Finessed a Dope Boy's Heart

by Racquel Williams

  “Your husband,” she said, and I popped my mouth.

  “Thank you, Joanne. And I know that you tried your best to hold his ass off,” I said, letting her know that I didn’t blame her for the shit that was going on at all.

  I definitely wasn’t mad at her. But with Rasheem’s ass, I was pissed now more than ever. How dare he come up in my place of work—and fuck up my nut in the process! There was less and less that I liked about this nigga by the day. It made me wonder what I’d ever seen in his ass in the first place. This was his nature. He wasn’t doing shit that he hadn’t always done. But at this point in my life, I wasn’t making excuses for it anymore. And I sure as fuck wasn’t gonna stand for it.

  “Your husband is here?” Jakeel asked, and I could tell that he wasn’t tryin’a be caught in the middle of no shit.

  “Yeah, his ass is here, but he ain’t got no damn business coming up in here,” I expressed my obvious frustration.

  Walking over to me, Jakeel kissed my lips and grabbed a handful of my ass. The way that he kissed me calmed me instantly, and I caught myself looking into his eyes. It was at that moment that I knew that I was in love with this nigga, and there was nothing that I could do about the shit, either.

  “Act normal,” I instructed him, walking to the door. He was already two steps ahead of me, sitting in the chair on the other side of my desk. He grabbed the paperwork and acted like he was busy reading over it. Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door and snatched it open right as Rasheem was about to pound on it again. He was about to use so much force that when there was no door to hit, he stumbled into my office, almost falling on his face. I stepped back, in case gravity chose to be on my side and take his big ass down. I didn’t want him to land on me or take me down with him. And, more than that, I didn’t want his ass to touch me or get too close, because I didn’t need him to smell Jakeel on me.

  “What you got the door locked for?” he asked when he regained his composure. I was already more than halfway across my office and back to my desk by the time he got that question out of his mouth.

  “What are you doin’ at my job?” I asked him, not waiting for an answer before I lit into his ass. “I don’t go to your place of work and question you about how you’re doing things, do I? As a matter of fact, I don’t go anywhere that you are and question shit that you do. I didn’t at home, either. And maybe I should’ve because ya ass didn’t know how to act!”

  Jakeel looked up from his paperwork, giving me a look that told me to chill out. There was no reason for me even to be going back-and-forth with Rasheem, and he was right.

  “I’m working with a parolee,” I said, adjusting my attitude. I motioned toward Jakeel, who finally set the papers down and acknowledged Rasheem’s presence. When he did, though, I saw the tension that crossed his face.

  “What’s up, man?” he said dryly, and I had to giggle because he had just checked me about my attitude.

  “They let you out of the cage, huh?” Rasheem said, confusing the hell out of me. “I wish they had notified me. I woulda made sure that they heard the truth at that parole hearing.”

  “What truth? That you mad that we was fuckin’ the same bitch, and don’t neither one of us know whose kid she gave birth to? Oh, wait,” Keel said, tapping his chin with his finger. “Or did you mean that you had me set up with a gun and drugs that you knew wasn’t mine?”

  “You would’ve gotten caught up eventually. I just accelerated the inevitable,” Rasheem said, and if I had heard his ass right, he admitted to setting Jakeel up . . . and having a child. He didn’t deny the shit, which an innocent person would’ve done.

  “Child? You have a child, Jakeel?” I asked him, before knowing that I’d made my big slipup. I should’ve been asking my soon-to-be ex-husband that question.

  “Why you questioning him? You fuckin’ this nigga? Is that why your damn door was locked?” Rasheem asked so loudly that I was sure the whole damn office had heard his ass.

  “Rasheem, this is my job. Why the hell are you in here causing problems?” I asked through clenched teeth. He was asking questions that were none of his fuckin’ business.

  “Nah, you’re gonna answer me,” he demanded, walking toward me. “Is this why you ain’t tryin’a work shit out with me? ’Cause you out here fuckin’ a goddamned ex-con? Your self-esteem is that low? This the best you can do, but you got the nerve to be telling me what you don’t deserve?” he asked, looking at Keel with a scoff.

