Match Me
Page 6
“I’m trying.”
“There is no try,” he said, his voice Yoda-like. “Only do.”
“Greatest misquote of Star Wars,” I said. “’Do or do not. There is no try.’”
“Actually, it was The Empire Strikes Back. But whatever. You know what I mean.”
I did.
I sighed. “OK. I’ll ask.”
He leaned in. “So how does it work? Do you ask the question in your head or out loud or…?”
“I usually say it out loud. So I know what the question is. But usually I’m alone so that someone doesn’t interrupt me with a million freaking questions.”
“You want me to leave?”
Oddly, I didn’t. I didn’t want to be alone when I found out. “No. It’s okay.”
He nodded. “Right. OK. Do it then.”
“So, I’m thinking, should I test?”
He smacked his forehead. “No. No, that isn’t a question that’s negotiable. It’s not a question with multiple potential answers.”
When I didn’t say anything, he said, “Maybe you should ask why you’re afraid to test.”
I already knew that. I was afraid to pee on the stick because I might be pregnant. Duh. But I was terrified because it opened up a whole different can of worms.
Telling the father.
Chase.
EIGHTEEN
“I can’t do it.”
“Fine.” Paul reached for the deck. “I’ll ask.”
“Why is Bonnie so scared to test?” He looked at me. “Now what do I do?”
I chewed my lip. “You spread them in front of you. Pick the one that speaks to you.”
“The cards talk?”
“Yes, let’s be quiet, so we’ll hear them. Their voices are very soft.”
He craned his neck toward the cards.
I rolled my eyes. “No. I mean, pick the one that catches your eye. The first one you notice.”
“What if there are two?” He played with the deck, shuffling them haphazardly.
“There won’t be. There’s always one.”
He nodded. “OK.” He spread the cards facedown and grabbed one from the middle. He turned it over.
A king on a throne, holding the scales of justice. The Judgment card.
I cradled my head in my hands and moaned.
“What?” Paul asked, alarmed. “What does it mean?”
Wordlessly, I motioned to a small book. He grabbed it and thumbed through the pages.
“There’s like two pages of info,” he said.
“I know.”
He scanned the book. “The Judgment card indicates you have had a recent epiphany or life-changing event,” Paul read. “It often can indicate that life-changing decisions are at hand. However, unlike those associated with the logical Justice card, these decisions require a delicate blend of intuition and intellect. You may be at a crossroads, as you are aware that any decision you make will bring about significant change. The choice can be an obvious one, or perhaps the only viable one. You know that this choice must be made and you are facing it with maturity and level-headedness.”
He set the book down. “Wow. That’s a little freaky.”
“I know,” I said again.
“But it’s nothing you didn’t already know,” he pointed out.
Again. “I know.”
“So test. I’ll stay. If you want, I mean.”
I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
Paul shrugged. “Because my best friend is kind of an asshole.”
I hadn’t told anyone about Chase. About the night of his bachelor party a month ago. How he’d shown up at my apartment, pounding on the door at two o’clock in the morning. Drunk and rambling that he wasn’t sure he was ready for marriage. I hadn’t told anyone that I’d sat him down on the couch and brewed coffee in the middle of the night and listened while he talked.
Not even Jill.
Because, even though he downed a cup of coffee and appeared to have sobered up, it didn’t stop him from kissing me. From lifting me off the couch, from burying his face in my shoulder and nuzzling my neck and carrying me to my bedroom.
“How did you know?” I finally asked.
“I went by his place the next morning,” he said. “To check up on him, you know? He was pretty wasted. He wasn’t there. But Angela was.”
I stared at him.
“I made up an excuse. Told her he was passed out at my house. That I was grabbing a change of clothes for him. Texted him right after and told him he better have a damn good explanation for where he’d been.”
“And so he told you? That he was with me?”
Paul nodded.
I sighed.
“Look, Bonnie,” he said. “It’s not your fault.”
“I slept with him,” I pointed out. “I wanted to.”
“Well, yeah.” Paul considered this. “But, he put you in a vulnerable position. Just like always.”
“What do you mean?”
He didn’t answer right away.
“It’s irrelevant,” he finally said. “What you need to do now is test. Get it over with. So we can figure out what you do next.”
I knew he was right. And I liked that he said we, that he was stepping in when I needed a friend. And I was also pretty sure he wasn’t going anywhere until I peed on one of those little sticks tucked inside the boxes.
I pushed myself off the floor. “Fine. Hand me a box.”
He picked one up and tossed it to me. “Go. Don’t think. Just do.”
I took a deep breath and headed toward the bathroom.
I shut the door and set the box down on the counter. I could do it. I needed to do it.
I unwrapped the test and examined the stick. It was hard to believe one tiny thing could hold so much power, so much information. It was also hard to believe my pee was going to be the messenger.
I tried to keep my heart from beating out of my chest and my breathing steady as I hovered over the toilet. I tried to keep from hyperventilating as I set the completed test back on the counter and watched as the liquid moved through the testing screen.
And I tried to quell the howl that threatened to erupt when the test was complete. But I failed.
