by Zi'ere
“Yup, we did that.” Trae answered for everyone.
“Ok, good job. You guys have an hour.”
I didn’t wait for a response. I made my way out of the kitchen and back to my bedroom.
Just like always, my mind went into deep thoughts about how our mom could abandon us. I was seventeen years old but I was living the life of at least a thirty year old woman. What kind of woman leaves her kids to chase a man all over the world? This month would make a complete year that our mom, Angel had been gone. Yes, for the last year and a half I had been taking care of myself and my siblings on my own without ever seeing her. I had been handling things on my own for the last five years with only minor input from Angel. After the day she left us at our grandparent’s home, we had not seen her face. I was shuffling through my sock drawer to find suitable thin socks to wear with the J’s while I thought about my present situation.
65
Our mom’s name is Angel Stevens. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I used to have much respect for her. I was only ten years old when I realized that it was Angel’s job to make the babies, while I actually put in the work of taking care of them. My mom had the finest resources available to her but could not manage to complete tasks normal grown- ups should.
According to my Grandma, Angel had run through over three million dollars and had nothing to show for it. Our grandparents, Deidra and Allen Stevens had gotten up there in age. There was no way they could possibly take care of the four children Angel had left behind. Instead of breaking us apart, I pulled things in to keep us all together. My grandparents had a brick one level home built on their property here in Chandler, Arizona just for their grandkids. Enough space was given to hold all the things normal children needed and wanted to have growing up. Basketball goals, swimming pool, trampoline, swing set, four wheelers, electric scooters, and bikes.
Our grandparents lived an equivalent of three blocks away from us. They rode on their golf cart to the house just about every evening to check on us. They gave me so much encouragement, constantly praising me for the good job I was doing. I was everything Angel was not and more than she had ever dreamed herself to be. After spending a crazy two weeks in a hotel room with the kids while our grandparents figured out a living situation for us, we had moved into a home for the first time.
Our home was a four bed room, five bath, den, living room, and kitchen single floor home. It had all the bells and whistles people look for in their first home. Every room was decorated and held beautiful furnishings that I had picked out. What remained of Angel’s inheritance that would have been given to her upon their deaths was used to finance a stable living situation for her kids. She had no idea her parents still held monies for her. If she thought she could have gotten one hundred dollars from them, it would be gone fast. And none of us kids would see a dime of it.
I was sixteen years old with my own home that was appraised at three hundred thousand dollars and was already paid for. I drove a paid off Mercedes Benz C class to high school every day after I dropped off my siblings at their schools. Beside my white Benz sat a white Yukon Denali in the garage that was also paid for. I also had a bank account with over two million dollars in it. The bills were always taken care of by our grand-parents accountant but I did all of the grocery shopping for all of us on my own. I was very insistent on taking care of my grandparents just as well as they had tried to take care of us. They didn’t have the strength to handle us physically but they more than made up for it with us financially.
“Amaya, can you do my hair for me? It’s all tangled up and my head hurts.”
The fat face of Zina peeked from behind the door. I looked at her head, she was right. Her head full of red, frizzy hair was all tangled and matted. We were all of mixed races and hair management was an issue for each of us.
“Come on in, sweet pea. Go in the bathroom and spray some leave in conditioner on it and call me when it’s all wet.” Without any objections, Zina did as she was told.
I finished getting dressed and began to pack my own bag I would need for the day. I looked at the clock on my nightstand to check the time. From my door way I yelled down the hall to the boy’s room that we only had twenty minutes left. I combed out Zina’s hair without causing too much pain and put it into two big ponytails. Even though the ponytails sat high, the curls in her head still touched her shoulders. I made a mental note to get some kind of detangler for her hair at some point during the day. In a matter of minutes I was loading the car with kids and their belongings. After all seatbelts had been fastened, we were on our way.
66
Each of the Steven’s children received the best education possible in the top private schools in our city. I was almost completed with high school now that I was a senior. My diploma would include special academic honors. Because Angel had not even finished high school, I had to make my grandparents proud. Not to mention set an example for my brothers and sister. The last two years had been an emotional rollercoaster for all of us.
When we learned that Angel had lost the condo we lived in, she had walked out on her four children for good. She had told our grand-dad to make sure we had gotten all of the things we needed out of the condo before the locks would be changed. Who knew I was going to spend the Spring Break of my sophomore year picking out plate settings, drapes, and furniture.
It was all overwhelming at first. I was terrified that someone would find out that the four of us were living with no parents in the home. We weren’t homeless but we were totally parentless. We had lost our mom to the streets, chasing men with a lot of money in the bank. Our dad was held up in a federal penitentiary. Even though our parents had failed all four of us, legally I had no rights to the kids without our grandparents putting up the front that we lived with them.
With the special situation I had going on at home, it made it impossible for me to maintain friendships with kids my age. Luckily driving a Benz to school was normal routine. We all dressed the part of having financially secure parents doing well in life. I made sure of it. The kids were always neatly groomed. I kept up appearances and then taught them all how to take care of the material things they had. The reality was that at the moment, I had no idea where Angel could be found if I wanted to look for her, or if she were even alive. I was almost positive that where ever they were, they weren’t thinking of the four beautiful children they had left behind in Arizona.