  Jakeel was about to get up and say something to him, but I held my hand up, and he nodded that he would let me handle it before sitting back in the chair and crossing his legs. Lacing his fingers together, he put his hands in his lap, like he was about to take in a show. I couldn’t take him seriously, because he was always making something a joke, but I had to say that I was happy that he was here at this moment.

  “You know what pisses me off?” I asked, standing up out of my seat. “You come up in here, begging me one minute and threatening me the next. You just admitted that you set this man up and that you may have a child out there with another woman. That’s the reason that I don’t wanna work this shit out with you. You been slangin’ dick all across the greater Decatur area, had a whole secret fiancée . . . and a white bitch at that. And now, you may or may not have a damn child out here . . .” I crossed my arms in front of my chest and shook my head in disgust. I knew we were loud as hell, and the door to my office was open, so I was sure people were standing in the hallway, listening to all this bullshit unfold.

  “When did I say that I set this li’l nigga up?” Rasheem tried to deflect and flex on Jakeel at the same time. Keel didn’t take the bait, and I had to say that I was impressed that he was able to chill with all that was happening right in front of him. Especially with it being the man who he thinks set him up and cost him seven years of his life. “And I ain’t say that I had a child out here, either.”

  “You didn’t say that you didn’t set him up or that you didn’t have a child out here, either, Rasheem,” I pointed out to his dumb ass. How in the fuck did this nigga get as far in his career as he has? I asked myself, shaking my head again. “And we all know, something that you taught me, is that an innocent man denies any accusations, while a guilty man deflects.”

  He stood there with his eyes saucer-sized. See, the thing about Rasheem was that he was always talking, tryin’a put somebody up on game, but his ass never really listened. And because of who he was, he never checked himself, and his ego never let him think that no one would check his ass, either. And for the longest time, too long, I realized that I hadn’t checked his ass. But today was the day that I was done and tired of the shit. He needed to get it through his thick-ass head that I wasn’t coming back to him and to leave me the fuck alone.

  “And the saddest thing about it all is that you had me out here lookin’ like a whole fool, but you wanna question me about what I’m doin’ with my pussy—pussy that you ain’t even want? That wasn’t enough for you to come home to. Hell, the wife, woman, partner, professional, cheerleader, confidante, mother of your first child wasn’t enough for you to come home. So, while you try to play me like I’m out here bottom-feeding if I’m fuckin’ my parolee, I’m just happy as all hell that I tested clear of AIDS and other STDs that my husband could’ve brought to me.”

  I bent down and picked up my purse, grabbing my keys out of them. I wasn’t about to stay in this office and face all these damn people after the way that Rasheem had just embarrassed me in here. It wasn’t until then that I saw that he had flowers in his hands. Shaking my head, I looked in his face to make sure that he heard me loud and clear.

  “Rasheem Blake, I want you to hear me for the first time in fifteen years because I have never meant anything as much as I mean what the hell I’m about to say to you. Well, other than my wedding vows. But since you ain’t take them bitches seriously, then neither did I. I don’t want you—your name, your money, and damn sure not to be your wife. There is nothing that
you can say or do that’s gonna change that. So, one, stop making an ass out of yourself tryin’a salvage some shit that you threw away and sign the fuckin’ divorce papers that I sent to your ass weeks ago. And take them damn flowers to the mother of your other child and give at least one woman in your life, who sacrificed her time and her body to bring forth your seed, something other than dick and grief.”

  Putting my bag on my shoulder, I tried to walk past him, but he blocked my path. Grabbing me by my arm, he leaned in and spoke through gritted teeth.

  “You’ll leave me over your dead body,” he threatened, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I knew this nigga wasn’t standing his dumb ass here threatening me when he was the one who fucked up. That was the second time that he’d pulled this shit, and it would be his last. Or he wouldn’t need a damned divorce lawyer, because he would be in a pine box some-fuckin’-where.

