gestured for him to go first and then stepped in behind him, met immediately with Keisha’s smiling face.

  “Hey, you!” she said, already rubbing her hands together and starting the steps to dismantle the portal.

  “Hi,” I said absently.

  Being home meant my shoulders relaxed automatically and my heart slowed. I was safe. I didn’t realize how terrified I’d been, but sharp relief filled me at the sight of our messy common room and sparse gardens.

  I looked around the room, but Nicolas was gone. I hurried down the hallway and craned my neck to see out the main entrance. Nicolas walked quickly across the garden toward his apartment, his movements stiff, his hair blowing in the light breeze.

  I swallowed. I could give him space. He’d needed it before. He likely needed it now, too. Once he calmed down, we could talk.

  Please, please, please let him calm down.

  I’d barely managed to unpack my luggage and throw my clothes in the laundry basket before a notification came in from Nicolas. I tapped it eagerly, but it was only a group text to the entire clan, scheduling a debrief in an hour. I sighed.

  I desperately needed to see Daniel. I didn’t know if that was allowed, but I didn’t really care. I practically ran across the wet garden and stopped, out of breath, at the door of the temple to bow to the Buddha.

  When I pressed my hands against the sanctum and landed in the grassy field overgrown with wildflowers that bordered the beach, I sighed in relief.

  “Dan?” I called. “Dan!”

  “Fi?”

  I spun around. Daniel had appeared behind me, hands in his pockets, his expression furrowed in concern. I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “Fi, what the hell?” he asked, catching me and steadying me, holding me against him tightly.

  I swallowed, the coils that had wrapped around my lungs and stomach slackening slightly. This is what I betrayed Nicolas for, I reminded myself. To have Daniel this close to me forever.

  A little voice inside me spoke up. And to let him solve your problems, to take your responsibility away so you can breathe again.

  I didn’t want to admit how right the voice was.

  When I didn’t respond, he added uncertainly, “Is the conclave over?”

  “Yes,” I said, choking on the word, tears already blurring my sight.

  Daniel pulled back, studying my wet eyes. “Did something happen?”

  “A lot happened,” I said, my voice wavering. “We’re all fine. The clan is fine, just…” I closed my eyes.

  “Okay, uh, let’s have a seat,” Daniel said. He put an arm around my shoulders and walked me to some of the larger rocks that made up the border between the grass and the sand.

  We sat together, his arm still around me. “Start at the beginning,” he said.

  I stumbled my way through describing the conclave, doubling back to talk about all the important points: my slipup to Claudius, Nicolas’s strained mood, Stephan’s weird fixation on me, Lightning’s sanctions, Juniper’s murder.

  Daniel listened with very little interruption, even when I dissolved into tears at the end, showing him the mark on my wrist and telling him what I’d done.

  “Nicolas hates me,” I sobbed, shaking. “He’ll never forgive me.”

  Daniel rubbed my shoulders, his expression worried, his lips pressed into a flat line.

  “Calm down, Fi,” he said gently. “Give Nicolas some credit. He’s emotional right now, but he’s logical at heart. He’ll understand.”

  “I don’t know. You didn’t see how he looked at me. Like I had literally stabbed him in the back with a knife.” I pressed my hands into my face. “And I did. That’s exactly what I did.”

  “Shush,” Dan said. “For what it’s worth, I appreciate what you did. I, uh, wish you didn’t have to, but… it means a lot.”

  “As if I wouldn’t do anything for you,” I choked out.

  “I know,” he said. “I feel the same way for you, for all of you.” He rocked me gently back and forth. “Listen, give Nicolas some time. He keeps a million things in his head. Sometimes he needs a while to sort through them.”

  “Yeah,” I said, not very confident. “I just thought… I thought all of this would bring us closer. The clan. Finding you. The conclave. Instead, all it’s done is tear us apart. I don’t even know what to do anymore.”

  I put my face back in my palms and cried. Daniel stroked my back comfortingly. “It will be okay,” he said. “You’ll figure it out.”

  “I don’t even know how to use Stephan’s research by myself,” I said, and that statement broke me down even further. “I need Nicolas to agree to help. He’s the smart one.”

  “Fi, you’re smart,” Dan said, rolling his eyes.

  “Sure, whatever,” I said, “but I need the genius magical scientist.”

  “You’ll figure it out,” Dan repeated.

  My chest tightened. “I have to go. I have a debrief to get to. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  Dan pressed his forehead against mine. “Love you.”

  “Love you,” I echoed, and I let myself drift back into my body.

  When I got there, I opened my eyes in the drafty temple and stared at the sanctum. I willed myself to move, but I couldn’t. Instead, I lay down on the floor and cried yet again.

  Weak, scared, defeated.

