It was done.
I could finally breathe. Well, sort of, because grief was weighing on my heart and my lungs, and air had trouble reaching those. The rainbow we’d formed on the gangway dissolved and my friends hugged me while I cried one last time. With Johan holding me close, and this giant group hug, we all let go of our sadness. It was beautiful. In a way, to know that they were all here for me, and that they shared my sorrow, it was comforting. I wasn’t alone in this crazy adventure called life. I wasn’t alone to deal with my misfortunes. I could count on every single one of them, and this realization gave me comfort. There was an incredible bond between all of us. Its name was Friendship. No, wait Love.
Darkness fell on our little group. The horizon had nothing left to offer. It was time to head home. I lingered on the pontoon for a minute longer, staring at the water, while the others gave me some privacy. I needed those final moments to get it together. In a way, I was glad. My grandma had the funeral and the honor she deserved. I could come here to commune when I’d feel down, and I’d need to get closer to her. I’d stare at the wavelets and at the sky thinking of her. And I’d be okay.
I gathered my courage, and I finally looked away. One last gaze. One last whisper. “Goodbye, grandma. I love you.”
I could almost hear her answer. What a lively imagination. It was nice. To imagine was to create, and to create was to express oneself.
I joined my friends. On the way back home, no one spoke. That lake, that beautiful lake, my grandma’s final resting place was just a couple miles away from home. My pack and I ran there, as well as Danny and Bridget. The witches, Johan and Colin had come with cars, and we were now all driving back home, in complete silence.
I didn’t eat when I arrived. I only took Johan’s hand, and we went into his annex. I didn’t want to talk, or anything else. And so I just fell asleep in his arms, picturing that zinzolin sky reaching the water and the flames taking my grandmother away in one final dance.
Chapter 30
I felt good. Free. Far away from grief, full of good memories. And more importantly, I didn’t feel tired. What a night! I wanted to sleep like that every night. It was the first time I slept with Johan — in his bed, with him I mean — and I wasn’t disappointed. My she-wolf had been calm the whole night through, and so had I. Safe, protected and cuddled. If I were to trust the blurry memories of the night, Johan had put a blanket on me, and sometimes kissed my neck, my face, and my whole body — and so I assumed he didn’t sleep much. How embarrassing! It was the first time we shared a bed and I didn’t even enjoy it.
I stretched and pulled the blanket over me. I still had so many things to do that I was nearly desperate so early in the day. Nearly. Johan being in my bed — well, in his bed — sure helped. I opened my eyes and saw that his face was a couple inches away from me. He was sleeping, which was good because I would have felt guilty if he hadn’t. I stared at him, hoping I would have the chance to do so many other mornings. He was handsome. His black hair was all over the place, and a couple locks fell on his forehead. I delicately pulled away the strands that tickled his closed eyes. His mouth was half-open and released a deep breathing noise which showed that he was sound asleep. His designer stubble spread on his cheeks and I couldn’t help but graze it with my fingertips. Unlike me, he’d taken the time to undress, and my heart pounded when I realized he was only wearing sweatpants. I had this amazing view on his beguiling torso. He was insanely hot, even when he was asleep.
My stomach gurgled and pulled me out of my gawking. After days of fast, hunger was starting to show up. About time! I was going to lose weight again if I continued this diet.
Since I knew there was nothing edible in here, I grinned and bore it. I didn’t want to go and let Johan wake up without me. I turned around and started when I saw his grey eyes meeting mine. He was staring at me with a smile on his face. Damn it! I woke him up. His smile widened and he caressed my cheek without looking away. Why was he staring at me like that? Did he have something to ask of me?
He shook his head, and I took it as a no. He simply said: “You’re beautiful.”
“You get easily bored of beauty,” I whispered because I assumed, I looked terrible on waking.
“Only idiots get bored of beauty,” he answered with mischief.
“You could have started with good morning,” I said, rolling my eyes at him, even though I thought he was right.
