by Beth Rinyu
“I didn’t mean to seem like-” He placed his finger over my lips to stop me from talking, gently tilting my chin up to his and placing his lips on mine. I pulled him closer and moved my hands up and down his back as our tongues began to dance.
“Do you want to go for a swim?” I asked, pressing my forehead against his.
“I didn’t bring my bathing suit.”
“Who said anything about bathing suits?”
I bit my lip and stared up at him, lifting my shirt over my head. The wary look that was on his face just moments ago was now replaced with a sexy grin. I reached down and unbuttoned his shorts, blocking out any of the doubts that were racing through my mind. I didn’t want to think about what Ashton had said earlier. I didn’t want to think about the look on Drew’s face when I had given him that painting. All I wanted to think about was being in his arms while feeling him inside of me and creating another perfect moment.
Drew spent the night and was up and out early. I rushed around making sure that everything was spotless for when my parents came home. I had just gotten done vacuuming when I heard the front door open.
“Hey guys! How was the wedding?” I asked. My brother looked at me and went storming up the steps. I could tell right away that he had been fighting with my parents. “What’s his problem?”
“Becca, why didn’t you tell us that your brother was involved with drugs?” my father asked.
“What?”
“Don’t play dumb, Becca! He told us that you knew.”
“That I knew what?” I raised my voice in anger. Once again I was bearing the brunt of something my brother did.
“I found a baggie filled with Vicodin in his bag,” my father said.
“Okay, and how is that my fault?” I asked.
“He said that you knew that Ashton Barrett was giving them to him.”
“Oh my God! Are you kidding me? The only thing I knew was that Ashton had given him something to sell for him. I had a long talk with him about it and he promised-”
“He promised! Again with taking him at his word! You know better than that! You should have come right to me and your mother and told us this! Are you really that stupid to think that he wasn’t using as well? How could you have been so ignorant to this? Do you have any idea how addictive these drugs are?”
“Jeff, stop blaming Becca for Jordan’s mistakes,” my mother chimed in.
“She should know better, Gail!” he shouted. “She used to have a brain. She used to be able to think for herself. She used to tell the truth. Now she’s getting mixed in with this crowd and I don’t even know my own daughter!”
“Mixed in with what crowd? I am NOT friends with Ashton Barrett!”
“Becca, what the hell has happened to you? Are you really that naïve? You are dating a very good friend of his. Do you think that he’s not doing this stuff, too? I don’t want you seeing him anymore.”
My jaw dropped. How could he even lump Drew into this? I may not have been very familiar with drugs, but I wasn’t stupid enough to not know when people were using, and I knew Drew was not. I shook my head and narrowed my eyes at him.
“Drew does not do drugs, Dad!”
“How do you know that, Becca? Huh? You’ve known him for a little over a month. You know nothing at all about this guy!”
“Yes I do!”
“What the hell do you know about him? Tell me!” he shouted.
The tears streamed down my face. Why couldn’t he see how important Drew was to me and just accept it? “I know that he is the most giving and caring person I know. He allows me to be myself and not what everyone expects me to be. And I know that when I am with him, there is nowhere else that I want to be.” My mother’s eyes filled with tears as she looked away. “I am not going to stop seeing him. I won’t allow you to punish me over something that Jordan did.”
I grabbed my car keys and headed out the door, just feeling the need to get away. I couldn’t believe that my father was going to use this as a tactic to get me to stop seeing Drew. I would never allow that to happen. I didn’t care if it meant damaging my relationship with my dad. He was not going to take away my happiness like he always did when he didn’t approve of something. I drove for some time before I found myself pulling into Krista’s parents’ driveway, not knowing what led me there, except for the fact that I needed my best friend now more than ever. I took a deep breath as I rang the doorbell.
“Becca! It’s so nice to see you, Honey,” Krista’s mom greeted me with a huge hug.
“You too, Mrs. Hudson. I know I’m probably the last person Krista wants to see, but is she around?”
