Trapped in Time

by Evangeline Anderson

  “Oh…all right.” Caroline felt a little let down—she had a mental image of running into Richard’s room and throwing her arms around his neck. She was hoping he might start to feel the connection she’d felt from the moment she first saw him and realized she had been dreaming of him. It was possible, wasn’t it?

  “C’mon, let’s get you back to your suite,” Kat said to her. “You want to get showered and changed and get a good night’s rest yourself so you’ll be fresh and gorgeous when you go to see him tomorrow, right?”

  “Kat’s right—you’ve had an incredibly long day,” Sophie pointed out.

  “You’re right.” Now that the tension and fear of the surgery was over, Caroline began to feel how tired she really was. She’d been trapped in another universe for days, had been drugged multiple times, forced to go through an annulment and a wedding, and had to fight for her life with a serial killer. She was beat.

  “Let’s go—I’ll walk you to your suite.” Kat rose and gave her a hand to stand up. Caroline swayed tiredly. “Here—hold on to me.” Kat held out her arm and Caroline leaned against her gratefully.

  “Thank you—thank all of you,” she said, nodding at Sylvan and Liv and Sophie as well as Kat. “You’ve all been wonderful. I know we haven’t known each other long but I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

  “You’re very welcome, Dr. Lambert.” Commander Sylvan smiled at her. “Have a good night’s sleep and we’ll see you in the morning.”

  “I’ll be at the med center bright and early,” Caroline promised and then yawned hugely.

  “Let’s go,” Kat commanded. “You’ve got to go lay down before you fall down.” She led Caroline away and the last thought Caroline had was that she couldn’t remember ever feeling so tired.

  * * * * *

  “All right—what’s going on?” Sophie turned to her husband as soon as Caroline and Kat were safely out of earshot. “I can feel the worry coming off you in waves. Is Richard not doing as well as you told Caroline he was?”

  “It’s not that.” Sylvan shook his head. “In fact, he’s doing even better. He was awake and lucid when we left him. But—”

  “But he doesn’t want to see Caroline,” Liv finished for him, flatly. “In fact, he specifically asked not to see her.”

  “What?” Sophie couldn’t believe it. “But he took a bullet for her! Surely that has to mean something—he has to care at least a little, doesn’t he?”

  Sylvan looked thoughtful. “Actually, I think he does care—he just doesn’t want to admit it, even to himself. If I were a betting male, I would bet he’s afraid that seeing Caroline will cause him to feel things for her he doesn’t want to feel.”

  “Or maybe seeing her is just too painful—it’s a reminder of the other Caroline he lost,” Liv pointed out. “The one our Caroline was pretending to be. I think that really upset him—the fact that she gave him ‘false hope’ that his wife was finally starting to love him.”

  “But…but what are we going to tell Caroline?” Sophie demanded. “Kat and I have been sitting out here trying to convince her that everything is going to be okay and that Richard really cares for her. What are we going to do if he refuses to see her tomorrow too?”

  “I don’t know.” Sylvan looked troubled. “But I cannot force him to see a visitor he doesn’t wish to meet with.”

  Liv frowned. “Look, I’ll work on him some tomorrow when we do morning rounds. Maybe he’ll come around by then.”

  “I hope you’re right.” But Sophie couldn’t help feeling worried. Richard struck her as a very stubborn man. What was that quote from Pride and Prejudice? “My good opinion, once lost, is lost forever,” she muttered.

  “What was that?” Liv asked.

  Sophie shook her head. “Nothing. It’s just that…Richard strikes me as having a very stiff, old-fashioned sense of honor. And if you offend that honor or violate his personal code of ethics by, say, pretending to be his dead wife and toying with his heart—which is what he feels like Caroline has done…”

  “He’s not likely to give you a second chance,” Liv finished for her. “Oh dear—you could be right, Sophie.”

  “I hope not,” Sophie said grimly. “I guess only time will tell.”

