Tender Absolution

by Lisa Jackson

  “Oh, I think he might,” Weldon argued. Then as if an unpleasant thought had come to mind, he frowned and snagged his beer. “Sometimes he takes a special interest in a kid from town, helps him out with jobs and loans for college. That sort of thing.”

  “Helps him out?”

  “Or her,” Weldon said.

  “Has he ever helped out a girl before?” she asked, suddenly uneasy. She’d felt the weight of Mr. Fitzpatrick’s stare at company picnics or in church and it made her feel uncomfortable.

  “I don’t know.” He reached for his pack of cigarettes, found it empty and crumpled the cellophane wrapper in his big hand. He settled on his chewing tobacco instead and twisted open the can. “Come to think of it, I can’t say I ever heard of him working with a girl.”

  “So why would he want to help me?”

  “Maybe ’cause you’re my daughter.” Her father contemplated his tin of tobacco. “Who knows? I’m just sayin’ we can’t afford to look a gift horse in the mouth.” Placing the tobacco next to his gum, he rubbed his lip pensively. “You didn’t win yourself any points by sidin’ with Jackson Moore, but then, Thomas has probably figured it’s time to let bygones be bygones.”

  Carlie wasn’t convinced. Thomas Fitzpatrick’s memory was long and hard. Few people ever crossed him and though she respected him as her father’s employer, there was something about Fitzpatrick that bothered her. She hadn’t admitted as much to Ben, of course, when the subject had come up because Fitzpatrick had been good to her family. However, the truth was that she still felt uncomfortable around him. He looked at her a few seconds too long when he didn’t think she noticed and his gaze had drifted from her face to her chest and lower more than once.

  “Well, I think I’ll check on the news,” her father said, grabbing his rifle and walking inside, but Carlie watched as the night turned black and she shivered despite the day’s heat that lingered.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “YOU’RE DOING WHAT?” Ben couldn’t believe his ears.

  “I’m gonna marry Sam,” Nadine replied, lifting her chin a notch, daring him to argue with her before she turned her attention back to the dishes in the sink.

  “Why?”

  She didn’t answer, just kept wiping the plates and stacking them in the drainer. She and Ben still lived in the little house by the river with their dad. Kevin had a place of his own, and their mother… Ben didn’t want to think of Donna Powell, how she’d left her family all because of Hayden Garreth Monroe III and his scheme to fleece the Powell family out of all their life savings.

  Hate burned through his veins and he stared past her through the screen door. Outside, Bonanza, his father’s yellow lab, lay in the shade of a maple tree and a bottlebrush bloomed along the porch. The garden, once a source of his mother’s pride, was overgrown and dry. Clouds filled the sky and the air filtering through the patched screen door was sultry and hot.

  The Powells had once been a happy family. Ben remembered his mother playing the piano and singing as she worked in the house they had in town. She spent her afternoons in the library, earning a little extra income, but her hours had increased when George had sold their house and moved out here, by the river, to this sorry two-storied home that they rented.

  The money from their home in town, the savings earmarked for retirement and children’s educations, had been invested with the almighty himself: Hayden Garreth Monroe III. Even Monroe’s rich brother-in-law, Thomas Fitzpatrick, was part of the scheme to invest in oil wells that turned out to spit only worthless sand. Everything the family had ever saved had been lost, Kevin’s dreams had died an agonizing death and he’d lost his scholarship.

  Kevin had felt he had no choice but to drop out of college and follow in his father’s weary footsteps by working for Garreth Monroe. Everything that had ever gone wrong with the Powell family could be laid at the feet of the Monroes and yet Nadine had seen fit to fall in love with the heir to the Monroe wealth—Hayden Garreth Monroe IV. It hadn’t worked out, of course, and Ben was glad, though it would have been sweet irony to see Nadine marry the guy and get a little of their money back.

  But Garreth had been engaged to a woman of his social standing. Ben had hoped Nadine had gotten over the jerk, but to marry Sam Warne, a boy she didn’t love? That wasn’t an answer, it was desperation. “I don’t get it,” he told her as she wiped her hands on the dish towel.

