So Gross!

by J A Mawter

  This is weird, thought Sam, going back to join Rachel. All the girls are acting strange.

  Unfortunately, Mrs Connell was already there. ‘You’re late.’ Her face would stop a steam train in its tracks.

  Rachel winked at him and grinned. What was she on about? This was no laughing moment.

  ‘And what have you got on your face?’

  ‘My face?’ Sam ran his fingertips across his cheeks and chin. There was no Vegemite or toothpaste that he could feel. ‘Nothing, Mrs Connell,’ he said.

  Rachel started to laugh.

  ‘That’s not nothing, young man,’ said Mrs Connell. ‘I suggest you go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. We’ll deal with that other issue later.’

  Rachel’s laughter grew louder.

  ‘Yes, Mrs Connell.’

  ‘And Sam…’ said Mrs Connell, trying to stay stern. ‘No more Valentine’s Day stuff, huh?’ He nodded and headed straight for the toilets.

  Chapter Three

  ‘Trying out for a job as a clown?’ asked Natalie as Sam crossed the playground.

  Instinctively, he brought his hand up to cover his face. ‘Nah,’ he said. What was it with his face? And why did it have to be Natalie who saw it? He was going to continue past when he remembered something. ‘Um, Nat?’ he mumbled behind his hand.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘About that note?’ ‘What about it?’

  ‘It…’ How could he say this? He didn’t want to hurt her feelings. ‘Ummm. It wasn’t me.’

  Natalie blushed. She looked everywhere but at him.

  I’ve blown it, thought Sam. She thinks I don’t like her. He tried again. ‘It could’ve been me.’ He was making a real hash of this. ‘But it wasn’t …’ His voice trailed away.

  ‘It’s cool,’ whispered Natalie, turning to go.

  Damn, thought Sam. Now she’ll never like me.

  As he was going into the toilets, Tyrone and Harry were coming out. Sam tried to dodge into a cubicle but they were too quick for him.

  ‘Sam loves Natalie,’ began Harry.

  ‘Once more and I’ll deck you,’ said Sam, forgetting to cover his face and holding a menacing fist under Harry’s nose.

  Instead of looking scared Harry chuckled. ‘Who’s a pretty boy, then?’ he said.

  Tyrone reached for Sam’s chin, turning it this way and that. ‘Have you just been with Rachel?’ he asked. Sam nodded,’ ‘Phwoarr, said Tyrone. ‘Natalie and Rachel. You sure are lucky.’

  Sam didn’t like the insinuation in Tyrone’s voice. ‘Get lost,’ he said, pulling away.

  ‘Wonder what Matt will have to say?’ said Tyrone to Harry.

  Sam pushed Tyrone away. ‘About what?’ he said.

  ‘Rachel an’ Matt are going together,’ said Tyrone. ‘You’ve been kissing Rachel.’ He flicked the corner of Sam’s mouth. Sam tried to say, ‘No, I haven’t,’ but Tyrone kept on. ‘You are in big trouble,’ he said, before making a quick exit.

  Sam groaned. His day had gone from good, to bad, to dreadful. Little did he know that things could get a lot worse. Stepping up to the mirror he gasped. He was wearing red lipstick! A deep dark red lipstick. Bucket-loads of it, up to his nose and down to his chin.

  It all made sense now. Rachel laughing at him in the corridor, Mrs Connell telling him to give up on Valentine’s Day, Natalie calling him a clown. The thought of Natalie made him groan again. She’d seen him like this. It was all too complicated. Too many girls in his life — Natalie, Rachel, Thea. Thea! Wait till he caught up with her. Was she going to get it.

  And then there was Harry and Tyrone. Sam could feel a sweat break out on his top lip. What if they told Matt? He’d beat Sam up for sure. And he hadn’t even kissed Rachel. A surge of anger went through him. Furiously he grabbed some toilet paper and started to scrub his face.

  As the pile of red toilet paper grew, something niggled at Sam. He went over and over the kiss in his mind. And then it clicked. Thea had not been wearing lipstick. He would have noticed, especially if it was red.

  The bell went to return to class.

  Maybe it was trick lipstick? His sister had had some once. It was clear when you first put it on then got darker and darker as it reacted to the heat of your body. That must be it. Thea must be the one playing all these tricks! But why?

  Sam peered in the mirror. The lipstick was all gone but his face remained blotchy. It would have to do. Grabbing his bag, he returned to the classroom.

