The two witches exchanged afraid looks and turned white at the same time. Nice synchronization, but it didn’t look good. What were they hiding from me? I glared at them as I waited for a clear and fast answer.
“Madelyne, I’m sorry,” Adélie started. “I hadn’t made the connection, but it turns out that we do know a werewolf named Johan…”
“Go on,” I said harshly, for my she-wolf and I were both at the end of our tether. I could sense anger growing inside me. Weirdly enough, I knew that what Adéllie was going to say will not be to my liking. Premonition, perceptiveness or sixth sense? No idea. But the paler the witches turned, looked at each other or wiggled with awkwardness, the more I wanted to scream at them and clunk their little wacko brainpans together. Well, maybe not that last part, but I did want to scream.
Milo had to be sensing my anger increase as my patience decreased because he placed a reassuring hand over my shoulder, which soothed me a tiny bit.
“It’s just that…” Adélie seemed to be pretty shaken up and had trouble finding the right words. If she was trying to win me over by playing the poor little witch card, that was a losing battle.
Esthelle, tactless and delicate as usual, took over. “He’s that wolf that we’ve taken in a few years back. Well, Adélie did because I was little,” she explained fiddling with her hair. “He barged in town about eight years ago, so I was ten and he was seventeen. He was in a pretty bad shape, his parents were his pack’s alphas, but other wolves took control and they killed his parents and he had to run away. He spent a few months living on his own before finding us, and he’s been living with us ever since. More or less, actually, because he’s kind of a loner and he likes to go away a lot. But either way, I was like raised with him in the house so he’s kind of my big brother, and in case you were wondering, that’s why we know stuff about werewolves and we’ve never been afraid of you and we agreed to take you in too.”
My eyelids shook with spasms, like in old cartoons. Everyone had their little thing, William’s vein popped, Maddie’s eyes blinked. It wasn’t easy to be good every day and to fight against those murdering urges that aroused my sanity, like the ones I felt at this point. I grabbed Milo’s hands to keep mine busy, and to avoid killing a witch or two. The shapeshifter winced as I squeezed his fingers, but he didn’t say anything. Good call.
“And it didn’t come to your minds to tell me that you knew another wolf?” I whispered trying to remain calm. “And knowing what I’d been through, you didn’t think for a second to tell me about it, so I didn’t worry my brains out? I spent days! worrying about who that man might be and if he was sent by my former alpha to kill me! And it didn’t occur to you that I had the right to know another wolf lived here?”
Adélie had turned translucid. Even carefree Esthelle had lost her smile and seemed to be affected by what I’d said. So much the better, because I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. They knew they were wrong, so they decided not to speak. Good idea. Everything they’d say could be held against them. I took a deep breath, which was usually advised to do when you were about to murder somebody. My ass! That’s not what’s going to help me calm down.
“And even if by some mysterious turn of events, you might have forgotten to tell who that lunatic was, you could have mentioned the fact that you knew stuff about werewolves! I’ve worked my ass off, making sure I trod carefully around you guys, explaining werewolvian rules, and you were already familiar with it all! I didn’t hide anything from you, you knew about my former life and my current one, and you hid something so important from me? You lied and you took me for an idiot!
“Johan’s no lunatic,” Esthelle mumbled, even though my anger seemed to frighten her.
“What the fuck were you thinking about huh?” I bursted, ignoring her. “You couldn’t tell me right away that I was on someone else’s territory? I have no right to be here, I can’t steal another wolf’s land! You’ve really been screwing with me!”
Lola, Clemencia and Milo kept on sending me good vibes to help me calm down, but that wasn’t really working since they were rather pissed off too. I mean, Milo and Lola knew about my concerns from the beginning, and they feared Johan might have been a threat too. Of course, now I knew that it wasn’t true, and I wasn’t concerned about the fact that I was on his territory since he was the one leading me to it but still. I was mad about their secrets. I could have learned from the start that their Johan was my Johan and that they were used to being around a werewolf. I’d been scared to upset them or frighten them with my authority issues when in the end, it was as if they knew more about it than I did. I’d confided into them from the start, I’d told them about my tough life, and it didn’t even enter their minds that I ought to know all that! That was pushing it.
