Blind Side Of Love

by Beth Rinyu

  “Oh my God, Drew,” I screamed, never feeling anything that intense.

  He continued with the same velocity and I could feel the momentum building up once again. This couldn’t be happening again, but it was. I gently dug my fingernails into his back as he brought me to a second orgasm within minutes of the first. I closed my eyes and let out a gentle cry. He finally slowed down his pace and was staring down at me when I opened my eyes. Taking my face in his warm soft hands, he kissed me hard before picking up his stride once again. He buried his face in my hair and let out a loud groan as I felt the warmth of him filling me up. He was still silent, rolling over on his side and pulling me closer. My body was trembling while still feeling like it was having aftershocks from the pleasurable state that he had put it in. We both laid in silence on the cool hardwood floor. I was feeling so relaxed as he played with my hair and the warm summer breeze flowed through the open window above us.

  "Can we just stay like this forever?" I whispered, finally breaking the long silence. He didn't respond, he just pulled me closer and rested his lips on the top of my head.

  "Becca?" he finally whispered, his voice wavering.

  "Yeah?" I lifted my head.

  He stared up at the ceiling before finally looking at me with sadness in his eyes. “Promise me you will remember this forever."

  I propped myself up on my elbow. “Of course I will. And I will remember all the times like this that are yet to come.” He bit his bottom lip and stared back up at the ceiling. My heart immediately sank to my knees, he wasn’t himself today and it was starting to worry me. “Drew, is everything okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m just tired I guess,” he whispered.

  I lay back down and nuzzled closer to him.

  “Then let’s take a little nap.” His heartbeat sounded like a beautiful melody. I had never felt so relaxed in my life as he gently caressed my back. After a while, his breathing began to change and I no longer felt his soft gentle fingers gliding up and down my back. I looked up at him and found him fast asleep. As I placed tiny kisses on his chest, I tried to keep my thoughts inside, but as hard as I tried, they finally escaped through my mouth. “I love you,” I whispered.

  “Happy birthday, Becca. Blow out the candles!” my mother exclaimed.

  I gripped Drew’s hand as I blew on them, making sure that I got each one out. I was so happy that he had agreed to come, once I had finally got the courage up to ask him. He was still on edge; exactly how he was when I saw him yesterday. And each time that I asked him if he was okay, he would just dismiss it as nothing. My father was keeping his distance. But every now and then, I would catch him glaring at us out of the corner of my eye. I made sure that I didn’t leave Drew’s side. I didn’t want him feeling awkward being left alone.

  “Where are you going?” I asked. I could hear the panic in my voice when he let go of my hand.

  “To the bathroom.” He looked at me strangely.

  “Oh, okay.” I gave him a quick kiss and watched him walk away as I stared down at my wrist and the beautiful moon and stars charm bracelet that he had given me for my birthday.

  “See, everything is fine!” my mother said, sneaking up behind me and causing me to jump.

  “Yeah, so far so good.” I smiled.

  “Told you!” She placed her hand on my shoulder and gave me a warm smile before walking away. My stomach dropped when I saw Drew talking to my dad and the two of them entering the house together.

  I nearly tripped over my own feet to get inside and see what was going on. “Becca! Sweetie!” Mrs. Hudson, Krista’s mother exclaimed, stopping me dead in my tracks.

  “Oh hi, Mrs. Hudson,” I replied, placing a kiss on her cheek.

  “Happy Birthday,” she said while handing me a gift wrapped box.

  “Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do this.” I smiled.

  “Well, you know that Krista has never missed your birthday parties ever since you were little girls so I had to come and represent her this year.”

  I felt myself getting emotional just thinking about Krista. “Well, thank you.”

  “I talked to one of the counselors the other day. They said she’s doing great. She…….”

  She went on and on, and at any other time I would love to hear about Krista and her recovery but right now, I was too on edge as to what Drew was being subjected to with my father. I paid attention as best as I could, keeping an eye on the back door for Drew. Relief swept over me as my mother came over and lured Mrs. Hudson into another conversation that didn’t concern me at the same time that I saw Drew walking through the back door about ten minutes after he had entered with my dad.

  “Hey, my father didn’t give you a lecture in there, did he?” I asked once he finally reached me.

  “Nah, it’s all good.” He gave me a nervous smile.

  “Well, what did he say to you?”

  “Um, nothing really. Just talking about school.” I crinkled my forehead, wanting to believe that was true. But something about the sound of his voice and the look in his eyes told me differently. I decided to drop it and not press the issue. “I’ve got a really bad headache. I’m gonna head home and try and get some sleep.”

  “Oh, okay.” I was trying desperately to hide my disappointment, hoping that this headache wasn’t brought on by my father.

  Taking his hand in mine, I walked him out to his car. I stood on my tiptoes and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, swiping the side of his face with my hand. "Go home and get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow."

  He took a deep breath and looked away before nodding. "Happy Birthday, Becca," he whispered, resting his lips on my forehead before looking into my eyes and getting in his car. I stood in the driveway long after he drove off, trying desperately to shake the uneasy feeling in my stomach and the worry that was creeping into my heart. Something was off with him these past few days and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I walked back into the party, putting on my best happy face.

