“Happy birthday, Ethan,” said Eva. “Got you a present, hope you like it. I love you.”
She unveiled a tiny object from around her back, holding it out to him. Ethan was delighted, but before he could tell exactly what it was, he matched her generosity by presenting his own gift. “Hold on,” he said energetically. He clumsily stumbled backward to a wall, where he hid his gift under some grass and carried it out to their ‘living room’ with haste. It was a book. “I got you something, too.” Finally, he saw what Eva held. “Another knife? Awesome!”
“A encyclopedia? Er… an encyclopedia?” she corrected.
Eva’s tone wasn’t gratifying. “You don’t like it? I thought you love reading and stuff.”
She shrugged. “I do…” She changed her expression. “I like it, Ethan.”
Suddenly, the cool knife wasn’t so great. His present wasn’t good enough, and no amount of sweet words could undo her obvious disappointment. To make matters all the better, he then noticed a long blade one or two feet behind her. It was a machete. An actual machete. “Where did you get that?”
“Same place as the other stuff,” she said, apparently knowing exactly what he was referring to. “Found it. Couldn’t find a gun, so I got the next best thing.”
“Why would you get a machete? Or a gun? Jeez, what’s wrong with you?”
“What are you complaining about? You like weapons.”
Ethan looked down. “They’re cool. Doesn’t mean you should run around getting a bunch.”
Lights out and possessions tucked away, the twins sat patiently by the entrance in the dark of the night, waiting. Eva stood up real quick, grabbing one of their two blankets, came back and threw it over Ethan. He appreciated the kind act. Seeing Eva display kindness was rare. She kept her promise well, and he felt he did too. Months of doing this runaway gig, and Ethan felt like they operated as a single mind and body; an exclusive club no one was allowed into. It made sense that she kissed him on the lips every night before going to sleep. Uncomfortable and gross, but made sense.
As the two sat in the dark, Ethan studied the sounds and obscured sights of the night. He wondered about nighttime itself – why that was when people wound down from the day then went to sleep, or why humans needed sleep at all. Four months now they had been vagrant, and all that time, Ethan had ample time to ponder. Eva was usually his only company, and she didn’t talk a whole lot, especially at night. In the warehouse, she would light a candle and read, or at Pops’ or Shane’s place she would switch on a light and read. Lately, nights were far too cold for her to practice all her weird exercises and dancing, and thus, reading was the sole option. Ethan cared little for reading. However, he always had his mind, and he discovered throughout the past four months that excessive pondering wasn’t actually excessive. Like when trying to solve a math problem or remember something important, as he saw it. With enough thinking, he learned, he could make sense of anything.
“He’s here,” said Eva.
Ethan paid attention. He saw a recognizable silhouette approaching from the road. It looked like Pops, but Ethan still asked, “Are you sure?”
“Ugh…” Eva simply stood and approached the man. “Took long enough, you jerk off.”
Ethan followed her.
“Young lady, you even know what ‘jerk off’ means?”
“Um, yeah. Obviously. Now, tell us what to do now,” Eva replied. Ethan knew his sister well enough: she demanded their instructions immediately in order that Pops wouldn’t tell her to prove she knew what that term meant. Clever way to look smarter than you are, sis, he thought.
“It’s our birthday,” said Ethan, testing to see Pops’ reaction.
The man actually looked pleased. “Well, well. How old did ya turn?”
“Ten,” answered Ethan.
“Ten, huh? Finally got double digits. Now, you just gotta hope you make it to triple. How ‘bout this? Why don’t you kids come to my place tonight. Take a vacation.”
“Ooh, a vacation?” asked Eva, sounding a bit sarcastic. “How long is the vacation?”
“Same as it always is. You know.”
“But if we sleep at your place, that would be two nights this week. You always say–”
“I know, I know. Forget all that. Come over, get warm, eat some food. It’s your tenth!”
Can he afford to feed us, too? thought Ethan. Lately, Pops seemed to be doing better; certainly wealthier than when they first met. He never mentioned it, but Ethan noticed Pops’ money problems disappeared shortly after he and Eva started transporting and hiding his drugs. And still, only one night a week could they sleep in a real home. Still better than being in foster care, where the state would probably separate us forever, he thought.
