SEAL Firsts

by Sharon Hamilton

  T.J.

  She wanted to smile, but tears flooded her eyes at the intensity of the pain. She wanted to be happy to see him, but her body was in panic mode. If she didn’t get something, she’d go mad with the sensations burning in her lower belly.

  “You’re okay, honey. I’m right here. Courtney’s in the nursery,” he whispered to her as he bent and kissed her forehead.

  “Is she—” Shannon found she couldn’t bring herself to say anything more.

  “She’s fine, sweetheart. She’ll have to stay in the nursery for probably a few days, but she’s fine.”

  “Oh God.” A wave of nausea overcame her and she gagged, rolling her head back.

  “Hold on a bit, Shannon. Honey, they’re going to get you something. How do you feel?”

  “I hurt.”

  “I know, sweetheart. It’s coming.”

  An African-American nurse in white loomed over the bed. “Good morning, Shannon. How are you feeling?”

  “I hurt. I’m sick.”

  “You sick to your stomach, too?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, I’ll get you something for the pain, and something for the nausea. You allergic to anything?”

  “It should be in her chart,” T.J. snipped back at her.

  “I don’t remember,” Shannon interrupted.

  “Why don’t you let me do my job. I gotta ask, that’s all, sir.” She was stern with T.J., which bothered Shannon.

  “Please hurry. It hurts.”

  “I know dear. I’m getting it right now. Just hang on for a minute.”

  T.J. talked to her, telling her how pretty Courtney was. She wanted to enjoy what he was saying, but she couldn’t concentrate. Everything she saw, felt and heard coursed through the hot excruciating pain in her lower belly. She felt like someone had punched her there so many times she’d surely be black and blue. She had a faint recollection of some pulling and tugging coming from her insides, and wondered if she’d started to come to during the caesarean.

  At last the nurse injected the clear liquid into the IV tube above her head and patted her forehead. “That should make you feel better, sweetie. Just take some deep breaths, and relax into it.”

  She tried to inhale, but wound up in a coughing fit. T.J. held her head up, supporting her upper spine so she was halfway to a sitting position. His powerful arms felt good as he held her steady.

  “Let me do all the work, honey. Don’t use those muscles just yet.”

  A warm glow emanated from her belly to her heart, and she remembered the new love she had for him, the fresh new glow of a bright future deliciously brightening everything inside her.

  She reached for his face with her free hand. “Love you, T.J.” She couldn’t find him, and didn’t have the strength to search the space in front of her for him. Before her arm hit the bed, his fingers found hers and he squeezed and supported her hand, then rubbed up the surface of her forearm to her elbow, which felt heavenly.

  “Not going anywhere, Shannon. Right here. Love you so much, honey.”

  “So Courtney’s okay, then? I was sure that—”

  “Shhh. She’s a sick little one, but she’s going to be okay. It was close, Shannon. Real close. They think she’s out of danger now.”

  “What happened?”

  “Something went wrong. They aren’t sure, but I hope to God I didn’t—”

  “Don’t be silly, T.J. You didn’t have anything to do with this.”

  “Sure hope not. But she’s a strong girl, and she has to fight an infection in her lungs. It’s something they all go through when this happens. With antibiotics, she’ll be okay, that’s what the doctor told me. He’ll be in later on to talk to us.”

  “Thank God, you were there, T.J. I felt you there the whole time.”

  “I was, honey. They had to kick me out.”

  “When can I see her?”

  “Dunno. Let’s just focus on you getting better. That’s what I’m here for.”

  “No, I have to let Courtney know I’m here. I have to talk to her so she knows I didn’t leave her.”

  When she looked at the expression on T.J.’s face, the full impact of her statement forced tears to her eyes. Neither one of them could speak. He bent and tenderly kissed her parched lips. In a low growl, he whispered, “And I’ll never leave either of you two. Never. Never, never going to leave you.”

  The shiny dark hair at his temple and around the back of his head welcomed her fingers as they sifted, as she pulled him toward her again to claim another kiss. “I know that now, T.J. I won’t ever doubt you or your loyalty.”

  “Or my love,” he whispered and nibbled on her lips again.

