Mine to Fear

by Janeal Falor

  And keep everyone safe.

  “You're going to leave us? You just arrived.” Her big eyes are so sad, it makes me wish things were different. Safer.

  “I want to stay. I missed you so much. More than I would have ever thought. But I came back to help. I feel like you have the help you need here now, and there may be something more I can do elsewhere.”

  “I understand.” She's silent a moment but continues brushing Goldie. “I may have somewhere that fits your needs. Councilman Daniel and Annabelle are very opened-minded, but there are other servants in their household and people they visit with that you may be able to reach out to.”

  “I remember them. They'd be perfect if they're willing.” I give her a tight hug. “Thank you. Would you mind giving us a reference?”

  “I doubt you'll need it, but I'd be delighted to help both you and Tawny.”

  “Thank you for your help,” I say. “Do you also think maybe it will help you by not having her around?”

  For a moment, I think she's going to disagree, but then she says, “I admit, the thought crossed my mind. I'm certain we'd be fine if she stayed, though, and I will miss you.”

  “I will miss you too.” I wrap her in a hug, tightly like she was my own sister. “I better go help with breakfast.”

  “I knew it.”

  “You already know me too well.” I turn to leave.

  “Waverly?”

  “Yes?”

  “Is your leaving because of Tawny being Zade's previous fiancée?”

  I swallow past the tightness in my throat. “Zade loves you. He would never, ever leave you for anyone else. I've never seen a love as fierce as his.”

  “Yet, you're going.”

  “It will be good for us. All of us.”

  I'm not sure she entirely believes my response, and she shouldn't, just not for the reasons she supposes.

  Chapter Eight

  Leaving Serena again is harder than I expect. Even harder than being so close to Serena's sisters and not being able to see them. There's an ache inside me without them here. Serena promises to send word if there's any news or change with them and when her mother has the baby.

  Tawny is silent the entire ride except for once saying, “I always thought the windowless carriages were an exaggeration. If anything I see now that it was under exaggerated.”

  I've never seen Annabelle and Councilman Daniel's house before. It's large, though not as grand as Zade's. Ivy climbs up one side of their house, over all three floors reaching the roof. The rest of their house is white, with a good number of windows.

  Annabelle greets us with a smile, wearing a pair of tan breeches. No one has embraced Katherine's designs as much as she has. Not only is Katherine, a friend who pretends to be a tarnished, an amazing seamstress, but she has a flair for women's independence that influences others. Knowing Annabelle gets along so well with her makes me feel more at home already. “I'm so glad you've decided to join us. When Serena told me not one, but two Envadi were looking for a place to work, I was delighted. Let's have a sip of tea and discuss your duties.”

  As we move to the sitting room, Tawny asks, “Do you typically take tea with the servants?”

  She most definitely does not sound like a servant herself. It will be a miracle if she can not only do her work but do it without giving away who she really is.

  “Usually, and of course, since Waverly and I have met, I couldn't pass up an opportunity to get to know another Envadi.” She insists on pouring the tea for us both, and once we're all settled, she leans in close and whispers. “Do either of you use magic?”

  I want to exchange a glance with Tawny to know what she thinks of this, but I don't dare give us away so blatantly. Instead, I mimic Annabelle by leaning closer and whispering, “Do you?”

  She giggles like my evasive reply pleased her and, with a wink, pours more tea in my cup. “I think we shall all get along just fine.”

  We chatter as we sip our tea. Annabelle and Tawny agree to try her as Annabelle's personal maid while I'll help with general housework. It suits me and keeps Tawny more with someone I trust and myself out moving among the other servants. Hopefully, since Annabelle and Daniel have accepted me, we'll get rid of their notions that I'm a barbarian, and what's more, convince them of women's worth.

  Once we're finished, Annabelle instructs another servant to show us around, including where we'll we'll be working, our bed chamber, where we are to report each morning, and where to eat.

  The servant is nice, but quick, hurrying through the house as if it's a struggle just to find a little time to show us around, even though doing so will mean we'll be able to help ease her load. The last place she takes us is a tiny room.

  “These are the living quarters you'll be sharing. The Councilman was kind enough to install a flushing toilet down the hall we all share. We may even get the electric lights in our quarters if things continue to go well.”

  It would be a nicer prospect if it wasn't already expected. It's hard to remember people live without these things and think it's perfectly normal. Electricity and flushing toilets should be as standard as food. Especially the toilets.

  “That sounds wonderful.” I fake a smile.

  “We're excited you're both joining us,” she replies.

  “Thank you,” Tawny speaks up for the first time since we left Annabelle. Her good manners never fail, even when she most likely feels like keeping silent.

  “You can unpack and come help in the kitchen when you're finished if you'd like. It'd give you both a chance to get to know the others.”

  “We'll be there shortly.” Once she's gone, I ask Tawny, “What do you think so far?”

  “She was nice.”

  “Hopefully, the others are as well.”

  “Annabelle is great at the very least. She's the one I'll be spending most of my time with anyway.”

