Silent Surrender

by Rita Herron

  A small bandage had been wound around her head, but it was the internal damage that had been so scary. She’d wanted to hear for twenty years, but she’d lost that ability less than a month after receiving the implant.

  All because of him.

  She was so beautiful with her hair spilling around her, her dainty lips parted slightly in sleep, her slender hands limp on top of the sheet. He took her hand in his and squeezed it, hoping the warmth of his body could erase the chill in her hands.

  “Sarah, I’m so sorry,” he whispered, knowing she couldn’t hear him. Knowing that even if she were awake, she wouldn’t be able to.

  He’d failed her. He’d dragged her into his life, used her to find his sister, then hadn’t protected her when she’d needed it the most. What would happen to her when she awoke and realized she couldn’t hear? Would she hate him?

  He didn’t think he could bear it if she did. Not after the way she’d looked at him with love in her eyes when he’d made love to her. But he didn’t deserve her love. And he couldn’t ask her forgiveness.

  “I—” he leaned over and brushed his lips across hers “—I love you.”

  He knew she hadn’t heard him, but he turned and walked out the door, knowing in his heart that she’d be better off without him.

  FIRE BLAZED around Sarah, teasing her, hissing at her that it would get her next. Adam lay in the middle of the blaze, smoke curling around his face. No!

  They had to get out. She had to rescue him.

  But her eyes were so heavy, she couldn’t open them. Pain splintered through her head, ringing in her ears, and a strange numbness had settled inside her temple. Where was she?

  Slowly, she lifted her lids. Fear gripped her. She would see the fire again, the flames.

  No. It was gone. Everything was white. No colors, no bright orange of the blaze.

  Adam.

  Where was he?

  He had whispered that he loved her.

  Or had she been dreaming?

  She opened her mouth and said his name, searching the empty room. But he was nowhere to be found.

  A doctor entered the room. White coat, stethoscope, a concerned look drawn on his face. He opened his mouth to speak and his mouth moved.

  But there was only silence.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  The next two days passed in a blur for Sarah. She slept and rested and struggled to adjust to the truth about Sol, about her past, about losing the implant.

  She would survive.

  She had before and she would now. At least she knew this time that her father had loved her, that he had died trying to rescue her and her mother. That knowledge alone and the fact that she’d helped find Adam’s sister was worth all she’d been through the past few days.

  But she missed Adam desperately.

  She wouldn’t beg him to see her or to accept her imperfections.

  Still, she finished dressing, grateful that one of the nurses had brought her a denim skirt and a blouse to wear home, and looked out the window, waiting on the taxi, absorbing the quietness around her and letting the peacefulness seep into her.

  Seconds later, she felt a tap on her arm and her heart catapulted.

  She spun around, hoping it was Adam.

  Denise stood in front of her instead.

  She tried to mask her disappointment, but she could tell by the sympathetic look on his sister’s face that she understood. Odd, how she felt such a kinship with this woman and she barely knew her.

  Denise handed her a letter. Sarah accepted the rose-printed stationery, and sat down on the edge of the bed.

  Dear Sarah,

  There aren’t words to express how thankful I am to you for all you did to help Adam find me. If you hadn’t come forth, he might not have realized that I was in trouble until it was too late. I’m so terribly sorry that you were hurt saving me, that you lost your hearing again. I hope we can be friends.

  I don’t know for sure what happened between you and Adam, but he’s a good man. He’s done so much for me, he deserves some happiness. He took out loans to put me through school, and he’s still paying them back. That’s why he lives in that crummy apartment.

  Anyway, I hope things work out for you. If there’s anything I can ever do for you, please let me know.

  Sincerely,

  Denise.

  Tears pricked at Sarah’s eyes, but she blinked them away. She knew Adam was a good man. Now she understood why he lived in that apartment, too. But he wasn’t coming to see her. He didn’t want a family, ties, especially to someone he’d see as needy. He’d spent his life taking care of others.

  She had to let him go.

  She scribbled a note to Denise. “I’d love to be friends. And please don’t worry about me, I’ll be okay. I’m going to return to my teaching soon. Meanwhile I’m going to clear my father’s name. That’s all the thanks I need from

  “I want you to come to my wedding,” Denise wrote. “Russell and I are going to renew our vows.”

  Sarah smiled and nodded.

  “For what it’s worth,” Denise wrote, “my brother loves you. I just hope he wakes up one day and realizes it.”

  Sarah’s heart was breaking. She’d wanted that, too. But it wasn’t going to happen.

  ADAM LISTENED to his sister and her husband restate their wedding vows. He’d never seen his sister so happy and alive as she’d been the last two weeks.

  He’d never felt more dead inside himself.

  He hadn’t seen or spoken to Sarah.

  Denise had said she’d invited her to the ceremony, but Sarah hadn’t shown. He knew it was because of him. Because he hadn’t had the courage to face her.

  How could he look into Sarah’s face, say her name and know that it was his fault she couldn’t hear?

  “You may kiss the bride,” the reverend said.