  “Or my own. I need you so much, T.J.” She had to stop because the tears were coming again. The jumble of emotions was making her heart flutter. As her pain subsided, some of her desire for this man’s body came rolling back like a favorite blanket to warm her. She wanted him close, to climb into bed with her right there in the hospital room, and comfort her.

  He chuckled, as he must have picked up on her feelings. “Can’t wait to get you home, honey.”

  Late in the morning, they were informed how sick Courtney really was. The fluid she had aspirated could cause a massive infection in her lungs. Blood work had come back with disturbing results, but they were reassured by the fact that the baby was responding to everything they were doing for her.

  Shannon walked the halls with her IV, assisted by T.J., who chattered like a schoolgirl. He had more descriptions of Courtney than she’d ever heard before. It was as if he knew her whole personality. Knew what she would be like as an adult.

  “She’s got a cute face, and oh my God, her long fingers are so graceful.”

  He mentioned over and over again how perfect she looked, which told her he’d been concerned and perhaps she hadn’t always looked that way. “How blue was she?

  “Okay, Shannon. I’m not going to lie to you. She looked like a space alien.” He was serious, and then broke into a warm smile filled with his bright white teeth. “Was beginning to wonder,” he said as he bent down again and kissed her tenderly, “if you had done it with a guy from Pluto or something. But when I saw Frankie’s big ears—”

  “She has Frankie’s ears? Oh. My. God. That’s terrible.” Then she realized his changing the subject from the baby’s skin color had worked.

  “On Courtney, honey, they look perfect,” he whispered as he kissed her right ear. “Just like yours.”

  She was promised a visit with Courtney if she’d take a nap, but Shannon wasn’t having any of it, insisting on seeing the baby. She’d agreed to follow the nurse’s instructions about pumping her breasts since she couldn’t feed Courtney yet, but there would be no real rest for Shannon until she could touch her baby. Even T.J. tried to talk her out of it, which made her wonder if there was something wrong with the baby he wasn’t telling her. Something he didn’t want her to see.

  The neonatal nursery was filled with more equipment than a modern air traffic control tower. Several couples sat beside tiny babies hooked up to tubes and monitors that beeped. Courtney, at over eight pounds, looked like a giant. Although her color was good, she had difficulty breathing, her little chest moving up and down in raspy bursts of motion. It was clear the baby was fighting for her life.

  Shannon took a chair at the side of the plastic tenting. A nurse helped her into Platex gloves and covered her hospital gown with another one, light turquoise in color. The instant she was allowed to rub her gloved fingers across Courtney’s cheek and chest, she felt the connection between mother and daughter. As she had done while in the womb, the baby responded to the sound of Shannon’s voice, even managing a squint that could almost be considered a smile. The forced little cry was sad and pathetic. Shannon spoke to her in a low voice.

  “You’re perfect, Courtney. You do have your daddy’s ears, sorry to say, but you’ll have beautiful brown hair that will cover anything you don’t like about them. T.J. and I are r
ight here.”

  T.J. squeezed her left hand, her fingers laced with his. He began massaging her neck and kissing the side of her face, which was just the encouragement she needed. He was such an instinctively tender and affectionate man, for all the warrior training he’d had. Knew just what to do to calm her down. She was so glad he was by her side, and couldn’t imagine going through all this without him.

  She closed her eyes and said a prayer. Please, help Courtney to be strong so I can hold her, really hold her. I’ve lost Frankie. Don’t take Courtney, too.

  T.J. must have seen the tear slipping down her cheek because he whispered, “It’s going to be okay, honey. Everything’s going to be okay.” And that was the most wonderful thing he could have said.

  “We’re not going anywhere. We’re here to keep you safe,” she said to the baby. She looked up at T.J., kissed him and then turned back to Courtney.

  “No one is ever going to leave you again. Ever.”

  Chapter 22

  T.J. knew as long as he was in Shannon’s room, she wouldn’t sleep, but the bags under her eyes and hollow cheeks told him she really needed rest. He didn’t want to leave, but it was better for her if he did. Best to not interfere with the nurses who were far better informed and equipped to handle their charge. T.J. had enough medical training to stop a man from bleeding to death in the arena, or do a quick stitch up or injection to stop an infection, but the fine tuning in the care Shannon required could only be done by a trained and loving nursing staff.

