by Stahl, Shey
After the entire family got back from Daytona for the race and fourth of July, it was Monday morning and we had two quarter midgets to get loaded and on their way to Indy. Tommy called on Sunday and told me when he went to the shop all the oil had drained from the primary car we had for him so we had to get back and prepare another car. This was difficult when Sway and Emma showed up later that afternoon.
I’m always amazed at the chemical reaction done to children when they ingest sugar. It’s insane. I don’t ever remember acting this way but I’m sure my mom and dad would disagree with me.
Sway frowned at our sweet little girl throwing herself onto the floor of my race shop when I took her sucker away from her. I only did this when I found that she had been letting our yellow lab, Rev; lick it.
“We really should stop having kids.” Sway said. “They’re out of control.”
Even though we now had three, we still had no fucking clue how to parent them. That was evident just looking at them.
“You’re telling me.” I ran my hand through my hair searching around the shop for Casten; he was a quick little bugger. “Last week I left Casten in the car when I came inside. I keep forgetting how many we have.”
Looking closer, I spotted him inside of a used sprint car tire, sleeping.
Trying to get both the cars ready and loaded was not working with everyone here. Tommy was absolutely no help when he showed up with Corbin, our mechanic for Tyler’s sprint car. Everyone with JAR Racing was always willing to help me out with Axel’s cars, I guess maybe because I paid them too. Either way, it was nice to have them helping.
When four o’clock rolled around and the cars still weren’t loaded, I began to lose my temper.
About the time Noah and Charlie felt the need to try and spray paint the walls of the shop, I lost it completely.
“Sway?” I snapped pulling her inside the office, the door slammed shut behind me.
“I’ll get them to leave.” She said when she took in my jittery demeanor. “Are you okay?”
“Okay?” I snorted. “Those little shits are worse than Logan and Lucas are. Get them out of here! I need to get Axel’s car ready and if I have to explain to him that he can’t race because his cousins destroyed his car, I won’t be happy and neither will your son.”
“I know...I know. We’re leaving.”
Instantly I felt bad about everyone leaving but this was important to Axel. He’d been talking about the Battle at the Brickyard for months now until last month in Milwaukee when he flipped his car. He thought for sure he was done for his season until I got him two more cars. I knew this was not the way to teach him about responsibility but I also understood the frustration he felt having wrecked. Axel never once acted spoiled toward racing and never expected to be able to race. If anything, he felt guilty for doing so.
I’m not sure why but I knew my little guy enough to know he felt that way, sensing it when he would say things like, “It’s okay, I don’t need to race,” if we had a scheduling conflict between all the schedules.
That right there showed me he understood.
Before I could get started, I still had to get the twins out of the shop.
“I don’t see what the big deal is...so they spray painted the wall. Paint over it.” Emma snapped back at me gathering up her hellions.
“Spray painted the wall?” I choked. “Those little shits set my car on fire last week!”
Aiden was snipped when the boys turned two and he realized that reproducing with Emma was essentially a bad idea. The decision also could have had something to do with the fact that at two-years old, they cut the break line to his truck. They were dangerously mechanically inclined assholes and you could never, ever turn your back on them.
Axel and Noah never got along. You could barely have those two in a room together without one of them trying to start a fight. They were complete opposites in every way.
I’d never met kids like Noah and Charlie and I’d been around some horrendous kids growing up around dirt tracks. I wasn’t lying when I said the Lucifer twins didn’t even compare to them. These kids put them to shame, although the Lucifer twins were hardly considered animals any longer.
At 11-years old and engrossed heavily in baseball, they’d straightened up and behaved like civilized humans. More than likely, this had something to do with Van being an ex-Navy seal and not putting up with their bullshit.
“Dad?” Axel called out coming around the side of his car. It was just him and I in the shop now. “Where does this go?” he asked holding up the shock Tommy brought by this morning after having them re-valved.
I proceeded to show him how to put his shocks on, impressed at how much attention he paid to detail when it came to racing. I also had a feeling he’d follow in my dad’s footsteps and stay on the dirt side of the sport. He hated when the USAC series went to asphalt tracks but I encouraged him to work on both. And he did. Well into first season now he’d won 4 of the 5 events he raced in.
Regardless of how well he did on the asphalt tracks, he loved dirt.
Whenever we got Axel around the track and the other kids his age the confidence he possessed in racing excelled. He was determined, confident, agile, and everything I’d raised him to be around racing. He knew what he wanted and that was to win the Battle at the Brickyard. I’d won this event back when I raced USAC when I was twelve. Axel just turned five, I wanted him to understand how competitive this sport was and as a parent, I worried about him. When I saw him wreck for the first time I nearly had a heart attack and instantly felt bad for Sway and my parents if they had anywhere near that feeling when I wrecked.
“He’s just like you were at that age.” My dad said standing beside me while we watched Axel make his qualifying run. Dad was set to leave this afternoon with Justin and Tyler to Terre Haute but we all came out to watch the qualifiers and heat races.
“I know.” I laughed kicking some dirt around beneath my feet when the announcer came on.
