“So… you were with Johan?” Adélie finally asked. She was uncomfortable, and we all looked at her. There it was. I nodded, unable to answer since I had a mouthful of ice-cream. I hurried to put some more into my mouth, I was suddenly very angry. Nah, just kidding, I was just trying to avoid the conversation. “He’s gone then?” she went on. I nodded again and kept on eating my ice-cream. In the end, I was a kid myself too. Adélie gave me a dirty look, and crossed her arms, waiting for me to finish eating. Okay, alright, I’ll talk. Unbelievable, I couldn’t even eat without being harassed! “What’s going on between the two of you?” she insisted, in spite of her sister’s lack of interest and the upset look of my pack members.
Shit. Was this really the proper time to confess that Johan and I were soulmates? Maybe not. There was not enough ice-cream for everyone, and we’d need a lot of it to sweeten the pill. Furthermore, I just realized I didn’t want to tell them. For now. I was becoming an expert at the art of concealing the truth without lying. “It’s complicated,” I answered evasively.
“Complicated?” she repeated, obviously frustrated that I wasn’t planning on dwelling on the subject.
“Okay, listen, Adélie. I think I have the right to keep some things to myself, especially since you did the same for weeks when you forgot to tell me about Johan’s presence on this territory. So if one of us is to be angry, I think I should be.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” she sighed softly. “It’s just that Johan is like my little brother, or even like my son, and I just wanna know what he’s up to. I really care about you too, and I’m worried, and I just wanna understand what’s going on.”
“Johan is the one who led Lola, Milo and Clemencia over here, and he led me there too. He left because he’s going to get my grandmother and my friend Daniel as well.”
“But…” Esthelle stepped in. “It’s weird. It doesn’t sound like him. I mean, he does his thing by himself.”
“She’s right,” Adélie agreed. “Why would he help you when he doesn’t even know you? And the way he sounded like on the phone… He would have come back if Esthelle and I were in trouble, but… What does this mean?”
Hum. I wasn’t sure of it, but according to how hot my cheeks were, I was probably blushing. When you put it like that, it did seem a little weird. But because I myself knew why Johan was doing all that, I wasn’t shocked. I shrugged, and Milo looked at me suspiciously. “He… he was on our former territory when I escaped, and he probably saw how badly they treated us, so maybe he just wants to help.”
That was no lie. It was just the truth because Johan had told me he didn’t stand the machinations of the pack. But of course, it wasn’t the whole truth. Nonetheless, it was the best thing I could say. Yet it didn’t seem very convincing. Well, never mind. At least I wasn’t lying, and they knew I couldn’t stand lies, so if they didn’t want to believe me, it was their loss. I had nothing to feel guilty about.
“He’s going to bring Daniel back?” Clemencia asked, still feeling ashamed, and newly filled with hope.
“I hope so,” I answered fiddling with my spoon. The cold of the ice-cream hurt my stomach. Or maybe it was just anxiety. Or everything. I wished with all my heart that Johan would succeed in bringing my grandma and Danny back, and I hoped that the three of them would return unharmed. But since when did wishes come true? I couldn’t stop thinking that something had to go wrong.
“How are you feeling, Maddie?”
Arghh come on … Words are very unnecessary, Depeche Mode said. And with our pack bond, Lola knew how I felt, just like everyone else except the witches. Maybe she had trouble sorting out all the emotions floating around, and there were a lot. I shrugged. “I’m okay. I’m feeling better. I’m still angry but I don’t feel soiled or weak or stupid anymore. And I didn’t know how you guys were gonna react, but in the end, it’s all good. I don’t want this kind of event to occur ever again, in my life, or in anyone else’s.”
“Yeah,” Esthelle grumbled. “We should cut every John Thomas off the face of the earth.”
“Hey, I didn’t do anything,” Milo whined.
“Yeah, that may be just a tad extreme,” I smiled, suddenly having the idea on how to take my revenge on Ryan.
“You’re probably right,” Esthelle admitted. “Maybe just half of them. Can’t you just picture it? We cut the earth in half, and bam! All the South gets penectomies! No more dicks.”