  Russell and Denise embraced, a long kiss following that made Adam yearn to hold Sarah in his arms, to feel her lips against his, to know that they could have a future together like his sister and her husband did.

  A few minutes later, he joined the reception to congratulate them. His sister’s gaze darted around the room.

  “I was hoping Sarah would come.”

  Adam shrugged. “I’m sorry, sis.”

  “You should be.” A hint of anger tinged her voice. “She probably didn’t come just to avoid you.”

  “Can you blame her?” Adam asked. “I’m the reason she lost her hearing again.”

  Denise jabbed her finger in his chest. “You’re the stupidest, most stubborn man I know. For heaven’s sake, Adam, stop thinking the whole world rests on your shoulders.”

  “I don’t—”

  “Shut up and listen.” Denise glared at him. “Sarah is the most courageous woman I’ve ever met. She could be home feeling sorry for herself or giving up on life, but she’s not. She’s out there working again, clearing her father’s name and missing you.”

  “How do you know she misses me?”

  Denise rolled her eyes. “Because I just do. And she probably thinks you don’t want her because she can’t hear.”

  “What?”

  “That’s right, brother dear.”

  “That’s ridiculous, I—”

  “You love her, don’t be a coward, go ahead and say it.”

  Adam shrugged. “So, maybe I

  “Then go tell her.”

  ADAM WATCHED Sarah through the glass window at her school, her assistant, Adrianne, by his side interpreting. Sarah raised her hands and introduced the song to the children. “This is a special song that a friend of mine wrote.

  Silent cries of anger

  silent cries of hurt

  were all wrapped up inside

  the words that no one heard.

  The kids watched intently, mimicking her. “What do you think the words mean?” she asked.

  One little boy raised his hand and signed. “That someone hurts too much to talk about what’s bothering them.”


  Sarah nodded. “That’s right. When you’re hurting inside, it’s better to tell someone. So, if you ever need to talk, you know you can come to me.”

  Had Sarah realized he’d written the song about himself, about the pain and guilt he’d buried inside?

  She had saved his life because she’d had the courage to shout out his name. He should have the courage to be honest with her. He had to go to her and tell her how he felt.

  He turned to Adrianne. “I need some help,” he finally said.

  SARAH HUGGED the last child and waved goodbye. She loved her job. She loved the kids.

  And one day she wanted to have some of her own.

  A little boy with dark hair and dark eyes…

  Her heart wrenched, the dull ache she’d lived with the last two weeks steady. When would it go away? When would she stop wanting Adam Black?

  She could see his tall handsome figure, his black hair, those dark eyes so intensely studying her. The image was so vivid it was almost real.

  She shook herself, thinking the figure she’d seen through the glass was a product of her imagination when suddenly the image disappeared. Her heart sank. Only seconds later, it skipped a beat again when he materialized in the doorway.

  He was beautiful.

  Breathtakingly handsome in a black suit and blue shirt.

  He’d come from Denise’s ceremony, she realized. The one she had missed because she hadn’t thought she could stand seeing Adam and not touching him.

  “Sarah.”

  She saw his mouth move and read his lips. But the tense silence reminded her that she might never hear his husky voice again. And that her impairment was one of the reasons she could never be with him.

  “Can we go somewhere and talk?”

  She stared at his mouth, aching to touch it, to touch him. To hold him.

  “Please. There are some things I have to say to you.”

  She hesitated, then shrugged, helpless to say no when it meant being close to him one more time.

  They crossed the sidewalk in silence, then strolled over to River Street and walked along the river. Spring flowers bloomed, dotting the park with their color, the luscious scents of their fragrances perfuming the air. A few pigeons swooped down to gather crumbs from picnickers, kids played on the playground, and a long-haired guy sat strumming the guitar beneath a live oak. Sarah remembered the time Adam had played for her and smiled.

  He finally paused at a picnic bench facing the Savannah River and she sat down, twining her hands in her lap.

  Sun slanted off his features, highlighting his wide cheekbones and his dark eyes. She tried to read his expression, but the tingling attraction that had splintered through her the moment she’d seen him clouded her mind.

  “The wedding was beautiful. I wish you’d come.”

  She arched a brow, waiting on him to elaborate.

  “Denise wanted to see you.”

  Disappointment tugged at her.

  “I—I wanted you to be there, too.”

  Hope slipped inside.

  “Can you forgive me for what happened at the island? For you losing your hearing?”

  She frowned and shook her head. He had to know that wasn’t his fault.

  He reached out and tugged her hand into his. “Sarah, I’m sorry for everything that happened. I—”

  He suddenly released her hand and began to sign.

  It was now or never, Adam thought, his courage shaky. The moment he’d seen Sarah in the room with those kids he’d known he wanted her to be his wife.

  “Please forgive me for what happened on the island.”

  She shook her head again.