  "Is everything okay?" my dad asked, sneaking up behind me and causing me to drop my piece of cake that I had just picked up from the table. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said, bending down at the same time as me to pick it up.

  "Yeah, everything is fine. Why wouldn't it be?" I asked, immediately being put on the defense.

  "I don't know. I just noticed that Drew left. Did the two of you have a fight or something?"

  I stared at him blankly. "No, Dad, we didn’t! He just wasn't feeling good and went home to go to sleep."

  He closed his eyes briefly and nodded. "So now that you're heading back to school, you'll be done with your work on this charity, right?"

  "Well, I told Mrs. Barrett if she needs me to help out when I come home on the weekends or during my breaks that I would."

  "Becca, I don't think that's wise with the amount of courses you’ve taken on next semester."

  "I can handle it, Dad."

  "Becca, if I'm going to be paying for your education, then I insist that you stop this work with this charity. You need to concentrate one hundred percent on your studies."

  "Geez, Dad, what is it with you? Why do you feel like you always need to control me?"

  "Becca, that's not what I'm trying to do. You're just biting off more than you can chew and your studies should come first and foremost."

  "I won’t ignore my classes, Dad, but as far as coming first and foremost Drew now holds that title."

  I held my breath in angst, waiting for him to blow up on me but instead he remained quiet, looking a little wounded. "Becca, you really need to get your priorities straight."

  "I do have my priorities straight, Dad!" I shouted, getting the attention of some of the guests. "I'm not a baby and I'm sorry if you want to still treat me that way. I care about Drew a lot and I'm sorry if you don't approve of that but my feelings for him will never change....not ever!"

  "I just don't want you throwing your whole life away over something that's not going to last."

  I shoo
k my head in anger at him and stormed into the house, knowing now more than ever that he must have said something to Drew tonight to cause him to leave. I dialed Drew’s number, wanting to apologize to him for whatever it was that my father said or did. When it went straight to his voicemail, I decided to go see him face to face. I was feeling horrible; he didn’t deserve to be subjected to my father like this.

  I arrived at Drew’s and knocked gently on his door. I couldn’t wait to throw my arms around him and let him know that no matter what my dad may have said to him tonight, I didn’t care. All I wanted was to be with him.

  He slowly opened the door and looked surprised to see me standing there. “I know you're tired and have a headache, but I just wanted to see you to make sure that everything was okay. You seemed kind of off tonight.”

  “Yeah, everything's fine,” he replied, still looking like he was on edge.

  “I’m really sorry if my dad said something wrong to you tonight.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pushed me away, taking me totally off guard. “Drew, what’s the – ”. I stopped myself mid-sentence when I saw the suitcase sitting in the middle of the living room floor. He ran his hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. “Are you going somewhere?” I asked.

  He looked away. “Yeah, I'm going back to California.”

  “To visit?” I could hear the panic in my voice. He shook his head, still unable to look at me. “Drew, what the hell's going on? You're moving back to California?”

  “Yes,” he replied with his eyes finally meeting mine.

  “Why?” my voice cracked with emotion and the first teardrop rolled down my face. I could feel my entire body begin to tremble. “You weren’t even going to tell me?”

  “I'm sorry, but trust me you're better off.” I shook my head in disbelief. This couldn't be happening. “It just has to be this way, Becca.”

  “What the hell are you talking about, Drew? What way? What did I do to make you want to leave?” I shook my head, finding each breath a little harder to make. "Please don't leave me! Whatever I did wrong, please just tell me!" I grasped tightly to his arm.

  “You didn't do anything. It’s me. It’s all me.”

  “Drew…no.” I moved closer and pulled him into a hug. “I’ll do whatever it takes for you to stay. I’m sorry if I’ve become too needy with you. We can slow things down. Just please say that you’ll stay.”

  "Becca, don't; please, just don't. I care about you a lot. Please don’t think that you did something wrong."

  "Then why are you -" I couldn't even speak through my sobs.

  "Because I have to."

  I shook my head. "Why?! Damn it, Drew, tell me why!"

  "Becca, just go." He looked away and turned his back to me.

  My heart dropped to my knees. "You let my father get to you, didn't you?"

  "No." He ran his hand over his face and turned back around to face me.

  "You're a liar! Everything I thought we had was a lie. You let him buy you! I hate you! God, I hate you so much!" His eyes were building with emotion before he looked down at the ground.

  “Becca—” I yanked my arm from him as he went to grab it and I pulled off my bracelet, throwing it at him just before I ran out the door. I couldn’t get out to my car quick enough. My hands were trembling as I tried to get the key into the ignition.

  Pure anger overtook me once I was finally pulling in my driveway from my tear filled drive home. I walked in the house, looking for my dad. I slammed the door and headed out to the patio where my mother and father were still entertaining guests.

  "Becca, what's the matter, Sweetie?" my mother asked. I looked right past her, focusing my attention completely on my father.

  "You just couldn't stand to see me happy, could you?"

  “What are you talking about, Becca?”

  “YOU made him leave! Tell me, Dad, did I at least cost you a lot of money?”