“Maddie, it’s not what you think,” Esthelle replied. “We just didn’t think your wolf could be him. He’d been gone for a couple months and we didn’t make the connection. We get it if you’re angry and we’re sorry, but we didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“She’s right,” Adélie backed her up. “If I’d known it was Johan, obviously I would have told you. And as for everything else… I have no excuse. You’re right, I should have told you about him, but when you came to us, you seemed to be so exhausted and frightened that I thought you might be fed up with male wolves. But in our defense, we never hid anything from you. If you’d asked us to tell you about our past or the relationship we have with other species, including werewolves, we would have gladly told you everything.” She was welling up. It was the first time I ever saw her so affected by things; she was usually very calm in every circumstance. I didn’t answer, for I feared to say things I might regret later. “Madelyne, I’m very sorry” the witch said again. “I can see how this feels like, but we never meant to lie to you or to hide things from you, I promise. And besides, Johan would never have been a danger to you. He’s not like the members of your former pack. I didn’t know he’d taken an interest in you, I really thought someone else was after you. Please, accept our humblest apologies…”
I shook my head. It was easy to apologize once the harm had been done. How many times did William apologize for a punch, a public humiliation or a sequestration? He pretexted that it was for a good cause. Thousands of times, millions of times this happened. I couldn’t just let that secret go, especially since they’d been forced to tell me. I was hurt, and when people are hurt, they take things the wrong way. I knew the witches were good people. I knew they hadn’t been trying to hurt me or hide things from me, and I knew that their apologies were sincere. I hadn’t forgotten about the goodness they’d shown me when they got me a job and a place to sleep, but that was all just too much. I didn’t like it when the people I cared about let me down, and unfortunately, they’d let me down indeed.
“I need to think about it all, and not to be with you for a while,” I said harshly.
“Maddie, you should come with us to the festival, it’ll take your mind off of it,” Clemencia suggested.
I didn’t even bother to answer. I finally let go of Milo’s hands and went back into the house. Thanks, but no thanks. I said I didn’t want to be with them, and so I wasn’t going to go to that damn festival, period. I considered myself to be a reasonable and attentive woman, but at this point, I didn’t want to listen nor to be reasonable. The only thing I needed was to process what I’d heard, without anyone or anything distracting me or annoying me more than usual. I really wished Johan was here. I could’ve talked about it with him, and complain to him about his witch friends, who were a pain in my ass — he could have told me about them too, by the way. But he was still absent, so I’d have to do without him. Would a decent race in the silent woods manage to soothe me and stimulate my forgiving side? Let’s see.
Chapter 18
Speed. The wind in my fur. The haze of the woods. My heart pounding with fatigue. My legs shaking under the weight. There was nothing in the world better than running. Well, I hated to run in my human form
because it was excruciatingly boring, but as a wolf… There were no limits to the pleasure I felt running at top speed amongst the trees, leaping over the obstacles, landing into the poodles… I could clear my head freely and as my mind was emptied out of its thoughts, I filled it with air and peace. It was blissful. No more witches, no more Johan, no more Ryan. Only me and the woods, me and the wind, me and speed.
The sun had set long ago, it had to be like 10 p.m. What a day… I’d woken up alone at sunrise and I’d go to bed alone at sundown. I’d spent my day with the sun, holding it close by its rays, happily strolling by its side, feeding from its warmth. He was a good friend. Just like the rain, he had amazing powers. He warmed up people’s hearts in a second, just by showing up, and so smiles showed up on their faces too. He’d swirl around in the sky, bringing light in the middle of the darkness of humankind. From time to time, he was upset, and so he’d shine brighter and brighter, and burn everything, the skin, the land, the sea. His commitment was endless: there was not a day when he did not get up, and he was always on time. He was a loyal friend, who gladly let the moon shine too, as he went away to brighten up other places. He had the power to give nature life, but he could also take it away. He was vital but dangerous. There was no better oxymoron than the sun.
