Syren's Rebirth (Syren Series)

by Jennah Thornhill

  “I was always supposed to come back for her, maybe if I had she would still be alive,” I whisper.

  “No, that’s the point Liam. Even if you had come back, she still would’ve died. She didn’t die unexpectedly, she… she had a brain tumour. She fought it the best she could, had all the treatments they offered her so she could stay alive. In the end it was time for her to gain her wings and fly in the sky with the stars and the moon.”

  Talking about her sister is breaking her heart, I can see it in her eyes, but what stops my world from spinning is the fact that she’s just told me she died of a brain tumour.

  She suffered and I wasn’t there to hold her hand through her pain and suffering.

  “She… she had a brain tumour? How? I mean when?” Without warning my stomach wrenches and I think I’m going to be sick, but I’m dry heaving, nothing is coming up.

  A brain tumour?

  “Liam, Liam, are you okay?”

  “I don’t understand, she was in perfect health when I left her, she was happy, healthy.” I can’t wrap my head around all this.

  “She was when you left, the first couple of weeks after you were gone, she was heartbroken. Geez she would cry herself to sleep at night, thinking that no-one could hear her, but we all did. One night I went into her room to see if she was okay, and you know what she told me?” She looks straight at me, like I know the answer to her question. I don’t.

  “She told me that even though she’s crying, they were happy tears. Letting you go to follow your dream made her happy, because you were happy and doing what you loved to do. She would listen out for you and the band on the radio, just to see how you were getting on, and so she could hear your voice, one more time.” I can see the tears start to leak from her eyes, one by one.

  “She loved you with all her heart Liam and nothing you did or didn’t do would have changed that, and then one month turned into two and so on. A whole year had past and that’s when she realised you weren’t coming back. Was she angry? Yeah a little bit, but she had bigger issues to deal with by then, so in time she got better at dealing with it. It hurt me to see her like that, she was always the strong one, but what makes me so mad, is I never understood why you would promise her everything that you did and then just go back on your word like she meant nothing to you.”

  “It wasn’t like that, you don’t know anything about me or my situation, so what gives you the right to judge me?”

  “Hold on, I haven’t finished what I wanted to say, and I’m only telling you all of this so you have a better understanding about everything, in order to help you Liam, that’s all my trying to do. Whether you like what I say or not. I don’t care, deal with it.”

  I start to say something, but she puts her hand up at me and cuts me short, before she continues telling me about Steph. I don’t know if I can take much more, but my heart is telling me I need to listen to her.

  “Over time, you became a distant memory to her, one she would smile about, remembering the good times you had together, never talking about the day you left. She slowly started to become her old self, living her life again. One day I even caught her dancing and singing in the kitchen whilst doing the dishes and believe it or not it was to one of your songs. She saw me watching and we burst out laughing, so I joined in with her. That’s the day I knew she was going to be okay. I had my sister back, but shortly after that her behaviour started to change. It was little things at first, like snapping at people over something small, or getting pissed off with herself because she couldn’t remember where she’d put something. Then she couldn’t ever remember being told it was Dad’s birthday she got really angry and upset when she turned up to his party with no gift.”

  It’s like she’s gone back in time and is reliving the whole thing out again, so I just sit there taking in everything that she’s telling me, I didn’t what to interrupt her.

  “We just laughed it off, as she had a lot going on around this time. Then it went from that to her always having a really strong headache, they came more often over time and she couldn’t deal with it. She had her good days and her bad days where she would be curled in her bed most of the day if not all day. Then once when we actually got her out of the house she had a massive seizure. I’ve never seen anything like it before in my whole life, I was petrified. I didn’t have a clue what was happening to her, or what to fucking do. Luckily, there was a trained first aider out the same day who helped us, whilst we waited for the ambulance to arrive. She had some tests done, but they couldn’t tell what caused it. With none of us mentioning the change in her behaviour, which we all thought wasn’t relevant at the time, there was no reason to do any more tests. So they put it down to her over doing things, telling us to keep a close eye on her and that she needed to take things easy from then on.”

  “That’s what the doctors said, keep an eye on her and make sure she gets some rest? I want to know what fucking hospital you took her to, that isn’t fucking right!” I’m fuming and frustrated. “I could have gotten her better treatment, had I been there.”

  “No amount of money could have saved her life Liam, you can’t solve all your problems that way.” She narrows her red swallow eyes at me. Okay, I must have hit a nerve.

  “Anyway, after that we watched her more closely, that’s when my dad noticed her speech was slurred, as though she was drunk most of the time. She wasn’t, in fact she hardly ever touched a drink at all. We knew something was seriously wrong after that because it got worse and so did her eyesight. We made her go back to the hospital and demand some more tests. Once we told the doctor everything we had noticed since she had her fit, he had pretty much worked it out there and then and had her sent for tests straight away. The look on the doctor’s face told me everything I needed to know. Something was wrong with my big sister again, only this time is was much more than a broken heart.”

  More tears fall down her cheeks as she closed her eyes and takes a deep breath.

