by Unknown
"Alice!" She yells. "Young lady I am so disappointed in you. You come home for ME and you don't bother to see me at all?”
I actually chuckle and it pisses her even more as she continues
"I was in such a state and you laugh?” she shrieks. "What if...?"
"Mother. Stop! I know what you did ok? Did you really think I would not have figured out eventually? I will stop by later.”
I hang up and go wash my face and teeth. While on vacation I should really visit a beauty salon. Mother can wait a bit, especially since seeing me with blue hair ... I would never see the end of it.
The day passes in a blur. I am really enjoying myself. Well at least until I see her. I barely make it before visiting hours are over. Knocking at the door, my mother’s voice tells me to enter.
"Oh Alice, so nice to see you. But don’t think I have forgiven you “she raises her chin into the air and this is usually the sign that she expects me to fawn all over her. Well not anymore.
"Mother, I think we should really talk.”
"Well of course we should talk” she says in a sweet voice, playing with her hair. My mother is a beautiful woman, even for her age. Her long blond hair compliments her fair complexion perfectly. She has a pair of gorgeous emerald eyes, of which to be honest I am quite envious.
"First of all, mother I would like you to stop trying to control me”
"Me?" She says incredulously
"Yes you. This trip here is the perfect example. You are pissed off I didn't answer your phones or come home so you brought me home with trickery”
"Oh dear, what's come over you? I was really bad, you know, your uncle had to call 911...”
"My uncle huh... Tell me mother, are you sleeping with him?"
I can see her pale but she stays quiet, she doesn't deny anything.
"Alice... What ideas...” her voice is trembling and I already have my answer
"I had a hunch for some time now. I can’t believe is true. How long? “I am seething. God please, please!
"Alice, control yourself”
"Mother I want an answer. Was it after dad died or....or did you…? “I halt mid-sentence as the tears run down my face.
She is still silent.
"Mother, I think I deserve at least that."
"I am so sorry..." she says between sobs.
"You see... I was never happy with your father. I have never loved him." now everything makes sense. Why she was always so cold…
"Why him? He was his brother for god's sake!”
"I knew Alfred first. I fell in love with him when I was quite young. But he married Meredith and I was so heartbroken. I hated him then, I wanted him to suffer so I married his brother, your father.”
"Then...that's why you loved Roberta so much. Because she was his?”
" I am so sorry... yes... she looked so much like him... and then Meredith died and I found some things. I still loved him you see... and he saw how unhappy I was with your father.”
"Did dad know?”
She looks hesitant so I ask her again.
"He ... he found out, he day of the accident. He found us. “I am stunned by her confession.
"Who are you?” I whisper, feeling like my heart has just been ripped out of my chest.
"How could you? You are not my mother. I don't even know you!" I yell, realizing it all fits into the puzzle.
"Dad died because of you.” I tell her and turn my back to leave.
"Don't contact me any longer. Forget you have a daughter “I take a few steps towards the door but stop again
"It should have been you”
I make my way out through the halls, feeling as if my head is about to explode. It's all her fault. Everything. Absolutely everything.
****
It's almost midnight as I get back to the apartment. I am still feeling a little queasy after the plane ride but I just want to forget. I take a bottle of tequila from our stash and go to my room. Taking out the photo album I start to reminisce.
"Oh daddy... I am so sorry. It should have been her”
Sometime later, after having wasted all of my tears and finishing half the bottle I finally fall asleep. I miss you daddy...
Four days to go. And what better way to numb the pain than alcohol? Too bad is that after the first two days I had finished all there was to drink in the house. I stagger grab my keys and go to the bar two blocks down. Mother must have called, or at least uncle, but ever since I got home my phone has been off. I enter thaw bar and I notice everyone looking back at me. Well you can guess how I look, my eyes red and splotchy, disheveled hair. There also must be some traces of black since I didn’t bother to cleanse it off two days ago, as if I cared about make up then. I order myself a whiskey, which I down in one gulp. Ash it burns like hell.
"Wow, easy their baby!" Says the barman, watching me with a hint of amusement.
"Refill please" he complies and I hear a masculine voice next to me saying.
"Johnny, it's on me”
I turn my head and see a gorgeous blonde guy smiling at me.
"My treat baby” he winks. He freaks winks. Under normal circumstances I would have been pleased to be approached by such a handsome guy. But now is everything but normal. I grit my teeth and answer him in an angry tone.
"Can't a girl just fucking sit and have a drink without everyone staring and gawking, or assholes approaching her?" I am about to leave but he catches me by the arm and gives me one dazzling smile.
"So prejudicial sweetheart. Sit “he says as he forces me down.” I wasn't hitting on you, for future reference. You just seem to be in need to talk to somebody”
My lips curl into a small smile
"And that someone would be you?”
"Well” he says pretending to look around
"I'll have to do” now he gives a full smile, showing white, even teeth and I laugh. I seriously laugh.