  He was confident they were what she needed. He left the hospital on his way to the parking lot mulling over the situation with his father in prison. He’d always thought of himself as the guy who could solve anything, could “get ‘er done,” but this had completely blindsided him. He loved Shannon and Courtney, but the old friend Doubt and the evil twin Inadequacy had their hands all over him. It amazed him how quickly and almost comfortably he could go back to feeling like he was not good enough for anyone or anything.

  He knew it was time to look up a Team Guy, but first he had to try to reach the numbers in Tennessee. He hit redial again, and got the same recording. This time, he didn’t leave a message.

  Tyler was happy to hear the news.

  “That’s just awesome, man. Congrats!”

  “Thanks, Tyler.”

  “Anyone else know? Or you want it kept private for now? You know Christy, Kate and Sophia will all want to go see her. Is this a good time or should they wait a bit until things settle down?”

  “I’ll give Kyle a call, but no, go ahead and give everyone the news.” T.J. reserved his communication with Kyle for himself, in case he needed that one on one with his LPO.

  “Roger that. Kate’s going to be ecstatic. I guess you won’t be joining us this weekend in Vegas to give Fredo the ol’ send off?”

  “Nope. Besides, I got something else I got to do.”

  “This sounds serious. You okay, T.J.?”

  “Naw, I’m feeling full of shit, man, and I should be hopping for joy right now. Timing’s a bitch, but I just found out I do have a dad, and apparently he’s alive.”

  “Well, he’s a grandpa then. Makes no difference the baby isn’t your blood. That child and Shannon are a part of you now just as if they were.”

  “I got that. But there’s no fucking way that man is going to be anywhere close to the baby or Shannon. No way.”

  “Come again?”

  “Found out yesterday my dad’s apparently in prison. In Tennessee.”

  “Fuck no. That sucks. What for?”

  “Does it fuckin’ matter, Tyler? Really?”

  “Probably not. Sorry, man. Simply selfish curiosity on my part.”

  T.J. could hear music in the background, and Kate singing to it. The sounds of Tyler’s ordinary life only accentuated how misplaced he felt. He was torn apart by his love for his lady and the baby, and struck by the harsh reality that the plan hadn’t started out that way, that this still was Frankie’s life he was stepping into. And T.J.’s background left scars that might not ever heal. He found no compassion for a father who was now reaching out to him on, of all days, the day he was working up to his new role as father and, hopefully soon, husband. No matter how bright his future could be, and he’d been grateful for this new chance on life, his past just wouldn’t leave him alone. Wouldn’t leave him alone to enjoy Shannon and Courtney for one whole fucking day.

  “You still there, Talbot?” Tyler’s voice was laced with concern, and to T.J. it sounded almost condescending.

  “Yeah, I’m still here. I’m not a fuckin’ schoolgirl.”

  “No sir. You’re one of the baddest, meanest motherfuckers out there, the guy who saved my life, and the guy who’s going to save Shannon and the baby’s lives now. That guy. Don’t forget that guy. To hell with everyone else. Even me. Pay no attention. You’re that guy and always were, T.J.”

  “Got it. So I’ll quit my pity party now.”

  “You want some company?”

  “Nah. Hate to ruin your day.”

  “Fuckin’ no way, man. Kate’s on an organizational whim. I’m about to have the cleanest and most organized underwear drawer on the planet. Can you fucking believe that? They teach these things on TV. Screw the Home Decorating channel, or whatever the hell it’s called. Kate watches it practically twenty-four seven.”

  That was funny, but T.J. almost couldn’t laugh. His feet were encased in weighted boots like in astronaut training. He was fuckin’ walking on the moon.

  “So, you’d be fuckin’ putting me out of my misery.”

  “Okay. I’ll give Kyle a call, and then meet you at the Scupper? Mind if Kyle joins us, if it comes to that?”

  “He’ll be babysitting if Christy goes over to visit Shannon, but yeah, no worries.”

  T.J. hung up, and called his LPO.

