Amish Love Saves All

by Rachel Stoltzfus

  The noise level in the room went up. Eli opened the back door while Linda opened the front, allowing some of the sound to escape.

  Andy found himself in a group with Deacon King and Jethro Yoder. When the group’s recorder pointed at him, he sighed. “I believed it was right for me to tell women where and when they could work. After hearing some of the situations here, I realized that I didn’t know enough of each family’s situation to judge.”

  “Who are we to judge?” This was Deacon King.

  Andy’s mouth opened and closed as he struggled with that. “Ahh, well, we are on this earth to make sure that women are safe. To make sure they use good judgment in the—”

  “Wait,” Jethro said. “We have pretty smart women who live and work here. I trust their judgment just fine. If my daed were to die, I would grieve him and miss him. But I would know that Mamm could keep our home and business running. She was encouraged and taught by her parents. Andy, I’ve helped Amy out with her farm tour. I saw a confident young woman making decisions and directing volunteers where they needed to be. The tour ran smoothly, with tourists moving from one station to another, fully enjoying themselves. Before they left, Amy made sure they enjoyed snacks. And, by the end of the day, she had entertained and taught over fifty tourists by my own estimate. She does that every weekend, and in between she prepares for the upcoming tour, which takes planning and coordination. She knows what she is doing. Ya, she is ‘barely breaking even.’ But she isn’t relying on the generosity of the families here, is she?

  “Ahh, nee. But shouldn’t someone, a male, be guiding her decisions, to make sure—?”

  “Ach, the ‘judgment’ question again. Andy, if your daed were to pass away today, would you trust your mamm to keep the house and farm running?” Deacon King sat back, waiting patiently.

  The question and topic hit Andy hard in the gut. Breathing deeply, he took a swallow of coffee and considered. “While she would need some help with some farming aspects, I believe she could keep everything running. But—”

  “Nee, Andy. Leave judgment out of it. She has been running your household for, what, thirty, forty years, right? I’m sure your daed handed all that over to her. Consider the household and budget to be a small business. How long has it been since she’s made a mistake that affected how the house functions? Or does she go running to your daed for every decision?”

  Andy allowed his gaze to go outside. Seeing the leaves falling off the trees, he felt calm once again. “I can’t think of a time when she’s made a poor decision. The only time she and Daed confer on a decision is when they have to talk about a large expenditure. You see, they make decisions together for bigger money expenditures.”

  “Okay, can you see your household being operated like a small business, with your mamm as the boss?”

  Closing his eyes, Andy tried to imagine this. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “Andy, can you see someone like Annie Miller, opening her own business outside the family home? Running it successfully with the goal of having it be a protection against a bad farming or carpentry year?” Jethro looked into Andy’s confused gaze. “I know this is a strange new way for you to think. But you need to change how you view women and your relationship to them.”

  “Clearly, if I am not to keep fouling up my approaches to them,” Andy growled.

  “Andy, do you know where your views on women come from? Because I’ve always seen your mamm as quite independent. And I never got the impression that your daed didn’t want her to do anything, like work in the market or another business selling retail goods.” Deacon King leaned forward, his coffee cup in between his knees.

  “Nee. Daed has always encouraged Mamm to do what she felt she needed to do.” Andy paused, thinking back. “I remember...back when I was, maybe eight, ten years old, I met a boy. We were only friends for a short time. Mamm and Daed let me spend the afternoons at his house before it was time for chores. After a while, I began to pick up on his daed’s attitude toward women and girls. ‘You’re stupid. You can’t do nothing right. Don’t expect to be allowed to work outside the home because girls and women don’t have the judgment to even work at the market without messin’ up.’”

  “But, Andy, if your daed didn’t have those beliefs, how would it make sense for you to assume them? He would have had more of an influence on your thinking.”

  “Ya, that’s why I can’t understand why I think that way.”

  “Andy.” Eli dropped into their group. “How does your daed express himself toward your sisters?”