  “That’s the day my world ended, and the start of Stephanie's downfall. Turns out she had a Glioblastoma brain tumour, which is normally operated on, but with her, it was too far gone. The doctor mentioned something about 'diffuse', meaning they have threadlike tendrils that extend into other parts of the brain making it difficult to remove it at all. Unfortunately for her, glioblastomas are aggressive tumours and often appear resistant to treatment. Which is due to the fact that the cells within the tumour are not all of the same type. It’s known as 'heterogeneity', which basically means that certain treatments will kill off certain types of glioblastoma cells but leave the others.”

  I didn’t understand a word of any of that but it sounded terrifying.

  “I don’t get what any of that means Melissa?” I seriously had no clue at all.

  “Basically, she had a tumour that couldn’t be fixed by surgery, it was too far gone for the doctors to do anything about. She couldn’t have done anything differently to prevent it, none of us could. She did the chemotherapy and radiotherapy to stay alive longer, and to ease her discomfort, but in the end it didn’t work. Don’t think for one minute she didn’t fight for her life Liam, because she did. Right to the very end.”

  I’m flabbergasted, not once did I think that Steph would be going through any of this whilst I was gone. I feel ashamed and guilty that I didn’t go back for her, but along with everything that happened to Allie and Karina, too much time had pass. In the end I felt too embarrassed to go after that, but I don’t feel like explaining myself to her right now, if ever. I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, like it’s only just hit me that Steph is actually dead, she’s never coming back. I’ll never be able to tell her how sorry I am, and that I still loved her no matter how many miles were between us.

  I feel the bile start to rise again, I’m going to be sick, and this time there will be no dry heaving. Melissa makes a move toward me, clearly seeing what is about to happen. Holding a hand up so she doesn’t attempt to come any closer. I manage to get up an
d dash to the en-suite bathroom where I empty my stomach into the toilet. Hearing her speak of all the things that Steph had gone through, the things she had to deal with, all without me, I should have been there for her. I should have been with her until the very end. Just so she wasn’t alone and she knew what she meant to me, but now I know I’ll never get that chance. I can never put things right between me and Stephanie. That’s the hardest thing to come to terms with.

  I hear movement from behind me, just as I’m finishing up being sick for the fourth time. I try to stand up straight, but my whole body is numb, I can’t seem to support myself upright. Just when I think I’m about to faint and go tumbling to the floor, a pair of tiny hands catches me and grab me by the waist.

  “Oh shit, oh shit, okay I’ve got you.” I find myself being lowered to the floor.

  “Fuck me, you weigh a tonne.” I hear her groan. “Can I have my legs back now, please?” Melissa then says, she sounds like she’s in pain. What does she mean about her legs? I look behind me and her face is inches from mine, and that’s when I realise I’m sitting on her legs, she must have fallen to the floor with me and took all of my weight as I fell.

  “Shit, sorry. I didn’t know I was on you.” I get up off her quickly, but I go light-headed, I must have stood up too quickly.

  “Oh no you don’t, I need my legs, thank you very much,” she says as she gets up and leads me to the plush sofa chair Allie has in here. Once she puts me down and knows I’m safe, or she’s safe more than likely, she makes herself busy. I’ve not got a clue what she’s doing now.

  So I come right out with it and just ask her.

  “What are you doing now?” I swear I haven’t fully come around yet.

  “What does it look like? I’m starting the shower for you, because you stink of sick, and I’m also guessing you haven’t had one in a few days. That’s me being kind about it.” What is she trying to say, that I stink?

  Hold on, that’s exactly what she’s just said.

  I hold my arm up in the air and smell my armpit, okay, she has a fair point.

  “I’m going to go now, I’ve got to see to Syren. The shower is running already for you and there’s a towel on the rack, will you be okay?”

  “Oh, erm yeah... thanks.” I don’t know what to say, with everything she’s just told me, I kind of feel sorry for her, and not in a patronizing way either. She had to watch her sister go through all that, just hearing about Steph going through it all was bad enough. I can’t imagine the pain she went through seeing her sister suffer the way she did. I can barely even think about it, let alone have seen it.

  “Okay, if you’re sure, I’ll see you later then,” she tells me as she makes her way out of the bathroom and through the bedroom door. Once I hear it close I set myself up for getting undressed and in the shower. I stink so bad, wild animals wouldn’t come near me.

  Taking the last piece of clothing off myself, I rid myself of my boxers, kicking them to the side with the rest of my clothes. I jump in the shower, letting the spray of the water rinse the sweat from my body, along with everything I’ve just found out, and now know. I tell myself that Steph is in a better place and can now rest in peace, and from what Mel told me, even though she was in pain all the time she was also happy. Knowing she had moved on with her life was hard to take, she was finally over me, yet she still loved me. I don’t know how I’m going to cope with the fact that she’s no longer here. That I’ll never get to see her again or tell her that I’m sorry for the way I left and the promise I didn’t keep, but I have to try and do the same. I know it’s what she’ll want, she was that kind of person, always putting others before herself. I’m going to struggle. I don’t know where to go from here, but one way or another I will. For her. It’s not healthy the way I’ve been living with the guilt of leaving her, but if she managed to move on before she died, then so can I.

  I just need to work out how.

  I need to stop with this self-pity bollocks.

