Suffocate

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Suffocate Page 7

by Xavier Neal


  Curious I raise my eyebrows. “Why?”

  “Well right now he says the wrong thing about 99 percent of the time.”

  “He’s always said the wrong thing about 99 percent of the time,” I counter. “That’s not new.”

  “Well now instead of his entire foot in his mouth, he’s learning to deep throat his calf.”

  “Imagery.” I shake my head rapidly. “This family and graphic images.”

  Maxx proudly snickers, as my eyes land on Stuart who quickly offers, “Wanna stretch your legs with me while she finishes the tiny green blob in her bowl?”

  “Take him.” Maxx waves us off. “He needs a pick me up and listening to me bitch about why this tastes better with alcohol clearly isn’t helping. Besides by the time you walk back this way I will have managed to get un-wedged from this seat.”

  I stand, nod at Stuart, and lean down to plant a kiss on Maxx’s forehead. “You’re gonna be okay. Call Kellar and make up.”

  She mumbles something that sounds like ‘asshole’ as I walk off with Stuart out of the cafeteria door. Once we’re alone in the almost vacant long hallway, he inquires, “So what’s eating you Nurse Man?”

  “Why do people keep asking that?”

  “Because you don’t hide your emotions well.”

  “Thanks.” I bite.

  Okay so maybe I don’t, but don’t agree with him. My team remember?

  “It’s not a bad thing.” Stuart gently nudges me sliding his hands in his pockets. “There are enough phony ass people in this world without adding to it. Take Mr. and Mrs Ducane for example. To the world they look like a perfectly groomed politician and his adoring wife. Loving couple and sweet parents. In reality, he’s fucking his interns and she’s taking pills like Skittles while both trying to figure out ways into manipulating their only son to be more like C.J.” His speech stops me in my tracks and he quickly follows it with, “But even C.J. didn’t wanna be ‘C.J.’ My point is, I like that you’re a what you see is what you get kinda guy. And that you accept people just the same. You see their flaws or troubles and wanna help, not hurt.”

  The two of us start walking again this time closer together. After a few more moments of silence I say, “There was a teenage girl who came in for an overdose. Suicide. Couldn’t save her.” Stuart stops again when we round the corner. “And I know I can’t save everyone, but she was...she was so young ya know? And tall. And thin. And gorgeous...”

  “She looked just like Erin didn’t she?”

  I nod and fold my arms across my chest. “It was eerie. Miscarriages...”

  “Reminding you of Maxx.”

  “Yesterday I had three patients die. It’s just.” My hands run through my hair. “Not a good work week.”

  Stuart turns his body and embraces me in a hug, a simple action that anyone rarely offers me first.

  It’s not like I’ve never been hugged or that we aren’t an affectionate family. Typically I initiate it because I can sense they need it. Can’t remember the last time someone hugged me because I needed it. Is it weird that I like the idea of someone taking care of me a little? Because I feel guilty about it.

  After a brief hesitation I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him close to me, the simplicity of having him hold me releasing some of the stress on my shoulders. Stuart slowly moves his face so his cheek is brushing mine before his lips feather touch the corner of my mouth. The second I feel the tip of his tongue, I shift my mouth to devour his. Stuart doesn’t resist as I harshly explore his tongue ring, obsessed with every feeling it gives rolling against mine. Without second guessing my actions I shove him against the wall roughly, my hands that were just holding him now sliding under his button down shirt against his abs.

  The graze of my traveling hand across his hard on elicits a whimper from him that echoes, yanking me out of the sex haze that blurs my judgment any time he’s too close. Letting go I take two steps back. Immediately my eyes zone in on his swollen lips and his rapidly rising chest.

  A little love at the office isn’t a bad thing right?

  My eyes glance at the empty hospital room on the other side of him.

  I shouldn’t. That’s absolutely unacceptable.

  Stuart’s tongue wets his lips, the toy pierced on it taunting me. Tempting me.

  I can’t do this. I’m the responsible one remember? I’m not like Maxx and Logan who just jump each other’s bones whenever the impulse appears. I’m—

  His eyes drop to my dick that’s straining in scrubs at the same time he bites his bottom lip.

  Fuck it. I’ll do self-control exercises later.

  In a low voice I point to the door. “That room. Now.”

  With the wicked smile I fall more and more in love with every day, he winks at me and does as instructed. After glancing down the empty hallway to make sure we’re in deed alone, I follow him.

  Inside I lock the door behind me before walking towards him slowly.

  Before you start going off on what happens if a patient needs this bed, these beds are for the staff. Couple extra rooms for those who need a power nap on shitty shifts. I’ve slept in them more than once in my life.

  “We have to make this quick,” I say my hips now pressed firmly against his, the feeling of his turned on state fueling mine.

  “Hard and fast?” the words cause me to groan and shove my lips on top of his.

  He grips my shirt for leverage as I hurriedly unbuckle his belt, his jeans, and slide my hand inside to graze his heated member. Stuart’s moans rush my actions to yank his pants down with his boxers, spin him around, and push him forcefully to bend over the bed, presenting himself for the taking.

  “How are you this irresistible?” I mutter more to myself than to him during the process of pulling down my own bottoms.