I sat in homeroom quietly reading a new book I had just got in the mail by my favorite author, --- when it happened. The registrar walked into the room behind the cutest boy I had ever seen, other than Trae and Taj of course.
Since he was with the registrar that only meant he was a new student. Just like I did every other cute teenage boy at--- High, I paid him no mind. Boys did not register to me at all. The only interaction I held was the occasional work group in Biology class or when I tutored some football star to get his grades up. My life was Zina, Trae, Taj, and our grandparents. Before my eyes shifted back to my iPad, I caught the head nod he sent my way. I wanted to be clear that I wasn’t interested so I pretended not to notice.
As only my luck would have it, the newbie held a replica of my schedule. He looked more of the athletic type, not too many of them were in advanced pace classes. I was slightly impressed by the light skinned guy. If he was only putting on a show, he would be gone from the classes within the week. The workload was heavy and thorough, if you weren’t about living the life of a nerd it would show immediately. I noticed that unlike homeroom, he was focused on the lectures of our teachers.
By third period I had learned that his name was Caleb Daigle and he was an All American sports athlete who was heavily recruited to play for our school. Even though he was in the tenth grade, he played varsity starting positions, had many first place awards, and was a straight A honor’s student who didn’t need the help of a tutor. As much as I tried to admit it, I was impressed with Caleb. I didn’t know too many other kids who were able to juggle
the pressures of maintaining several tasks at once, like I did.
Also unlike most athletes I knew, he was not interested in chasing skirts. I paid attention to how focused he was in class. He typed his notes on his iPad with lightning speed and seemed to confident with the fast pace of the lectures. At lunch, we noticed each other sitting far away from the popular cliques of our fellow classmates. By the end of lunch, I had erased the intriguing young man from my thoughts. I had three kids to think about. I had no time for any type of outside relationships nor could I jeopardize anyone finding out about our situation. I was envious of Caleb. After the final bell rang, he would spend his time doing normal teenaged activities while I was on the way to pick up my kids from school, taking on the role of an adult.
67
As usual the evenings in the house were pretty laid back. It was a Thursday night and the kids had all done their homework. Everyone was prepared for all tests, including any pop quizzes that might be thrown their way. I made a simple dinner of chili cheese hot dogs and curly fries. After the kitchen was cleaned and clothing had been laid out for them for school, we had chill time. The kids were allowed to watch an hour of Disney television while I completed some laundry. All of a sudden Caleb snuck into my thoughts. I was wondering what he was doing at that very second. I also wondered if his mom still did his laundry. I laughed at the thought of his mom picking up smelly football gear. I got enough of the practice from when Trae and Taj played basketball.
By nine o’clock the house was shut down for the night. In the quietness of the night is when I reflected on what my life had been forced to become. It was not unlikely that I would cry myself to sleep. I wanted to be real with myself. I wasn’t sad that I had to look after the kids. I would do anything for them. The kids and I being separated was never going to be an option. I didn’t care what I would have to do to make sure we stayed together. I was hurt that I was a motherless child. I was hurt that I didn’t have a father figure in my life to show me how a boy was supposed to treat me. Of course I had my grand- dad and he had laid a foundation, but I still needed to know so much more. In my heart I longed to have loving parents who were dedicated to their children. But, that wasn’t the hand God had chosen for me to play.
Before I got too down in the dumps, I got on my knees to pray. My faith that through the most high, I was able to do everything that was required of me was what kept me going. I didn’t need anyone to tell me that without his help, I would be nothing. I was extremely appreciative of all that I had. Even though I didn’t have parents, I had grand- parents who cared for me and provided for me financially. In a sense I still had more blessings than many. I ended my prayers thanking God for strength and mercy. I asked for his protection. I cried out for his perfect peace to keep me sane. I crawled into bed and was fast asleep with the nightly news watching me.
Today was my eighteenth birthday. It was a Saturday in May, the weekend before graduation. When I rolled over in bed to block the bright sun from my eyes, the twins and Zina were standing beside my bed. All three had beautiful smiles and were holding various gifts. I also noticed that the familiar breakfast in bed tray was sitting on the night stand. It was birthday tradition for us. Since they were so young, I was sure my breakfast could be nothing more complex than a Toaster’s Strudel. I sat up in bed as the kids sat the gifts along the side of the bed. Taj began to read from a cue card.
“On this day eighteen years ago at nine thirty at night, you- our beautiful Amaya was born. Who could have guessed how beautiful you were destined to become on the inside and out. From me, Trae, and Zina there is no one that could ever compare to how important you are to us. We all will be forever grateful for all of the sacrifices you have made for all of us. On this day, we understand that so many things are about to happen but we also understand that a weight has been lifted off of our shoulders. We celebrate your birthday and your shift into womanhood. Love, Trae, Taj, and Zina.”
