The Reluctant Daddy

by Helen Conrad

  And it was over. She was his—his in a wild, untamed place deep inside him. His forever. Forever.

  Sanity returned slowly. She lay very still, waiting to regret what she’d done. The only other man she’d ever been with was Alan, and then only after she’d married him. Doing this was not in her game plan. It wasn’t the sort of thing she did. Surely, surely the guilt would flood in and she would regret it.

  But regret didn’t come. When he turned and took her in his arms again, she sighed and put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes. Her soul felt a peace she hadn’t known before.

  “If you don’t watch out, you’re going to fall asleep,” he murmured into her hair.

  Her eyes shot open. “Ohmigod,” she cried, jumping up and away from him. “They’ll be wondering what happened. Oh, hurry, we’ve got to go back!”

  Reaching for her clothes, she began to scramble back into them. “And you,” she told him in a voice that brooked no argument, “are coming with me.”

  He grimaced. “I don’t know, Glenna—”

  She snatched up a pair of jeans that were lying across the back of a chair and threw them at him. “Come on, hurry,” she urged, heading for his bathroom. “You’ve got exactly thirty seconds.”

  He lay back and smiled as she disappeared from his room. He couldn’t dredge up any regrets, either. Things were just too good.

  But he knew he was fooling himself. Glenna was a commitment sort of person, the forever type. What he had to give could only make her happy in the here and now.

  “When you come right down to it,” he muttered to himself, looking across the room at his image in his mirror, “you’re nothing but a cheap thrill, Lee Nielsen.”

  But he owed her something. Sighing, he vaulted out of bed. The least he could do was go to dinner at her family’s house, the way she wanted him to.

  By the time she came out he was dressed and waiting for her, holding a small box. “I got you a Christmas present,” he said, handing it to her, watching her eyes.

  She stared at him, then looked down at the box in her hand. Tears stung her eyelids, but she held them back and pulled the box open. Inside was a sterling silver rose. The card said, “Too bad they don’t make snow roses to go. They just don’t last long enough.”

  Wordlessly, she looked at him, then threw her arms around his neck and hugged him very, very tightly. “Thank you,” she whispered, because her throat was too thick with tears to talk.

  “We’d better get going,” he said awkwardly, his face slightly flushed.

  She smiled and wiped her eyes. “Okay.”

  He put his arm around her shoulders as they started out the door, then turned back, remembering something. “Wait. I’ve got some things for the kids.”

  She watched him pick up two packages, delighted. “Presents? When did you buy them presents?”

  “I didn’t buy them,” he teased, waving them under her nose. “Santa dropped them off here.”

  The bubble of happiness inside her just kept getting larger. What had happened to the man who didn’t want to have anything to do with kids? She wasn’t sure, and actually, she didn’t want to know. Maybe he was gone forever. Just maybe.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  GLENNA BROUGHT LEE into the house and introduced him to those who didn’t know him yet. Everyone was polite, but no one seemed to be overjoyed to see him, and Glenna felt a pinprick of irritation. Didn’t they know? Couldn’t they see? How could they help but love him as she did?

  Her children ran to greet him when they saw him, however, and cried out with pleasure when he handed them the presents. Megan opened hers first, ripping the paper to shreds in her hurry. She pulled out a little stuffed dog with big floppy ears. Her smile was radiant.

  “Mommy, look! I got my own puppy.”

  “That’s wonderful, dear. Say thank you.”

  “Thank you, Lee,” she said, bouncing up and down with excitement. Turning, she waved her new toy at her brother. “Ha ha, Jimmy. I got a real puppy.”

  But Jimmy wasn’t listening. He was staring down into his opened package with his mouth open.

  “Wow!” he cried. “Mommy, look.” He held up the snake-shaped belt buckle he’d been eyeing in the old convenience store. “Wow,” he said again, and his gaze rose and met Lee’s. A bond became forged between them, as clearly as if it had clanged into place in a material way.