"I am not so sure about telling you my problems, but you are funny”
"Glad to be of help” he raises his glass,
"Now, cheers, for pretty little things like you to smile more often”
"Very well, cheers, for assholes that aren't assholes after all”
"So do you have a name?"
"A... Kate”
"Telling me a fake name, now that isn't very pretty”
"Well believe it or not it's all you're getting”
"Feisty" he licks his bottom lip with his tongue and I find myself staring. Raising my eyes I see he watching me with amusement and quickly advert my gaze.
"And you?”
"Julian"
"Well it's nice to meet you Julian”
"Hmm... I would say it's more than nice meeting you, A...Kate" He's mocking me.
"I think just Kate will do.”
"I thought so" he says chuckling. He seems to enjoy himself on my account.
"So Julian, how old is you?”
"Twenty six and single"
"I don't think it's any so my business"
"Oh it will be" he says in a knowing tone.
"Cocky aren't we"? I lift my brow in a questionable manner.
"I am just sure. Yet you did not say how old you are"
"Almost twenty one”
He comes closer and closer and I stay still. I can feel his hot breath next to my ear.
"Fake ID?" He asks in a whisper that melts away my defenses and I nod. I am a bit dumbfounded, because I have only felt this flushed with Aiden's nearness. This confirms one thing. I am definitely attracted to him .I try to push that out of my mind for now, and I realize he is really nice, making me at ease. I keep asking for refills and we continue to chat about everything and nothing, without getting too personal.
I am already drunk. Way too drunk and that is saying something since I can hold my liquor pretty well. Boldness takes over and I ask Julian in my most seductive tone.
"Want to go somewhere else?" It's a good thing I don't slur when drunk.
He looks at me intently
for a second as if checking if it's me or the alcohol speaking and then asks
"What did you have in mind?”
"My apartment is just two blocks away" I say licking my lips.
He stands up and gives me a hand
"Lead the way"
I take his hand and I am really careful not to draw attention to my staggering. I want this. I want him to make love to me. Oh no, not making love as there are no feelings. I want him to fuck me. I want something primal, something to make me forget.
We get to the apartment and he hesitates a second.
"Are you sure?”
Instead of answering I kiss him. His lips are really soft. Mom. I actually like this. I fumble with the key and once we get inside I start unbuttoning his shirt, revealing a yummy, sculpted body. My shirt comes off as well and he starts kissing my neck, using his tongue to send shivers to my body. I moan softly as he unclasps my bra and licks my nipple. We somehow get into a room and find the bed as he is now standing above me. I trace my hands over his body, quickly replacing them with my mouth. I kiss his nipples and the skin to his stomach, never once a thought of Aiden entering my head. I unbuckle his belt and unzip his pants but he quickly grabs my hands and brings them to his lips for a kiss .I smile and cups his head, kissing him with fervent passion
He kisses my temple and then my eyes before taking out a condom. He settles himself between my legs and that's when blackness engulfs me.
Chapter 14
I am awakening by the sound of someone knocking at the door.
"Go away” I whisper, feeling the throbbing in my head. I feel someone stir besides me, getting up from the bed.
"I'll take care of it babe” he says placing a kiss on top of my head.
I slowly open my eyes and I have to blink twice, to assert whether I am dreaming or not, since a very naked male butt is now in front of me. He fishes his boxers from the floor and donning them he heads for the door.
I am staring wide eyed for a second as last night's escapade comes rushing in. Me, Julian. Oh my God I have had a one night stand! And he is still here. As I am still processing everything, I hear a familiar voice.
"Where is Kate?" Aiden asks in an angry tone. What is he doing here?
"Sorry mate, she's indisposed” Julian answers him in a quite steady voice. I quickly put on his shirt and go settle this.
As I come into view Aiden's eyes widen, traveling the whole length of my body.
"What do you want?" I snap, remembering the way he's treated me the last time we have seen each other. His face turns int9 a scowl he says sarcastically.
"Well I had thought to apologize but it seems there is no need." His eyes are so cold, they give me chills. He wanted to apologize?
"Well apology accepted” I say dismissively but he continues in a tone of pure mockery.
"What now? Planning on fucking your way through the whole city?" I step forward to slap him but Julian jumps in my defense.
"I don-t know what is going on between the two but in my presence you respect her.”
"Oh really, do you think you are the first or will be the last?" He barely says the words as my palm connects with his face. Tears are running down my face, but I guess j deserve this. Still he has no right to judge me. No right whatsoever.
"Who do you think you are? You know nothing about me, nothing! You can say whatever you want from now on. It's high time I stopped caring. Now please get out! “I say gritting my teeth and willing myself not to say more. He has no idea how much he's hurt me. He looks stunned for a second but turns to leave. Once the door is closed, Julian envelops me into his arms and lets me cry.
"Shah, it' ok beautiful, I've got you!”
My sobs finally ebb but my heart is still weeping inside.
"Want to tell me what's this all about?" He asks. I raise my eyes to meet his gaze and I have to admit, Julian is a lot more handsome in daylight than in my drunken memories.