68
The kids words were touching and they were completely telling the truth. We had made it to that point where we didn’t have to live in constant fear anymore. The state could not take them from me now because I was a blood family member they were comfortable with. With the help of our grandparents we had already filled out the necessary legal documents to make everything legal and official.
I felt nothing but delightful joy as I opened the gifts the kids had picked out for me themselves. Diamond earrings, with a pendant necklace, and bracelet to match were all from the priciest jeweler in town. I had a dozen of hot pink roses sitting beside the tray on my nightstand. I had four birthday cards, one from each of the kids and then one from our grandparents. I also had a small black box with a hot pick bow wrapped around it. After reading all the cards and counting up the one hundred dollar bills included in the last card, I was set to go on a shopping spree.
Zina handed me the small box next. After aggressively busting the paper open, inside the box were two remote control keys to a Benz. I already had a Benz which is how I recognized the customized remotes. The kids pulled me by the arms to the garage. Instead of finding my old car, I found a brand new twenty fourteen model in a sedan and truck. I screamed in excitement. Both were crispy white in color with chrome detailing, factory wheels with specialized factory rims, with tinted windows.
My grand- father still held a majority investment in the corporation and all of his descendants definitely benefited from his generosity. Obviously sometime during the night the cars had been switched and put into place. I hit the garage door opener and loaded up the truck with the kids. I could not go another second without placing kisses all over the best parents I had ever had.
When we made it to up the road to their condo, we were greeted by an ambulance. Without knowing what could be going on, I automatically knew it was not going to be good. I could not formulate the words to stop the kids from running beside me to get into the house. It seemed as though we were all on one accord as we fled down the halls to their bedroom. In the bed looking as if she were simply sleeping laid my grandmother. When I touched her hand it was cold and hard. As beautiful and as peaceful as she looked, my heart was broken. The screams filled in my lungs and came out high pitched and gut wrenching.
The only woman I respected and looked up to the most was gone. She had taught me how to be a graceful girl that would surely turn into a classy woman. All the gentleness I had with the children was taught to me by her. She truly was a virtuous woman, the best kind of woman that is talked about in the bible. I had never heard her say a bad word about anyone. Even though she was the smallest grown-up in the family, Grandma had a large presence about herself. Granddad was large but he was not in charge of his wife. I could only smile and allow the tears to fall where they wanted to while thinking of their relationship and how solid it was for the last eighteen years of my life.
The kids all surrounded me and began to comfort me as I sat in a heap beside our grandmother’s body. I refused to leave her side until the undertaker had come to remove her. I searched throughout the house to find my grand- dad. As my grandmother’s body was lifted into the back of the funeral car, my grand- father stood beside the odd shaped car and fell to his knees. Three minutes later, the ambulance was back to confirm another death. I felt as if my heart had been snatched out of my chest.
It seemed as though they held on all this time to wait until I had turned eighteen. Over the years I could see that their illnesses and age were doing things to them physically. The happiest day of my life had turned into the worst day of my life. I took care of Olga’s final pay and locked the home up. In a matter of minutes everyone was gone and the land held an eerie silence to it. Still clad in our pajama’s the kids and I traveled the paved road back to our home. Sniffles and moans could be heard throughout the car.
Once inside the house, the kids followed me into my bedroom. We all climbed in bed together and began to grieve the loss of a few of the only people in the world we knew for sure care for us. Sooner than
we had planned sleep overtook us all. The king sized bed had come in handy time after time for this very reason. Instead of planning the next move for us, I allowed myself to feel the emotions I had on my chest. I had always stood strong and able to take anything Angel threw at me. My faith told me that our grandparents were now in a better place and that they were surely at rest. This time, I needed to allow myself to feel al the emotions I had inside of me.
I prayed for God to keep my heart pure and not think of all the negative going on around me. The enemy tried to tell me that our grandparents had left us just like Angel and Ryan had. God told me, he had worked it all out for us all. I felt God’s grace and love around me. I felt the warmth of him wrapping his arms around me. My faith had carried me this far. There was no way I was going to turn back now. In spite of all the things we had been through, it was meant for the four of us to be better people in the end. I let sleep overtake me as well.
69
Considering we were all awake by seven am that morning, we all slept until after three pm. Feeling the effects of cabin fever, I convinced the kids to get out the house for a while. We ended up at our favorite spot, the International House of Pancakes. The next stop was to the mall. We would all need clothing for all of the ceremonies we would be attending over the next few days. In addition to my graduation, we would have to hold wakes, funerals, and re-pass for our grandparents. After the shopping was done, we headed in the direction of the toy store. New games to keep the kids occupied while I handled delicate business matters were necessary. On the way back to the house, I ordered pizza. Cooking was the last thing I wanted to do at the moment. Of course my mini me’s were ecstatic that they had been able to eat out twice in one day.
Just like normal by nine o’clock the children were in bed. I decided not to complain that once again it was my bed. Sleeping with me had become a common practice especially in the beginning when Angel had just left. I expected this tragedy to have an even greater effect on them. I reminded myself that I needed to make counseling appointments for them for one day during the week. After I said my prayers, I joined the others in bed and watched tv until I couldn’t keep my eyes open.