Blind Side Of Love

by Beth Rinyu

“Yeah, a long time ago.”

  “Well, did you want to try again?” he asked.

  She shook her head and the smile disappeared from her face. “Oh no, I really couldn’t now.”

  “Why not?”

  “Well, because I can’t see.”

  He waved his hand in the air as if it were no big deal. “Oh, is that all?” He wrapped his arm around Becca’s shoulder. “Do you think any of these horses know that?”

  “No, but –”

  “They can see just fine.They’ll lead the way.” I stood there quietly. I didn’t want to pressure her into doing it. I remembered how nervous she was last time about getting back on and she was able to see back then, so I knew that this had to be a hundred times scarier for her now.

  My father took her hand and led her over to a stall. “Herman, I want you to meet Becca. She’s a little scared to get back on just because she’s blind.” I shook my head over my dad’s frankness and I was happy when I heard Becca let out a little giggle instead of taking offense. He grabbed Becca’s hand and placed it on the horse’s forelock. “Becca, say hello to Herman.”

  The smile that stretched across her face when she touched that horse did something to my heart that I had never experienced before. It was so genuine and I knew she was having the same feeling that she did when she touched the paint brushes that day in the studio.

  “What kind of horse is he?” she asked.

  “He’s an Arabian.”

  “Really?” Her head turned in my father’s direction. “Is he brown?”

  “Hey, I thought you said you couldn’t see? I think she’s lying to us, Herman,” my father teased.

  Becca let out a loud laugh and was still grinning from ear to ear. “I want to try and ride him,” she blurted out.

  I gave my dad an uneasy look. He held his hand up to me and nodded, his way of assuring me it would be fine. My dad knew these horses better than anyone and I knew that he wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize Becca’s safety. But I was still afraid of her getting in a panic once she got on it, and the horse in turn sensing that fear.

  “Okay, let me get him saddled up and you can show us what ya got, kiddo.”

  I walked over to Becca and stood behind her. She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face. It made me happy to see her so excited, so I did my best to try and hide my anxiety over her doing this. I wrapped my arms around her. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay with this?”

  “Yeah, I really do want to do it,” she replied with a strong determination to her voice.

  “Okay, Becca. You’re date is all ready to go.”

  She took a deep breath and I led her out to the horse. My dad held on to the reigns as I helped Becca get on. I could feel her trembling. “Don’t be scared, Becca.”

  She nodded as she swung her leg over its back like a pro.

  “I did it!” she exclaimed as she proudly sat on top of the horse.

  I nodded and smiled over her enthusiasm. “Yeah, you did!”

  My dad took the line and walked the horse around the pen as Becca’s smile grew bigger. “I think Herman really likes you, Becca!” my dad said. She looked totally relaxed and confident. If I hadn’t known better, I wouldn’t have even guessed that she was blind.

  “Can I take him around by myself?”

  “Do you feel comfortable enough doing that?” my dad asked.

  Becca nodded. “I do! I really do!”

  “Well then, let me remove this line and you can be on your way.” My heart raced in anticipation as I watched him take the line off the horse. He moved out of the way and stood next to me.

  “Dad, I don’t think this is a really good idea. What if –”

  “Hush, Son. She can do this. Just because she’s blind doesn’t mean she has to fear everything. She wants to do it, let her. Herman won’t let her down.”

  “Okay Becca, take a deep breath,” my dad shouted.

  “Hey what’s going on?” my mom asked, making her way out from the stable. “Oh no, Dennis. She shouldn’t –”

  My dad turned around and looked at both of us. “If you two are going to be sending off these bad vibes to Herman then please go back in the house. Becca wants to ride.”

  “Go ahead and pull on the reigns.” Becca did as he said and the horse began to trot off. I was ready to run to her when I saw her entire body jerk once they started off, but my dad grabbed my arm to stop me. By the time they were halfway around, Becca’s smile reappeared and it was her biggest one yet. “Just let Herman be your eyes, Becca! Trust him!” my father shouted. She nodded as they began on their second lap, this time going a little faster. My dad shook his head with his smile almost as big as Becca’s.