  “Remember to be really careful about how you do magic. Some women are aware they can do it, but that doesn't mean the council will let them.”

  “Of course.”

  Will the strides we're trying to make with these people ever be enough?

  ***

  I'm so focused on Tawny and how she's taking everything and if she's giving anything away about who she is or the magic she can do. If only I had her skills when I was here, maybe I could have taught Cynthia something more useful. It doesn't matter. It's too late. Cynthia survived and won the tournament, even if she's now on the run. Thousands of Chardonians know about her and what she did, too many minds for the council to erase.

  Mine feels erased. After all my wool gathering, all the servants are heading off to their duties. One of the other servant girls shows me my duties for the day and leaves me to clean the study while she goes off to accomplish her own chores.

  I start with dusting the bookshelves, wishing I could pick up one of the books to read instead of cleaning them. Being Serena's maid was a lot more exciting than cleaning all the time. At least I usually had someone to chat with. I trace my finger down the spine of one of the books. It's unfamiliar, but the title is interesting. My fingers itch to pick it up and see if there's something good inside.

  “What are you doing?” A harsh male voice demands.

  I whirl around, my feather duster landing right on a warlock's chin.

  He coughs and smacks it away. “You're supposed to be cleaning the room, not covering me in dirt.”

  “I didn't know you were standing so close.” Not much of an apology but true.

  “Excuse me? Did you just make an excuse instead of doing your job?” Now that he's smacking the dirt off his face, it easier to see his firm jaw line, golden brown eyes, and dark hair.

  “Just letting you know why it happened. I don't usually greet strangers in such fashion.”

  He wipes his face with a handkerchief before yanking the duster out of my hand. “Neither do I, but for you I'll make an exception since you haven't learned Chardonian ways. Do not address me so informally ag
ain. I may be a servant, but I'm still a warlock. You will treat me with the respect I deserve. Call me sir or Master Jack.”

  Is he serious? This whiner deserves absolutely no respect.

  “While you manage to stay in this position,” the tone of his voice implies it won't be for long, but Annabelle will surely keep us here as long as we'd like, “you will defer to me in all things.”

  “All things?” Just who does he think he is?

  “Are you daft? That's what I just stated.”

  I shouldn't. Oh, I know I shouldn't. But I just can't help it. “Even picking out which stockings I'm going to wear for the day?”

  For the briefest moment his face transforms, almost like he's about to smile, but before I've had time to decide if he really did, his face is an inch from mine, eyes narrowed. “Do not play games with me, girl.”

  The playful spark catches fire, heat flaming my words. “I'm no girl, unless you're just a boy since we must be about the same age. Of course, the way you’re throwing a tantrum, it must be you never grew out of being a spoiled toddler.”

  His mouth tightens into a firm, condemning line. “I won't hesitate hexing you if you step out of line.”

  Though he doesn't move, it feels as if his weight is pressing into me, forcing me to back off. I refuse to budge, staring him down. Would Annabelle and the Councilman allow him such liberties? I doubt they'd be happy about it, but I've often been surprised in this country. No matter. It's a known fact now that women do magic. If he tries anything, he's going to get a surprise blasted back in his face that will have him ruing the day he ever looked my way.

  Finally, he eases from my space, slowly though, like he wants his threat to linger long after he's gone. There's a threat that will linger all right. The threat of me hexing his hair purple and his nose and ear hair to grow to his shoulders.

  When he's several feet from me, I feel like I can breathe again. Only the air isn't cool enough to douse my anger.

  “Return to your work. When you're finished, go scrub the toilets and remember your place.” He strides toward the door.

  “You're only a servant, too. Like you have room to talk about remembering my place.”

  He swings toward me, eyes wild, and my magic pounds through me. “I am a Chardonian warlock. I may be working to keep my family out of debt, but I am nothing, nothing, like you.”

  Before I can give another flip response, he stomps off. My magic still pounds through me like boulders falling from a cliff. What a jerk.

  “And keep your hands off those books,” he yells over his shoulder. “Chardonian women only read the Woman's Canon. While you're here, you will do the same.”

  Double jerk.

  He stalks from the room, leaving clouds of anger in his wake. I don't know whose are bigger, mine or his.

  As soon as he's gone, I let a firework spell fly, having enough presence of mind to keep it the size of an apple. If only I could direct it at him. Zade isn't the only one in our family with a temper. It's only unfortunate I kept a tight lid on it instead of fully letting it out to teach that jerk how women really can behave. Stuck in the middle of a temper tantrum is enough to get me in trouble. Though I suppose hitting him with the spell would have been worse. That would have been a fantastic report for my first day of work.

  I return to dusting, walking around like all the books are fake and don't need special treatment anyway. It doesn't last long. Even if that brute can't treat me with the respect I deserve, I can treat these books better. I'll just have to pretend they're all about math so I'm not tempted to open them again.

  It's not until several minutes later when I've almost finished the room, I realize he threatened to hex me. But even though he seemed past ready to do so, he didn't. Most Chardonian men have no such problem. A woman looking at them is enough of an excuse to hex them, especially ones so clearly rooted in their own superiority. I stare out the now empty doorway. So why didn't he hex me?