  “Protective. He is protective.”

  “Okay. And? Anything else?”

  “Wait.” A dim memory began surfacing. “I remember that my oldest sister said she wanted to work a shop. Daed was reluctant, for some reason. Being that I was only twelve, I had to be upstairs in bed. But I had heard their discussion before I went upstairs, so I snuck over to the top of the stairs and listened to my sister and Daed. She wanted to work in an English store that specialized in selling Amish creations. ‘I can do this, Daed. It’ll allow me to save money so that Ben and I can start our married life out on the right foot.’ Then my daed disagreed. He said that my sister didn’t have the head for numbers and books. ‘You’d do better makin’ quilts here at home and selling them. Or baking and spending a day or two selling to other Amish and to the tourists.’

  “My sister was hurt, and she asked him why he didn’t believe in her. Well, that slowed my daed down and he told her he did believe in her. ‘But I’ve always just seen you as soft and more suited for the home arts.’ In the end, my sister didn’t apply for that position. She does quilt and she does a great job at it. Her work is in demand and what she earns is a nice supplement to Ben’s carpentry work.”

  “What did your daed say about your other sisters?” Eli was astounded.

  “He had no objection to their working in that store. When Annie opened her quilt shop, they worked there for a year or two before they began having babies.”

  Eli thoughtfully pulled at his beard. “You know, putting myself in your oldest sister’s shoes, I would be hurt. What was her reaction when your younger sisters were able to get the permission she sought?”

  “Angry and hurt, ya. She loves Daed, but that has put a strain in their relationship. And she has forgiven him...but has never forgotten what he said and decided.”

  Deacon King broke in. “And this had its effect on how you see Amy Hershberger?”

  Andy had clearly never thought about it from that point of view. “Huh?” He took his hat off and scratched his full head of hair. “Huh! I never saw it that way.”

  “Think carefully and answer as honestly as you can. Why do you believe that Amy could use bad judgment? Or that she’s made a mistake with her choice?” Eli watched Andy closely.

  Andy did as Eli directed. He took his time and thought of both women’s situations. He compared both women to each other. He thought about the decisions his sister had made and realized she had made very few significant ones. Nor had Amy. “Uh, well, they are both gentle in their personalities. Soft, you know? But strong. They both have a core of strength that, with their faith, gets them through the tough times. I guess—nee, I know—that I mistook that gentle personality as being too soft to survive out in the world. Hearin’ that Amy is able to direct others during tours so every one of them is successful surprised me. It shouldn’t. She’s able to make a decision and stick to it. A lot like my sister.”

  “And about the risk of bad judgment?” Eli wasn’t going to let him wiggle out of that one.

  “Bad judgment... I still have a hard time believing that having tours every weekend and allowing English tourists to be around her kinder is good.”

  “Okay, let’s go with that. Do you distrust the English?”

  “Some, ya. I don’t know that they wouldn’t try to hurt the children.”

  “Amy has thought of that and taken precautions. Do you trust her ability to protect them?”

  �
��Oh, ya!”

  “Then, if she can protect them, having tourists around shouldn’t be an issue, especially now that so many of us are volunteering to help her during her tours. It’s that many more extra pairs of eyes to supervise the kinder, ya?”

  Andy couldn’t deny that. “True.” A question occurred to him. “Do you think she’d let me volunteer?”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Deacon King leaned forward. “Let me ask her. But after Sunday’s meeting, she was pretty mad. I wouldn’t get my hopes up. I think you’ve burned your bridges pretty thoroughly with her.”

  Andy had known that instinctively, but hearing the words still hurt. He drew in a big breath, trying to minimize their impact. “Ya, I got it.”

  The group work came to an end and each group’s recorder reported the results of their discussion of the question. “Okay, it looks like some of the men here still believe that women shouldn’t work outside the home, even if the wife has the ability and aptitude to do so. Men, we still have some work to do. Those of you who still have this belief, please raise your hands. Ya, you’ll identify yourselves, but we are going to at least understand that this belief comes from a sexist view of the women here. That way, when the question comes up in your families, you’re better prepared to give your wives or fiancées the benefit of the doubt.” The meeting ended and the participants went home.

