Before the Dawn--A Novel of Romantic Suspense

by Cynthia Eden

  Tucker began to pace. “And if that’s the case, it would explain why the attacks are suddenly happening now. He’s worked up his nerve. It took him this long, but he’s back in action again. He knows how to mark the victims like the Iceman because he worked with the Iceman. He studied under him. See, at first, I was thinking the perp was someone who’d gotten access to the case files. Maybe someone even in law enforcement, but...but I think we have to consider that Jason Frost wasn’t working alone.”

  “It would have certainly made his crimes easier,” Bowen mused. “Moving the victim, securing the freezers...”

  “Right. And now...hell, even his fixation on Dawn makes sense. If our guy had partnered with Jason before, then he’s finishing the work that the Iceman started.”

  Bowen stared at him, seeming to absorb his words. “Who was your brother friends with, back in the day? Anyone standing out for you? I can start doing background investigations—”

  Tucker gave a rough bark of laughter. “That’s the problem. I’m the one he was close to back in the day. He didn’t have a lot friends. The guy was a loner. An alpha type. He had lovers—too many of them—but they were disposable to him. He never formed a close attachment with anyone but me.”

  Bowen rubbed the back of his neck. “In order for your theory to work, we need an actual partner. There had to be someone, you just didn’t know about it. The same way you didn’t know that your brother was a cold-blooded killer.”

  But I did know. Tucker stared at him. Just stared.

  Bowen’s eyes widened. “Tuck?”

  That nickname made him stiffen. Jason had always called him by that name. He licked his lips and tasted the fucking bitterness of regret. “Sometimes you see the danger coming, you feel it closing in, but you want to pretend it’s not there. You want to pretend it’s not real. Because it can’t be, right?”

  Pity flashed on Bowen’s face.

  “I was just nine when I realized how different my brother was.” A day of blood and death and hell. “I knew there was evil inside but I thought...I thought Jason could fight it.” The same way I did. “I saw it coming...” Guilt would follow him around until the day he died. “But I didn’t stop it.”

  And the door to Dawn’s room squeaked open. She stood there, fully dressed in her T-shirt and jeans. Her eyes were big and wide, stark, and her face was far too pale. “What?”

  She’d been listening to their conversation, the whole time. She even had a glass still clutched in her hand. That old trick, putting a glass to the door so you could eavesdrop easier...

  She dropped the glass to the floor. It bounced but didn’t shatter in the thick carpeting. Dawn lunged toward him and grabbed his arms, holding tight. “What in the hell do you mean, you knew? You saw it coming?” Her nails bit into his skin. “He was going to kill me! You knew and you did nothing?”

  Her pain was ripping him apart.

  “Tucker? Tucker, say something.” But then she shook her head. “No, not something. Say that I’m wrong. Say that you never knew. Say that you never thought your brother would hurt me. Say it.”

  He was silent, fighting for words.

  She let go of him—only to shove her hands against his chest a moment later. A hard, powerful shove. “Damn it! Say that you didn’t know! Say that you didn’t know he wanted to hurt me so badly!”

  He caught her shoulders in his hands and held her—so carefully. He’d had her in his bed that night, he’d been with her, skin to skin, he’d tasted heaven, but now hell was coming toward him in a fierce rush. A train, barreling straight for him, and there was no way to get off the tracks. “I knew he had...darkness inside.”

  Her breath choked out. He could feel Bowen watching him. Waiting. The other agent would want to know just what had gone down before with Jason.

  He’ll want to know if he can trust me.

  Dawn will hate me.

  But if this new killer was tied to Jason, he had to reveal everything from his past. There wasn’t an option. Discovering the bastard’s identity was key. Protecting Dawn took priority over protecting his own past.