  But she had a bad feeling about it all the same—a very bad feeling indeed.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  “I know he doesn’t want to see me.” Caroline was clearly trying to keep her voice steady. “And that he’s planning to go back to his own universe. But, well…I’d just like to say goodbye.” She looked at Liv imploringly. “Couldn’t I at least do that, before we never ever see each other again?”

  Liv frowned and consulted the schedule. It was a quiet day in the Med Center and nobody much was around. Which meant there were fewer people who might tell on her for bending the rules. She hadn’t been a full-fledged doctor for long, which meant she was being careful to walk the straight and narrow. But in this case, she thought it was time to make an exception.

  Poor Caroline had been coming to the med center every day for two weeks and every day Richard had refused to even see her. Liv had watched as the repeated refusals and rejections ate away at the other woman’s self esteem—watched as her face fell every time she was turned away. Clearly she felt a deep connection with the big Blood Kindred—and just as clearly he felt nothing for her.

  Or that was what he wanted to believe.

  Liv had even tried speaking to him herself on Caroline’s behalf. But Richard was a deeply private (and deeply stubborn) person. All his loyalty and love had been given to the other Caroline and he appeared to have no interest in forming a relationship with anyone else.

  Just yesterday, Liv had finally lost her temper with him.

  “I can’t believe you won’t even talk with her,” she’d said, glaring at her patient, who was propped up in his bed and reading up on modern Kindred medical techniques—a subject which apparently interested him much more than the fact that there was a woman who loved him desperately just outside the door, wanting to speak with him.

  “I am sorry,” Richard had said stiffly, sounding not a bit repentant. “But I think it’s best if I and the imposter keep our distance. She has taken advantage of my gullibility once—I have no intention of allowing such a thing to happen again.”

  “She’s not the imposter in this world,” Liv had snapped, completely at the end of her patience. “You are. And maybe you ought to think what it was like for her, trying to survive in your crazy, mixed-up universe and realize you are not the wronged party here, Richard!”

  “I’m certain it was…difficult for her.” He had frowned sternly. “And for that, she has my sympathies. But I regret that I can extend no other emotion to her. Which is why I refuse to see her—it’s best that she not be given false hope, as I was given it.”

  “You’re a liar,” Liv had accused him. “You’re lying to me right now about feeling nothing but sympathy for Caroline. And worse—you’re lying to yourself. Lying so well you actually believe it.”

  “I beg your pardon?” He had looked deeply offended—not surprising since up until then, Liv had been doing her level best to be completely professional with him, despite the way his treatment of Caroline irritated her. To have her lose it like this was probably blowing his mind—but at that point, she didn’t care.

  “It’s not my pardon you need to beg,” Liv had snapped. “And I think you need to ask yourself something, Richard—are you avoiding Caroline because you truly feel nothing for her—or because you’re afraid you might if you only gave yourself a chance?”

  Then she had stormed out of the room and asked another doctor to check him for evening rounds. She couldn’t bear to be in the same room with anyone who was being so irritatingly stubborn and willfully blind. But now she decided she could see him one more time—and give Caroline a chance to see him too, despite his wishes not to see her.

  After all, Caroline hadn’t hurt or assaulted him in any way. S
he had lied to him, but out of necessity and the need to keep herself safe in his world. The least the big, stubborn male could do was give her a chance to have her say before he went back to his world and never saw her again.

  “All right,” she told Caroline, smiling a little. “I’m warning you—he still doesn’t want to see you. But that’s just too bad.”

  “I know he doesn’t.” Caroline’s eyes were suspiciously bright but she lifted her chin determinedly. “It’s like I said—I just want to say goodbye to him before it’s too late.”

  “I think that’s fair.” Liv nodded. “You go in and I’ll stand guard outside his door. Nobody’s getting in or out until you’re ready to go.”

  Caroline gave her a grateful, if somewhat tremulous smile.

  “Thanks, Liv—you’re a great friend.”