Adélie choked on her chicken hearing how vulgar her sister was while I burst into laughter and the others followed. Once Adélie managed to swallow, she laughed, and this hysterical laughter filled the room, which allowed all our anger, concern and frustration to clear out. How good did it feel! Esthelle may have a careless and couldn’t-give-a-damn attitude, she may be off beam, but she did have a knack to lighten the mood. Even Milo had peals of laughter.
We slowly caught our breath, and all of a sudden, it was as if everything had vanished, as if tension had disappeared into thin air, as if we could all start over with getting angry. Our friendship was more beautiful, stronger than Ryan’s actions, and the worst had passed. I didn’t feel better, I felt good. I wasn’t afraid anymore. I wasn’t worried because as long as I stayed with them, as long as my friends were here, I’d be okay. As a recompense, I ate some more ice-cream.
“We should do something to take our minds off of things,” Lola suggested when we’d all stopped laughing.
“Yeah, good idea,” I said, enthused at the thought of that. “Any ideas?”
“We could go shopping,” Clemencia suggested timidly.
“I’ll pass,” Milo said, pretending to puke, which made us laugh again.
“We could go to the beach?” Adélie asked. My face answered for me. The beach was my favorite place in the world, because of all the memories, but it was also hard for me to go there, because of those memories. Right now wasn’t time to go brooding there. I’d have to deal with this beachy hopelessness thing, but let’s take it one step at a time.
“We could go parachuting! That would be some crazy shit!” Esthelle said, clearing out the table.
A long silence followed her proposition. No one seemed to be very much eager to jump off a plane. I wasn’t really for it either. Was this really the time for me to risk my life? Considering how lucky I was, the plane would probably explode in the air before I could jump. Or, my parachute would just not open and I’ll end up like a pancake with some cherry jam. Not very convenient for my funeral. But you know, on second thoughts the idea was actually tempting, and not as out-there as a second ago. I needed to do something crazy. To feel alive, to feel real, to feel. I needed adrenaline. So… why not? I’d never done it before — when you considered that I’d been pretty much locked up my whole life, it wasn’t surprising. All the more reason to do it. That was my chance to discover something crazy. Corking!
I thought about Johan for a second, and I realized he’d probably kill me if he knew I wanted to go parachuting. But the good thing was that if I died, I wouldn’t have to face him. Deal! I wanted to go parachuting. “That sounds like a good idea, Esthelle,” I said, and they all looked at me as if I was a crazy person.
Clemencia shuddered. As an omega, she didn’t care much for thrills, and her shy and craven character prevented her from enjoying this kind of activity. She shook her head. “I think I’ll stay here with Colin, and we’ll go to the park later.”
“I’ll stay with you too,” Adélie smiled — apparently, she wasn’t thrilled at the thought of imitating birds.
I looked at Lola, but my silent question was pointless. That kid was dauntless. “There’s no way I’m not doing this,” she cried. “I’ve never done it but it’s probably the greatest thing to do!”
“I guess someone has to look out for you crazy girls,” Milo sighed, pretending not to enjoy this situation.
“Wicked!” Esthelle said. “We should all get ready to leave in say half an hour?”
“You got it!” I exclaimed, finishing off
my ice-cream. I put everything away and took Johan’s tee that was just waiting for me on a chair, and I put it upstairs.
A sudden wave of panic seized my chest; I’d never been back here since Ryan’s attack. Thankfully, my dearest friends had taken care of everything. My modest home was cosy again, it smelled of cleaning products and the mixed scents of Lola, Adélie and Milo. It was like Ryan had never been there. The broken chair had been replaced, and everything in the bathroom was normal. Only the holed wall could give his attack away. Otherwise, it was as if he had never set foot in this room, as if nothing happened.
I hesitated for a while before going into the bathroom. I needed to shower — even if it meant getting rid of my soulmate’s scent — but after everything that had happened, I did feel scared at the thought of being alone in the bathroom. Milo just so happened to pass by, and I jumped on the occasion. First come, first served, sorry. “Milo?” I called from the bathroom — the door was ajar.