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “Yes, Honey, she’s up in her room. We um- We’ve been having quite a time with her.”
“What’s going on?” I asked.
“Well, apparently she’s been doing drugs for a few months. I didn’t know… she was away at school and –” She began to break down in tears.
“Oh Mrs. Hudson, don’t blame yourself. I’m her best friend and I was clueless.”
“Her last semester, she was battling with bouts of depression. She tried to keep it from us but then one night she called me and she just sounded so desperate. My husband drove down to her school that night and got her. She never finished up the semester.”
I shook my head and ran my hand through my hair. “She never told me.”
“She didn’t want anyone to know. We took her to the doctor and got her on some antidepressants. Then you came home and she was going out and doing things like her old self again. A few nights ago she came home and she was a mess. I knew it was more than just alcohol and she finally admitted to me and my husband that she was using.”
“Using what?” I asked.
Her mother closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Pain Killers.”
I was speechless. I knew Krista and Ashton were doing something that night in the bathroom and again I chose to ignore it the same way I had with my brother. A good friend would have told her parents right away. A good friend would have been there for her instead of shaming her into leaving. A good friend wouldn’t have waited until well over two weeks to see if she was okay. Maybe I was selfish. Maybe I was so fixated with my own world that I stopped being concerned with what was going on with the ones I cared about most. My dad was right; I was ignorant, and unfortunately, that ignorance claimed two of the most important people in my life—Krista and my brother. I sat down on the step and shook my head at a total loss for words. “I am so sorry, Mrs. Hudson.”
“This is not your fault, Becca. You had nothing to do with this. She’s leaving for a recovery center out in California tomorrow. We were finally able to talk her into going.” I nodded, still in shock, first my brother and now Krista. Maybe my dad was right; maybe I was naïve.
“Can I go up and see her?”
She smiled and nodded. My heart was racing as I walked up the stairs, finally reaching Krista’s bedroom. I knocked lightly.
“Come in,” she shouted. She looked up from her laptop in surprise. “Becca,” she whispered. She didn’t even look like my best friend. Dark circles encompassed her beautiful blue eyes. And her blonde hair that was always perfectly styled hung around her face like she hadn’t washed it in days. I tried my best to stop my tears. I knew I had to stay strong for her.
“Hey chickie,” I said, taking a seat next to her on her bed.
“I guess you heard. I’m a complete mess.” She shook her head and gave a nervous smile.
“You’re not a mess, Krista.” She grabbed a tissue from her nightstand and wiped the tears that were flowing down her face. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you.”
She shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Becca. It’s me. I’m so fucked up.”
“Don’t say that, Krista. You are not fucked up! You just need help. You’re going to get it and everything is going to be fine. You are going to beat this! I know you will.”
She looked at me and did her best to for
m a smile. “I wish I could be like you, Becca. You’re able to handle any situation life throws at you. You have a killer course load at school and are able to maintain an awesome GPA, find time to volunteer, and you’re an amazing friend. I couldn’t even manage one of those things.”
“You are a great friend, Krista!”
“Did you forget how we left things when we last saw each other?”
“Yeah, well, I don’t want to think about that. Let’s forget it ever happened and just concentrate on the future and all of the fun stuff we’re going to do when you get back.”
“I love you, Becca.”
“I love you, too,” I whispered, throwing my arms around her and hugging her tightly. I reached into my purse and dug around in the pocket, pulling out the chain with her half of the best friend charm. “I took this to the jeweler and had it fixed. I want you to wear this when you go because you’ll always have the other half of my heart.” She lifted her hair as I clasped it around her neck, letting out a loud sob before pulling me into a hug once again.
“I’m so sorry, Becca.”
“It never happened, remember?”
She nodded and wiped her tears. “Becca, I don’t want to upset you but please just be careful. I can’t say for sure if Drew is involved in this whole drug thing, but I have seen him at a few parties hanging out with Troy Baker.”