  Chapter. Twelve

  Melissa

  I leave Liam to his shower, closing the door behind me, I hope I’ve helped him see sense, even if it’s just a little bit. He was going into a very dark hole and I don’t think he would have come back from it, if I hadn’t have spoken to him about Steph. The way he was acting and the things he was saying to people. I know what he was trying to do, he was pushing away the people closest to him. He was alienating the people who care about him the most, so seeing Connor at his wits end was the breaking point. I had to break my silence and talk to him.

  Descending the stairs, I can hear Syren laughing in the kitchen as Connor makes raspberry noises. When I get to the bottom, Allie comes strolling through the door with Johnny and Max following behind her.

  “Hey Mel, everything okay today?” she asks me.

  “Yeah no problems, we’re all good Al.”

  Just as I go to walk past them Max comes sliding up to me.

  “Well hello there gorgeous, how are you today?”

  Just as I’m about to smack him away from me, Johnny pulls on his ear and drags him away from me.

  “I swear sometimes you were born with no brain cells, leave the poor girl alone. You’re scaring her,” he chuckles, as he continues to drag him by the ear into the kitchen.

  Allie who’s stood back and watching the whole thing laughs, then swings an arm around my shoulders.

  “So, how is he today, really?” She indicates up the stairs so I know she’s talking about Liam.

  Deciding that honesty is the best policy I dive straight in and tell her everything that I told Liam upstairs and everything that lead up to me doing so.

  “Well, let’s just hope it’s worked, I guess only time will tell, but I can’t tell you how grateful I am that you at least tried with him. Connor was about to give up, he didn’t know what to do with him anymore and they’ve been friends for as long as I can remember. It was killing him not being able to help him,” she says, as we walk into the kitchen where there are three sets of eyes staring at me.

  “What?” I ask cautiously.

  “You did it, you fucking did it Mel,” Johnny whispers.

  “What are you on about?” I whisper back. Not having a bloody clue why we’re whispering.

  “Listen.” Connor says, at the same time he points to the ceiling above us.

  Listening carefully, all I can hear is running water, so with a confused and baffled look on my face, I shrug my shoulders at them all as if they’ve never heard the noise before.

  “You got him to shower Mel, that’s a big break through,” Connor explains.

  “Thank you,” Johnny adds.

  “I didn’t do anything, only explain a few things to him. Things he needed to know, the rest was up to him. Although I did mention how bad he smelt.”

  “Maybe so,” Max pipes up, “but that smelly bastard was rotting in his own stench, he needed to be told whether he liked it or not.”

  We all have a little laugh at Max and his way with words, then we all sit down at the kitchen island and start discussing the tour the guys are leaving for next week.

  “You have a passport, right?” Allie asks with fear written on her face.

  “A passport? Yeah, but why would I need it?”

  Now I am well and truly confused.

  Taking a hold of my hand, Allie explains.

  “Honey, I may have choreographed the dancers for this tour but I’m also going with them, which means you will be coming as well. I can’t go and leave this little rascal without either of his parents around. Please say you can come? We’ll pay you still of course, and all expenses, flights, food, and any hotels will be paid for too.”

  Money was the last thing that jumped to mind. I start to sweat, just as a voice chirps up, sending shivers all over my body.

  “Of course, she’ll be coming with us, she’s a part of this team now just as much as the rest of us.”

  Looking up from under my lashes, I’m suddenly stunned when I see a fres
hly shaven and clean Liam standing in the kitchen doorway.

  My eyes roam all over him at their own accord, from top to bottom and what I see has me drooling like a sixteen-year-old teenager. He’s swapped his filthy ripped jeans for a clean pair of black skinny ones, he’s now got a black Rolling Stones t-shirt on. He’s tied his long shaggy hair up in a man bun at the top of his head. He looks at me and gives me a crooked smile, daring me to argue with him. He was the one person I thought would be set against me going on tour with them. I thought him seeing me all the time would remind him of my sister; make it harder for him to concentrate.

  Defiance getting the better of me, I decide to play him at his own game.

  I jut out my chin, staring at him square in the eyes.

  “I don’t know if I can, I have my own place that needs looking after, I can’t just up and leave like that.”

  “Sure, you can, it’ll still be there when you get back, and we’re only on tour for three months. Also, you and Syren have a special bond now, Allie wouldn’t want to break that, she finds it hard to trust people as it is. Especially when it comes to that little dude there,” he says looking over to me and to a smiling Syren.

  Oh, the sly twat, he’s using emotional blackmail now. He knows I won’t say no, where that little boy is concerned. He’s backed me into a corner, giving me no option but to agree, and with four strong men and one hell of a mother bear glaring at me, I know if I don’t go I won’t have a job when they get back.

  “Oh, he has a very good and valid point Melissa, I trust you with Syren one hundred percent. I don’t want anyone else coming into his life and disrupting his routine. You and I work well together. I need you, Syren needs you.” She takes him from Connor’s arms, and if his timing couldn’t be any better, he mumbles at her.

  “Welly.”

  My heart melts there and then, this boy is stealing my heart.

  “Well, that’s settled then, the man of the house has spoken.” Max laughs, indicating his head to Syren.