–––––––
So much for being nice, Ethan thought later when they arrived.
Pops had retreated to his bedroom as soon as they walked through the door. At two in the morning, he must have been sleepy, yet still, a little interaction would have been appreciated. Eva was apparently in the same state, having dropped flat on the couch after getting into the pajamas she kept in that apartment, but Ethan found that far less offensive. To his surprise, he wasn’t drowsy and lethargic. Left alone with his thoughts again, except this time in a warmer, safer place. He sat on the small bit of space remaining on the couch beside his sister.
Ethan caught himself feeling sad that Pops paid little attention to him. Pops probably isn’t even old enough to be my dad. Maybe he doesn’t want to get close to us because if we stay here more, he would get caught with us, and get caught with all the drugs. Maybe he just doesn’t care about us. I bet he’s just using us… Oh well. Still better than having someone around that beats you up all the time, like what Mom said about Dad.
He did it… He allowed himself to think about Mom. Like falling into a hole in the ground – unexpected, painful, and difficult to escape. Tears streamed down his cheeks as he put his hand on his sister’s side. When his emotions caught up to him like that, she never comforted him, but he still sought her consolation. Simple physical touch had to suffice. He looked at Eva as he cried, reminding himself she was present, breathing and unharmed. That would have been the part when an adult told him to be thankful for the family he still had, but he was already conscious of that; without it, how could he overcome his episodes?
Surprisingly, Eva opened her eyes. Whether or not she was fully awake was difficult to determine. Regardless, she looked at him a moment, reached out her hand to hold his, then shut her eyes again. Ethan held it like it was all that remained of her, squeezing tight and fearfully. Eva didn’t react at all; either she was suddenly immune to pain or she didn’t mind. He could feel the aching in his chest ease, and the pain in his mind beginning to slumber once again, all thanks to Eva simply offering her hand.
The clock in the kitchen displayed that an hour had passed since they arrived. Surprising, but meaningless to Ethan. It was at that time in which the bedroom door opened and Pops dragged himself out. He stepped into the kitchen. Shooting a half-dazed look at Ethan, Pops asked him, “You still up?”
“Yeah,” he answered. He couldn’t think of a more grown-up way to phrase it. “Eyes still wide open,” he added.
“Why? Ya gotta some sleep, boy. You gonna be runnin’ around for me all night tomorrow.”
“Oh… I guess I should sleep, then.”
“Mhmm.” Pops opened the fridge and pulled a gallon jug of milk, drinking a large portion of it before dropping it back in.
“Are you getting ready for work?”
“I am. Gotta make all the money I can. Makes life more livable. Remember that, boy.”
Hearing ‘boy’ so many times over the months finally started affecting him. “Ethan,” he said. “My name’s Ethan.”
“I know.”
His emotions already stirred plenty, Ethan lost inhibitions to keep him from speaking his mind. “How come you’ve never, ever asked about us?” He regretted speaking his
mind already.
“What do you mean, Ethan?”
“Me and my sis carry your drugs all around Portland for you, but you never even care about talking to us. You never ask us how we feel, or what we want to do… Nothing. You just… I don’t know. You didn’t even ask us what we want for Christmas.”
Pops grinned peculiarly. “I’m not your father, Ethan. You don’t want nobody t’find you, and I don’t wanna get caught. Neither of us are in a good … position, so-to-speak.”
“So, that means you can’t ask us things? That means you can’t talk to us like human beans.”
“Be-in’s, Ethan.”
“What?”
Pops enunciated it more slowly, “Be…ings.”
“Fine!” growled Ethan. “Human beings! Happy?”
“Look, son, I’m giving you what you want, and you’re giving me something I want. Sorry to tell ya, but that’s how the world works. Ya know? I do something for you, you do something for me. No matter how old you are, that’s how people are gonna treat ya. Friends, even fam’ly. It’s what we gotta do to survive. If we get attached to everythin’ and try to make everythin’ perfect, perfect, perfect, we’d be livin’ in a fantasy. The world, planet Earth … it’s cruel, son. Everythin’ is cruel. Can’t be livin’ life expectin’ things to be perfect. Never gonna happen, Ethan.”
