Cockfosters
Page 14
‘Yes, that’s how I feel about it,’ says Adam. ‘You see, we do agree, always, about the important things.’
‘Well, whatever happens in the future this will be part of our history,’ says Tracey.
‘I’m glad I stuck it out,’ says Adam. ‘But I’d never want to sit through it again.’
‘Rather how I feel about marriage.’
‘Oh, ha ha!’
Having packed and washed, they fall into bed like two felled trees – an oak, it might be, and a lime tree – their branches pleached.
In the night one partly wakes and then the other. She is more than half asleep, velveting her face inside his shoulder. They are about to drift off again when he murmurs his thoughts aloud.
‘If I had my time again I’d do things differently.’
There is silence.
‘No, I don’t think you would,’ she breathes at last.
‘I would!’
‘But we don’t have our time again. Ever.’
‘No more talk of leaving,’ he says. ‘Think of the boys! You couldn’t do that to them; it would be like dropping a bombshell on them.’
‘Shush.’
‘No sending it all up in flames, Tracey.’
‘Go to sleep.’
‘We’re about to get old. Any minute now.’
‘I know.’
‘When one of us dies the other one won’t have this any more.’
‘I thought that too.’
They grow quiet again for a while, except for the sound of their breathing, rhythmic like the sea.
‘As long as I’ve got you,’ he says.
There is no answer.
‘Tracey?’
This time though it seems that she is the one who is first to have fallen asleep.
Acknowledgements
‘Cockfosters’ and ‘Torremolinos’ were originally published in the Guardian. ‘Kentish Town’ was originally published as ‘The Chimes’ in The Times. ‘Kythera’ was originally published as ‘Cake’ in the Telegraph. ‘Moscow’ was originally published as ‘Strong Man’ in the New Statesman. ‘Cheapside’ was originally published as ‘Ambition’ in the Financial Times. ‘Arizona’ was originally published in the first issue of Freeman’s, October 2015. ‘Erewhon’ was originally published as ‘Night Thoughts’ in Granta.
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First published by Yellow Jersey in 2015
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