I transformed back into my human form at the fringe of the woods. My body seemed to be fond of sore muscles. I may have run a bit too long, but so much the better: I needed to do exercise and stay fit. I wouldn't be able to stop my enemies by rolling over them like a giant ball of chocolate. I didn’t want to lose weight, I only needed to be in good shape and keep strengthening my muscles. And I also wanted to learn how to fight properly, but that's another kettle of fish.
When I arrived at the witches’ house, it was empty. A smidge of concern entered my mind, but I suddenly remembered that I could find out where the members of my pack were through the bond that united us all. I followed Lola’s bright orange thread, Milo’s brown one, and Clemencia and Colin which were green, and I spotted them. They were at the festival in the neighboring town, with the witches. They were safe, not in the claws of Ryan. I took advantage of the quietness of the house to take a long hot shower. Showers = life. Ever since I had to live a couple weeks without being able to cleanse myself, I cherished every single time my skin made contact with water. I closed my eyes for a second but opened them up immediately as I heard a muffled sound downstairs. I stopped the water; I was on the lookout. It wasn’t the witches, nor my fellow wolves: they were still at the festival. It wasn’t Johan either for I would have sensed his presence, deep down. So, it could only be Ryan.
I kept my ears open and heard footsteps. The smell of shower gel and shampoo clogged up my nose, and I couldn't pick up a scent. Yet I didn’t need to do that to know it was Ryan, I was sure of it. What was I supposed to do? Maybe he hadn’t noticed me yet, and he’d just broke into the house to steal some things, to meddle in our business or just to frighten us. Well done then, mission accomplished. I tiptoed out of the shower, but I didn’t hear anything anymore. Maybe he was gone?
I opened the bathroom door, stark naked. Water was dripping from my body to the floor. I didn’t have time to look around the room: an iron chair collided with my face head on, and I saw stars. I whined with pain: it had hit me on the arch of my right eyebrow, and the heavy blood was already running down my cheek, but I didn’t have time to care about that. I saw Ryan jump at me, but I eluded his punch, and took advantage of his momentum to give him a massive uppercut which made him embed himself in one of the attic’s walls with a dreadful sound. Oh no, I’m gonna have to pay Adélie the renovation works…
That scoundrel stood back up with a yellow gaze in his eye, which meant that the animal in him was starting to take over the human part — assuming there was something human in him. I stepped back and grabbed the first thing my hand could find, and it turned out to be Lola’s science book. Everything was not lost: it was the heaviest of her books. Ryan uttered a threatening growl and re-entered the fray, but I eluded him once more and hit him with chemistry on the nape of his neck. Bingo! In the bull’s eye. He staggered for a second, which gave me time to escape through the trapdoor. That may not be the best idea, but I wasn’t stupid: I had no chance in one-on-one fight against Ryan, especially in human form. I didn’t yet have the ability to fight like an alpha, so I ran away, cursing my inability to settle a score with an enemy. And besides, I could even escape because it was hard to run with wet feet. How glorious.
The front door appeared in my field of vision, it was only a few feet away, at the end of the corridor. However, an acute pain made my hope of getting away disappear. Ryan had grabbed hold of my hair and pulled as strongly as he could to drag me away from the door.
I struggled my way out of his grip, but it was hard since I couldn’t see him and he held my hair so strongly every movement was painful. One of his arms found its way around my neck, and he pressed my body against his while strangling me, so that there was nothing I could do to get away. My she-wolf was getting angrier by the second. Just like me, she couldn’t stand being defeated and unable to defend herself. I really needed to take fighting lessons — kickboxing, judo, boxing, krav-maga, everything.
