One Sunday morning, as I was going through the brochures of the nearby high schools for Lola (even though she hated me, I was starting to consider her request seriously), I sensed and heard agitation in the area. Well, when you put it like that it doesn’t sound like much, especially since I always heard agitation thanks to my super-hearing sense — whether there were teenagers and their lousy music or domestic fighting, everything would enter my ears as long as I left them a bit open. But that was different. There was crying. A little boy was crying. There were three little girls and two little boys in the neighborhood, but neither of them cried like that. I knew that sound all too well.
“Don’t cry Colin, everything’s fine,” a woman said just outside
I sprung off my bed, all the brochures fell on the ground, and I rushed down the stairs under the astounded eyes of the witches. Lola and Milo had gone for a walk — it was actually an excuse not to see my face — but hard cheese! They’d miss the reunion.
I rushed out and I saw them. Over there, down the pathway, close to my favorite stonewall, Clemencia stood with her crying son in her arms. She was in bad shape. Miserable. Her chestnut-brown hair looked as if it hadn’t been washed in weeks. There were huge dark-circles under her green eyes and she seemed as tired as ever. Unlike her son’s perfectly clean clothes, hers were grubby. No doubt she’d done her best to take care of her son, even if it meant neglecting herself. I headed towards them, both rejoiced by their presence and distressed at the idea of what it meant.
“Maddie!” Clemencia cried when she saw me.
“‘Addie!” Colin repeated as he’d stopped crying.
I hugged them both. My she-wolf mumbled with pleasure. Her family was getting bigger. Wait, what? No. Bullshit. I wasn’t responsible for Lola or Milo nor Clemencia and Colin. She protested but I made her shut up. The last thing I needed was a wolfy teenage life-crisis. I took Colin in my arms and swirled him, and I was rewarded by his bursts of laughter. Clemencia raised her thumbs as a sign of encouragement and relief. After the journey she’d probably been through, I was certain she was longing for some quietness.
“How are you Coco-dear?” I asked as I let his feet touch the ground again.
“Goooood!” he said, bouncing.
“Do you wanna meet Maddie’s friends? Look, they’re right here, and they’re very nice!” I reassured him, pointing to the witches who stood by the door frame, having understood what was happening.
“Yeaaaah!” He ran towards the girls who welcomed him.
Colin was a fearless 3-year-old, witches weren’t scary to him, and I let them all get acquainted. Adélie seemed to be over the moon. It might have been a long time since she’d gotten the opportunity to take care of a child, and with those strong maternal instincts of hers, I was positive she’d do it wonderfully. Esthelle looked quite as ecstatic as her sister, which was surprising, but so much the better. I realized Clemencia was about to collapse, so I encouraged her to sit on the grass. “What happened?” I asked even though I had an inkling of it.
“Danny happened. You know, we were all supposed to go but I couldn’t just run with Colin, so Daniel got Lola to go first and we were supposed to meet her. Only we couldn’t. The others went insane after they found out Lola had vanished. They tortured him. They threatened to take Colin away from me and to cast me out if I… if I didn’t tell them everything I knew… so I…” Her voice was choked by sadness.
I shook my head. I had understood perfectly what she’d done, there was no need to hear it. I was peeved at the alarming observation of what the pack had gotten her to do. “So, you rat him out. You said it was all his doing and he paid the price for it all.”
“I am so sorry!” she sobbed.
I remained impassive. I understood the reasons that had led her to make this choice, and maybe if I had been a single mother like her, I would have done the same to protect my child. But I couldn’t bear what she’d done. Danny might be strong and a soon-to-be very powerful wolf, but he was still a child too. How could she, a mother, throw him into the wolf’s den without even considering her other options? No, I couldn’t agree with her choice. Yet there was nothing I could do about it, and it would have been stupid to blame her for it when she’d undertook such an exhausting journey so that she could save her child whose life she cherished more than Danny’s. It stuck in my throat, but I would have to swallow it eventually. She regretted her decision terribly, which was a good point.