He was standing by the coffee stand. I raised a suspicious brow because Milo never drank coffee. He faced me and I noticed that the kettle was actually boiling, and I saw a teabag in his mug. Yeah, that was more believable. “I’ve just come for some hot water. I didn’t mean to bother you, I’m sorry,” he apologized, pouring the water into his cup.
“No worries. Listen, I need a favor.”
“Sure, what’s up?”
“Could you maybe stay in the bathroom while I’m taking a shower?” There it was. A flash of anger and sadness passed through his eyes when he understood my meaning. That’s exactly what I did not want to happen. I didn’t want my friends to feel under the weather because of me. I shouldn’t have asked him.
I was about to call it off when Milo got a hold of himself, and a wide smile brightened his face as he walked towards me. “Maddie, I know how sexy I am, but don’t you think are going too fast between us?” he teased.
I rolled my eyes at him, hit his shoulder and he winced. “I didn’t think you were so full of yourself,” I said, jeering at him.
He entered the bathroom, which was very small, and not quite wide enough for two people. But I didn’t care. It may be silly, yet I needed someone to look after me — and not at me — while I was showering. You know, look around, listen for suspicious noises. At least for today. He leaned against the wall and sipped his tea while I stared with my arms crossed. He didn’t actually think he was going to enjoy the show now did he — let’s face it, I was quite a show. “Are you gonna turn around or what?” I grumbled.
“Oh, yes, sorry.” He faced the wall and I undressed before going into the shower. I’d never been ashamed of my nakedness before. Being a wolf and all, I transformed often, and clothes weren’t always there. I had never thought nudity was uncomfortable or something to be ashamed of, but now… I was a bit lost.
Ever since Ryan had dared claim my body for himself, it felt uncomfortable to show it to other people. It was my body, it was no one else’s for the taking. I was the one who got to choose who could see it, and for now, only my eyes were allowed to look at it. And there was the whole Johan situation. He would totally freak out if he found out I was walking around naked in front of Milo. It was better to opt for prudishness, for now.
I showered quickly because I was very much thrilled at the thought of going parachuting. As I was cleansing myself, Johan’s scent was slowly fading away. I really wished he was here. With me. Safe. But he soon will be. I dried myself quickly, smiling and grateful because Milo was still kissing the wall, and I put on some shorts and a loose tank top which was very comfortable.
In the end, everything went just fine. No Ryan, no assault. Hurray!
Milo, finally free, finished his tea and we went downstairs to meet the girls. I was really looking forward to this, actually. It was a nutty idea, but after all, I was kinda nuts. We all were. Lola and Esthelle were already shivering with anticipation. “About time!” the witch groused. “I can’t wait, let’s go!”
Chapter 22
I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I was screaming at the wind, at life, at violence and injustice, at this planet half corrupted by vice and prejudice.
The air was infiltrating my lungs, and I thought they were going to break free. The clouds were playing with my weightless body and they passed through me as if I were a ghost. It was cold, it was hot. The sun was not so high above. I swore I could have touched it, even though it was trillions of miles away, even though I was falling. The ground was really getting closer, despite the fact I felt I was just gliding in the sky. It was a magical feeling. I was on cloud nine (maybe cloud ten by now). I was literally flying, and I’d never felt so much pleasure. Running as a wolf was just boo hockey compared to that. Here, I was perfectly free. No one to see me, no one to talk to me, no one to hurt me in any way. Just me and the wind, me and life itself. Well, there was also this professional behind me, who made sure I wouldn’t crash on the ground, but he didn’t count.
The landscape was incredible. Blue, all around, swallowing me. It stretched as far as the eye could see and mingled with the sun towards the horizon. Looking down, it was all about green and brown — bit by bit, I could spot houses and other buildings, surrounded by greenery, concrete, bark, soil. Lakes, too, black or blue from where I was, shimmering under the sun which lightened their wavelets. I was a bird, I relished in this feeling, this impression that my body was not mine anymore, but the sky’s and the speed’s. I was screaming still.