  “She is one brave girl,” my mother said. I could see her eyes welling with tears from just watching the enjoyment that Becca was getting out of being up on that horse.

  “Yeah, she is,” I whispered.

  “Okay Becca, pull on the reigns and start slowing him down.”

  She did as my father said and the horse slowed down before completely coming to a stop. She was so excited that she didn’t even wait for me to help get her off. She dismounted him perfectly.

  “Whoa, easy there,” I teased.

  “I did it, Mason! I did it! I rode a horse again!” She threw her arms around my neck. I picked her up and spun her around, placing her back down on the ground and wiping away the tears that were rolling down her face. “I never thought I would be able to do that again!”

  “You did it, Baby, and you were great!”

  I hugged her tightly and looked over at my mom and dad, looking just as proud as Becca with smiles plastered across their faces. My mother wiped a tear away and rested her head on my dad’s shoulder.

  Becca removed her arms from around my neck and reached over to the horse. She gently swept her hand up the side of his face. “Thank you, Herman,” she whispered.

  “You were like a pro out there, Becca!” my father shouted.

  “Thank you so much for allowing me to do that.”

  “You are most welcome.”

  I took Becca’s hand and headed out of the stable. “Where are you two headed off to?” my mother asked.

  “I want to show Becca around.”

  “Okay, but don’t disappear; dinner is going to be ready in a few hours and your sister will be here. I know she’s dying to see you and she can’t wait to meet Becca.”

  “Mom, relax; we’re not going far.”

  I loved seeing my parents and spending time with them, but I loved being alone with Becca more. And right now, I wanted to be alone with her in one of my favorite places.

  We walked for some time before coming to a stop on the dock of the fishing pond. The sweat was pouring off both of us as we took a seat under the huge Weeping Willow that was blocking out the hot July sun.

  “Well, it certainly is a lot more humid than back home,” Becca said, fanning herself with her hand. “But it feels much better now. Are we in the shade?” she asked.

  “Yup, there’s a giant Weeping Willow over top of you and straight ahead was where I would catch some pretty big catfish back in the day. This has always been my best thinking spot.”

  “So, how many girls did you kiss in your best thinking spot?” she teased.

  “Not a one!”

  “Oh, you are such a liar. I can hear it in your voice.”

  “None that really mattered……until now.” I reached over and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. She sucked in her bottom lip, looking like she was waiting for more.

  “Okay, Miss Prosecutor, my turn to ask the questions now?”

  “Okay, go right ahead.” She smiled.

  “How many boys have you kissed?”

  Her face turned that adorable shade of red that I had grown so accustomed to. “Ummm…..I don’t know. I never really kept track.”

  “Oh, that many?” I teased.

  “No, actually. I was a good girl for a long time.” The smile that was on her face sudd
enly shifted. “Until I met him.”

  My heart began to race. “Who?” I whispered.

  She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Just some guy, who I thought was pretty special….turns out that he didn’t feel the same way about me.” God, this was killing me. I wanted to confess and tell her everything but I knew this wasn’t the place or time. “I was just so stupid to think that the first guy I ever slept with would be the love of my life and want to be with me forever. But sometimes when you really want to believe something, your mind can manipulate you into really thinking it’s true.”

  I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Becca,” I whispered.

  “Don’t be sorry, because if that were true then I would have never met you, so maybe everything does truly happen for a reason. Just wish the blind part didn’t have to be part of it.” She pulled herself together. “So what other kind of fish are in this pond?” she asked, totally changing the subject, but I could see the pain in her eyes.

  “Oh…. um lots.” I stopped talking and looked up at the sky when I heard thunder rumbling in the distance. Dark clouds were now winning out over the once sunny sky and the first drops of rain were beginning to fall. I took Becca’s hand and helped her up as the rain became heavier. “Come on, I know a place we can go until it passes. Hop on!”