“Ladies and Gentlemen,” the announcer yelled enthusiastically. I smiled instantly knowing exactly what had occurred by the roar of fans in the bleachers looking up at the leader board. “Axel Riley in his first time here in Indy just broke the quarter midget record with that last lap. The record, held by his father Jameson Riley who won this event six times, had remained untouched for the last seventeen years. Who would have ever thought his son would be the one to break it!”
My dad and I started laughing. Irony. I’m not sure what was more entertaining to me, the fact that my quarter midget record had remained untouched for the last seventeen years or that my son broke it.
When Axel made his way back into the pits, he was all smiles having heard he broke the record.
“You did it little buddy!” I said smiling down at him.
He was in my arms the second he got untangled from his belts. “Did I do good?” He asked sincerely pulling back to look at me.
“You did amazing!” holding him at arm-length I smiled. “You did everything I showed you to do in qualifying, great job.”
I only had today to be here and then I had to leave for Chicago for the NASCAR race so this meant I wouldn’t see Axel race in the main events on Saturday night if he made it to them.
Axel knew how I felt about that.
“It’s okay dad,” he told me eating his hotdog after his heat race. “I don’t mind that you need to leave. Us racers understand.” He added a wink on the end. He sat there munching on his hotdog with his arm slung around Lily.
“Is that right?” I asked signing an autograph for a fan who stopped by Axel’s pit.
Sway, who was holding Casten on her hip beside me, laughed.
“Yeah,” he shifted his weight, leaning against Lily more. “We do what we need to do to race.”
It’s true. It’s in our blood. We don’t race because we need to. We race because we want to. Anyone who tells you differently is lying. Like Sway always said, the people who ask you why you do what you do—leavin
g your family behind to race, don’t understand why you’re doing it in the first place.
Our family understood.
Axel and I said our goodbyes. “You keep him in check.” I told Lily as she smiled at my son. “Don’t let his confidence get too high.”
“I won’t.” She replied grinning. Her bright lively blue eyes light up looking over at Axel signing autographs for some nearby girls.
My mind wandered back to the days when Sway sat in my pit, watching me and looking down at Lily I realized how Sway felt all those times. I made a mental note to have a talk with Axel before he took her friendship for granted as I did to Sway.
I chuckled pulling Lily into a hug. “Don’t worry sweetie,” I told her reassuringly as she took in the other ten little girls surrounding Axel. For one, I’d never allow Axel to be with anyone other than Lily, given he was still very young and didn’t need to have a girlfriend, but I was too attached to Lily to have it any other way. I also knew my son and could sense he was just like his father, eyes for only one woman.
“I know.” Lily said with a smile. She seemed to understand already, even at five.
Sway walked me to the car with Casten on her hip, Arie stayed behind with Ami and Lily in Axel’s pit.
“You don’t look so good.” Sway deduced taking in my appearance as we got closer to the SUV waiting to take me to the airport.
“I’m not...I shouldn’t be missing this.” My eyes stayed on the concrete avoiding hers. Casten squirmed reaching for me so I took him in my arms holding him tightly.
“Truck,” He said pointing to the car with a laugh.
“Yes, monkey. That’s a truck.” My eyes finally focused on Sway. “I just don’t want him to think I’m never going to be there for him.”
“He doesn’t think that Jameson. He’s very perceptive and knows what your schedule is like.”
I knew he knew that but it never stopped the anxiety I felt when I missed something one our kids did.
We said our goodbyes and she promised to keep me informed of his heat races throughout the day.
Once Spencer, Aiden, Alley and me arrived in Chicago, I hardly had time to check on updates but Alley and her altruistic side emerged. She kept me up to date. So far Axel had qualified fastest and won his heat for his class and moved into the events for Thursday.
When Thursday rolled around, I was swamped with appearances, press interviews and then practice. My car wasn’t exactly where I wanted it so once again we found ourselves searching for the best set-up. Even though I’d won eight races with twenty races into the season, we struggled at tracks like Michigan, Sonoma, and Pocono.
Before I got in the car for qualifying on Friday, I caught a glimpse of Alley’s blond hair in the sunlight.
My heart started pounding hoping she had good news from Indy.
“He’s in the A-Main tomorrow night!” Alley announced, as she entered the garage.
I smiled widely as did Spencer. “Really?”
“Yeah, he won the B-Main and transferred up. Sway is so excited I could barely understand her.” She laughed. “You want to go?”
“What, I thought I had an appearance in Joliet?”
“We moved it to tonight.”
Against my better judgment, I pulled Alley into a hug. “I fucking love you!”
“Hey,” Spencer slapped my shoulder pulling us apart. “That’s my wife.”
“I don’t care, she just made my day.”
Spencer winked at Alley who was now wrapped around him. “How about we go make use of some alone time in Jameson’s motor coach?”
“I swear to god Spencer, if I find ass prints on my mirror again...I will kick your ass.” Hoisting myself into the car I could hear them laughing. I had no problem with them hanging out in there when they needed to be alone but sex, no, that was strictly off limits.
With the news that I’d get to see my little guys’ first Battle at the Brickyard, qualifying went well. Aside from my car running like shit, I had a great attitude and ended up getting a third place starting position for Sunday’s race.