Joy, pleasure, adrenaline, my heart was pounding like crazy. I envied Milo, who could turn into a bird anytime he wanted to, because he knew about that exciting feeling. A dozen feet apart, he was smiling like the blessed, enjoying his flight. Esthelle's face was somewhere between euphoria and bliss, and Lola’s was ghastly, green, even? Well, there’s no accounting for taste.
The clouds, the birds, the landscape, it was all going by way too fast. I was feeling giddy, and soon, we touched the ground. The landing was gentle, in spite of a few bumps. I was free of my companion, and so I collapsed on the grass because my legs were heavy and shaky. My friends were landing here and there, like little shooting stars that had come to earth at the end of their dash. Milo was fit as a fiddle, and landed on his feet, but the girls fell too. There, I wasn’t the only dizzy one.
Yet I stood up straight, we had no time to lose. “Let’s do it again!” I yelled as Lola puked in the grass. What a wimp! Was I puking? No. But true, my stomach was yo-yoing. It was a small price to pay for parachuting, and this wonderful feeling of freedom.
Esthelle looked concerned and rushed towards Lola to make sure she was okay. How cute! Parachuting is life, parachuting forges bonds. Now that she knew Lola was okay, she rushed back to me. “Let’s do it again!” she cried out too, springing like Tigger.
Milo smiled and said he’d stay with Lola while Esthelle and I jumped again. There was nothing better in life, was it? From now on, I would spend all my days-off jumping in the air tied to a parachute. My throat was burning because of all the screaming, my legs were still wobbling, my eyes were burning and there was a ringing in my ears, but life was good! Hail Maddie! I wanted to jump again, until exhaustion, which would be there anytime soon, considering how much energy and adrenaline this activity demanded.
The deafening wind created silence. The altitude made this dive in the sky possible. The birds became my peers during this short flight up above. The clouds floating all around and enveloping me, like a mirage. The speed, shaking my body and my heart, even my woozy mind. The liberation, the tossing, the freedom, the letting go. To fall. To be bewildered, drowned in joy, to float, to dance, to spin around uncontrollably. And then the ground, again, and the jump, again. This desire to feel alive and to keep on living in order to send everyone packing, without remorse was an inebriating feeling. To delay the end, to try again, to scream out this liberty, this blissfulness to be freed from life’s troubles — it was magical. To close your eyes and think about the happy days to come with your significant other; to lan
d on the ground, still dreaming with your eyes wide open, to enjoy your sore muscles and your heart pounding so fast it might explode… All of this was just heaven.
And so I jumped, three times. Esthelle puked at the end of the second time, and I puked after the third one, but since we were both crazy as hell, we went up again to jump one last time. Lola and Milo were cheering, clapping, jumping, screaming, sharing with us this moment of pure pleasure. The day was drawing to an end, we had to stop. I fell on the ground by Esthelle's side, panting, and our eyes were like flying out of their sockets. Milo and Lola joined, and we just stayed there, laughing on the ground in the swathing, peaceful darkness. We were like four stars, exhausted, with four branches only, covered by the night. I felt something moving by my side, and I saw Esthelle taking Lola’s hand. Lola didn’t withdraw her hand, and my heart just started melting. As I said, parachuting forged bonds since like forever, and if those could stop being so stubborn and just get together, I’d be thrilled.
“Esthelle, you really had the best idea ever” I sighed looking at the sky pulling his starry blanket. I was becoming some kind of a poet, wasn’t I? Milo would be green with envy. I’d soon become a better poet than him if I ever wrote down that kind of a thought. If you really put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Just look at me!
“I always have the best ideas ever, and you’d realize that if you paid more attention to me,” Esthelle teased.
I remained on the ground ten more minutes with a smile on my face — I needed to recuperate. My head had stopped turning, which was a good sign, and I was thinking more clearly. All the bad things had vanished during the fall, and I didn’t have any brain space left to think anyway. A good fatigue weighed on me: I wanted to sleep, and I was really hungry. One day or another, we’d have to go home. And that was today.
I managed to stand back up, and the others followed. Milo drove on the way back, which gave me plenty of time to look at the road passing by while Lola and Esthelle chitchatted in the backseat. Yes. They were talking. To each other. Unbelievable. If I’d known, I would have taken them parachuting sooner.
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