  “When people pissed him off...Jason always struck back.” Always. “Some kids beat me up when I was nine. Made fun of my clothes, made fun of my lunch...called me a piece of trash.” He swallowed, that memory so fresh that it still burned. “Jason found out. He went back and beat the shit out of them.” Big brother, protecting him, but... “He killed their dog. Their cat. And a week later, a fire gutted the barn of one of the boys who’d been yelling at me the loudest.”

  Her mouth parted in shock.

  “No one ever tied the animals and the fire to Jason. Mostly because I...I never said a word.” She tried to back away. He let her go. “You don’t know the full truth about my family. Folks only saw us from the outside. Jason was strong and tough.” His lips twisted. “And I became that way. You had to be, in our house. Weakness wasn’t allowed. Weakness was punished.”

  I’ll never be caged again.

  She just stared up at him.

  “What are you saying, Tuck?” Bowen asked him.

  He saw Dawn flinch at the nickname.

  “My father...” He took a step back from Dawn. He wanted to look away from her when he finally told her this part, but he couldn’t. “My father was a sadistic bastard. He loved inflicting pain on others. First he did it with my mother—my only memories are of her crying, of her trying to shield me and Jason from his fists and his belt. She tried to protect me...until I was five, and then she died and she couldn’t protect me anymore.”

  Dawn’s gasp was painful to hear.

  “She was trying to leave him when she had that car crash,” he said, remembering and hating that memory. “She was taking me and Jason away.” And if she’d gotten them away, maybe everything would’ve been different. “But she was scared and driving too fast and she hit that big oak tree in the dead of night. She was bleeding and crying and he...he found her out there. He found us all out there on that damn godforsaken road.”

  Bowen swore.

  “My father stood by the car...on that fucking lonely stretch of road. I was in the back seat, begging for help. Jason was with me, but he didn’t say a word. She was crying... And my father just stood by that car, watching and waiting, until she wasn’t crying anymore.”

  Dawn shook her head. “No,” came her strangled whisper. “Tucker?”

  “Jesus Christ,” Bowen said. He came toward Tucker and put a hand on his shoulder. “I am so sorry.”

  He stiffened. Didn’t Bowen see? Their father had been a twisted monster, one who had forced the darkness he carried onto his children. Jason had become a killer and Tucker...

  “I can think like them,” he said, glancing at Bowen. “Samantha knows that. She knows everything about my family. I told her about them before I agreed to join the unit.” It was easier to look at Bowen. “I know how the killers think because I was supposed to be one of them.”

  “You’re not,” Bowen told him grimly.

  Dawn hadn’t said anything at all. Not since that broken whisper of his name.

  Bowen glanced at her, then back at Tucker. “You and I will talk more in the morning.” He inclined his head toward Dawn. “There are things the two of you need to say first. Without my ass here, watching.” He grabbed his bag and headed for the door, but before he left, he paused. He glanced back at Tucker. “You’re not one of them.” Then he was gone.

  The door closed softly behind him. Tucker made himself look back at Dawn. Beautiful, smart Dawn. Strong Dawn.

  Dawn...who stared at him as if he were a stranger.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  “YOU’VE BEEN KEEPING SECRETS,” she said, tilting her head to study him. Then...then she shocked him by reaching out and touching his chest. “I know what those marks are now. They didn’t make se
nse to me before—all of those faint, white scars. I...I thought you got them in battle.”

  Every muscle in his body had locked down. “They were marks from his belt buckle. After our mother died, there was no one to shield us. If we pissed him off, he’d beat us. Then he’d lock us in the closet. In the dark. For fucking hours.” Days. Hot summer days had been the worst. He could keep them in that closet then, for as long as he wanted. There would be no calls from the school because they didn’t show up. No people checking on them.

  He and Jason had stayed in the dark, sweat soaking them, their lips cracked and dry. He’d vomited in that closet, again and again, but his father hadn’t cared. They’d stayed in the dark, in the heat, with that mess all around them.

  Hell. But their father had been careful. Just in case. “He’d never wanted to be caught, so...he took us out to the cabin.”