“What’s done is done,” I sighed with a heavy heart. “How is he? And what about my grandma?”
“I… She’s holding up. And Danny, Danny was alive when I left,” she assured me, even though it felt not so very reassuring. “He helped me to plan everything out so that Colin and I would be fine. He gave us money, and… and I… just left him there…”
“Yes, you did. Let’s hope he gets through it so that you might one day apologize to him.” I didn’t want to sound mean, and that didn’t sound mean to me, but Clemencia had to understand that what she’d done was unaccountable for. I couldn’t judge her for her choices but I could judge her for her actions. She had to realize I was not going to jump for joy and be pleased with what she’d said. Her being there was all that mattered now, and I’d do my best to look out for her and her son. “How did you get here?” I asked.
“A wolf helped us,” she explained. “At first I was afraid it might be a trap William had set. But he was always by our side, I never saw him, yet he guided me and showed me the way to decent places to spend the night with Colin. I had to stop off multiple times, it’s not easy traveling with a child. Daniel had planned to help me, but…” She started crying again. I didn’t know what to do. To comfort her was beyond me. I got it, she was sorry, but she was fine and had managed to escape. I was already worried to death about Danny, I didn’t need to hear her wail about it.
Her crying gave me a few moments to think. In the end, I’d found out why Johan had to leave town. He’d kept his promise, and he was bringing me my friends back safe and sound. He was a man of his word, and I liked men of their words. I personally never made promises I couldn’t keep, because I viewed them as something important that ought not to be broken. I also liked people who didn’t promise the earth. Would Johan actually manage to bring them all back to me? And who did “them all” include? Danny and my grandma? Other people maybe? I didn’t know why he had embarked himself upon this perilous journey, but I dearly hoped he’d bring them back in one piece. I missed my grandma and her extravagance and her advice. Whatever happened, she always knew what to say to fire me up. She was the reason I never gave up.
“It’s useless to cry,” I rebuffed her. “Colin’s waiting for his mommy, and I’d like to introduce you to the witches with whom Milo, Lola, and I live until we can find someplace else.”
“Lola’s here?” she juddered with eyes wide open. I nodded and stood up before helping her do so. “Thank God!” she whined. “She found you!”
“I don’t think God had anything to do with it if you ask me.”
She stared at me but then she smiled. She seemed to have forgotten how quick-witted I was. She wiped her tears off and dusted her clothes so that she might look a little bit more fit to be seen. “I’m ready.”
“Thank God!” I teased.
I led her towards the house and realized we were going to be cramped. Esthelle and Adélie were chasing Colin around the living-room and he was roaring with laughter. He seemed to be in a better shape than before. As soon as he saw his mother, he ran towards her and clasped unto her legs. She took him in his arms and introduced herself to the witches.
“Nice to meet you,” they answered in unison.
“This is Adélie, and that’s Esthelle,” I said while Colin was still nested in his mother’s arms.
I let them all get acquainted and I dove into the kitchen. Even if I had my own in the attic, I did spend quite some time here with the witches. I prepared some sandwiches — peanut butter and jam — in order to please
the stomachs of the newcomers, who were probably starving. On second thought, I made more so that everyone might have some: Lola and Milo were probably on their way back, and there’s always room in your stomach for a tasty peanut sandwich anyway. I went back to the living-room with my little snacks and a pitcher of iced-tea on a platter. Colin pounced on the food and after a second of hesitation, Clemencia did the same.
“Clemencia?!” Lola exclaimed suddenly. She’d just entered the room with Milo by her side.
The new mother immediately got up and when she saw the red-headed girl, ran towards her and gave her a warm hug. They remained clasped for a long time; they were clearly glad to see each other again. Since Milo had crossed paths with her too, he gave her an affectionate embrace. They didn’t pay any attention to me. The wolf cub and the shapeshifter made a good team and I bet it was called the “I Hate Madelyne Carson” club. Clemencia felt the elephant in the room and her eyes questioned me, but I shook my head to make her understand I didn’t want to talk about it, and, wisely enough, she didn’t insist.