  “Combination of my charming personality and hours of squats.” Stuart looks over his shoulder at me and winks. He lets out a small laugh that forces my hand to pop him on the ass, a moan falling from his lips. “Feel free to keep that up.”

  Is spanking universal? Does everyone enjoy a little roughness?

  One hand lands on his hip while I start rubbing myself slowly at the sight that I have been dreaming about, yet it only gets better each time I actually get to see it. Mid-stroke it hits me that I don’t have a condom in my wallet.

  I know! I know! I’m a nurse! I know better! I just...there’s always been a plan and steps that allowed for adequate planning.

  As if he can hear me, Stuart glances over his shoulder and smirks. “I gotchu covered.” My eyes cut to the condom package and small bottle of lube in his hand.

  Should I be concerned that maybe he was expecting to sleep with me? What do you mean maybe he was a Boy Scout? Have you been hanging out with Logan?

  Impressed I grab the condom first and slide it on before opening the lube to make this fast and hard ride smooth as possible. Two oiled fingers push inside Stuart and he hums in pleasure. Pushing them in and out I do my best to loosen the area. Patience quickly lost, I replace my fingers with my dick. He moans deeply and I grab the back of his hair for balance while sharply thrusting into him, each one more powerful than the last. With one hand splayed on his back burying his face into the bed and gripping his hair tightly, something savage inside of me causes my hips to jackhammer faster. To declare that I’m the only one who belongs like this with him. Getting lost in the moment, I forget about the stress of my job, the weighing anxiety from the family I swore to take care of, the fear that Stuart is just willing to say what he needs to get me into bed and let myself be free. Several muffled cries later, I’m falling apart inside of him.

  My heart beat is racing. After a beat, I slip out of him realizing how selfish of a lover I just was.

  I’m getting bad about that.

  “You didn’t...” the end of the sentence falls as I pull off the full co
ndom.

  He turns to start putting his clothing back in place. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t good.” Stuart zips his jeans. “Damn good.”

  I smile, dispose of the condom, and redress myself as well.

  When we both look presentable again, Stuart gives me a playful smirk. “Oh Nurse Man, what am I gonna do with you?”

  “Keep me?” I flirt.

  The comment flashes mirth in his eyes but only briefly.

  Shit. Was that wrong?

  Seeing the sadness now replaced where his typically playful joy I crave lies, I tilt my head concerned.

  Stuart clears his throat. “I should get Maxx and take her home.”

  With a nod I motion my hand towards the door for him to exit first.

  What the hell just happened? How did I screw that up? How can I tell everyone else the right things to say, but mess it up for myself? Please tell me all relationships are this complicated.

  Chapter 13

  Stuart

  “You can’t possibly be this fucking stupid!” C.J. yells at me while pacing back and forth in front of my T.V.

  It’s a good thing I paused the movie I was watching. However, it is taking everything in me not to laugh at the fact that Mr. Conehead’s angry face is frozen beside C.J.’s when he stops moving. Shave his head and give him scary teeth and they would look identical.

  “You don’t need a child,” his voice adds another level. “You know why? Because you are one!” I open my mouth to object when he screams again, “I’m not working around the clock looking for loopholes and ammunition to fight against Sara’s iron clad agreement for you to throw it away because you can’t keep your dick to yourself! We aren’t sixteen anymore! The choices you make have real fucking consequences! And I don’t mean possibly ending up in a tabloid, I mean losing your son!”

  The lecture forces me further down onto the couch. My head falls backwards as I close my eyes. “Is all this about me or does some of this anger have to do with your situation with Erin too?”

  C.J. mumbles under his breath before saying louder, “Mainly you.” I lift my face with a smug smirk. His anger soars again. “Don’t smile at me like that! It’s like you don’t comprehend the level of crazy Sara is. She’s most likely having you followed.”

  I mutter, “Wouldn’t be surprised.”

  “And you’re still fooling around with Luke.”

  Don’t correct him. Just let him huff and puff til he thinks he’s blown my house down.

  “Have you even put your apartment up for sale?”

  “It’s sold.”

  “And another thing—” he cuts himself off and tilts his head at me. “What did you just say? Did you say this place is sold?”

  “Yeah.”

  C.J. looks around. “And are you going to pack?”

  “Movers will be here in a couple weeks. I’ve got time.”

  To my surprise a pained expression hits his face as he folds his arms across his chest. “I hate that you have to move back.”

  “Me too.” I clear my throat and reach for the remote. “Now do you mind letting me enjoy my last few days in my favorite apartment in peace?”

  “Can you promise me you’ll end this thing with Luke?” I give a short shoulder shrug not agreeing to give up the first guy I actually want to spend more than a few months with.

  Isn’t that my fucking luck? The first time I get a chance with a guy worth sticking it out with and it comes at the simple price of everything.

  “Stuart.”

  Do I have to end it end it? Can’t we just keep sneaking around? What if I explain it to him?

  “Stuart!”

  “I heard you. I’m not gonna lose my son.”

  He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m gonna go. I’ve got a case to review for custody of a five year old. Not to mention making a list of reasons why my parents shouldn’t join your parents in visiting next week.”