  I saw Jakeel’s jaw tighten, but only for a moment because my eyes shifted from my arm, where Rasheem had a firm-ass grip, to his face. I slid my purse down off of my arm and reached behind my back. I pulled out my baton and popped it, making it extend and click into place. I hit his ass in the elbow of the arm that he was gripping me with, and then when he let go, I caught him in the knee and the forehead. While he tried to ease the pain of those three licks that I’d just dished out to his ass, I walked the fuck out of my office, leaving both his ass and Jakeel’s asses in there. I was over niggas at this point and didn’t want to be bothered with either one of them.

  I had to admit that hearing that either of them had a child, and possibly by the same woman, hurt me. I know that it was before I even knew that Jakeel existed, but the fact that they both had slept with the same . . . kind of woman bothered me in a real way. I needed some time myself to decide what the hell I wanted to do with my life. It was a whole mess right now, and I hadn’t done a damn thing to start any of this shit. Jakeel wanted me. Rasheem wanted me. But I wasn’t sure, at this point, if either of them deserved me. I was seriously considering moving back up north like Ky had suggested. I didn’t think I would ever be able to show my damn face at work again. And if Rasheem and I weren’t going to be together, there was nothing to keep me here for real. Getting into my car, I wasn’t able to hold the tears back anymore. I’d planned to at least make it down the street and pull into a parking lot or alley and let it all go. But the stress was just too much, and the pressure broke me.

  Tap tap tap.

  I didn’t know how long I had been crying. I’d lost all track of time and was pretty sure that I was halfway to the point of losing my mind. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I couldn’t stand the thought of hearing what anyone may have had to say about how I had behaved. And I really think, what had me even more afraid was that one of the two men who had caused me all this grief and confusion might be standing beside my car. Or worse, both of them were.

  Tap tap tap.

  Whoever it was, wasn’t letting up, so I looked in my center console and pulled out some Kleenex. Wiping my face and blowing my nose, I popped the lock and held my breath, waiting for that person to get inside.

  “Biiiitch, what in the hell you got between them legs? We need to bottle and sell that shit,” Joy said, easing into the passenger seat beside me.

  I rolled my eyes but didn’t respond right away. The shit would be funny later, but right now, I wanted just to have the shit removed so that I had nothing to offer these niggas since that seemed to be all they wanted. I knew that I was thinking in anger and grouping Jakeel with Rasheem, but it was moments like these that made women believe that all men were the same. I wasn’t tryin’a be fair, because it wasn’t like either of them was being fair to me. And neither was life. I was starting to feel like I was catching Karma of some sort for some shit that I had done in a previous life. As ridiculous as that might sound, it made more sense than any of the shit that had been happening to me.

  “Joy, not right now,” I said, letting her know that I wasn’t with her shit at the moment. “My life is over,” I whined, the tears starting to fall all over again.

  “No love, your marriage is over. Your life is just beginning,” she said, dabbing the tears from my eyes for me. “And if you want my honest opinion . . .” she said, pausing to see if I was up for any opinions. I knew she was gonna give me the shit regardless of whether I agreed to it. She was gonna say the shit, so there was no point in resisting.

  “Sure,” I said with an attitude that she ignored.

  “I wouldn’t walk away from my career and a man who has made me glow the way that Jakeel has had you glowing for the likes of Rasheem. He had you. He had his chance, and he fucked that up. Don’t let him ruin your happiness because he sure as hell didn’t let you being a great wife to him stop him from the shit he took you through and is still taking you through,” she said, and I nodded my head. I was hearing her and knew that she was right. But I still had to take some time to get my head right so that I wouldn’t make a decision based on emotions. I’d done enough of that to last me a lifetime.

  “I just need some time to think, Joy,” I told her honestly. “I mean, I don’t even think that I can show my face in this place again after what just happened.”

  Joy busted out laughing, and I had to think back over what I’d just said to figure out what was so funny. I sat there and watched her, ready to hit her ass in the face, because she was supposed to be comforting me, and instead, her ass was laughing at my pain.