My ecstatic squeal could probably be heard through the entire town.
Because I was absolutely, positively not pregnant.
NINETEEN
“We should celebrate.”
I disentangled myself from Paul and smoothed down my shirt. I’d tore down the hallway and launched myself into his arms, shrieking and laughing.
“Yes,” I agreed. “Absolutely. How?”
He shrugged. “I dunno. What would you do with Jill?”
There would have been no celebrating with Jill. Not right away, at least. She would have lectured me and chastised me for a good long while. And then we would have gone for ice cream.
I decided to skip to the good stuff. “Ice cream.”
His face brightened. “Excellent. Let’s go.”
I glanced at the clock. “Are you sure? It’s almost six o’clock. I don’t want to keep you…”
He’d been with me for over an hour. Almost two. He’d more than fulfilled any sort of obligation he might have felt toward me over his best friend’s poor judgment.
“You’re not keeping me,” he said. “I don’t have plans until eight. No worries.”
Dairy Queen was less than two blocks from my apartment. It was surprisingly empty for a late summer day; only a handful of people sat at the picnic tables outside, licking cones and digging into Blizzards.
“Pre-dinner lull,” Paul commented as he held the door open for me, revealing no line at the counter. “Don’t be fooled.”
We ordered two hot-fudge sundaes and I paid. Paul started to protest but I stopped him.
“It’s the least I can do.” I handed the teenager behind the counter a ten dollar bill. “Besides, I’m the one who’s celebrati
ng.”
He frowned.
“And you paid for the tests. And some stretch cream I’m thankfully not going to need.”
He laughed.
I took my change and we waited for our sundaes. Paul grabbed a couple of napkins and we headed outside to one of the empty picnic tables. Clouds dotted the sky, shielding our ice cream from the late summer sun.
I dug into my sundae, more fudge than ice cream on my spoon.
Paul noticed. “Too bad you can’t just order the hot fudge, huh?”
“Best part. Hands down.”
He polished his off in a matter of minutes.
I sucked the fudge off of my spoon. “So, thanks. You know…”
He nodded. “You’re welcome.”
“We keep having this same conversation. I say thanks. You say you’re welcome. It’s a bit repetitive.”
He shrugged, examining the interior of his now empty sundae cup.
“You didn’t have to do all of this.”
I thought of all the ways he’d helped over the last week. At the wedding. At the grocery store. At the restaurant. At the drug store. At my apartment.
“I know.” He smiled. “I wanted to.”
I smiled back. It was nice to have someone in my court. Someone like Paul.
A car pulled into the parking lot and I stiffened. A black, canvas-topped Jeep. There weren’t many in Minnesota. And I only knew of one in Mansfield.
Chase.
“We can go,” Paul offered, following my eyes.
I shook my head. “Nah. It’s OK.”
And it was. I could sit there and eat my ice cream and try not to think about the night of his bachelor party and the wedding and the pregnancy that wasn’t.
Chase didn’t see us. He strode toward the shop, texting as he walked. I ate my sundae and kept my eyes on the entrance. He emerged a few minutes later, an ice cream cake in his hands. He shoved his phone in his pocket, looked around, locked his eyes on me.
And headed our way.
“Hey.” He wore sunglasses so I didn’t know who he was greeting.
Paul answered. “What’s up?”
Chase looked at me, then back at Paul. “I could ask the same thing.”
“Just grabbing a quick bite,” Paul answered. “Meg and I are going out tonight. Later.”
Meg. The girl from the restaurant who traded her kitchen exit access for a drink date. I wasn’t sure why, but I was disappointed.
Chase nodded. “Huh. OK.” He shifted the box from hand to hand and moved his gaze to me. “I was kinda hoping I could talk to you.”
I set my spoon down. “Me?”
He nodded.
Paul cleared his throat. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom.” He hesitated. “Unless you want me to wait.”
I shook my head. “No. Go ahead. It’s fine.”
Chase and I watched as Paul walked toward the store and disappeared through the double doors.
“So,” Chase said.
“So,” I repeated.
He didn’t say anything.
“Look, I’m sorry about last weekend. The wedding. I should have never come.”
“You really shouldn’t have.”
“I know.” I felt my cheeks redden. “I apologize. It was a stupid thing to do to both you and Angela and I’m sorry I showed up.”
“But I’m glad you did.”
I did a double-take. “You are? Why?”
A slow grin spread across his face. “I just am. And yeah, Angela was a total bitch about it.” He shrugged. “It’ll blow over. It already has, you know?”
I doubted that very much, given my run-in with Angela, but maybe she was focusing on other things. Like how to steal toys from tiny children.
“Well, that’s good I guess,” I said, nodding. He hadn’t really answered my question but I didn’t care. I was just glad he wasn’t chewing me out.
He sat down on the edge of the bench and set the box down. It was a birthday cake. For Angela.
“Anyway, I just wanted to say hi,” he said. “And tell you that I miss you.”
“What?” The spoon I was holding arrested halfway to my mouth. I felt the ice cream drip off and into my lap.