As we were eating the sandwiches I’d prepared with kindness, Clemencia told us about her journey, and about what had happened in the pack after my departure, and then after Lola’s. Milo had seldom heard from me about our former pack, and his face crumpled everytime Clemencia recounted one of the humiliations she had suffered, or the either verbal or physical attacks. The witches seemed to be quite as astounded. For my part, I was shocked to realize it didn’t shock me anymore. Through being educated in violence and humiliation, I had gotten used to it, and that was probably the worst part, but no matter. Deep down, I still found it revolting and did not support it, obviously. When Clemencia got to Danny, which she sold out to escape, Lola lost it. Everyone was blown away, but she was furious. How could she not though?
“Why on earth could you do that?!” she yelled, jumping up. “Danny did everything he could to help us, to help you, and you rat him out? You’re completely heartless! You’re a horrible person! You minx! No, actually, you’re a b…”
“Lola!” I calmly stepped in. “That’s enough. What Clemencia did is surely disputable and we all regret it but she did what she thought was best for her and her son! William is so monstrous he’d have no qualm lashing out at a child. Don’t you think it's best they’re here with us instead of being dead and buried?” She was furious and didn’t like to get a ticking-off. She was about to leave but I grabbed her by the arm and forced her to stay. That was not going to happen. “You know Daniel just as much as I do, and he’s probably happy to have gotten you three out of here, no matter the cost” I said again, determined to finish my sermon. “Wouldn’t you have done everything you could to save those you love? You may have made the same choice if you were in her shoes. You disagree with her, fine. I do too. But you have no right to judge her now for a decision she made in coercion. You’ve expressed your displeasure quite clearly, and everyone is free to speak their minds, but I will not have you disrespect a mother who did her best to protect her child. You should be ashamed of yourself for what you said, and I hope you’ll apologize for it.”
Lola turned pale. I had hit a soft spot. I may not be her alpha, I couldn’t vouch for such a behavior, and I deemed it was my job to pull her back into line whenever necessary. I didn’t give her any order; I’d just told her how I felt and gave her some advice. She might use those things how she saw fit. We eyeballed each other for a good minute. I wasn’t going to give in first.
She shamefully lowered her eyes full of tears, and she escaped my grasp.“Yes, Maddie,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to say that. I’m sorry, Clemencia. Danny’s my friend and it grieved me to realize he’s still there. But I understand your decision, and I’m glad you and Colin are here with us.”
“You’re forgiven!” Clemencia immediately replied.
Lola nodded and left the room presently — she was pretty shaken up about what happened. I sat by the witches’ side, but everyone was dumbstruck and staring at me. What was wrong with them? Even Milo kept his beautiful green gaze fixed on me.
“Does anybody want another sandwich?” I offered biting into one myself.
“Madelyne, that was a very alpha-like speech…” Clemencia observed.
“Not in the least. It was rather a Maddie-like speech,” I refuted.
“But you…” she insisted.
“That’s a sensitive topic, Clemencia,” Milo interrupted. “Let’s not talk about it.”
I pretended not to hear that, and the conversation quickly drifted towards my own journey, and I found myself explaining how I got here, and what I’d been through, my meeting with the witches, and even the mysterious wolf whose name I didn’t reveal, his messages, and our encounter. Everyone was asking questions and longed to know who he was and what it was that he wanted. I asked myself the same questions, and I did have more clues than them, but like the selfish woman that I was, I wasn’t sharing everything. Eventually, I grew weary to talk of Johan when I missed him to death — nope, that wasn’t excessive — so I changed the topic. “Oh, by the way, Adélie, I know this is taking advantage of your hospitality, but I was wondering if…”
“Yes, they can stay here!” she interrupted with a smile.
“Great,” I gushed, and facing Milo, “I thought you might go into the office and sleep on a mattress, and leave the bedroom to Clemencia and Colin, how does that sound?”