“Who’s Troy Baker?” I asked.
“He’s the biggest dealer around.”
My stomach dropped. I had been clueless about my brother and Krista, who I knew better than anyone, so what made me so sure that Drew wasn’t doing drugs? Maybe my dad was right. What did I really know about Drew? I didn’t want to think about it now. My heart couldn’t handle it. Instead, I just switched the topic, reminiscing about our younger years when life was uncomplicated, fun, free of drugs, and free of heartache.
After I left Krista’s, I didn’t want to go home. I had so much on my mind. I was worrying about my best friend, hoping she would be okay. She looked so weak and vulnerable today; so much different than the girl I had known my whole life. My mind began to shift to my brother. I didn’t want him suffering the same fate as Krista, and I suddenly became angry at myself for not telling my parents about the incident with Ashton. If something were to happen to him, it would be all my fault. My father was right; I was stupid to believe Jordan. I only hoped that he wasn’t right about his assumptions he was making about Drew. I couldn’t even believe that I was doubting him. I was allowing my dad to unleash all of the insecurities that would flourish inside of me, once again. Whenever he didn’t approve of something that I wanted to do, he would always tout the dangers or negatives to it, and normally, I would surrender and talk myself right out of it. But he wasn’t going to talk me into thinking that Drew was a bad person. I knew Drew even if it hadn’t been for that long. I knew there was something about him that was special. I started to second guess myself as I walked up to his door. I should have called him first, but my mind was going at warp speed, especially after what Krista had told me. I needed to hear it from him that both she and my dad were wrong.
An uneasy smile slowly stretched across his face as he opened the door. “Becca. Hey.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you first. I was just driving around thinking and I needed to talk to you about something.”
He opened the door wider and kissed me on the cheek. He hurriedly grabbed the papers that were on his coffee table and shoved them in a folder; clearly he didn’t want me to see what he was working on. “Sorry for the mess. I was just trying to get a jump start on some of the paperwork I need for next semester.” I could tell he was nervous about something but I didn’t know why. He took my hand and led me over to the couch. “This was a nice surprise.” He smiled, sounding a little more like himself.
I smiled back, hoping that I wasn’t going to jeopardize anything by confronting him. “Drew. Who’s Troy Baker?”
His eyes widened. “He’s a friend of Ashton’s. Why?”
“Well, I went to see Krista today. She’s really bad. She’s leaving for a drug recovery center in California.”
“Wow. I’m really sorry, Becca.”
I nodded and sighed heavily. “Anyway, she told me that she saw you hanging out with this Troy guy and that he was bad news. Look Drew, I can’t tell you who you can and can’t hang out with but if you are involved in drugs in any way, I need you to come clean and tell me, because that’s just something I can’t deal with.”
“What?” He laughed. “Where is this coming from, Becca? Just because I was talking to this guy? Just like you assumed I was like Ashton because I’m friends with him?” I could hear the frustration in his voice, making me sorry that I had even confronted him.
“I’m sorry, Drew. It’s just been a bad day and I just –” I couldn’t hold back my tears. “I’m sorry they made me doubt you.”
“Hey come here.” He stretched out his arms and I moved closer to him, resting my head on his chest. “What’s going on, Becca?” I opened up and told him everything that was going on with my brother and my dad, including my dad’s request to stop seeing him.
“I’m sorry that this happened. I don’t like seeing you this upset.”
“No, Drew, I’m sorry for even thinking that about you.”
He rested his lips on the top of my head. “Just let this whole thing blow over with your dad and everything will be fine.”
I lifted my head and looked up at him. “I really don’t care if it doesn’t blow over. I don’t care if he never speaks to me again. I’m not going to stop seeing you.” He pushed my hair from my face and that same look of apprehension washed across his face. The same look that he displayed when he opened the door. The same look as when I gave him the painting last night. “Drew, don’t be nervous. I’m not expecting a marriage proposal or anything. I just have a great time when I’m with you. You make me happy and I’m not going to let him take that happiness away.”