  Andy went home with questions swirling around in his head. That night, after supper, he asked his daed whether he truly believed women should work outside the home if they had the desire and ability to do so.

  “Ya, now I do. I regret saying what I said to your sister. I thought I was protecting her and doing the best thing possible for her. I’ve watched her operate her quilting business over the years. She has done a great job, setting rates, ordering, making her quilts and receiving payment. There was only one customer who cheated her out of what she was owed. Your sister figured out what mistakes she made and hasn’t made them again. Ya, she is a gut business woman. Today, I would say that if she wants to work in a store or office, she should do so, as long as her husband agrees. If she wants to start her own business, she should, with his agreement.”

  “Daed, I made a similar mistake with Amy. Only now...”

  “Son, I saw what happened. Ya, she’s a woman, but she is making that farm tour business work. I hear she has volunteers helping her out now.”

  “Ya. It is working and the volunteers are a big help for her.”

  “You miss her, ya?”

  “Ya. But I was stupid. She won’t want to go out with me again because I didn’t trust that she had the ability to make the decisions and carry them out.”

  “Son, I am sorry. Like me, that’s your burden to bear. Keep that in mind as you look around for another young woman to court.”

  “Daed, I don’t think...”

  “What?”

  “I always imagined myself courting and eventually marrying Amy. Then, she married Matt Hershberger and I was ready to be single all my life. None of the other women here—”

  “Stop. Don’t be stupid. There is a young woman here or in another community that is right for you. Allow yourself time to grieve, then start noticing who’s out there.”

  “But, daed—”

  “Andy! You acted poorly around her and tried to order her around. You learned your lesson. Now, get yourself out of the muck and resolve to do better next time. You going to those peer group meetings?”

  I went to this one. It was...okay. Not sure if I’ll go to more.”

  “Well, I’m going. And you’ll be with me.”

  Andy stared at his daed, his jaw fully dropped.

  ***

  While Andy was having his discussion with his daed, Eli and Deacon King were discussing him. “Eli, you think he's learned that he has sexist ways of thinking?”

  “It’s occurred to him. If he’s smart, he’ll allow himself to figure out how to change that so that when he meets someone new, he won’t blow that relationship.”

  Hannes stared at Eli. “You know, you sounded just like an Englischer there.”

  Eli chuckled. “Ya, remember, my family and I spent some years living in an English town. I picked up on some of the lingo.”

  Hannes’ laugh came out as a bark. He shook his head. “Apparently! Were you able to maintain your Amish lifestyle and beliefs?”

  “Ya, we were. I was there with my mamm and daed. He had to work in a factory to earn the money he needed to pay off a bank loan. Once he was able to do that, he took the rest of his savings and we moved here and found our home.”

  “Back to Andy Stoltzfus. I think he’ll learn more readily. Losing Amy was a real shock to him. John Andrews, on the other hand...”

  “Ach! From what I’ve learned from Beth, his beliefs are rooted in extremely conservative thinking. When we have time, I think we should have a conversation with John’s mamm. I’ll bring Lovina along with me so she might feel more comfortable.”

  “When do you have time?” Eli was thinking of his schedule for the next two weeks.”

  “No time like the present. Do you have any time tomorrow?”

  “I have three shoeing appointments tomorrow. One early, the other two mid-afternoon and early evening. You?”

  “I have to go to the lumber store and pick up a large order along with some other supplies. I want to take care of that early as well. What time do you anticipate being back home after your early appointment?”

  “Probably around nine in the morning.”

  “Perfect. Go with me to the lumber store, we’ll unload the wagon and store everything in my shop. Then we’ll go to the Andrews farm.”

  “I like that. But no appointment?”