  She went white.

  Yes, baby. I am so sorry. The same cabin that Jason took you to so long ago. “Neighbors would think we were going on a family trip, but we knew he was just going to kick our asses. To lock us up. He liked hurting us. When things went wrong for him—and they went wrong a lot—he took it out on us.” In that fucking cabin.

  He’d hated the place.

  “It was so hot there during the summer. Sweat would soak us in minutes. We’d stay huddled in the closet and...” This is the worst part. But I have to tell her. “And Jason would swear that one day, he’d be surrounded by ice. He’d stay cold forever and the heat wouldn’t touch him.”

  Her hand rose to her mouth. She stared at him, horrified understanding in her eyes.

  “To get us through those long hours, he used to tell me to imagine that we were far away. Snow and ice were all around us. The ice was cooling us down, making us safe.”

  A tear tracked down her cheek.

  “That’s why he froze them. He wanted them to stay cold forever.” He’d figured that out long ago. Just as he’d figured out so much about his brother. Too late. “When you’re abused like that...when you grow up the way we did, your mind can get bent, Dawn.”

  She backed up a step. It hurt, but he understood. She’ll never want me touching her again. He should have kept his hands off her. She was probably remembering what they’d done together—hours before—and hating him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was a rasp.

  “Because it was my fault.” Truth. Savage. Dark. Ugly. The ugly truth that had kept him away from her for so long. “I knew what he was capable of doing—I knew what we were both capable of. I should have watched him closer. I thought...I’d found a way to channel myself. Maybe he had, too.”

  A furrow was between her brows.

  “It was why I joined the Navy. I was going crazy on the inside. I needed risk. I needed the adrenaline rush and I needed to do something to make a fucking difference.” His breath eased out slowly. “I was different—and it was seen. I was good at the missions, almost too good. I didn’t slow down, didn’t let emotions get in my way. I could be a perfect weapon.”

  “Y-you’re not a weapon. You’re a person.”

  When he’d been with her, he’d felt differently. He’d felt peace, not that terrible yawning emptiness.

  “You told Samantha Dark your truth. But not me.” Her eyes narrowed. “And you’re only telling me now...because I heard you talking to your partner. You thought I was asleep. You thought I wouldn’t know.”

  Don’t lie. “Yes.”

  She shot toward him once more. Her hands lifted as if she’d touch him, but she froze, stopping herself. Is she afraid to touch me now?

  “Why?” The one word was ragged, pain-filled. “Why do they get to know your secrets, but I don’t?”

  Because they don’t matter to me the way you do. “They can look at me as if I’m a monster and it doesn’t matter to me. But when you stare at me that way...” The way she was looking at him right then. “You rip me up inside.”

  Her lower lip trembled.

  There’s more, baby. So much more she didn’t know. More that even Samantha didn’t know. Some secrets were too dark to share.

  “I should have stayed closer to my brother. I should have watched him better. I should have stopped him before the first girl was ever hurt.” But after they’d gotten out of school, Jason had seemed better. Their father had been dead, burning in his hell, and everything had truly seemed better. Tucker had thought he was the dangerous one. So he’d enlisted in the Navy. He’d tried to get his life on track. Tried to be a better man.

  And he’d seen—too late—what he’d left behind.

  “I don’t know who Jason may have gotten close with while I was gone. But those killings only happened while I was deployed. If he had a partner...he didn’t bring the guy around me. He kept the SOB hidden, but I will find him. I won’t stop until I do.”

  Dark shadows lined her eyes.

  “Jason Frost is dead, and the guy out there hunting? He’s going to be caught and locked away in jail for the rest of his life.” Caged.

  You know I can’t survive in a cage. Jason’s voice, floating through his head.

  She looked down at her hands. Dawn had twisted them in front of her. “Are there more secrets?”

  Yes.

  She waited a moment, and when he didn’t reply, Dawn gave a little shrug. “I thought we’d come back to each other.”