  Chapter Nine

  “How was your first day?” Tawny asks.

  “How was yours?” I reply, hoping the evasive tactic works. Not only am I still confused by the incident with the brute, but I'm fuming from scrubbing toilets the rest of the day. I thought I was grateful for them yesterday, but that's been over-trodden by the plethora of toilets. Disgusting.

  “Annabelle is really sweet. I like her a lot. She's going to be so much fun to work with. I always heard Chardonian women wear only dresses, but her wardrobe varies as much as the topics she likes to discuss.”

  “Cynthia and Annabelle are the only women in Chardonia I'm aware of that wear breeches in front of company. And Annabelle is cautious to only wear them when she's here, never in front of anyone outside of her closest friends.”

  “Oh. Well, if that's all she'll wear them for, I'm glad she considers me a friend.”

  A twinge of jealousy pulls through me, but it's not of use to anyone. I was the one who chose it to be this way. If I was not working with Tawny and Annabelle, there would be a lot fewer people I could influence. This way I have more opportunities, even if it means dealing with warlock scum like Jack. Unless of course, he keeps me scrubbing toilets all the time.

  “You never answered my question. How was your first day?”

  With Jack still lingering in my thoughts, it's hard to think of a decent lie. “It was a day.”

  “That bad?”

  I puff my pillow. “I'm sure things will go smoother tomorrow.”

  ***

  I gather sheets and head for the laundry room. These people really need to get more appliances. Their lives would be so much simpler. At least I'm not scrubbing toilets today, though the laundry room is steaming in a way that's almost worse than cleaning toilets.

  “Are those from an extra room?” Jack startles me.

  I jump, dropping the sheets.

  “Perfect. At least they haven't been cleaned yet.” I bend down to gather them together before looking up. Sarcasm can't help but lace my words. “I'm so sorry, sir. These will be cleaned as soon as I pick them off the floor from where I dropped them after you scared me. And yes, they're from an extra room, the blue one.”

  His eyes tighten, just like they did yesterday, and I prepare myself for another lecture. And to discover how much like a typical Chardonian warlock he is. Will he attempt to hex me as I suspect he will?

  “Look, about yesterday—”

  “Don't bother. The last thing I need to add to this day is another one of your helpful chats.”

  “Fine. Just keep doing your job.” He storms off.

  Good riddance. By the time I finish gathering the sheets, guilt is nudging in. It wasn't really his fault I dropped the sheets. Sure, he could have been louder, but I could have been more graceful, or at least gracious. It almost sounded like he was going to apologize before I cut him off.

  I grumble at myself all the way to the laundry room before pasting on a fake smile. No sense being rude to them as well, especially since these are the very people whose opinions I'm working on changing.

  I spend a few minutes talking with the other servants in the laundry room, being warm and friendly, even though all I feel like doing is shooting a few rounds at spelled targets like those Zade is so fond of. Pushing that desire aside, the girls seem friendly enough, so I must be passably convincing.

  We talk of mundane things at first, but it quickly becomes apparent that they have a higher opinion of themselves than most Chardonian women. They don't cower or lower their heads, even when a man walks in the room. Annabelle and Daniel have already done an amazing job with most of them. Maybe there is more hope for this country than I thought could happen in a short time.

  After giving a merry goodbye, I scoot back into the hall, heading for the next room I'm to clean. I've gone far enough that I'm no longer in the main hall and shouldn't have anyone passing by, when I slouch against the wall.

  What am I doing here?

  I suppose coming to an Envadi friendly home should have been
my first clue I wouldn't be needed. Maybe I can find another place where my skills will be more useful while Tawny stays here.

  While I'm still slouched against the wall, Annabelle comes into view. Peeling myself up, I plaster another smile on my face before she sees me moping.

  “Waverly. Just who I was looking for.”

  My smile feels more genuine. “Glad we could bump into each other then. What can I help you with?”

  “I just wanted to say thank you for coming. Tawny is a lovely breath of fresh air. I simply adore her company.”

  She does have that effect on people. “She said she enjoys being with you as well.”

  Dimples form as Annabelle's smile grows. “Are you happy as well? If not, I could find a different position for you. Something you're more accustomed to.”

  Like she needs two lady's maids. Besides, my thoughts on finding another place were probably correct. I'll just stay long enough to make Serena's reference of me worthwhile and to make certain Annabelle knows I'm grateful for this opportunity.

  “Thank you, I'm happy where I am.”

  “No problems with any of the other servants?”

  Are you kidding me? I want to throw hexes at Jack every time I see him and, as a rule, I don't cast hexes. “They are all so welcoming.”

  “Wonderful. We try hard to have a happy staff that works together.” I'll give her credit for that. Most of them are genuinely kind. “Most are working off debts, you know, and Councilman Daniel feels it's important for them to be able to do so. Yet, we also strive to have people working for us with attitudes conducive toward working together. Whether a warlock or not.”