“You make me happy, too, Becca,” he whispered in my ear.
“My father makes me feel like a little girl that can't think for herself and I hate it!”
“He just worries about you, Becca.”
“Well, I wish he wouldn't. I know we haven't known each other very long, but I feel as if I know you almost better than anyone in my life.”
He sighed heavily and kissed me on the top of my head. I looked up at him and was unable to resist kissing his perfectly full lips, instantly yearning to feel them all over my body. Maybe I was naïve to think that Drew would never do anything to hurt me, but I was willing to take that chance. He was definitely turning me on to an addiction, but it had nothing to do with drugs..... I was becoming totally and overwhelmingly addicted to him.
My brother was on his best behavior as the weeks passed. My parents were watching him like a hawk, making him attend sessions with a drug counselor. I was hoping that Krista's situation would hit home with him and make him stop and realize what could happen. Still, I had learned to not assume anything when it came to my brother. My father and I were speaking only when necessary with my mother as the go between and even though it hurt like hell, I didn't back down. I continued to see Drew and didn't feel guilty about it.
"Come in!" I shouted when I heard a light knock on my door. I lifted my head from the text message I had just sent to Drew, smiling upon seeing my mother.
"Hey there," she said, taking a seat on my bed.
"Hey."
"What's going on? I feel like I never see you anymore." She was right; I had been dividing every free moment that I had between Drew and Mrs. Barrett's charity.
"Yeah, sorry. Just been busy," I said as I put down my phone.
"Have you heard from Krista?"
I shook my head. "Her mother said that she doesn’t get phone privileges until she's been there for a month. I really miss her."
She gave me a sympathetic smile. "So Friday is your birthday! What did you want to do?"
I wanted to spend it w
ith Drew. I only had a week and a half until I was back in school and I wanted to make the most of what little time we did have together. I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. It's just another day."
She took my hand in hers. "I know you want to spend it with him, Sweetie, and that's fine, but I would like to do something special for you. It is a very special day.....to me. So, why don't we have a little party here and you can invite Drew?"
Was she kidding me? My father and I had spoken approximately five words in the past two weeks and she actually wanted me to invite the source of that animosity over to a party.
"Mom, I don't think that's such a great idea."
"Becca, it seems like the two of you are becoming pretty serious and your father needs to come to terms with that. If Drew is going to be in your life, then he needs to get over it and move on."
I loved my mom for her logical way of thinking. Unfortunately, my father never listened to logic; it was either his way or no way. "Mom, I just don't think it’s a good idea."
"I promise you it will be okay."
I took a deep breath. I wasn't even sure if Drew would even want to come over given the circumstances, and I couldn't say that I blamed him. "I guess I'll ask him and see if he wants to come," I relented with a very uneasy feeling in my stomach.
"Good!" She smiled, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
I had procrastinated all week with telling Drew about the party tomorrow night. Even though I wanted him there more than anything, I didn't want him to feel obligated. As I stood on his front porch, I was working up the courage to ask him.
"Hey there!" I smiled as he opened the door.
The wary look that was on his face scared me, and the little bit of bravery that I had mustered waiting for him to answer was quickly fading. His lips were on mine in an instant as he closed the door behind me, taking me totally off guard. He wasted no time lifting my shirt over my head and removing my bra. He didn't say a word as he took my already hardened nipple in his mouth. My body immediately responded in a positive way to his intensity as I removed his shirt and ran my hands up and down his bare back. We slid down to the floor and he swiftly removed my shorts and underwear, before removing his own pants and boxers. Immediately, I felt the fullness of him inside of me. It wasn’t the normal relaxed and gentle lovemaking that I was used to with him. It seemed much more intense. He seemed to be filled with desire and I was more than willing to fulfill whatever needs he had. He moved in and out of me, breathing heavily. Each thrust turning me on more than the last. Our tongues collided and I felt myself coming undone around him.