  “What the fuck is so damned funny?” I finally asked, getting madder by the second.

  “Girl, everyone in there was glad that you finally stood up to his ass. All of us didn’t know what he was into, but we all knew that he didn’t deserve you. Hell, he even knows that. That’s why his ass was out there lying with roaches and rats. Because he knew he would never be able to measure up to the woman that you were to him. Those other bitches that he’s dealt with, they didn’t ask him for much and were happy just to get whatever he dished out to them. But not you. Not Miss Mika. You wanted him to match you, and that shit is almost impossible for a superhero, let alone a fuckin’ man.”

  I didn’t know if she was gassing me up, or if she meant that shit. But thinking about who Joy was, I knew that she wasn’t just telling me something to make me feel better. I looked over at her and smiled. Those words were very much needed.

  “And one last thing. You need to take leave, which I know you have a million days of, because you never take off work. You’re gonna get your head the hell together and then run into the arms of that fine-ass young man who has done nothing but step up his game since he stepped foot in your office. You’ve changed too, and I know that he’s the one behind it. He appreciates you, Mika. And even though he’s not what you’re used to, and the way that y’all met is kinda illegal, it’s about time you broke a damn rule for once in your life. Why not do that shit for true happiness?”

  Her words settled on my brain, and I planned to do just what she’d said. I didn’t know that everyone could see the difference in me. I’d seen it in myself, but hearing that it was apparent meant a lot to me. And more than that, knowing that no one was gonna be looking at me crazy when I came back to work put my mind at ease. I kissed her on the cheek, and then she opened the door and got out. But before she closed the door, she looked at me with a big ol’ smile.

  “And just to make sure you get my full drift . . . When you stormed out of the office after giving Rasheem the cussing out and ass-whoopin’ that he so rightly deserved, his bitch ass ran out to his car and sped off. But Jakeel, he pulled me to the side and asked me to try to talk to you and make sure you were good. He’s been sitting in his car, over there,” she said, pointing across the street. “He’s waiting for me to check on you and come back and give him a report on how you’re doing. I think the thought of losing you scares him more than death. Or more than being sent back to jail because of y’all’s relationship violating the terms of his probation.”

  Jakeel flashed his headlights, letting
me know that he saw Joy pointing at his truck. Blushing, I mouthed “thank you” to her before cranking my car up and putting it into gear. I watched her walk over to his truck, and the driver’s-side window rolled down.

  While she was updating him on my well-being, I decided to leave and get a head start on him. I wasn’t gonna go home because I truly needed a break—and a bubble bath. But I would be seeing him soon. I laughed because my phone vibrated in my purse as soon as I’d pulled off. I saw that it was him, and I declined it, sending him a message instead.

  Get a DNA test, and we’ll talk soon.

  Bet. I love you.

  Reading those words made me almost run a red light. We’d never said them to each other before, and I knew that he wasn’t just saying the shit to keep me around like Rasheem would try to do. I felt like Jakeel did love me and was saying it, in case I walked away from him and chose not to continue our relationship. Like he needed me to know.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Gina

  “You sure you wanna do this, Lauren? The more I think about it, the more I realize that this kinda shit could get us killed,” I asked my best friend, who was sitting on the couch staring off into space.

  “Yep. This nigga thinks that he can cut me off, talking about he wants to make shit work with his wife? I got something for his ass,” she said, and I looked at her, realizing that she cared more about Rasheem than I had, even though she never wanted to admit it. I needed her to know that she was playing with her life behind a little money and a broken heart. But if there was one thing that I knew about Lauren, it was that once she made up her mind about something, there was nothing that could change it.

  “And you want me to take all this shit up there?” I asked, pointing to the thumb drive that had video, text messages, and even voice recordings of calls between her and Rasheem that would ruin his ass for what he did to Jakeel. This man was about to lose his career and his freedom, and I couldn’t even feel bad for him. He brought this shit on himself.