  Natalie inspected his face as he came in, then looked away, making no further comment. Mel, however, held up the back of her hand as he went past. She’d written a word on it, one letter for each knuckle. The word was STUD.

  Oh, no, thought Sam. It’s started again.

  He marched to his desk and sat down, determined to ignore Mel. But he couldn’t ignore the board. In the middle of Mrs Connell’s love heart someone had written SPEW 4 ME in thick black texta. Someone else, with red texta, had added to it — an AM under the S, a HILLIP under the P, an ARL under the E and a YLIE under the W. Beside the ME, they’d added an L. They’d even drawn a cupid shooting an arrow. A chubby little cupid with a fat butt.

  So that’s why she’d called him a stud!

  Sam didn’t know where to look. Every eye was on him.

  Thea looked angry. Rachel looked amused. Mel looked triumphant. Natalie looked … How did Natalie look? It was hard to tell.

  Mrs Connell walked in. She stopped, her gaze drawn to the board. She looked around the room until her eyes zoomed in on Sam.

  He discovered that even armpits could blush.

  ‘Still at it, I see?’

  ‘No, Mrs Connell,’ said Sam. ‘It wasn’t me. I swear it.’

  Mrs Connell looked down her nose. ‘No?’ she said, in her I-don’t-believe-you sort of voice.

  ‘No,’ said Sam. He spread out his hands in appeal. ‘Would anyone want the whole world to know that their name was Sammerson Phillip Earl Wylie and their initials were spew?’

  ‘You would,’ said Mrs Connell, ‘if your ambition was to disrupt the class.’

  ‘But I didn’t,’ said Sam.

  ‘Getting to be quite a Casanova, aren’t we?’ said Mrs Connell.

  The room swelled with quiet laughter. Sam flinched. That was so unfair! ‘Go and clean the board!’

  Sam walked to the front and started to rub. The heart disappeared but the rest wouldn’t budge.

  ‘A whiteboard marker should get rid of that texta,’ said Mrs Connell. ‘You can finish it off at lunchtime.’

  Sam boiled inside. The day was going from dreadful to disastrous. He’d had enough of all these pranks. Because that’s what they were. Stupid silly pranks!

  Chapter Four

  Sam was making short work of the board when he realised he was not alone. Matt had come in, as stealthily as a cat. He was leaning against Mrs Connell’s desk, arms crossed, eyes half-closed.

  Sam decided to ignore him and keep on cleaning.

  ‘Been hearing things,’ said Matt. Sam’s hand faltered. ‘About you an’ Rachel.’

  Sam swore under his breath. Harry and Tyrone! He’d kill them.

  ‘Know anything about this?’ asked Matt, tossing an envelope at Sam.

  ‘What now?’ said Sam, making no effort to catch it. It landed on the floor.

  ‘You tell me,’ said Matt.

  With a sigh Sam picked it up. It was Rachel’s purple envelope, the one seen by Mrs Connell. He opened it and winced. There was a drawing of a girl in profile — obviously Rachel, because of the dark curly hair. Her lips were locked to a boy’s. Words were written in the air around their heads. Three-letter words beginning with ‘s’.

  ‘Looks like you,’ said Matt. ‘Pretty ugly.’

  ‘Nothing like me,’ said Sam. ‘It could be anyone.’

  ‘Take a close look at the T-shirt,’ said Matt, his voice menacing.

  Something was on it. Sam squinched up his eyes to read the fine print, then closed them completely. It was him. No
one else had a Radical T-shirt like that. When he opened them again, Matt had loomed close.

  ‘Look, Matt,’ said Sam, stepping back a bit. ‘I don’t know anything about this card. I never kissed Rachel, honest.’

  Matt grabbed a handful of Sam’s shirt. ‘Don’t believe ya,’ he said. ‘I heard different. Something’s goin’ on.’

  Sam had had enough. ‘You can’t trust Harry or Tyrone,’ he snapped, pushing Matt away. ‘They’re making it up. Something is going on.’ He poked Matt in the chest. ‘Something crazy — between the girls an’ me. Like a conspiracy.’

  ‘Whaddya mean?’ asked Matt.

  ‘They’re out to get me,’ said Sam. ‘This weird stuff’s been happening. First it was Rachel going all mushy, then the Natalie note, then Thea, then that stuff on the board with Mel.’

  Matt looked puzzled. ‘I know about the others,’ he said, ‘but what happened with Thea?’

  ‘She kissed me.’ Sam was annoyed with himself when he blushed. ‘In the corridor. When I had to see Mrs Connell.’