  “Nothing to get.” She snapped the wet towel and folded it over the handle of the oven door.

  “You set a date?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Good!” Ben kicked out a chair and sat down, glaring at her stiff spine. “You can’t marry the guy just because Monroe’s not interested.”

  Her lips compressed and when she looked at him her green eyes sparked with self-righteous fury. “We all have our ways of getting out, don’t we, Ben?”

  He didn’t answer.

  “Didn’t you go visit the army recruiter today?”

  “How’d you know?” All of a sudden, he was on the defensive. That was the trouble with arguing with Nadine; she had an uncanny way of turning the tables on you.

  “You don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure it out. The recruiter called today, confirming an appointment on…” She ran her finger along the calendar stuck onto the wall next to the kitchen phone. “Let’s see…Friday at—”

  “I know when.”

  “Good. Now, do you know when to stick your nose back into your own business? You can sit there and be my judge and jury all day long, but at least I’m not running away to the army and messing around with a woman my older brother’s in love with.”

  Ben’s head jerked up. “Kevin’s not interested in Carlie.”

  Nadine let out a snort of disbelief.

  “He’s been seeing some girl in Coleville—”

  “Tracy Niday. Yeah, I know.” She slid into the chair next to Ben and arranged the salt and pepper shakers around the napkin holder. “But they broke up and if you ask me, he fell pretty hard for Carlie. The way I see it, his interest in Tracy was all a rebound thing, because Carlie hurt him.”

  “That’s not what he told me,” Ben said stubbornly. He didn’t want to believe that Kevin was emotionally entangled with Carlie. Not now. Now when he, himself, was becoming involved with her.

  Nadine looked him straight in the eye and smiled sadly, as if she thought he were the most stupid beast to ever walk the earth. “You have to read between the lines, Ben. It’s hard for you, I know. You like things in black and white, no gray areas. Cut-and-dried. But that’s not how the world works.”

  “And that’s why you’re gonna marry Sam, because of some gray area?”

  She flushed and stared at her hands. “It just seems like the thing to do.”

  “Isn’t it a ‘rebound thing’ because of Hayden Monroe?”

  “It’s over between Hayden and me.”

  Ben clamped his hands under his arms and leaned back in his chair. “Tell me you love Sam.”

  She opened her mouth, closed it and sighed. “I’m not sure I believe in love anymore.”

  “Liar. You’re still in love with that jerk Monroe, aren’t you?”

  “He’s out of my life,” she said, her voice a little husky.

  “So Sam’s second best.”

  “Sam has always cared about me,” she said simply, lacing her fingers together and biting her lower lip.

  “You’re settling, Nadine.”

  Her restless green eyes lifted to meet his. “It’s my choice, isn’t it, Ben? Don’t worry about me, I’ve learned from my mistakes. Besides, I think you’ve got your own battles to fight.”

  * * *

  THE PARK WAS nearly empty because of the threat of a thunderstorm. Picnic tables were vacated, the barbecue pits cold, the playground equipment
without children.

  In a private copse of fir trees, Carlie lay on a blanket with Ben, nibbling at her sandwich of French bread, cream cheese, turkey and sprouts. They’d decided upon a picnic and a few little thunderclouds hadn’t changed their plans.

  Ben had seemed quiet all afternoon. He smiled rarely, and his eyes were troubled and dark.

  “Something’s bothering you,” she said, tossing pieces of bread to the ducks that were hovering near the edge of the water. With loud squawks and fluttering of wings, two vied for the delicacy.

  “I’m fine.”

  “What you are is a terrible liar.” Throwing the final scrap of bread to a brown mallard who had waddled close to the blanket, she glanced up at Ben. His mouth was firm and set, his jaw tight, the skin over his cheekbones stretched thin. Lying across the blanket, leaning on one elbow, he’d brooded for nearly an hour. “What gives?”

  “I’m thinking of joining up.”

  She didn’t think she’d heard him right. “You’re what?”

  “I talked to an army recruiter today.”

  The bottom dropped out of her world. “But why?”