  “Hey Talbot, how’s it hanging?” Kyle picked up on the first ring. T.J. could hear Brandon’s incessant jabbering and knew that Kyle was probably being overrun by the preschooler.

  “Just wanted you to know Frankie’s baby was born today.”

  Careful hesitation preceded Kyle’s comment. “You mean your baby.”

  “That’s right, LT.”

  “What’s wrong? Everything go okay?”

  “Not really. She was born with some problems, and we almost lost her.”

  “Why the hell did you go through all this on your own, man?”

  “Hey Kyle, cut me some slack. I’ll bet you weren’t thinking much when Brandon was born.”

  “That’s a fact. So, how’s everyone doing?”

  “Baby is improving. She was born C-section, and she aspirated the—”

  “Spare the deets, T.J. But everyone’s doing good?”

  “I think so. Shannon’s a trooper. The baby is going to have to stay in the hospital, but the doc thinks she’ll be okay, and then we’ll do the tests, you know.”

  “I do.”

  “But that’s only partly why I’m calling. I’m giving Shannon a chance to catch up. Then she can have more company.”

  “I’ll make sure Christy tells everyone. She’s gonna want to tell the whole team, you know.”

  “Fine by me. Especially those that knew Frankie, they would want to know.”

  “You tell Tyler?”

  “Yeah, just called him. We’re meeting up for a couple of brews.”

  “Good. So quit pussy-footing. What’s up?”

  “I just got a strange call from Collins. Apparently my dad is trying to reach me.”

  “Your dad? Didn’t know he was in the picture.”

  “He isn’t. And he won’t be.”

  “Okay, you wanna explain that to me?” Kyle was working to hide concern, but T.J. felt it anyhow.

  “I guess he’s an inmate at Riverbend prison in Nashville.”

  “Wow.”

  “That’s a maximum security prison, Kyle. I haven’t spoken to him, but there’s an inmate services guy I’ve left a message for. He tried to cal
l me during the recital.”

  “Gotcha. Timing sucks.”

  “Doesn’t it, though?”

  “And you’ve told Shannon?”

  “Of course. Kyle, this was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do, tell her this.” T.J. reeled himself in, but just barely. He wanted to protect Shannon and the baby from the reality that was his past. How he wished it was a different story that was unfolding, rather than one with dark unknowns he wasn’t sure he wanted to reveal.

  “Not like you knew anything about this beforehand. This is just the hand you’ve been dealt, T.J. It isn’t who you are. But I’m reading between the lines—”

  A loud scream came from the background on Kyle’s phone. It sounded like Brandon.

  “Sorry, gotta go. Brandon’s just pulled a table over on himself. He’s into everything now. Just wait, T.J. You can’t leave them alone for a second.”

  “Roger that, LT. Catch you later.”

  The Scupper was cool and dark, which matched his mood and suited his needs. Tyler was dressed in cargo pants and a long-sleeved T-shirt with the SOC logos—skulls, tridents, and Latin phrases—covering up his tats. They’d been in the Scupper so many times with the Team, it wasn’t as if any of the regulars wouldn’t know who they were. Tyler could have worn a dress, and he wouldn’t have fooled anyone.

  He stood up and they embraced, his friend smacking him loudly on the back.

  “You look like shit,” Tyler said as he ordered his beer and searched the room. It was a habit they all had. Wasn’t so much looking for people they knew as people they didn’t know. That was the real problem. His scanning over with, Tyler glanced up. “Any more news?”

  “Not a thing.”

  “Kyle coming?”

  “You were right.”

  “Payback, I’d say.”

  “Double. Of course in my case, I doubt Courtney could ever do what I put my foster folks through. Like Rory, I burned down a woodshed.”

  “I know, because you could, right?” Tyler chuckled.

  Images of being beaten bare-bottomed with a strap in that woodshed came flooding past, tugging on his gut and throwing his insides across the bar. He was so small then, and the evil foster dad he had at the time was huge with hands the size of basketballs. The guy could grip his upper arm with just one hand and swing that strap with the other so hard he had welts for a week afterward, and it hurt to go to the bathroom or even fart. He vowed he’d never be that small or helpless again.