Yellow Line – Sway
“Mama, do you think daddy is mad he not here?”
Lane nudged Axel as he ate his French fries. “He’s not here.” Lane corrected him.
“That’s what I said.” Axel said throwing a fry at him. Lane being nine now, didn’t forget words anymore, now Axel did. And Lane being exactly like Spencer in many ways—enjoyed making fun of his younger cousin.
Lane laughed and ate the fry he threw. “No you didn’t.”
“Shut up.” Axel groaned and looked up at me. “He’s not mad, is he?” he tossed another fry toward Lane.
“No buddy, he’s not mad.” I told him feeding Casten a couple fries from my plate in front of me. “Daddy just wants to be here with us.”
After applying another coat of sunblock to my little rusty haired babies, Axel expressed his concern for Jameson again.
“Do you think daddy might see me race tomorrow if I make the main?”
“Honey, he has an appearance to do so I don’t know that he can make it here on Saturday.”
He nodded and walked back to his pit with his head hung. I never worried about how demanding Jameson’s schedule was until Axel began racing. Jameson said he’d try knowing it was only a 30 minute flight to Indianapolis from Joliet...but his appearance was at the same time as the main events. The chance of him sneaking away was slim.
I sent him a text Friday afternoon before Axel started the B-Main.
I miss you...but I think your little buddy misses you more.
I then clicked a picture of Axel sitting in his car and sent it to him.
It took Jameson two hours before he replied with: What about the other two? They don’t miss me? And what about mama, she don’t miss her dirty heathen. He misses her!
I laughed and responded while watching Emma try to find Charlie inside Axel’s trailer we used to haul his midget.
I think they miss you but Arie is entertained with your mom and making signs for the fan club they created for him. I don’t think Casten even knows your gone. Sorry. He’s more entertained by all the dirt and the people.
I see how I rate. How’s Axel doing?
Good. They’re getting ready to start the B-Main. He’s starting tenth with the inversion.
They’re inverting them?
That’s what I said but yes, Jeff decided to invert them when Axel won the C-Main by an entire lap.
Let me guess...they pulled the engine for inspection after that?
Jameson knew USAC all too well. Yep.
Tell him good luck for me. I’m heading out for qualifying now.
Good luck to you too then and yes...I miss you!
Miss you too honey.
“Sway?” Emma called out on her hands and knees inside the trailer. I tucked my phone inside my purse and peeked through the double doors. “Have you see Charlie. Noah is over...” she sighed and threw her hands up. “He was right there. What the fuck!”
“Emma...” I giggled and pointed inside Axel’s back-up car. Both Charlie and Noah were curled up in the seat, sleeping.
“Awww...” Emma cooed and snapped a picture with her phone to send to Aiden. “They are so cute.”
“When they are sleeping,” I amended with a smile.
I had to admit, with their black wavy hair and bright blue signature Riley eyes, they were adorable but they were shit heads. Having just turned four in November last year, they were slightly more behaved but still assholes if you ask me. I had a feeling most would agree with me, especially Aiden right now who had a broken arm because of those two.
The horn sounded in the pits letting us know if was time for the kids to line up for the main so I made my way over to Tommy and Axel as they lined up on the grid. My little boy was fumbling with his helmet while his head rested on the wheel. Nancy, who had followed me over there with the kids, motioned toward the stands and herded the rest of the kids into the bleachers while
I tended to Axel.
I crouched down beside him, rubbing his back. “Are you okay little buddy?”
When he looked up at me, his eyes said it all. Axel was very confident when he was on the track but his nerves got to him before each race, something Jameson never had to deal with. I’m sure there were times when Jameson had nerves but not like Axel. At times he would become physically sick before a race.
“I’m scared.” He told me softly.
I very nearly cried when I saw him on the verge of tears as well. With over 270 other kids here racing, the fact that he even made it to the B-Main should have showed him he shouldn’t be scared. But with 270 other kids, that’s what scared him the most.
Where is Jameson for this sort of thing? Or Justin, yes, Justin would be good too.
Only another racer could have reasoned with Axel when he was like this. I’ve tried before but it’s always been Jameson who has calmed our little guy down. His fears broke through and he admitted, “I want daddy here.”
I wasn’t exactly Axel’s favorite; I knew where I stood with him. Jameson first, me second.
By the grace of god I think, Lily came hopping around the corner of his car and kissed his helmet. “Good luck Axel, I’ll be cheering!” she said with her excited blue eyes glowing toward him.
Axel perked up. “Really?”
“Yep, I made this.” She pointed to the sign in her hand she made that said: Go Axel Riley #9!
Awww, to be five again.
“See buddy,” I encouraged rubbing his back again. “We will all be cheering with you. I’m gonna video tape it too so daddy will see it.”
“You mean he get to watch me later?” His anxiety washing away as he spoke.
“I will show him as soon as I see him.” I promised and kissed him good luck leaving him alone with Lily for a minute. At five, they hardly had much of a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship but they kissed on the cheeks.
Ami walked up holding Kale on her hip. “How’s he doing?”
Shaking my head as Lily reached in and hugged him, I leaned into Ami’s shoulder. “How come she can comfort him but his mommy can’t?”