  Avoiding her eyes, he reached into a small cooler and pulled out a Coke. “Things are happening.”

  “What things?”

  “Nadine’s going to marry Sam Warne.”

  “So?”

  “So it’s a big mistake.”

  “But really none of your business.”

  “She said the same thing,” he admitted. He twisted off the bottle cap. “But I can’t just ignore it. The fact is, he’s ruining her life.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “She doesn’t love him,” he said flatly, then nearly drained the bottle.

  Carlie shook her hair loose from its braid and considered Ben. So he did believe in love after all, but he didn’t want to think that people got married for a lot of different reasons: family pressure, sexual fulfillment, pregnancy. It wasn’t a law that two people had to be in love before they signed a certificate of marriage and, from the marriages Carlie had seen, she was certain more often than not, love wasn’t a major factor in the decision.

  Nadine, the little that Carlie knew of her, was a practical person who knew her own mind. If she wanted to marry Sam Warne, Carlie guessed, Nadine had her reasons. Nonetheless, she wanted to understand the source of Ben’s concern, so she played devil’s advocate. “Why do you think she’s going to marry Sam?”

  “Because she can’t have the jerk she really loves.” He rolled the empty bottle in his hands and stared across the water. A heron skimmed the surface only to fly gracefully away as thunder rumbled over the hills.

  “The man she loves?”

  “Don’t you remember? I thought everyone in town knew the old scandal. Nadine and Hayden Monroe, the younger, were an item not too long ago. He got bored with his socialite girlfriend, Wynona Galveston, messed around with Nadine and then, when push came to shove, returned to Wynona’s waiting arms and promptly took her on a boat ride that nearly killed her. Yep, that Hayden Monroe, what a prince of a guy he is.” Ben’s words were bitter as his eyes narrowed on the distant shore. “Good riddance.”

  “So what’ve you got against Sam?”

  Ben snorted. “He’s okay, just a little too…normal for Nadine. And, you’ve got to admit, Hayden Monroe with his speedboat and big bucks is a tough act to follow.”

  “Maybe it’ll work out.” She pushed herself upright and scooted close enough so that her shoulder touched his. Tucking her knees to her chest, she rested her chin on her arms. “You can’t solve all the world’s problems, you know.”

  He glanced at her and offered a self-deprecating grin. “I can try.”

  “Is that why you think you have to join the army?” she asked, trying to ignore the tiny hole in her heart that ripped a little more each time she thought of Ben tromping through some humid foreign jungle, or marching across acres of hot enemy sand, or rappelling down a sheer cliff to drop into hostile terrain. Her stomach squeezed painfully and she reminded herself that it was peacetime. If Ben joined the army now, chances were he’d be stationed stateside or maybe at a base in Europe.

  “I’m joining because I can’t stay here. Nothing ever happens in Gold Creek. There’s just a lot of broken dreams and borrowed promises.” The wind off the lake kicked up, ruffling his hair, smelling of water. “I don’t think I can sit around and watch another generation of Fitzpatricks and Monroes rape the land and make a fortune off the sweat of other men’s backs.” He cocked his head to look at her. “Besides, who’re you to talk? You don’t plan to stick around.”

  She couldn’t argue with that, and yet, because of Ben and the last few weeks she’d shared with him, she’d been second-guessing herself, telling herself that a small town in California wasn’t such a bad place to live. She’d fantasized about staying here and marrying Ben. Would it be so bad? Who needed adventure? Who cared about faraway places—the bustle of Manhattan, the romance of Paris, the exotic allure of the Caribbean? What did the world have to offer that she couldn’t find in Gold Creek?

  Her train of thought was on a fast track and gathering steam when she put on the brakes. She was ready to change her life and her dreams. All because of Ben. Her throat felt suddenly thick and as she gazed into the hazel depths of his eyes she knew that she would willingly, even gladly, push aside all her dreams of the future just to walk down the aisle with him and become his bride.

  As if he could read her thoughts, he brought his face closer to hers and his breath fanned her face. “You’re the only doubt I have,” he admitted, his voice deep and rough. “If I hadn’t met you, I wouldn’t think twice about signing on the dotted line and shipping out.”