“Good morning then…” Now I smiled, amused. I wanted to wake up like that every day. I loved to bicker with Johan. It was never mean, just funny. His arm grabbed my waist and he pulled me against him. I didn’t need to be asked twice and I nearly climbed on him. “Could you be more enthused?” he laughed when he stuffed his nose in my neck — apparently, that was his favorite place.
“That’s your fault,” I falsely blamed him, caressing his muscled arms. “I can’t resist you when you’re half naked…”
“What’s it going to be when I’m completely naked?”
He rubbed his nose on my neck and breathed in my scent. His arms imprisoned me against him, but it was fine by me because it was the most pleasant prison in the world. Hundreds of goosebumps made me shiver. His contact, his words, his semi-nudity… How could I resist? My she-wolf was whining with impatience, and craved mating with her partner. I wanted to too, which surprised me. I was impatient to meet him physically.
After caressing his arms, my hands slid down his chest, and his stomach. His muscles contracted when I touched him, and I was pleased to know that I had this effect on him. I was amazed to see that he was so… well-behaved. He wasn’t doing anything and enjoyed my touch without trying to go all the way or returning me the favor. I’d feared he would be too forward or wouldn’t care about what I could want or wish for.
Some men were like that. They only thought about their own pleasure and desires and didn’t mind being deaf to their partner’s needs. I’d come across a few men like that in my life, and I took pleasure in pulling them back into line, but I would have been very much disappointed if Johan had turned out to be like that. Like Ryan.
Thankfully enough, that soulmate of mine was patient, respectful, attentive and he didn’t do anything to upset me. He was just kissing my neck softly, and asking those silent questions with his eyes, apparently wondering what I was doing. I didn’t know that myself. I eventually stopped, and I just gazed at him without moving, sitting on his hips. He straightened up, leaned on his elbows, and seemed a bit worried. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re just too perfect for me,” I sighed dismayed.
He burst into laughter, and my heart ached. His laugh was contagious, and I smiled while he sat so he could hug me. I wish I could hear him laugh every single day; it was the most beautiful sound in the world. He often looked glum, but I loved to see his face light up, it made me feel happy. He kissed the top of my nose, and his hands laid on my thighs. He didn’t do anything, yet my heart started pounding. His touch was driving me mad.
“You’re talking nonsense, it’s almost vexing. Perfection is boring. Do you think I’m boring?” I shook my head. No, Johan was far from boring. Everything about him was enjoyable, and I could spend centuries with him without having to worry about boredom. I could sense some tenderness floating in the air around him, and when he heard what I was thinking, there was also joy. He was better at that than I was. I was better at sensing emotions than hearing thoughts. “I couldn’t be bored of you either,” he reassured me — and his forehead leaned against mine.
We could not not look at each other. I’d spent so much time avoiding that, and now I just couldn't get enough of those eyes. They were so beautiful! Grey like the clouds on a stormy day, scattered with light and dark bolts of lightning… It was magnificent.
“Yours are even magnificent-er,” he thought, probably amazed by the different colors of my eyes — hazelnut and toffee.
“That’s cute,” I sighed.
“I know, I’m the cutest guy in the whole wide world.�
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I rolled my eyes, again, and laughed. I sensed he was pleased to see that I was cheering up. We were two of a kind, it seemed. It felt weird to laugh, as if I was betraying my grandma, which I wasn't. I had the right to laugh, and to share cheesy moments with my soulmate, with whom I wasn’t even officially in a relationship with. Grand. However, I’d rather stop our little bubblegum conversation otherwise I was actually going to throw up some.
“I’m hungry!” Johan complained when I mentioned bubblegum. My stomach gurgled again as if it was answering him. He smiled and kissed my belly. I lingered in his arms for a dozen more minutes when I realized that food was everything. To me, at least.
I couldn’t wait any longer, so I got up and he followed. I stopped for a second to throw a T-Shirt at him. I could accept other people looking at him, but his body was mine and my eyes’ only.