  “Nee. I don’t want to give her time to think of potential answers to anything we might ask. Our group has become well-known here.”

  “Ya, it has. Okay, I’ll wait for you and we’ll go from your house.”

  ***

  It was almost ten the next morning when Hannes and Eli finished unloading the lumber and supplies in Hannes’ carpentry shop. Lovina was with them as they discussed what they would ask Mrs. Andrews.

  Hannes began. “I met with Beth Zook a week or two ago. She had a bruise on the side of her face that John had given her. We talked about it. He had ordered her to quit her job serving at the diner and she told him why she couldn’t. He took it personally, thinking that she was defying him.”

  “She is taking part in our peer meetings and says they are helping her.”

  “She doesn’t speak out much or volunteer any information,” Lovina said. “I get the sense she’s frightened of him. She’s also desperate because she has to keep her job so she and her mamm won’t lose everything. I spoke with her privately and she seemed more comfortable with that. She was actually able to admit that she was thinking of breaking off with John. She even said that she’d rather be an old maid than marry John if this is how he’s going to treat her.”

  Eli listened, soaking everything in. “Has she met his parents?”

  “Ya. She says his mamm is like a scared little mouse. She says nothing without deferring to her husband. That makes me wonder—”

  “Getting his approval before saying anything, along with being so fearful could be a sign that he has abused her. But until we see for ourselves, we should not assume,” Hannes pointed out. He went on, seeming to mutter to himself. “It makes me wonder too, but until she is ready to say anything, there is little...but maybe...could it happen?”

  Eli sent a puzzled glance over to Lovina, who smiled and shook her head. “That’s how he does his best thinking. He figures things out by talking to himself. It’s actually very effective for him.”

  “We’ll have a discussion with Missus Andrews, and then decide who would be best able to work with her and her husband. It may be one of us, or maybe one of the elders and his wife, depending on how Mister Andrews responds.” Eli rubbed his whiskery chin, thinking.

  ***

  Arr
iving at the Andrews place, Deacon King knocked on the front door and they waited.

  Inside, Big John waved his wife back to her kitchen work. “I’ll get it. You get back to your work.” Swinging the door open, Big John’s surprise caused his jaw to drop. “Deacon! Missus King. If we would have known you were coming, we would have had a pie ready! Come in! Enter!” Big John’s voice was energetic, but Eli’s finely trained ears picked up on the thin thread of anger running underneath.

  “Denki! I need to introduce Eli Yoder to you as well. We have some business to discuss with you...and your wife.” Hannes gave Big John no room in which to refuse to allow his wife to participate in the meeting.

  “Okay, come in. Emma, make a pot of coffee, now! Do we have any pie left from yesterday?”

  Emma’s voice was whispery-quiet. “Ya, I’ll make coffee. We have some pie left. Please, sit.”

  The guests sat, and after enjoying a few bites of the pie, they came to the reason for their visit. “We need to speak to the two of you individually. It’s about the peer community group and its work here. We’re trying to reach out to every family in Peace Valley.”

  “John, if you’ll come outside with the deacon and me, we can get started so you can get back to your own work. I know your time is valuable.” Eli rose.

  “It’s not necessary for my wife to speak up. I speak for her,” John said.

  Hannes tipped his head to the side. “Why is that?”

  “Women don’t have the judgment to speak about some matters. It’s for their husbands to communicate for them.”

  Seated, Emma Andrews flushed and crouched over as she heard what her husband said.

  Lovina rose and faced John directly. “I’ll take my chances. Being ‘a woman,’ I may be able to pick up on what Emma says.”

  John understood Lovina’s message. Flushing and scuffing the floor, he shrugged, mumbling. “Okay, whatever.”

  Outside, the men sipped their hot coffee gratefully. The mornings were becoming chilled, and hot beverages were more and more comfortable.

  “So, what’s this meeting for?” John was off-balance. He didn’t like this feeling, and he sought to get information so he could regain control of the situation.