  Nicolas hated me, and that was making me hate myself. I’d never felt much of an identity on my own, so of course his approval—or disapproval—would affect me this much.

  And I didn’t know how to change that.

  Our debrief meeting was as confusing and awkward as I thought it would be. Even Teng, who took notes feverishly, had to pause several times to ask clarifying questions. Nicolas didn’t look at me during the meeting, and his deadpan, neutral tone gave nothing away.

  When he got to the end of the conclave, where I’d made a deal with Stephan, he skipped right over it, only highlighting his own binder spells and our hasty departure.

  At least I’d managed to get by with minimal contribution to the story.

  My stomach lived in my throat for the entire two hours, my anxiety growing by the second as we all went through the boring process of assigning tasks and priorities to our work.

  When the meeting was over, Nicolas disappeared quickly. I followed
Teng back up to his server room and handed him Stephan’s thumb drive. “Can you put this onto our system? Make a couple of copies and… make at least one of them inaccessible to Nicolas.”

  Teng raised an eyebrow at me. “What is this?”

  “It’s research about magic and life and binding them from Stephan. Nicolas is a little, um, upset by how I went about getting it. I need him to look at it, but I want to make sure he doesn’t do anything drastic.”

  Teng nodded, and the understanding look in his eye told me he knew just how jumpy Nicolas got regarding anything to do with Stephan.

  I waited while he copied the data and verified it, accepting the thumb drive back from him when he was done.

  Now for the hard part.

  Each step toward Nicolas’s apartment felt heavier and harder. By the time I’d reached the door, I was shaking. I let myself inside to find Nicolas seated at his desk, studying his laptop with disdain. An empty whiskey glass stood by his right hand, and his left hand rested palm up on the desk, the black lines of his binders stark against his skin.

  “Hi,” I said, afraid to go farther into the room.

  He lifted his eyes to mine, his expression of disdain deepening.

  “I know you’re not happy,” I went on.

  “Not happy is an interesting way to phrase it,” he said darkly.

  I flinched. “I know you’re angry and upset, but listen, we need to talk.”

  “I have nothing to say to you,” he said.

  “This isn’t about us,” I said. “The fact of the matter is, we now have research at our disposal that we should use. I already made the agreement. That’s done. You can throw it back in my face all you want, but it would be stupid to not make use of what I did. Even you know that.”

  Nicolas closed his eyes briefly, pressing two fingers to the bridge of his nose. “What did Stephan give you?” he grated out finally.

  “He says it’s all of his research, and your research, and any necessary supporting materials. He claims it’s everything he has that could help us.”

  “Show me,” Nicolas said, his brows still drawn and his mouth set into a frown. “I suppose we should see what he’s given us.”

  I pulled the thumb drive out of my pocket and set it on the edge of his desk. He studied it as though it were a grenade that could go off at any second. “This is everything?” he asked.

  I nodded.

  Slowly, he reached out and picked up the drive between his thumb and index finger. He turned it from side to side, studying it warily.

  His magic sparked between his fingers.

  In just two or three seconds, lightning had engulfed it, half melting the plastic casing and the greenish circuit board underneath. He dropped the lumpy mass on his desk, and it clattered loudly into our tense silence.

  My heart sank. “I already had Teng copy the contents onto our servers,” I said numbly, “but now I know you can look me in the eye and lie to me.”

  He didn’t respond, and I let myself out into the cold winter air, gripped by the certainty that whatever I’d done wouldn’t be fixed by logic and time.

  Regardless of my own gut instinct that things wouldn’t get better by just waiting, I took Dan’s advice and left Nicolas alone. The first thing I did was message Teng.

  If Nicolas asks for access to that research, send him a copy. But keep a copy under lock and key, too, please.

  After that was done, I made my way toward the stairs, eager to get a moment alone.

  “Fiona?” Ryan’s voice drifted down the hall toward me.

  I turned. “Yeah?”

  “Walk with me.” His iron tone and serious expression left no room for arguments.

  He headed down the hallway toward his office and shut the door firmly behind us. “Coffee?” he asked, waving me into a seat.

  “Um, yes, please,” I said.

  I watched him in silence as he turned on his coffee grinder and then went through the process of tamping the grounds into a portafilter, pulling a double shot of espresso, and steaming milk. It took him only a couple of minutes to present me with a beautiful latte before repeating the steps for himself.

  He only spoke once he’d settled behind his desk and taken a sip from his cup. “I think you should explain what happened between you and Nicolas.”

  Of course Ryan knew something was going on; he’d known Nicolas for almost two decades.

  I held out my wrist. “I made an agreement he didn’t like.”

  Ryan took my wrist, rubbing his thumb over the curvy black mark. “Go on.”