  “Thanks, Lee,” Jimmy said, his tone almost reverent.

  “You’re welcome,” Lee replied rather gruffly, and then he turned away. His eyes were misting. Somehow he had to get out of here.

  But there was no chance for that. Patrick and Ronnie, who despite the wintry conditions had just come in from a quick game of touch football in the backyard, were arguing loudly over the Badgers’ chances at the Rose Bowl, and dragged Lee into the debate. Johnny and Kathleen had played as well, and went to wash up. Meanwhile Glenna helped Pam and Anna put the last of the feast on the table.

  Not even the good-natured, friendly chaos of finding seats in the big, old-fashioned dining room gave Lee more than a second to step back and think about what had happened. What was happening. What was about to happen.

  Making love with Glenna had been wonderful, but he knew someone was going to have to pay for it. He was getting pulled in emotionally by her children, just as he’d feared. He hoped she remembered his warning. He wasn’t going to be here long, and there was no use thinking long term. Matter of fact, he hoped he would remember that himself.

  At the moment, squeezed in between Glenna and her delightful diminutive grandmother, Lee forgot about everything but taking in the warmth and humor of this boisterous, big-hearted family. By the time the meal was half-over, everyone seemed to be accepting him on a normal footing, and Lee himself began to relax. Looking at Glenna, he could see the way she was glowing, and it opened his heart. How could he resist happiness?

  Dinner was just the extended family, since all the boarders had gone to visit their own families for the day. The food was delicious and afterward, to work it off, several family members went for a stroll around the neighborhood, to look at the Christmas lights. Jimmy got Lee involved in a game of Memory, and Megan fell asleep under the Christmas tree, her stuffed puppy in her arms.

  Glenna found herself alone with Pam, who was looking so much better than she had the other day that Glenna had to ask what was going on. “Tell me why you look like you’re bursting with some kind of news!”

  “Do I?” Pam smiled enigmatically.

  “Yes.” Glenna nodded, frowning as she gazed at her sister-in-law. “You’ve been so down lately. And now you seem like your old self again. Have you finally made a decision about the adoption?”

  Pam nodded. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I have.”

  “Well? What is it?”

  Pam gave her a haughty look, just for fun. “We’re not going to adopt.”

  “Oh.” Glenna’s disappointment was acute. She’d been so sure Pam and Patrick would make wonderful parents, no matter what Pam might think now. “I’m so sorry, Pam.”

  Her sister-in-law raised an eyebrow in a superior manner. “Well, I’m not. In fact, adopting a baby right now would be a bit of overkill.”

  Glenna frowned. “What are you talking about?”

  “Can’t you tell?” Pam giggled. “Isn’t it written all over me? Get this, Glenna. I’m pregnant.”

  Her jaw dropped. “What?”

  “That’s why I was going around feeling so sick. I was pregnant the whole time.”

  “How do you know?” Glenna felt as though she were standing on shifting sands. “Have you been to the doctor? I thought your pregnancy would be...tricky because of your MS.”

  “Maybe.” Pam lifted her head bravely. “And maybe not. The doctor says there have been quite a few cases of wo
men with MS who have had babies and for some reason nobody quite understands, the MS has gone into remission.” She shrugged. “It’s not like they recommend you get pregnant, because of course, there are risks. Pat and I have always known that. But now that I’m finally pregnant, and apparently doing so well, we’re going full steam ahead. My doctor is going to monitor my condition weekly from now on. He says I’m healthy as a horse. It should go fine.”

  “Oh, yes. I’m sure it will. You deserve it, Pam, and I’m so happy for you both!” Glenna exclaimed, hugging her sister-in-law carefully.

  Then she frowned. “Wait a minute. How can you be so happy now if you were so upset at the thought of raising a baby before?”

  “Don’t you see? I don’t have any choice. When you’re pregnant, it’s going to happen whether you like it or not. Adoption is different. There are just too many choices. Should I, shouldn’t I? Could I, couldn’t I? I’ve always done best with things when there wasn’t any choice, when I had to just go for it.”