  “Becca, this is not the time or place for this.”

  “What’s going on?” my mother asked.

  I totally ignored her as I glared into my father’s eyes. “Well, congratulations! You succeeded. Not only do I hate him, but I hate you, too!”

  “Becca, that is enough!” my mother shouted as all of their guests looked on in shock.

  My legs were trembling as I ran out of the back yard. My brother grabbed onto my arm as I whisked past him. “Becca, just calm down!”

  “Just let go of me!” I screamed before breaking free. “You were right, Jordan, maybe I should start living a little!” I shouted. “Maybe I should start acting like you and just not give a shit. Then maybe he would stop treating me like a mindless fool!” I ran out of the backyard and jumped in my car, not knowing where I was headed. My mother came running out into the driveway to try and stop me, but it was too late; I was already barreling out of the driveway. If my father wanted to feel as if he couldn’t trust me with the decisions that I made, then I was going to give him what he wanted.

  It seemed like I had been driving forever, without any destination in mind. I had gone to all of the familiar places that Drew and I had frequented over the summer, feeling like a piece of my heart was being ripped from my chest. Just twenty four hours ago I was in his arms and now it was over, without any explanation as to why. I thought back to Krista’s warning about him. How much did I really know about Drew? Could he have been involved with drugs and stupid little me was just too naïve to see it? Maybe I was blaming my dad for something that he really didn’t do. I wasn’t sure which scenario made me angrier….him having a whole other secret life or him choosing my father’s money over me. Either way, I knew that it was ultimately Drew that I should be angry with. He played me. He made me fall in love with him. He made me believe that he felt the same way and then he left me. Everything that I thought we had was a big sham.

  The thick fog seemed to be the only thing on my side tonight. It was blocking out the moon and stars which was another painful reminder of the one person I was trying to forget. I sat in the park alone in the darkness, resting my face against the chain of the swing. A million thoughts were coursing through my mind. I thought of Drew's reaction when I gave him that painting and his odd behavior yesterday after we had made love. I couldn't believe how stupid I was to think he was special. He was the same as every other guy out there. All along I kept convincing myself that he wasn't like Ashton—turns out he was worse. At least Ashton put it out in the open that he was a sleaze. He didn't turn on the charm and make you fall in love with him first. I needed something to dull my pain. Maybe I could stop off at the liquor store and bury my heartache in a bottle of alcohol or maybe I could ask my brother to give me something from his supply. I needed to get the taste of Drew off my lips, the feel of him inside of me out of my body, and most of all, the memory of him from my heart. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. If this was what falling in love and having your heart ripped to shreds felt like, I vowed to never do it again. I got up from the swing and headed back to my car with only one thought in my head. A thought that was more dangerous than alcohol or any drug out there. A thought that I never imagined would cross my mind, but for now it seemed like the only thing that would dull the pain, wash away Drew’s memory, and at the same time, prove that I was no longer the same sweet Becca that everyone made me out to be.

  “Well, well, well. To what do I owe this honor?” I stared at Ashton blankly as he opened the front door. “My mom’s not here if that’s who you’re looking for. Her and my dad-” I pushed my way in, taking him totally off guard.

  “I didn’t come to see your mother.” He raised his eyebrow and his signature devious grin stretched across his face. “I need you to fuck the memory of him away. I want both him and my father to know that I am no longer their sweet little Becca.” He stood there silently, and if I had to guess, I would say that he was just as shocked as I was over my uncharacteristic behavior. The last thing that I ever thought I would be doing was asking Ashton Barrett to have sex wit
h me. But I needed to feel depraved. I needed to feel as low as I possibly could. I wanted to erase the memory of Drew and at the same time live up to my father’s stupid girl who couldn’t think for herself perception that he had of me.

  He pushed me up against the wall and ran his hands up and down my body. “I want you to say it, Becca,” he whispered in my ear.

  “Say what?”

  “That you want me.”

  I turned my head and looked away. He grabbed my face in his hand, forcing me to look at him. “Say it!”

  “I want you, Ashton.”

  I felt like a robot, knowing that there were no true feelings in those words. He was just a means to an end. He led me up to his bedroom and his tongue was down my throat in an instant as he lifted my sundress over my head. He laid me down on his bed and removed his shorts and boxers. I closed my eyes when I felt him climb on top of me, running his tongue down my neck and to my breasts. I needed to do this to feel lower than I already was feeling. I needed to do this so I could remove the distinct title that I had given Drew of being my one and only. And most of all, I needed to do this so my Dad could see that he couldn’t control me by taking away everything that I cared for so much. He grabbed a condom from his nightstand and placed it on him. Standing on the side of the bed, he gripped my thighs and roughly pulled me to the edge as he hastily entered me, taking me a little off guard. I closed my eyes, trying to block out what I was doing and who I was doing it with while he relentlessly slammed into me, over and over, letting out a groan every now and then. He was completely into it, clearly only thinking of his own needs, not that I was expecting any gratification out of it other than getting back at my father and Drew. He finally let out one last grunt and hastily removed himself from inside of me. I laid there for a minute staring up at the ceiling, finally coming back to my senses and instantly regretting what I had just done.