Pops sounded accurate, but Ethan didn’t want him to be. Scowling, starting to shake with anger, he lashed out saying, “We can still try. We can do what we can, right?”
“Ethan… I ain’t your dad. Besides, I think for both our sakes, ya don’t want me to grow attached to the two of ya. I ain’t that great, ya know. I’m no role-model. I got problems just like the guy that killed your mom. Be honest with yourself, Ethan. You know this ain’t gonna last forever. One day, the police are gonna find you and put you back in a home.”
“One day, the police will find your drugs,” retaliated Ethan.
Pops nodded. “You’re right. But, I’m enjoyin’ things while I can. Now, sorry son, but I gotta get ready for my real job.”
“Don’t call me son! I’m not your son. You said it yourself, right? I don’t have a dad!”
Pops said nothing. He finished preparing his food then returned to the bedroom. Expecting to receive their instructions before he departed to work as he always did, Ethan woke his sister. She had barely begun to sleep and snore, so he understood her not wanting to move. Eva faintly opened her eyes, moaning and whining as she buried her face in his belly. It took approximately ten minutes before she finally stretched out and sat up.
Pops came out a minute later. “Here’s the stuff,” he told them, setting a small briefcase in front of the couch.
In a half-daze, Eva slumped forward, leaning onto Ethan and wrapping her arms around him. She asked Pops, “So… Where we going?”
“Tonight,” said Pops. “Bring this to Crack Park by ten o’clock tonight.”
He means Paranoid Park? No! Not there, thought Ethan.
Eva’s eyes opened wide. “We’re walking all the way to Paranoid Park? That’ll take like–”
“Hours,” said Pops. “Sorry I can’t drive ya. Finish sleepin’, then get goin’.”
“But we don’t have to be there until tonight,” said Ethan. “It won’t take us that long to get there.”
“Go to your friend’s house, then. Make sure it’s dark when ya head there.”
“We know, we know.” Eva buried her face deeper into Ethan’s chest, yawning.
“I won’t be home till late. Lock the door, leave the key, the whole shebang… both ya know the drill. See ya kids later.”
Then Pops took off at four o’clock sharp. Eva expressed anger for being ordered to leave so soon, and Ethan sympathized. So much for a birthday present, he thought. Eva suggested they leave immediately, while they could still use some darkness, and they did. Apparently, she wasn’t sleepy anymore, or perhaps simply wanted to get the task done with. Ethan kept up as Eva walked as fast as she could.
Along the way, they passed their home, and saw something disturbing. The land was fenced and the building boarded up. Their belongings were outside as policemen and investigators were examining everything. Eva pulled Ethan’s hand, scurrying hastily away before anyone suspected they were nearby. It all happened so fast.
“Shit!” said Eva. “Shit, shit, shit!”
“Quiet! They’ll hear you.”
“We lost everything!”
“It was going to happen sooner or later, Eva.” He felt equally distraught, but his words of logic seemed to escape his mouth on their own. “We were fine even before we found that place, right? So, let’s find somewhere else.”
“It’s just… Frustrating. Think Shane will let us stay for a while?”
“I thought we promised not to trust other people.”
“It doesn’t mean I trust him, Ethan. We still need his help, though.”
After pondering a moment, he said, “Shane will be cool about it. We just have to worry about his dad.”
–––––––
“Ummmm, maybe,” answered Shane. “Actually, no, I doubt it. Actually, no, I doubt it a lot.”
“Oh, come on. We’ll sleep in the garage if we have to,” said Ethan.
Eva rolled her eyes. “Ethan, his dad doesn’t even know us. He barely takes care of Shane and Sarah, why the hell would he take care of us, too? But… I do have an idea. We could just live in the garage anyway.”
“Good luck with not being found out,” said Shane. “Besides, don’t you guys lived in some barn or something?”