  “What?”

  “On my back.”

  She giggled as she climbed on my back. I walked a long way until we were inside one of my father’s old barns that were on the property. The rain was coming down in sheets by the time we made it inside and both of us were soaked.

  “Well, that was fun!” Becca laughed as she hopped off my back. “Do I look like I entered a wet tee shirt contest?”

  “Just a little. And you would definitely be the winner,” I teased. I moved in closer and kissed her on the lips. She placed her hands on my face and smiled. “Have you ever had sex in a barn, Becca?”

  “No, can’t say that I have.”

  “You want to check that off your list?”

  “Hmmm….that depends. Who’s the guy?”

  I lifted her soaking wet shirt over her head and removed her bra, gently laying her down in the pile of hay. “Me,” I whispered in her ear.

  “Well, in that case….sure.”

  Her hands moved down my back and removed my shirt. I unbuttoned her shorts and removed them while she did the same for me. I reached under her panties and stuck my finger inside of her. She was so ready. She closed her eyes and a smile spread across her face as my fingers slid in and out of her. I could feel my erection growing more and more with each move my fingers made. My mouth found its way to her breast, teasing her with my tongue. I lifted my head and stared at her body. She was perfection. Everything and anything a guy could ask for.

  “Becca, do you know how bad you make me want you, just by looking at you? You are so fuckin’ gorgeous. You make me so hard just thinking about you.”

  She moved her hand under my boxers and began to stroke me up and down. “Well then, I guess you must be thinking of me a lot right now?” she teased.

  “Oh yeah!”

  “What are you thinking about, Mason?”

  “You.”

  “I know that, silly, but what are you thinking about doing with me?”

  I couldn’t hold back my smile. “Do you really want to know?”

  She nodded. “Well, right now I’m thinking about kissing this sexy neck.” She giggled as I pushed her hair away and began to nibble on her neck. I glided my tongue down further. “And right now, I’m thinking about your beautiful naked body and how I can stare at it all day and never tire of it. It’s the most perfect one I’ve ever seen.”

  She let out a loud laugh. “Oh, and just out of curiosity, how many have you seen in your lifetime?”

  “Enough,” I said as I took her nipple in my mouth. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard, running her hand through my hair.

  My fingers trailed inside of her again. “And what are you thinking now?” she whispered.

  “How I want to be inside of you. I want to feel your legs wrapped around my waist as I’m moving in and out of you, feeling your warmth and making you cry for more.” I pulled down her panties and removed my boxers. She pulled me close when I eased myself into her. “I want to feel your body tighten up around me like it was made for only me, Becca.” Her breathing became heavier and my thrusts became harder and deeper. She turned her head to the side and let out a gentle cry. I grabbed her face in my hands. “Open your eyes, Becca. I want you to see me in your mind and feel this in your heart. I want you to know what you do to me.” Her eyelids slowly opened and those beautiful pools of crystal blue were staring into mine as if she could see everything. She skimmed her hand along the side of my face. “Do you see it, Becca?”

  “I can,” she whispered. I grabbed her leg, wrapping it tighter around my waist. “Becca, you are just too damn beautiful,” I grazed her earlobe with my teeth just as her body began to contract. “Oh my God, Mason! Please don’t stop!” she screamed. I moved quicker and harder. She dug her fingers into my back, looking right into my eyes as we lost it together. I was still inside of her as I tried to catch my breath while she ran her fingers through my hair.

  “I love you, Becca.” The words were out before I could even stop them. I knew it was too soon for her to be hearing this, but it had been six long years for me. Six years that I had been dying to say them to her and I just couldn’t stop myself even if I tried.

  “I – I –“

  “It’s okay, Becca. I know it’s too soon for me to be saying that to you, but sometimes my heart starts talking before my mind can stop it. I didn’t mean for it to come out.”