  “Okay.” Glenna nodded, not really sure she understood that reasoning, but willing to do all she could to support Pam and Patrick in their thrilling new venture.

  As soon as she had a chance to, she took her brother aside and congratulated him warmly. “What about Pam being pregnant?” she asked him then, trying not to sound as anxious as she felt.

  Patrick closed his eyes and shook his head. “We’re praying,” he said softly. “You could pray for us, too.”

  “Oh, Patrick. She’s so happy.”

  He nodded, looking down at his sister. “We’re going to try to go through with the pregnancy. It’s been tough making the decision.” He laughed shortly. “Tough for me, anyway. Not for her. She knew right away what she wanted to do. She wanted to go for it.” He hesitated. “Well, we’ll see. I’m not counting any chickens at this point. But Glenna—” he turned haunted eyes toward her “—if anything happened to Pam...” His voice choked.

  Glenna hugged him tightly. “Nothing will happen,” she said with fierce determination. “Don’t you even think it. Nothing is going to spoil this for you two.”

  She would hope and pray and do anything else she could do. Despite her divorce, despite the things she had gone through, her children were her joy, and she wanted the same for her brother and his wife.

  The others came straggling back into the family room, still feeling fat and sluggish from dinner. Some sat and talked, Laura played the piano, the children watched a tape on television. And finally the women began putting away the toys and the men talked lazily about sports and cars until it was time for everyone to go home.

  Glenna drove Lee back to the bed-and-breakfast, parking in front and turning to smile at him, wondering if she’d done the right thing today. Her family had accepted him kindly in the end, even welcomed him. And he had been wonderful with the children. She couldn’t help but think that that problem, at least, had been laid to rest. She would be deliriously happy if it weren’t for the tape and the fire looming in the background. But she didn’t want to think about that tonight.

  “Merry Christmas,” she said softly as he pulled her into his arms.

  “And a Happy New Year,” he murmured, dropping kisses on her neck. Sighing, she turned to find his mouth, and every bone in her body melted as his lips touched hers.

  What was meant to be a goodbye kiss lasted half an hour.

  “I haven’t made out like this since high school,” he muttered as he finally prepared to leave the car.

  “I know,” she agreed, laughing. “And we aren’t even going steady.”

  “Aren’t we?” He touched her cheek and bent to take one last kiss, making it simple. “How about breakfast in the morning? Marge’s Diner?”

  She nodded happily. “I’d love that.”

  “Okay. Meet me there at eight.” He touched the tip of her nose with his finger. “Good night, Sweet Sixteen. See you around.”

  “Later, Alligator,” she replied, and with one last lingering look, she drove off.

  He watched her go until her taillights disappeared around the corner, and suddenly he realized that he had hardly thought about Shelley and the kids being in Florida since Glenna had slipped into his bedroom that day. Was that good or bad? He wasn’t sure. And he had a feeling a night of tossing and turning wasn’t going to solve that particular dilemma for him.

  * * *

  THEY MET AT Marge’s and ordered pancakes, but the scene Glenna had envisioned didn’t quite pan out. Lee was edgy and he wasn’t smiling. He didn’t kiss her and he seemed to be trying to put distance between them. Her heart began to beat a steady rhythm of doom. She looked at him assessingly.

  This was the man she’d made love with yesterday, the only other man besides her ex-husband she had ever let get that close. He should have a special look in his eyes, a warmth that just wasn’t there. He hadn’t come to tell her he loved her, that was for sure.

  “What is it, Lee?” she asked, dreading the answer.

  His bright blue eyes met hers. This wasn’t easy and he was steeling himself not to weaken. “Did you bring the tape?” he asked.

  Her heart skipped. Of course. What was wrong with her? Christmas was over and it was time to get down to brass tacks. She should have been prepared for this, but she’d been too lost in a romantic stupor. Mentally, she shook herself.