“An old warehouse,” said Eva. “The cops found out about it.”
“Hm. That really sucks, a lot. So, you guys got shit for my dad?”
“No, we’re going to Paranoid Park,” answered Ethan.
At times, he forgot Shane was knowledgeable of their job. He wasn’t supposed to ever know, but Ethan was the one guilty of spilling that fact months earlier. Eva had expressed feeling it was only a matter of time until Shane used their secret against them. For a time, they had avoided Shane, hoping he’d forget, but he continually insisted on helping them, sneaking to the backyard where they dropped off the drugs for Shane’s father. It hadn’t made Shane any more trustworthy in their eyes, but they had to work with their irreversible circumstances.
“Going back there? Nice. Can I come? I have friends there.”
“If you can promise not to give us away,” said Eva. “Secrecy is our number one priority.” She said that as if trying to make it rhyme, thought Ethan. “Until we’re done, that is.”
Shane laughed. “Hey, I’m the quietest guy around.”
Policemen were present at the park when the twins arrived. For approximately half an hour, they waited for it to clear up, and that was after reaching the park ten minutes late, which was bad enough. When the police left, Ethan was the one to drop off the bag in the usual place – under a certain bush. Easy.
Shane led them to where some of his buddies hung out – a small square that seemed to frequently hold a campfire, judging by its abundance of charcoal spread in excess of twenty feet from it. Maintenance wasn’t a priority there, apparently. Graffiti plastered every wall, and literally everyone else was smoking something.
Ethan had no positive feelings toward the act, no matter the item being smoked. It had always seemed weak to him – as if people didn’t know how to have fun, or deal with bad things, or just find something to do, without putting toxic chemicals in their body. While they remained at the park, he suppressed his feelings about it and simply tried to have a good time.
While the others lit their sticks, and the collective bad breath mixed into the air, Ethan put his arm around his sister and squeezed her in, subtly trying to keep her from being influenced into participating.
“It’s your guys’ birthday, right?” asked Shane.
“Si, senior,” answered Eva, leaning her head on Ethan’s shoulder.
“Ten, right? Congrats. I remember wh
en I turned ten… I was so excited to give exactly no shits about it.”
Everyone laughed.
Ethan could only vaguely identify two others in the circle, but even they may as well have never been seen before. Kids, from approximately their age through teens, comprised the gathering. One adult was present too – a woman, whose appearance resembled a shriveled prune and who always lit another cigarette before finishing the current one. Oddly enough, she talked the least. She was Shane and Sarah’s mom, but since Sarah didn’t like her, she was nowhere to be found; he at least knew that for sure.
“Who’s gonna lend a brother a joint?” asked Shane, extending a begging hand toward the teens.
“Not on your life, boy,” his mother answered.
At least she keeps her son away from these things, thought Ethan.
“You any better at fighting?” one of the kids asked him. Ricky, he guessed from obscured memory, but wasn’t certain.
“Not really,” Shane answered for him.
“He’s afraid to hit people,” laughed Eva.
“Hey!” Ethan shook the shoulder Eva leaned on. “I’m not afraid, I just don’t like it.”
“Ooooh, tough guy,” said Shane. “How come he’s not getting better, Eva?”
She leaned her head back to look at her brother. Ethan’s lowered his head in embarrassment. “I don’t know,” said Eva. “We practiced all the time in the warehouse. He wanted to learn, but just doesn’t let himself.”
Shane clapped twice. “It’s settled then. We make Ethan a champ right here, right now.”
“Kids, kids, no fighting,” said the mother, blowing a plume of smoke. “I ain’t paying for anybody’s hospital bills.”
“Hold it, Mom,” said Shane. “It’s just friendly practicing.”
“Shane, you’re twelve, not five. Be the mature one here.”
Shane looked up, making a thinking face. “Hmmm, last I checked, if I’m twelve, I’m still a kid, so I’m gonna be immature as fuck, because I can!” As he stood up, his mother said nothing more, seemingly giving up trying to enforce some kind of order. “Come on, bro,” he said to Ethan. “I’m gonna make you a champ ta-night!”
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