"Suffice to say he is someone from the past."
"Is it?" He inquires softly. “After this display I sincerely doubt that. When he saw me opening the door he was about to kill me. I would say at his from his part things are all but in the past. "
I shake my head "you don't understand. It's never going to be me. He sees someone else every time he looks at me.”
"You love him?"
Biting my lip I slowly nod.
"I'm sorry" he says embracing me again.
"Hmm...Julian?”
"Yes?"
"We should talk about last night. What he said isn't true... I don't usually indulge in one night stands. I mean, I never land...”
He cuts me off by placing his forefinger on my lips.
"Well first of all, you don't have to call it a one night stand because it kind of didn't happen"
"What...what do you mean?" I wrinkle my brows, searching through the memories from last night.
"I mean there wasn't any intercourse, you fell asleep" he chuckles at me.
"Really?"
"Yes and second of all, I wouldn't have wanted it to be a one night stand. I want to get to know you Kate" he says, placing a kiss on my knuckles.
"Oh...ok"
"But let's get back to the fact that you couldn't remember if we had or if we didn’t have sex.”
I blush and look away, but he continues.
"You didn't seem that drunk...or I would have never" he looks into my eyes apologetically, which makes me feel quite guilty since I was the one to initiate everything.
****
About an hour later Julian leaves but not before making plans to take me on a real date the next day. He is an amazing and sweet guy, yet I am so relieved it didn't happen. In my drunken stupor I would have done anything to numb my pain, anything, which now I would have deeply regretted. I know that sober I would be able to fully give myself only if I had strong feelings for that person , although it's high time I stopped thinking with my heart . I start dressing up to visit Sarah, taking care to apply enough concealed to hide my dark circles. I don't want her to worry, and I don't think I am yet ready to disclose anything. I don't want any more pity , and it's not as she would pity me , more like , I can already see that expression on her face , which I don't want .
I arrive at her house and knock at the door. A maid greets me and informs me Sarah had to go to a doctor's appointment. Just then I realize my phone has been off the whole time. No doubt she had tried to reach me to tell me that she can now move more freely. I ransack my bag and turn my phone on. Ten messages and fifteen missed calls. As I scroll through the list I see that four of the messages are from my mother, one is from Sarah and the rest are from Aiden.
From: Mother
Honey, please answer your phone or call me back later.
**
Alice dear don't shut me out. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. Please call me
***
Please don't do anything reckless sweetheart, I love you.
****
Even though I realize I may never be forgiven for what I have done , please know that I love you and I have always loved you , you are my baby girl no matter what , don't forget they .
Tears are pooling into my eyes as I read her messages. I love her too, but I can't forgive her.
From: Sarah
Katie!! I miss you!!! You are probably wondering what's with this cheerful message, no? Well, my wounds have healed enough that I can get out of bed without assistance and even sit upright for quite some time. I have this week an appointment with the doctor to remove my stitches. I hope nothing too beds happened to your mother. Take care and can't wait to see you. Love ^
I manage to laugh a bit at her cheerfulness but then I scroll down and come across Aides texts.
From: Aiden
I am an ass, I am really sorry.
**
God Kate, I am so sorry. You didn't deserve that. Please call me back
***
I've been thinking these past few days. I don't deserve y
ou Kate. I don't deserve the fact that you have given me your virginity. I don't deserve the way you look at me when I know I am nothing more than a bastard. I don't deserve your attentions and even though I try and try to alienate myself from you, I find that I need you more and more. I am afraid to taint you, because that is all I do to the good things in my life. I defile them. I am afraid you will see me, the real me and run away. I am afraid ... I am afraid of my feelings for you, because I don't know if I can bear losing someone again.
****
Kate, please talk to me.
*****
Kate, I am getting worried. Please be safe. Please. I am coming over!
I am still staring at his messages. They hit me right to the core. Oh my god, how he must have felt, worrying about me, only to find me half naked with a man. I have to talk to him. But what am I supposed to say? Is it worth it? It was supposed to be just an affair. That's it. But the mere possibility of him having the slightest feelings for me... no, don't go there Kate, he's lied to you! My inner voice tells me. But what if? Follow your head not your heart! I urge myself to forget everything but in about an hour I am standing in front of Aiden's house. I want to know. It's time we turned our cards. And I have a feeling this is going to end badly.
Chapter 15
It's barely 8 P.M and already music is blasting from the house. I enter and bump into a myriad of unknown faces. They are all either high or drunk.
I manage to get to the living room but I can't spot him anywhere. Well, time for approach number two. On the couch in front of me is a couple making out. At least I won't have troubles with drunkards hitting on me.
"Excuse me” I yell, given the loud music, but both of them seem really immersed in what they are doing.
"Excuse me" I say again and pat the girl's shoulder.
"What?" She spats at me as she turns. Talk about bitchy...
"Have you seen Aiden?" I ask and her lips turn into a vile smile.
"You lost your chance, but maybe he's in the mood for a threesome” nausea threatens to take over but I have to do this.