  C.J. grabs his suit jacket and exits my apartment leaving me alone with the sinking feeling that no matter what I decide happiness isn’t going to be a part of the end result.

  Chapter 14

  Stuart

  This has been the longest week of my fucking life. Avoiding Luke face to face wasn’t hard, thanks to his job, but resisting the urge to text him flirtatiously was much harder. Especially at night. Especially laying in bed imaging just one more taste of him. Why is it the things we can’t have the most always taste the best?

  Pulling my camera back up to my eye, I take another picture of the outside of the hospital, knowing the memories that lie inside are ones that I want to be surrounded by when I move.

  If I could take Luke with me I would.

  “Of all the things you could take a picture of, you choose the hospital?” Luke ponders from over my shoulder.

  I lower my camera and turn to face him, breath stolen from me at the sight of him freshly clean, freshly shaven, and bright eyed before work.

  Like something off a boy band poster in nurse wear. Does the same thing to me I imagine it does to teenage girls. Am I right?

  “Capturing all my favorite things,” I playfully answer before deciding to take an impromptu picture of him. Quickly I snap a photo and then another admiring how naturally beautiful he looks on camera.

  “Why?”

  “So I have them when I wanna look at them.”

  “Is that why you take photos? So you can look at them when you want?”

  My camera lowers and I stare into his eyes that are genuinely curious. Letting my tool hang from my neck I answer, “Because life is full of amazing moments that you don’t wanna let go of. That you want frozen in time and in your memory. That deserve to be captured. People say photographs are worth a thousand words, but I don’t agree. I think they’re worth a thousand emotions. You can look at one and feel everything you felt in that moment. It’s like being given the ability travel back through time in a blink. It’s magical.”

  Luke smiles softly at me. “Then why aren’t those the only types of photos you take? I mean last time I heard you take pictures at toddler birthday parties and bikini model shoots, not to mention the fights at TKO. Why not focus on what you just said?”

  “In the beginning, to piss off my parents. But as time went on I realized life is full of enough things you can’t pick, like your parents or who you fall in love with,” my hand twitches like it wants to touch him so I grip my camera strap instead. “So you should make the most of things you can choose. Besides, who am I to judge what moments in life matter to others?” Feeling emotions strongly settling I decide to lighten the situation. “Besides, you think my apartment is cheap? Gotta work to eat.”

  He laughs me off and rolls his eyes.

  “Speaking of eating....wanna grab a bite?”

  “Bout to start my shift.” He points to his scrubs.

  “I understand.”

  “But maybe another time.”

  “Maybe.”

  Luke opens his mouth but immediately closes it like he’s rethinking what he wants to say. “I’ll um...send you a message later.”

  “Sure.” I take a step forward preparing to kiss him, when the honking of a horn brings me back to the reality that I can’t do that out in public.

  Tell me if you see a creepy stalker with a camera. Why are you looking at me like that?

  He turns and heads towards the hospital without another word. Frustrated I run my fingers through my hair and let out a deep breath.

  He deserves to know. Everything. Maybe he’ll understand. Maybe he’ll be willing to sneak around with me? Maybe he won’t hate me for what I’m choosing to do. For why we can’t be together like I know he wants.

  Pulling my cell out of my pocket, I quickly scan my contacts and hit call. After three rings, I hear a voice snap, “This is ridiculous! I cannot believe C.J. i
s calling you to do his dirty work.”

  Any idea what she’s talking about?

  “Um...” I hum out confused. “I wasn’t aware he had dirty work. However I am now curious. What is it?”

  Erin remains silent.

  “Okay...” I clear my throat. “I’ll let that go and pretend you didn’t say anything to me because obviously you shouldn’t have, if you do me a two part favor.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “What time does Luke’s shift end?”

  “Let’s see,” she starts mumbling to herself doing some sort of weird medical math I don’t understand. “Probably scheduled for 12, but home closer to 1.”

  “Mind letting me in?”

  Slowly she questions, “For....what?”

  “I wanna surprise him with breakfast when he gets off—”

  “Make it eggs whites,” she quickly instructs. “Avoid extra carbs like pancakes or French Toast which he saves for the weekends, but do have him a cup of decaf ready and make sure it’s real bacon. He bitches that it’s the worst for you, complains until he’s blue in this face you shouldn’t eat it, but then he does. It’s his own little greasy not so secret, secret.”

  Mentally making notes I announce, “Got it.”

  “Anyway, I’m not coming home, so you can let yourself in. There’s a spare key on the side of the house wedged between the wall and hose.” Before I can respond she explains, “You wouldn’t believe how many times Kellar locked his keys in the house back in the day.” I chuckle and she asks, “What’s the other part of the favor?”

  “Can you make sure C.J. has no idea that this conversation ever happened?”

  “Keep a secret from Mr. Bossy Pants. I would love to,” her attitude lets me know just how upset she is.

  Running the ball of my tongue ring across my lips I pause before offering, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  “Do you wanna talk about why you’ve been avoiding seeing my brother but suddenly wanna give him a romantic evening at home?”

  “No.”

  “Then we’re even,” she sighs. “Good luck tonight.”

 

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