“We’ve always had something, Bon.” His hand reached out to touch mine. “And just because I’m married now…well…”
I shook my head, thinking maybe I hadn’t heard him correctly. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?
“Do you mean…?”
His thumb stroked the top of my hand. “Angela starts a new job next week. She’ll be out of town a couple of times a month. So, if you’re interested…”
It all crystallized for me right there, as soon as his hand touched mine. Maybe I’d been in love with him at one time, but I wasn’t now. I hadn’t been for a long time. Jill was right. He was an excuse for me. He’d dumped me for a woman whose main talent was giving people dirty looks. But he knew I’d never really gotten over him, whatever the reason, and he’d used it to keep me around. To make him feel desired, to feel better about himself. To sleep with me when he was engaged. And now he wanted me to be his mistress.
I wrenched my hand free. “No.”
He pulled back, stung. “Whoa.”
The nervousness I’d felt over seeing him was gone. Cold fury replaced it.
“What the hell do you think I am? Some nice little diversion? Someone you can just play with and toss aside when you’re done?”
“No, I…”
I cut him off. “You know something, Chase Somers? You don’t deserve Angela. And you don’t deserve me.”
I stood up, clutching my half-eaten sundae. “I really am sorry I showed up at your wedding. But not for you. For me. Because it just shows what an idiot I’ve been.”
I stared at him for a long moment before dumping the melted contents of my sundae cup down the front of his shorts.
And I walked away.
TWENTY
“You did what?”
I unpacked more Barack Obama dolls and put them on the shelf. My shift at Wonder World was almost over and I was working through the last few boxes the UPS man had delivered. “Dumped it in his lap.”
Jill grinned. “Oh my God. Yes! Finally.”
I sliced the box cutter through the tape and flattened the box.
“And you told Paul?” she asked. “What did he say?”
I nodded. “He stopped me in the parking lot. After the ice cream dump. I told him then.”
“And what did he say?”
“That he was in the market for a new best friend.”
Jill grinned with satisfaction. “Good.”
“I was such an idiot, Jill.” I stuffed the box behind the counter. “Why didn’t you tell me what an imbecile I was?”
“Helloooo?” She fished around in her purse and pulled out a pack of gum. “Who has been telling you since forever that he wasn’t worth your time?”
“I know, I know.” She offered me a piece but I shook my head. “But even you didn’t know he was capable of that.”
“True,” she admitted. She unwrapped a piece of Juicy Fruit and popped it in her mouth. “That’s sort of huge. Like, a monumental asshole move. Didn’t know he was capable of that.”
“And, honestly, isn’t the best-friend radar supposed to reveal that kind of stuff? That level of asshole-ish-ness?”
“Inventing words, are we?” she asked, eyebrows raised.
“Yes. Call me Shakespeare.”
She leaned against the counter. It was raining and the store was empty. “Look, I’ve told you over and over again that you were in love with the idea of Chase. Not the boy, not the man. You convinced yourself he was what you wanted. He was the only thing you wanted. And look where it got you.”
Her eyes narrowed and I braced myself for the lecture. I’d told her about the pregnancy scare only under the agreement that she wouldn’t scream and yell at me.
But I’d forgotten about lectures.
“Almost pregnant. Crashi
ng weddings.” She shook her head. “Seriously, Bon. How could you have been so stupid? No protection? What the hell were you thinking?”
But she knew. I’d never thought when it came to Chase. I just felt. And then did. But any way you sliced it, it was stupid and immature and irresponsible. I got that. Finally.
“I know, I know,” I said. “It won’t happen again. Trust me.”
“Damn right it won’t.” She glared at me. “We’re going on a little shopping trip this week. To the drug store. And we’re gonna buy some things that will keep you out of the aisle with the pregnancy tests.”
I almost smiled. “Deal.”
“But, you know,” she continued. “There’s more you should be sorry for.”
“You’re going to make a great mom someday,” I said. “Your guilt trips are spot on.”
“Shut up,” she said. “I’m talking about guys. Other guys. Sabotaging those opportunities with other guys.”
I rolled my eyes. “Oh, please. I wouldn’t have gone out with Turtle Killer again or Roberto, regardless, of how I felt about Chase.”
“Right,” she agreed, nodding. “But other men? You never even looked. It was like you had tunnel vision. You only saw Chase.”
She had me there.
“Well, that’s changed,” I announced. I grabbed the cleaner from the shelf under the register and sprayed the glass doll case. “I’m over him. Officially. Completely.”
“Good.” She smiled at me. “You better be.”
I did feel good. It was like the chains of infatuation had been lifted off of me. My feelings for Chase had dragged me down for years and made me do some really stupid things, things that had culminated in the worst week of my entire life. But, somehow I’d broken free.
“So we can move on to phase two,” Jill said.
“Phase two? What was phase one?”
“Phase one was letting go.” She chewed her nail and thought. “We need to move on to phase two pretty quickly. Minimize the possibility of relapse.”
“Trust me. I am not going to relapse.” I said this with confidence. I was never more certain of anything in my entire life.
“Right,” she nodded, still thinking. “But we need to move on. To recovery.”
“Recovery?” I laughed. “Recovery from what?”