He teased me a little, but I could feel he was sort of happy about me being possessive. Amongst all his emotions, I also sensed some discontent related to what I was wearing. I was still wearing the blue dress of the previous day and my wild hair gave this little savage look that both thrilled and annoyed him. He obviously didn’t want the others — namely Milo — to see me like this. The problem was that I was sort of like that every day, and so my friends were used to that rather unflattering look of mine. Just so he could see that his opinion mattered — sort of — I put my hair up in a ponytail. He growled, annoyed by my lack of effort, but he did seem a little bit more relaxed. Great, we were eventually getting along.
When I set foot outside the annex, I was blinded by the sunrays. However, that’s not what pissed me off. My she-wolf went bananas. I felt Johan’s body tense behind me. Even I turned into this bomb that was about to explode.
Ryan.
He was standing less than a mile away from us. Lycanthropes had killer senses. I would have smelled that pong yards miles away. He was leaning against a house that resembled the witches’ more or less — all the houses in the neighborhood roughly looked the same — yes, I know that’s capital information. There was this sneering smile on his face, and his stupid haircut full of gel hid one of his eyes. He looked like this counterfeit of a dumb pirate.
Rage took control of me, and I had trouble preventing Johan from running towards me. I didn’t know someone could be more raging mad than me right now. With one hand on his chest, I was moving with him, and preventing him from skirting me to kill that bastard. It was weird to see him again. My she-wolf was fighting with the courage of a lion to take over and flay him alive. Johan was going mad, but I wasn’t. I could control myself. Insanity wouldn’t get me my revenge, on the other hand, it would only get me in trouble and get me killed. I wanted to be a sound mind, and able to take pleasure in his death.
Yeah, I would kill him. But not today. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction and jump head on into a battle I wasn’t sure of winning. And I was planning on playing with him a little. After all, an eye for an eye, right? He would bitterly regret doing everything he’d done to me, and I quote “I’m going to take my time”. I wanted him to be afraid, to regret, to know that I was coming for him. Revenge is better served cold. I would eat him frozen.
I took a deep breath to calm down. I would not relinquish control. I would not flinch. Ryan frowned when he sensed I wasn’t scared of him. He had to be disappointed, that poor guy who didn’t understand why I wouldn’t scream and run away from him. He didn’t understand that it didn’t work like that anymore. I wasn’t scared of him. I wasn’t scared of anything. He was no threat to me anymore. There was nothing he could do against me. He’d stolen my teenage years, he’d stolen some of my innocence, he thought he could tame my integrity and my strength, he humiliated me, and he took my grandma away from me.
I felt sorry for him. Poor thing wouldn’t see it coming, he wouldn’t see what rage was going to hit him head on. I loved surprises, so that would be fun. When you try people’s patience, you should expect them to test yours. With financial interest.
“Johan…,” I said in my head hoping he would calm down. “Please, chill out. He’s mine.”
An angry growl answered, but he seemed to get a hold of himself. He couldn’t blame me for not doing anything: he could hear and sense my thoughts and emotions. And I felt his desire to protect me and to make Ryan bite the dust, but he’d respect my decision and let me have him because I deserved it. And besides, he was no fool: he knew that even though I was in pain and angry, I had a plan. It was just not the time to put it into operation.
I grabbed Johan by his shirt, just in case. All my friends had come out of the house and stared at Ryan with the same dirty look. I gave him the finger, just like that. His face fell, and turned red, which meant that he was furious. I didn’t look at him again and dragged Johan with me into the house. The others followed, although Danny also struggled not to go after him.
Everyone eventually sat to eat breakfast, Johan and I included. They all stared at me, and I shrugged grabbing a waffle.
It lightened the mood, and some of the inhabitants smiled, amused. Sitting by my side, Johan was all wound up, and simmered. I offered him a pecan nut slash vanilla muffin, but he just looked daggers at me. I did my best not to roll my eyes at him, and stuffed it in his hands. It would calm him down a couple seconds before he started yelling at me.
Danny and his angry blue eyes didn’t wait that long. “What the hell was that?”