  I spilled the entire story in a rush, much like I had with Daniel, although I didn’t need to add the inane details because Ryan had been there with me.

  “I did it for Dan,” I finished sadly, managing not to cry now that I’d mostly run out of tears.

  “I know,” Ryan said gently, but his troubled expression deepened.

  “I know why Nicolas is angry,” I said.

  “I’m sure you do,” Ryan agreed. He took another sip of his latte, looking off into the distance. “But the question is, what now?”

  “I don’t know.” I tapped my fingers nervously on his desk. “If we don’t use the research, I never have to fulfill Stephan’s binding agreement. And at this rate… I’m not sure we’ll be able to. Nicolas doesn’t seem interested in stepping near any of this.”

  “And if we do use his research, and successfully, ah, revive Daniel?” Ryan asked.

  “Well, I had an idea about that,” I said. “I got it from Stephan himself. He’s only interested in our magic. He basically told me I hold nothing useful to him without that. So… if I don’t have magic…”

  Ryan’s brows lifted in surprise. “You’d give up magic?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. “It was just an idea. Nicolas said Stephan would try to get around the binder. I could try that, too.”

  “Have you mentioned any of your thoughts and plans to Nicolas?” Ryan asked.

  “No,” I said. “He won’t talk to me. I get it… He doesn’t think I do, but… I do. I fucked things up majorly, but I did it with my eyes open.”

  Ryan nodded almost absently. “You made a difficult choice.” There was no judgment in his tone, for which I was quietly relieved. Ryan was a saint, and he deserved so much credit for what he put up with from all of us.

  “Dan said… Dan said to give Nicolas time to calm down,” I offered, hoping desperately that Ryan, who knew him better than anyone, could also offer optimistic advice.

  Ryan nodded again. “I don’t think there is anything else you can do. I will try to see where his mind is on the matter.”

  “That would mean a lot to me,” I said, “but you don’t have to get involved. It’s… well, I’m an adult. I know what I did. I don’t need someone else to clean up my mess.”

  Ryan’s eyes snapped to mine, and he lifted his chin. “I’ve always been there to help Nicolas work through issues. Of course I will do it for this, if he desires.”

  “Okay,” I said, hoping I hadn’t offended him. He was back to staring off into the distance, so I asked, “What are you thinking about?”

  He sighed. “My instinct tells me that the next year will not be easy.”

  Our concerned gazes met, and I hoped he wasn’t right.

  The next morning, I woke up to a flurry of texts. The first was from Teng.

  Nicolas asked for Stephan’s research. I forwarded it to him promptly.

  But the one my eyes hung on was Nicolas’s.

  See me in my office.

  Five simple words, with no hint of feeling. Not that Nicolas’s texts were ever overflowing with emotion, but I could usually tell his general mood. Not today.

  I hurriedly brushed my teeth and threw on fresh clothes before sprinting across the garden. I was out of breath when I arrived at his apartment.

  “Have a seat,” he said, arching his finger to the leather chairs across from his desk. I winced at the painful formality.

  Definitely s
till angry. He wore the same clothes as yesterday, making me wonder if he’d slept. The dark shadows under his eyes indicated not.

  “Nicolas, I want—”

  He held up a hand. “Allow me.” When I shut my mouth, he went on. “Ryan and I talked at length last night.”

  I swallowed a twinge of annoyance at his implication that they’d discussed me like a child who’d been behaving badly. “Oh?” I summoned.

  “I also reviewed the research you procured from Stephan.”

  “I know,” I squeaked out. At his raised brow, I added, “Teng told me you asked for it.”

  “Well,” he said, folding his hands in front of him. His tawny eyes were dark today, serious and intense. His expression hadn’t betrayed a hint of affection. “After some thought, I’ve come up with a few preliminary ideas to address Daniel’s situation. I’ll need to run some experiments and put some more effort into a plan, but there are things we can try—based on the information you received.”

  “That’s… good, right?” I asked tentatively.

  “It’s a first step,” he clarified.

  “I know you would prefer not to use anything Stephan gave us…” I said, but the rest of the sentence died at the angry glint in Nicolas’s eyes.

  “What’s done is done,” he said. “Ryan says you have plans to solve your own…” He glanced at my wrist. “… issues.”

  “I do,” I said, sitting up eagerly, ready to explain, but Nicolas held up his hand again.

  “I think, Fiona, it would be best if you didn’t distract me from my work right now,” he said.

  My heart shattered in my chest, and the sharp, jagged pieces lodged themselves in my stomach and lungs. It took me three tries to open my mouth, and all that came out was a startled, “Oh.”

  He hadn’t said the words, but I knew what he was implying: Leave me alone.

  “Of course I don’t want to distract you,” I said stupidly, not sure what part of me was managing to force those words out.