  Her heart turned over as the first drops of rain began to fall. “You don’t have to say—”

  “Shh.” He placed a finger against her lips. “I know I don’t have to say or do anything. I’m just telling you how I feel, Carlie.”

  Her throat was suddenly dry as a summer wind.

  “And I’ve never cared for anyone the way I care for you. When I’m with you, I don’t want to ever leave and when I’m away from you, I can’t stop thinking about you.” His gaze searched the contours of her face and his fingers found hers. “I don’t understand this and God knows I didn’t want it to happen, but I think I’m falling for you, Carlie Surrett, and if there was anything I could do to prevent it, I would.”

  “Ben—”

  The finger pressed harder against her mouth and she kissed the soft pad. Rain drizzled from a darkening sky as he outlined her lips, then pushed against her teeth until her mouth opened. Still staring into her eyes, he explored the recess of her mouth, touching the back of her teeth and lightly rubbing the tip of her tongue.

  Carlie moaned softly, opening her mouth as his finger withdrew. He gathered her into his arms and his lips melded over hers with a possession that drew the breath from her lungs. Thoughts swam in her head, but all her doubts were chased away and she was only concerned with the here and now, with this lonely park by the lake and Ben…wonderful Ben. His hands were magic as they slid beneath the hem of her T-shirt and massaged the muscles of her back.

  Fires ignited deep in her most secret self, a warmth invaded her blood and a deep, dusky need controlled her.

  He kissed her eyes, her lips, her neck, and when he came to the circle of bones at her throat, he pressed his tongue against her skin. A tremor swept through her and she felt heat rise in her blood.

  His fingers scaled her ribs to feel the weight of her breast and she arched against him, filling his palm, wanting more. He yanked the T-shirt over her head, then, lying on his back, he drew her down to him, so that she was lying atop him as he took her into his mouth. Through the lace of her bra, he suckled, drawing on her nipple, pressing against the muscles of her back so that he
could take more of her into his mouth.

  Arching her neck, wanting to fill him with the love that was burning in her soul, she clung to his shoulders. She felt him pause to remove the scrap of cloth that restrained him and then his tongue and teeth and lips were kissing her, on her shoulders, between her breasts, on the flat wall of her abdomen and lower. He drew off her shorts, rimming her navel with his tongue as the fine mist of rain collected on her back.

  “Love me, Carlie,” he whispered gruffly against her bare stomach and she writhed her answer against him.

  She didn’t consider the consequences of the step they were about to take, didn’t think about how easily she would give him her virginity, nor did she doubt that the union of their bodies was anything but destiny.

  Kissing him and feeling the wonder of his sinewy muscles, she stripped him of his shirt and soon they were naked in the darkness, protected by the trees, silently touching and kissing. Feverish, she pressed her tongue into his mouth, felt him stiffen as her hands played with his flat nipples.

  There was no turning back. As thunder cracked and lightning sizzled in jagged streaks across the sky, Ben rolled her onto her back, gazed into her eyes and with the determination of a man whose sole purpose is to claim one very special woman, he entered her.

  She let out a silent scream at the pain, but soon he was rocking over her, giving of himself only to take away, moving as surely as the sea flows to the sand and then retreats. The pain disappeared and her body swayed in a perfect rhythm with his and the blood in her veins ran hot. With a moan she dug her fingers into his shoulders and danced with him. Ribbons of light fluttered behind her eyes and as lightning streaked the sky she bucked upward, her body convulsing as the ribbons shredded with an explosive wave of heat that flashed behind her eyes and sent her soul soaring to the heavens. Ben fell against her, his body slick with rain and sweat. “Carlie…beautiful, loving Carlie,” he cried, expelling ragged breaths against her neck.

  Slowly she floated back to earth, still clinging to him as the wind and rain tore at their bodies. When he lifted his head, he smiled down at her and chuckled. Shoving an unruly lock of wet black hair from her cheek, he sighed loudly and shook his head. “You usually have all the answers. Now what’re we going to do?”