While keeping on pulling my hair back — I was going to have to buy a wig if he didn’t stop — Ryan violently pushed my body against the wall, and pressed my face against the tapestry, using his free hand to apply pressure on my skull — my brains would come out of my head through my ears if he didn’t stop. I was being a smartass but in reality, I was terrified. I needed not to think about what was going to happen because I knew exactly how it would end: I was naked, my back facing my aggressor, powerless against my will… Ryan had the upper hand over me, and he enjoyed it. So why would he stop there? He could inflict me so much pain, now that he had the chance… So yeah, I was trying to put things into perspective and think about something else other than the fact that I might be raped any minute now. So, about that wig…
“You see Madelyne,” Ryan whispered in my ear, which made me wanna barf. “I can use you any way I want. What an alpha… You’re not even able to defend yourself. You’re pathetic.” He clunked my head against the wall, and I was stunned. I bit my tongue not to whine with pain: I wouldn’t give him satisfaction. What he said hurt me more than his punches. He was right. I wasn’t able to defend myself; I didn’t know how to fight. How was I supposed to protect my own? He was partly right though: I wasn’t pathetic, this whole pack situation was.
My stomach turned upside down when, with his free hand, he grabbed one of my breasts and started kneading it. His touch was repulsive and soiling. But even in that position, I could use my hands, so I violently grabbed his. I heard a crack. Bingo. Broken fingers. Three out of five, if I heard correctly. I took advantage of this second of inattention to give him an elbow punch in the stomach. He bent over and let go of my hair. A half a second later, we were face to face, and I kicked him as hard as I could, showering him with blows. Yet he blocked them all, fit as fiddle, and his sneering smile did not leave his face, as well as his enraged gaze. I was no fool: he might be calm, but there was a storm coming. After all, I’d broken his fingers.
He allowed me to tire myself up for several minutes. In spite of all my efforts, I wasn’t able to make him yield, and that put me in a frantic rage. That monster had dared lay a hand on me, and I wasn’t even capable to make him sorry for it. He eventually pushed me away using his knees and hammered me with a huge slap. Blood flooded my mouth, hot, metallic, violent. His fists met my face, once, twice, several times, until I fell on the ground, unable to stand any longer.
He kneeled by my side, and his disgusting hands roamed over my skin. “I’m starting to believe that you like getting beaten up. You’ve never accepted authority, and you know what that makes you? A bitch. And do you know what I do with bitches like you? I tame them.”
On these words of wisdom, he slapped my butt. Beyond the pain, that was actually a real slap in th
e face. That scumbag was here, enjoying himself because I wasn’t trained enough to fight back, unlike him. He took advantage of his strength, of his so-called power to use me and my body, as if we were some random object, and the worst part was that he liked it. Yes, he was having a ball touching me. His hands ventured further down my body and I spit on him. That was the least I could do, the only thing I could do.
He stopped on one of my thighs and leaned towards my face. “I’m feeling merciful today. I told you I’d take my time with you and I will,” he whispered stroking my hair. “Say hi to the others for me. Especially Johan…”
He stood up and went to one of the living-room’s mirror to fix his snooty hair. I looked daggers at him and stood up after a fashion. Standing in front of him, covered in blood and in the stain of his hands he’d laid on my skin, I did not get flustered. I would never cry uncle. I would never admit defeat. “No matter what you do or where you go, I swear to God, I’ll find you. I’ll find you and I’ll kill you with my bare hands, and I can assure you, Ryan, I’ll relish in the feeling of you dying by my hand.”
“Can’t wait to see you trying, whore.” He blew me a kiss and left the house, but sadly, not my life.
I was in such a state of shock I fell on the ground and cried my eyes out. As a woman, as a person who’d lived under male domination for years, I was used to violence, innuendos, humiliations, and even touching, but this had gone too far. I could still feel his hands on my skin. It was awful. He’d played with me as if I were a toy. But I was no toy. I was a person, a woman, with feelings and emotions and limits. This was my limit. I knew others had to go through much worse. But I would not go through worse. That was the end. No one would lay a hand on me without my consent. No one would use my body as that sick bastard just did. No one would take me for an object. It would all end today, in tears and fears. From this day on, I would not be afraid anymore. I would make Ryan sorry for what he did. He would pay it with his life.
She-Wolf I Page 23