“With pleasure. I love offices: writing desks are like ravens, aren’t they?”
“Got you!” Adélie smiled as she’d understood the reference to Lewis Caroll.
“I don’t mean to bother you guys, but Colin is dead-tired. Is it okay if I put him down for a nap?”
“Of course! I’ll help you there and give you a tour,” I offered.
Clemencia drank up her iced-tea and took her son in her arms — he was already dozing
off on the couch. He didn’t flinch when she caught him gently. It’s amazing how much children’s sleep can be deep. Sometimes, I’d wish I was a child myself, so that I could let time go by sleeping in wonderland.
I gave her a quick tour of the house while Milo was taking his stuff out of the guest room into the office. Once he was done, I led Clemencia into the said room and dropped her only bag on the floor, and then left to get her some new clothes while she settled in. Just like for Milo and Lola, we’d go to the store to get her some new clothes. Milo was independent and he had his own bank account, but I had had to buy Lola’s, and I would have to buy those of the newcomers. Adélie and Esthelle were already giving us shelter, I wouldn’t let them buy the belongings and food of my protégés. Dealing with my own friends was the least I could do.
But anyway, I had to face the facts: everyone was counting on me. Lola had made that clear, but I hadn’t listened. Now that Clemencia and Colin were here, they were under my responsibility, just like the young she-wolf. I couldn’t say the same for Milo or the witches, but the werewolves now saw me as their cornerstone, as their leader. They had no pack, no family, nothing. I was the only one they had, and I couldn’t let them down. Not anymore. I didn’t know if I could take on that role and those responsibilities, but I didn’t have much of a choice. It would have been awful of me to even think about sending the two she-wolves out there and leave them to their own devices. Whether I liked it or not, I ought to be there for them.
I needed a distraction, so I went down the stairs to help the witches make lunch. And on tonight’s menu: lasagnas! I was already salivating at this prospect. I peeled the tomatoes, made the bechamel and ended up doing everything on my own after having sent the witches away. I could tell they wanted to get to know Clemencia a little better. Since Lola was brooding in the attic, it seemed Esthelle was pretty shaken up because of her own sadness — I wasn’t the most observant person, but it felt like it. Unless she was jealous of the attention Lola was giving Danny, I didn’t know.
The atmosphere at lunch was light-hearted. Even Lola seemed to have calmed down and she s
eemed to be happy to take care of Colin. Good for me. I liked children as much as the next guy, and Colin was a nice kid, but his endless energy and shouts had a tendency to get up my nose rather quickly. I was already on charge of the adults and the teenagers, so I’d pass on the munchkins.
It was only when clearing the table that I realized something: if Clemencia was here, then Johan had to be back too! After all, he’d led her here. I hurried to put the last of the cutlery in the dishwasher and made up a phony excuse to get out of the house. I hurried to the stonewall which was lightened by the setting sun rays. I hoped the lycanthrope hadn’t left again. No, I could sense him, he had been there, he was back. There was a little note at the usual spot.
Madelyne,
If you keep coming back to me, maybe it is because I can’t stay away from you? I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask for advice, but I can’t say no to you, so you can just go into the woods, whenever you want, and I’ll find you there. You should be blindfolded though, it’s mandatory. I was very careful not to get hurt so that I might see you try to kill me, and that thought made me smile every day. I’ll be waiting.
Johan
P.S. Thank you for forgiving me.
P.P.S. “Devilish intentions”? I was just fetching Clemencia, nothing devilish of the sort.
P.P.P.S. Whether you want to kill me or you miss me, I’m flattered.
A mysterious force took control of my lips and stretched them into a smile. How I’d missed him! I may be irritated by his conundrums; I was glad to hear from him again. The inner-tensions that had grown inside me since he’d left vanished immediately and I was more light-hearted. Better. Happy. I wanted to meet him immediately and my she-wolf was growling with eagerness, and for once, we agreed. I was about to head for the woods when a voice called me out.
She-Wolf I Page 17