  “Yes, I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

  She took a pad and pencil and scratched a note. “I don’t want your apologies or your pity, Adam. You didn’t cause me to lose my hearing. Arnold Hughes did. And Sol.” She paused to give him a meaningful glance. “I would gladly go through that again to have learned that my father loved me, that he died trying to save me instead of trying to kill me. And I’m not an invalid, I don’t need anyone taking care of me. I can take care of myself.”

  She didn’t blame him? Didn’t hate him?

  No, she didn’t, he realized, as he looked deep into her eyes. In fact, he saw a sort of peace there, one he hadn’t seen before. Maybe knowing her father had loved her was enough.

  Would his love matter to her, as well?

  He had to give it a try. He admired her independence, yet he still wanted to take care of her….

  He had to focus, to gright. He dropped to his knees on the concrete, smiling at the surprise on Sarah’s face, then raised his hands and moved his fingers the way Adrianne had taught him and signed, “I love you, Sarah. I really love you. Will you marry me?”

  Her eyes filled with tears. But wariness lingered as well.

  He cupped her face in his hands and forced her to look at his mouth while he spoke. “This has nothing to do with pity or guilt or anything but the fact that the two of us belong together. I know you can take care of yourself, that you don’t need me.” Her eyes searched his face. “But I need you. And I want to take care of you because I love you.” He placed her hands over his heart. “My heart can’t go on without you, Sarah. Please marry me.”

  A slow smile lifted her lips. He was hoping, praying she would sign yes. Instead, she opened her mouth and said his name, “Adam.” Then in the softest, sexiest, most sultry voice he could ever imagine, she whispered the word, “Yes.”

  Epilogue

  Sarah smoothed down the satin edges of her wedding gown, then fastened her mother’s locket around her neck, smiling as she thought of the photo she’d put inside. She’d added her father’s picture beside her mother’s. Now the locket signified her parents’ love, and the love she would always share with her own husband.

  Candlelight bathed the gazebo on the waterfront off the north end of Catcall Island, white lilies and lavender ribbons decorating the edges, creating a private canopy for the place they would say their vows. Ancient live oaks draped in Spanish moss filled the yard and the sunset colored the horizon, the beautiful oranges and reds a perfect backdrop for their ceremony today.

  Adam stood inside the gazebo, his partner, Clay, beside him as his best man. Denise was her maid of honor, Adrianne another bridesmaid. Russell had agreed to give her away, bittersweet memories of Sol and her father surfacing as she took Russell’s arm. But she wasn’t going to let anything spoil her wedding day. And she had a surprise for Adam.

  The guitarist began to play and Sarah tried to remember the way the chords had sounded when Adam strummed them.

  She had Adam’s voice imprinted there, too, the sound of his husky laughter, the memory of the erotic words he’d whispered in her ears, the sound of the waterfall in the background when they’d made love in that cave. And she would never forget it.

  The next few minutes passed like a fairy tale. Finally, it was time to say their vows.

  Adam clasped her hand in his and faced her, his dark eyes intense and soulful as his gaze met hers.

  He kissed the palm of her hand, then laid it on his heart and released her. He signed and spoke at the same time. “Sarah, I once thought that love had no place in my life. But now I know that my life has no place without love in it. You taught me how to speak without words, how to listen with my heart and how to open myself up so I could have love. I love you today, I will love you tomorrow, I will love you always.”

  Sarah blinked back tears and took his hand in hers, then kissed his fings in turn.

  Finally, she cleared her throat and spoke slowly, watching the joy and surprise on his face as she pledged her own vows. “Adam, I lived in a world of silence most of my life, and was too afraid to speak out of fear of not being heard. But even without words, you heard my silent cries and understood. I will always treasure the memory of your voice, the sounds of the guitar as you played for me one night and the whisper of your breath when you call my name.
I love you today, I will love you tomorrow and always.”

  They exchanged rings and Adam swept her into his arms for a soul-filled kiss.

  Hours later, after they’d exhausted themselves with food and settled into one of the island cottages at the beach, Sarah lay naked in Adam’s arms.

  He cradled her face in his hands. “Hear me, Sarah, hear me whisper my love.” As he rose above her and joined his body with hers, Sarah closed her eyes and heard the huskiness of his voice.

  “I hear you, Adam.” She threaded her fingers in his hair. “I thought you were going to finish that song when you said our vows.”

  He smiled and forced her to look into his eyes. “I haven’t written the ending yet. I thought we’d write it together.”

  “I love you, Adam.”

  “I love you, too.”

  She kissed him thoroughly, then lowered her head to watch him move inside her. They had already begun to finish the song—they didn’t need words to communicate at all.

  Their love would bind them forever.

  ISBN: 978-1-4268-7861-9

  SILENT SURRENDER

  Copyright © 2002 by Rita B. Herron

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the publisher Harlequin Enterprises Limited, 225 Duncan Mill Road, Don Mills, Ontario, Canada M3B 3K9.

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.

  This edition published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A.

  ® and TM are trademarks of Harlequin Books S.A., used under license. Trademarks indicated with ® are registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office, the Canadian Trade Marks Office and in other countries.