  He had to strain in order to hear her words.

  She cleared her throat and spoke again. This time, her voice was stronger. “I missed you, so much, over the years.”

  His heart nearly stopped.

  “I thought about you. I wished that I’d been stronger before...that I’d held on tighter to you. But I was afraid back then.” Her head tilted back and she stared into his eyes. “When we were together tonight, I wasn’t holding anything back from you. I stopped being afraid, but I don’t think you did.”

  “Dawn...” He wanted to pull her into his arms. To hold her tight and never let go.

  “You were the one holding back tonight. You kept secrets before, and I didn’t even realize it. You’re doing it again.” Her lips twisted down. “Do you know why?”

  His fists were clenched so tightly they ached. Because I want to protect you. Because I hate it when you look at me with so much pain. Because I still—

  “You don’t trust me.”

  Shock pushed through him. “That’s not it. There’s no way I don’t—”

  “You don’t think I’m strong enough to handle whatever it is that you’re holding back from me.” Anger sparked in her eyes, gleaming. A light flush coated her cheeks. “Just like you didn’t think I was strong enough to handle your past before. You were abused. You were hurt. And you didn’t tell me. You lied to me when I asked you about your scars.”

  “Because I didn’t want that part of my life touching you.” She’d been so perfect and pure. The best thing he’d had in his life, and he hadn’t wanted her tainted.

  But Jason had been determined to taint everything.

  She gave a laugh. No, a sob. Shit, he didn’t know—the sound was a twisted combination of a laugh and a sob as she yanked her shirt to the side, revealing the roses on her shoulder. “Guess what, Tucker? That part of your life did more than touch me.”

  His back teeth clenched.

  “It touched me. It marked me. It changed me forever. I could have handled your secrets before. I would have understood about your past—I loved you then.”

  Then. Not now. Of course she didn’t love him now. Too much time had passed, too much pain and—

  “And I thought you might love me.”

  He sucked in a sharp breath.

  “But without trust, there isn’t love. There can’t be. You held your secrets tight. You’re still holding them tight, and I can’t make you share them wi
th me. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t make you do that.” She turned away from him and reached for the door to her room.

  He grabbed her. An instinct. Can’t let her go. His fingers curled around her shoulder and he held her, too tight. “You don’t want my past. I don’t want it touching you.” Why couldn’t she see that truth? He hadn’t told her before because she’d been so fucking perfect and good.

  She’d always been too good for him. He’d known that. But he hadn’t been able to stay away from her. Not then. Not now.

  “I wanted you touching me.” She looked back at him. “I wanted you.”

  “Dawn...”

  “No secrets. That’s what I need. And that’s what you can’t give to me.” She swallowed. The little click was painful to hear. “Let me go now. I need...I need to be away from you now.”

  Those words pierced straight to his soul.

  And he let her go. After all, there was nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for Dawn. She slipped into her room. She shut the door behind her.

  She left him.

  Left him alone with the monster that waited inside of him.

  Baby, I can’t tell you everything. You’ll never want to see me. Never want to touch me. There are some secrets I have to take to my grave.

  * * *

  HER PHONE WAS VIBRATING. Dawn cracked open one eyelid and glared at the nightstand. She’d managed to sleep—finally. And her dreams had been nightmares. Horrible, twisted scenes of Tucker being hurt. Of Tucker...

  Hurting others.

  God, she was so messed up. Her hand shot out and she grabbed the phone. A text had just come through. One from Malone.

  Must talk to you immediately about Jinx. Come to Voodoo Tats.

  Jinx. She sat up, cradling the phone. Reality slammed into her. Her friend was in a morgue now. Julia would have worked on her—or she would be working on her, depending on how long it took the body to thaw.

  Oh, God. She had to thaw out Jinx’s body.

  Her eyes squeezed shut and she almost wished for the nightmares again. Because at least in those twisted dreams, she—