“Well, what does ‘that’ mean?” I asked, taking a huge bite of my waffle. “The first ‘that’ was Ryan and the second ‘that’ was me flipping the bird to Ryan.”
“Why didn't you go after him? He was just standing there, taunting you!” Danny said, losing his temper. “You don’t mind him swaggering like that? As if he hadn’t done anything to you? As if you didn’t care?”
I was starting to lose my rag. Yet I didn’t have the time to act on it before Johan grabbed the teenager by the collar and pinned him against the kitchen wall. Danny tried to fight it, but a growl and a black look from the alpha stopped him. “I may not be your alpha,” my soulmate railed against him, “but I refuse to let you disrespect Madelyne in front of me. Yes, she cares, and yes, she minds it. That douchebag killed her grandma, as far as I’m concerned, not yours. So I suggest you think before you speak.”
Shivers suddenly ran down my spine when I heard Johan saying my full name. It was hum… kind of… aphrodisiac. I liked it.
Oh for heaven’s sake Maddie, shut up, now is not the time!
Daniel stared back at Johan for a split second before he kowtowed, ashamed and submitted. Adélie and Esthelle seemed shocked to see their protégé behave like that. Milo was about to step in too, but it would only make things worse, and he knew it. I just ate up my waffle to calm down, and to make sure I wouldn’t kill either Johan or Danny.
Then I got up and joined them by the wall. “Johan, I appreciate you sticking up for me, but I can speak for myself,” I lectured him — I did put my hand on his arm though, to show that I didn’t really blame him. I actually thought it was cute of him to react like that to stand up for me, but it was also embarrassing. It made me look like this fragile little thing that needed her soulmate’s help to be heard.
“That’s not true Mad’!” he protested in my head, worried that I might be angry with him.
“I know,” I answered. “But you can’t step in every time I have a problem to solve. I was supposed to answer Daniel, not you.”
“I understand. I’m sorry. It’s hard for me, I have this constant urge to look after you and to protect you. But of course I know you can do it on your own. I’ll be more careful in the future,” he grumbled mentally.
“Thank you, my hero,” I teased.
An almost imperceptible smile stretched his lips, and he let go of Daniel. He framed my face with his hands and kissed my forehead before sitting back at the table. He was more relaxed, and even ate his muffin. I could understand his train of thought, and I was amazed to realize how lucky I was to have
him. He was doing his best not to cross any boundaries and to control himself, so it was hard for him. I would have to learn to compromise too. I couldn’t ask anything of him if I didn’t make an effort as well. But anyway, now wasn’t the time. Everyone must have thought that our silent gazing was strange
I looked at Daniel. “Thank you, Danny, for sharing your perspective, but I think I am the one to decide how to handle this situation. I’m really sad to hear you think I don’t care. You of all people should know how hurt I am, and how much I want to take my revenge. I didn’t go after him because I have other plans for him. Plans that will involve his death, sooner or later. If you don’t appreciate my way of handling it, there’s nothing I can say, I’m not your alpha. You’re free to go and do things your own way, even if I think it would be a shame.”
He shook his head, and guilt wet his blue eyes. “No, Maddie, I’m sorry. It was inappropriate. I am not supposed to criticize your choices nor your actions, and you don’t have to explain. I want to stay here and be a part of your pack. And I’m sorry, Johan, I shouldn’t have.”
My soulmate shook his head and continued to eat, and it proved that he wasn’t annoyed with Danny. I hugged him briefly. I’d been hurt by his words, but I wasn’t a resentful person as far as the people I loved were concerned. I couldn’t allow it. If I was supposed to avenge everything that had hurt me in the past, it would take me a lifetime. I’d rather focus on Ryan. And besides, Danny had some attenuating circumstances. He was also grieved by my grandma’s passing, and he hated Ryan. After everything that had happened, it could be frustrating for him to see him without being able to do anything. He was young and feisty, so obviously, he wanted to do something. But he would have to wait.
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