  “You’re welcome.” Liv smiled and then, on impulse, she gave Caroline a quick hug. The other woman clung to her for a moment and Liv could feel her trembling. But then she pulled back and smiled, perhaps a little too brightly.

  “Okay—I’m ready,” she said. “Might as well get this over with.”

  “Of course.” Liv squeezed her shoulder. “Come on—let’s go.”

  She led Caroline past the usually busy central hub of the Med Station and down a hallway that led to the long-term recovery rooms.

  Richard had been healed and ready to go for the past three days, if she was being honest, but Liv had been keeping him here, hoping he might change his mind about seeing Caroline. But she couldn’t hold him any longer and tonight he was scheduled for discharge, followed by a swift trip through the PORTAL machine back to his own universe.

  Caroline was right to seek closure now—there was never going to be another chance.

  When they got to the door of his room, Liv opened it and motioned for Caroline to come in with her.

  Richard looked up from the tablet he’d been reading and frowned, a look of irritation coming over his sharp features.

  “What is this?” he demanded, glaring at Liv. “I have told you again and again that I do not wish to see this person. Why did you allow her entry to my room?”

  “You listen here, buddy.” Liv stabbed a finger at him angrily. “You say you don’t feel anything for Caroline—well and good. But she feels something for you and the two of you went through a lot together, even if you did think she was your wife at the time. You pride yourself on being a gentleman? Well a real gentleman would give her the chance to at least say goodbye before he ran off to another universe and never saw her again!”

  Richard looked abruptly chastened, the anger and irritation leaving his face at once.

  “All right,” he said quietly. “I will concede your point. She may stay.”

  “Thank you.” Feeling vindicated, Liv nodded at Caroline. “Go ahead. I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

  “Thanks.” Caroline nodded gratefully.

  Liv closed the door behind her and stood guard. Caroline needed closure and by God, she was going to get it!

  * * * * *

  “Well? What have you come to say?” Richard was looking at her coldly, making Caroline feel like a grubby servant girl brought before the Master of the house for discipline.

  No! she told herself firmly. I’m not going to feel that way. I have a right to see him at least once before he goes—a right to try and explain myself.

  And she intended to do it with dignity and calm. She would not cry, she promised herself sternly. She would simply state her case, say her good-byes, and leave on the next shuttle bound for Earth. For she had decided she couldn’t stay aboard the Mother Ship anymore. She needed to put some distance between herself and the events that had transpired here.

  In fact, she had plans to change her whole life. But first she had to do this—had to make him understand that she hadn’t been playing with his heart for her own amusement. She had to let him know that her heart had been affected too, even if he didn’t return her feelings.

  Caroline took a deep breath.

  “I just want to clear up some misconceptions,” she said, looking at him evenly. “I wanted to let you know that I wasn’t just having fun at your expense when I pretended to be your Caroline.”

  “What was it, then?” he growled, glaring at her. “I understand you felt you had to pose as my wife because you feared you would be committed to an insane asylum if you told anyone your true circumstances. But why did you feel the need to play the part to the hilt and attempt to engage my heart?”

  “I…I wasn’t thinking about your heart,” Caroline admitted. “I was thinking about mine. I know that sounds selfish and horrible,” she went on quickly. “But please, let me try to explain. You see, when you touched me I felt…” Her cheeks were getting hot and she stumbled over the words. “I felt something I never thought I would feel for any man.”

  “Oh?” He raised one eyebrow skeptically at her and made a motion with one hand. “Pray, go on. What did you feel?”

  Caroline cleared her throat.

  “Desire,” she admitted. “And a kind of instant connection I’ve never experienced with anyone before. You see, I’m a Demisexual—that’s someone who can’t feel sexual arousal for another person unless they have a strong emotional connection with them first.”

  He frowned. “You speak openly of such things here? Sexual arousal? Your…desire for me?”