  ‘Deadset?’ said Matt. ‘Cool.’

  Sam looked sheepish. ‘Yeah, I guess.’

  ‘In front of Rachel?’ asked Matt. ‘Funny she never told me.’

  ‘No,’ said Sam. ‘Not in front of her. There was this noise. Around the corner. Rachel made me go and find out what it was.’

  ‘Didn’t she go with you?’

  ‘No, she didn’t. She stayed at the teachers’ common room.’ Sam re-ran the moment through his head, then looked at Matt. ‘Someone screamed. I took off to help. Rachel didn’t come with me.’ He remembered the pow-wow between Rachel and Thea before they left. And then it clicked. ‘She’s in on it. Rachel and Thea have set me up.’

  Matt nodded slowly. ‘Reckon you might be right.’

  Sam’s thoughts were racing. Maybe they’d done it all — sent the ‘I love Natalie’ note, written on the board, sent his Valentine’s card as well?

  ‘I’m pretty sure but I’m not positive,’ said Sam. ‘I’m telling you, though, I intend to find out. And when I do … . ‘ He put on his fiercest expression.

  ‘Look out!’ said Matt, punching his hand with his fist.

  ‘Er, something like that,’ said Sam. ‘I’m going to search the girls’ desks. All of them. See if I can find anything. Will you go lookout?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Matt.

  ‘Thea’s first,’ said Sam. He began to probe around. There was nothing. No red lipstick at all. ‘Hmph,’ he said. ‘That doesn’t prove anything. It’s probably in her pocket.’ He looked at Matt. ‘What about Rachel’s desk? She’s your girlfriend. D’you want to look in there instead of me? We’re looking for either those little squares of yellow sticky paper, or something that means she could’ve sent this.’ He pulled out the Valentine’s card from his pocket, and held it up for Matt to see clearly, even opened it to show him what was written inside.

  Matt’s eyes narrowed. He shook his head in disbelief. Slowly he reached inside his shirt. Out came an identical card. The same red heart shape. The same hand-drawn heart inside — only his said,

  ‘I love Matt’.

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ he said. ‘Why would she do something like this?’ He slumped against the door.

  Sam felt sorry for him. It must be hard to find out your girlfriend has sent a love card to someone else. ‘I guess I don’t have to search Rachel’s desk now,’ said Sam. He went over and rested a hand on Matt’s shoulder. ‘You okay?’ he asked.

  Matt gave a small nod of the head.

  ‘I want to check the others’,’ said Sam. ‘Aha!’ he cried, pulling two textas out from under Melanie’s desk — one red, one black. ‘She’s in on it, too.’

  ‘Well whaddya know?’ said Matt. ‘It is a set up. Mel wrote all that spew stuff about herself.’

  Carefully Sam returned the pens to the exact position under Mel’s desk.

  ‘I guess that leaves Natalie’s,’ said Sam. There was junk everywhere. Torn pages, used tissues, pencil sharpenings galore. And then he found it.

  A pad full of yellow sticky notes. His heart sank in his chest. So Natalie was guilty as well. Not Natalie! ‘Bingo,’ he said quietly to Matt. ‘We’ve got it. Proof that they’re all in on the act. Except for Thea, of course. But I don’t need actual proof for her — I know for sure that she’s guilty.’

  ‘But why are they doing it?’ asked Matt.

  ‘Dunno.’ Sam shrugged.

  ‘Maybe they’re getting back at you for letting that huntsman loose in class last week?’

  ‘I didn’t do it on purpose! There was a hole in the box!’

  ‘I know that,’ said Matt, grinning. ‘But they don’t. They thought it was a joke. Thea nearly had a heart attack.’

  Sam smiled. He remembered Rachel’s screams and big tall Mel balanced on top of her desk. His smile deepened. Sam had always loved spiders and couldn’t see what all the fuss was about. ‘I guess you might be right,’ he said.

  Matt looked up. ‘Didn’t they say they’d pay you

  back?’

  ‘It is payback time,’ said Sam, with a gleam in his eye. ‘But not in the way they think.’ He started to form a plan.

  Chapter Five

  Sam would get Matt to hand out a few notes of his own. Notes that read …

  Dear Rachel (or Thea or Melanie or Natalie), I love you. I can’t stop thinking about you.

  Meet me behind Gallows Tree at 1.00 p.m. (1.05 p.m., 1.10 p.m., and 1.15 p.m.).