  “No. I told you I don’t have it right now.”

  “I’m not buying that any longer, Glenna. I want it by tonight.”

  That was impossible. She shook her head. “I can’t get it by then—”

  His eyes darkened. “You have no choice. I’ll come by for it this evening. In the meantime, why don’t you go ahead and tell me what you recorded?”

  She looked down at her hands, unable to do so. How could she? Until she’d talked to her father...

  Lee was drumming his fingers on the tabletop. “The other thing I wanted to tell you was I’m going out of town,” he said, his voice sounding harsh in her ears.

  Her hands were suddenly freezing and she couldn’t get them warm. “For good?” she asked, discerning his intent at once.

  His face hardened, his gaze skimming across hers and away again. “Glenna, I told you how it would be from the start.”

  “I know,” she said, swallowing her anger and distress. She’d known, she just hadn’t expected it to happen so quickly. She was going to have to hold the tears back for later. Turning, she looked into his face and tried not to let her anguish appear in her eyes.

  “We haven’t had time to talk this over,” she told him stiffly.

  He glanced around the room and leaned back in his chair. “I’ve done nothing else but think about it,” he told her. “I can’t go on with this. I can’t let it turn into something real. I’ve done it all before, Glenna. With Shelley...” He shrugged helplessly. “We had a wonderful family and I worked so hard at making it stay that way. But no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, it all fell apart. I can’t go through that again.”

  Glenna stared at him uncertainly. What did he mean? Why was he comparing what they might have with his first marriage?

  “I loved them all so much,” he told her thickly. “And now Shelley runs around with a new boyfriend every six months and Jenny and Mark act like they can’t stand to be near me half the time. It hurts too much.”

  Glenna was speechless. She’d had no idea that this was the problem. She had no real answer for him, because she hadn’t known, and she’d had no chance to think it through. His tortured pain was clear in his eyes. She wanted to hold him, to comfort him, but the set of his shoulders wouldn’t allow that.

  He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Glenna. I know you don’t understand. You’ve been divorced, too, and you know how much that hurts. But with me, there’s more to it. Falling in love with a woman and having your heart thrown
back in your face is nothing compared to having your own kids reject you.” He swallowed and looked away. Things were indeed better. Jenny seemed to be coming around, and Mark had actually called him recently. But he would never forget the agony of those years when they had blamed the divorce on him. “This is hard to do. I care a lot for you. It’s just that I can’t do it again. I can’t love children, and love a woman, and have them turn away from me. Not again.”

  She searched his face, looking for a way beyond this pain he was feeling. His gaze met hers and he winced. Rising, he pulled out his wallet and took out a series of bills, which he dropped on the table. “Tonight,” he reminded her. And then he was gone.

  Glenna sat alone in the booth for a long time before she could settle her thoughts enough to leave. The weather was turning ugly, just like her mood. Christmas was over and winter had begun in earnest.

  * * *

  THE TELEPHONE RANG at noon and Glenna rushed to answer it, hoping it was Lee, calling to say he’d changed his mind. Instead, she got Tony.

  “Tony,” she cried as soon as she recognized his voice. “You took a tape that wasn’t part of the series.”

  “I know. Don’t worry, I haven’t used it. I realized it was the wrong tape as soon as I took a look and I left it at my mother’s house.”

  “Tony, I need that tape. Can you mail it back to me?”

  There was a pause. “Well, yeah, but not until my mother gets back from her Caribbean cruise.”

  Glenna’s heart sank.

  “But listen, I have fabulous news,” Tony cried, forgetting all about her request. “My sister’s brother-in-law is a VP for Magna Publications. I showed him your tapes after Christmas dinner and his nose twitched.”

  Despite her disappointment about the missing tape, Glenna had to laugh. “What does that mean?”

  “He’s a fish circling the bait, sweetheart. I’m going to give you his number, and you give him a call. It’s up to you to reel him in.” He chuckled at his own joke. “By the way, your tapes are great. What an idea, kid.”