  Caroline sighed. “Oh God—I’m making such a mess of this! But yes, I do—because things are different here in my world. People don’t go courting for months before they hold hands and kiss and they don’t wait years before getting married. Dating is much faster. You’re expected to know right away if you like somebody. And then, half the time, you’re expected to sleep with them, too. I’m just…not built like that.”

  Seeing the look of incomprehension on his face, she had a sudden thought.

  “Here—I’ll show you.”

  Pulling out her phone, she went to the App Store and typed in, “Dating.” Immediately hundreds of hits popped up.

  “Look,” she said to Richard, handing him the phone. “Just scroll down.”

  He took it from her with some uncertainty—clearly he was still getting used to twenty-first century technology after living his whole life in the nineteenth century. But he handled it well enough to look at the screen and scroll down as she had instructed.

  As he did, Caroline noticed a frown on his face.

  “What is this word—‘hook-up’?” he asked, looking up at her. “I see it mentioned in nearly all of these advertisements.”

  “It’s a term for casual sex,” Caroline told him. “All of these apps are advertising that they make it easy for people to find each other for quick and easy sexual encounters.”

  His frown deepened.

  “But there is nothing ‘casual’ about intimate relations. Or there shouldn’t be, at least. A relationship should have depth and meaning and a basis of love and devotion before sexual relations occur.”

  Caroline felt like he’d squeezed her heart in his fist.

  “That’s how I feel too,” she said quietly. “But…it’s not the culture I live in.”

  He shook his head. “I still do not understand. In my world, the only ‘casual sex’ to be had is if a male goes to a prostitute. Are these females here…” He gestured with his free hand at her phone where plenty of skinny, gorgeous women were displayed, “Women of easy virtue?”

  Caroline laughed sadly. “They’re not prostitutes, no, if that’s what you’re asking. These apps are for normal women getting together with regular guys.”

  “What?” Richard glared at the screen. “The people of your world expect young women to meet up with strange men for carnal activities without even knowing them first? This is outrageous!”

  “Well, that’s the general idea of most of the hook-up apps, anyway,” Caroline admitted. “There are dating and relationship apps too. But even those require that you make up your mind by the end of the first date if you’
re going to be compatible with the person you matched with and if you want to see them again.” She shrugged helplessly. “My problem is I just don’t know if I’ll be compatible with someone.”

  “No?” he asked, non-committaly.

  “No. Not without knowing them for a long time and getting to trust them. But that’s not how dating works these days. You’re supposed to follow your gut and have some kind of mysterious instinct about which guy is your soul mate. I don’t have that instinct—it was left out of me somehow. So when I felt it for you—felt that instinctive connection with you—it seemed like…like a miracle.” She shrugged, feeling embarrassed. “I’m sorry—I know that sounds like I’m throwing myself at you. But I’m really not—I’m just trying to explain why I acted the way I did.”

  He frowned. “It seems to me your whole society has some explaining to do. I can’t understand the idea that young women of good character are supposed to act like prostitutes on a regular basis.”

  “Well, it’s not seen that way here,” Caroline cautioned him. “A lot of women like feeling sexually liberated—free to have as many casual relationships or ‘hook-ups’ as they want. I’m just not one of them.”

  “You seemed…eager enough to, er, ‘hook-up’ when we were alone together,” he pointed out. “It surprised me greatly because I believed you to be my own Caroline, who was never eager for my touch and in fact, actively avoided me.”

  “I know I must have seemed shamelessly eager,” Caroline admitted, feeling her cheeks get hot again. “But being Demisexual doesn’t mean you have no sex drive at all—it just means you can’t feel sexually attracted to someone unless you know and trust them. And from the minute I realized I’d been dreaming of you for years, I felt that connection and, well…I wanted you. The way I’ve never wanted any man before.” She bit her lip, embarrassed to be admitting such a thing to him. But if this was the last time she was going to see him, she was determined to put all her cards on the table and tell the absolute truth.

  “I wanted you too,” he admitted hoarsely. “But of course I thought you were—”