  Signed Anonymous.

  Gallows Tree was a huge eucalypt that grew in the corner of the playground. It got its name from the thick strong branch that grew several metres up, perfectly horizontal to the ground. In the old days, it was rumoured, bushrangers were hanged from this very branch. Usually the kids avoided it. Tally swore that she’d seen a ghost once and it was true that the air under there was always much colder than anywhere else in the playground.

  In other words, it was the perfect place if you did not want to be disturbed.

  Sam was nervous. The plan that had seemed so brilliant when talking to Matt now seemed rather stupid. He had never kissed a girl before — Thea had kissed him. What if he stuffed up? What if they laughed at him? Fear lodged as a ball in his throat. His heart began to race, his breath coming in short shallow gasps. But worst of all, his mouth went dry. Sandpapery dry so that his tongue clamped to the roof of his mouth. Sam tried to swallow. He couldn’t. His tongue didn’t work at all. It was like it had been set in cement.

  ‘Hellooo.’ Rachel’s voice sent him into a spin.

  Sam looked around wildly. He didn’t know what to do. And then he spotted something. Something shiny with moisture, glistening. Eagerly he reached out and picked it up.

  Sam stepped out from behind the tree.

  ‘Oh, it’s you,’ said Rachel, not trying to hide her disappointment.

  ‘Yes, it’s me,’ said Sam. ‘I just want you to know, I know what you’re up to.’

  Rachel snorted. ‘Don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she said.

  Sam shrugged. Let her play the innocent. Swiftly he leant forward. Rachel tried to squirm out of Sam’s grasp but he was persistent. He plastered her lips with his own. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ he called as Rachel rushed off, furiously scrubbing at her face.

  Thea was next. ‘What do you want?’ she asked when she found out that ‘Anonymous’ was Sam.

  ‘This is for old-times’ sake,’ said Sam. He zoomed in for the kiss, making sure it was a good one, his lips travelling up to her nose and down to her chin, just as she’d done with him.

  ‘Oooh, yuck!’ said Thea, finally pulling away.

  ‘Happy Valentine’s Day,’ yelled Sam to her retreating back.

  ‘It was just a bit of fun,’ said Mel, when her turn came.

  ‘At my expense,’ said Sam. ‘Some fun.’

  ‘Can’t you take a joke?’ taunted Mel.

  ‘Can you?’ asked Sam before standing on tiptoe and planting his l
ips on hers. This time he decided to go for a Reverse Suckerfish.

  When Mel finally pushed away she blurted angrily. ‘Spew on you.’

  ‘No,’ said Sam. ‘I reckon the spew’s on you.’

  Mel took off.

  Three down, one to go, thought Sam. Natalie was the last. She came up hesitantly. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked. ‘Is this some kind of a

  joke?’

  ‘You tell me,’ said Sam. ‘You’re the expert on jokes.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ said Natalie, her face puzzled.

  ‘That “I love Natalie” note,’ said Sam. ‘You wrote it yourself.’

  ‘I did not!’

  ‘I found the yellow pad in your desk!’

  ‘So what?’ said Natalie. ‘Heaps of us use them. To mark things in our books.’

  Sam frowned. Maybe he was wrong after all?

  ‘I’m telling you. I did not write that note!’ Natalie was looking more and more distressed. Tears brimmed in her eyes. ‘You’re the one who’s had their joke.’ Furiously she blinked the tears away. ‘And the joke’s on me! I hate you Sam Wylie.’

  ‘I didn’t mean it,’ said Sam, but Natalie had gone.

  Sam felt terrible. He’d been so eager to lump Natalie in with the rest, and now he’d hurt her feelings. Even lost her as a friend. At least he hadn’t slavered all over her! Sam heard the bell go for afternoon lessons. With a sinking heart he went to line up.

  ‘Sam’s the best kisser in the world.’ Rachel’s voice rang out over the noise of the line, bringing Sam to a halt. ‘He kisses so good he makes your head spin!’

  Sam gulped. When was this nonsense going to stop? Several faces turned in his direction.

  ‘Sam kisses so good he makes you weak at the knees,’ said Melanie loudly.

  More children turned to stare at him.

  ‘Sam kisses so good he makes your heart go pitter patter,’ chimed in Thea.

  Sam had the undivided attention of his entire class.

  ‘Hey, lover boy,’ called Harry, following up with grunting noises.

  Sam wished that there were a black hole in the universe that he could dive into. Valentine’s Day. He never wanted one again.