  “It’s okay, Mason. Really, it is.” She kissed me softly on the lips and I was hoping that she would say it back. I was hoping that maybe something about what we had just shared would have jogged her memory back to us. “It’s just ….it’s just that I’ve been hurt really bad in love before and I’m afraid.” That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. The same guy I was hoping she would remember was the same guy that broke her heart in pieces. “But I do know that I feel this strange connection when I’m with you. I feel safe. I feel beautiful. I don’t feel like the blind girl that everyone pities. I feel normal.”

  I pushed her hair from her face and kissed her on the forehead. It’s not what I wanted to hear, but I knew it was progress and that’s all I could ask for. As she rested her head on my shoulder, I was instantly brought back to one of the hardest days of my life:

  Becca laid in my arms after what I knew was the last time that I would ever make love to her. I had spoken with my supervisor earlier in the day and he had informed me that the busts were going to be going down in the next seventy two hours. I kissed her on the top of her head, wanting to tell her everything. Wishing that she would run away with me and we could start up a whole new life together. But I knew that would never happen. Becca had a bright future ahead of her and the last thing I wanted was for her to give up all of that to be with me.

  "Can we just stay like this forever?" she whispered, finally breaking the long silence. My stomach dropped. It was as if she was reading my mind. I pulled her closer and rested my lips on the top of her head.

  "Becca?"

  "Yeah?" She lifted her head.

  “Promise me you will remember this forever."

  “Of course I will. And I will remember all the times like this that are yet to come.” Staring into those beautiful blue eyes was killing me. I gazed up at the ceiling before finally finding the courage to look at her once again. “Drew, is everything okay?”

  No it’s not. I’m not who you think I am. That was all that I wanted to say, but instead all I could manage to get out was, “Yeah, I’m just tired I guess.” She placed her head back on my chest and moved closer to me.

  “Then let’s take a little nap.”

  I rubbed her back, and my eyelids began to give out. I was half asleep, but I could still f
eel her warm, soft lips all over my chest and hear her beautiful voice in my ear as she whispered, “I love you.” Closing my eyes tighter helped to subside the burn that I was feeling inside of them, but nothing was stopping the pain in my heart.

  I wanted her to know that I was finally answering her back from all those years ago. Those three little words that should have been said to her way back when had finally come out. I only hoped that one day, I would hear her say them to me once again.

  We headed down to dinner after we showered, and were immediately greeted by my six year old niece, Chelsea. “Uncle Mason!” she squealed.

  “Hey there, gorgeous girl!” I lifted her up and kissed her on her forehead. “I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten.”

  “Well, that’s what happens when you only come to visit every few years,” my sister, Amy, said as she appeared in the doorway.

  She gave me a warm smile before approaching me and throwing her arms around me. “I’ve missed my bratty little brother.”

  “I missed you, too,” I said, hugging her back. “Amy, this is Becca.”

  I grabbed Becca’s hand and my sister reached for her free one to shake it. “It’s so nice to meet you, Becca,” Amy said.

  “Thanks, you too.”

  Chelsea stared up at Becca in awe, tugging at the bottom of my sister’s shirt. “Mommy, she looks like a Disney princess,” she said in her best attempt at a whisper, causing us all to break out in laughter.

  “Thank you, Chelsea.” Becca smiled.

  My sister shook her head and smiled as she and Chelsea walked back into the dining room. I leaned down and whispered in Becca’s ear, “Told ya you were beautiful.”

  After dinner, we sat around talking. I was happy to see Becca looking totally relaxed and deep in conversation with my brother-in-law, who was also a lawyer.

  “Mason, come into the kitchen and help me clean up for Mom,” Amy said. I got up from the couch and followed her in.

  “So, Mom and Dad still have no clue about this party tomorrow night?” I asked.

  “Nope, they just think that they’re meeting me and Mickey for dinner. So don’t let it slip.”