by Stahl, Shey
Emma walked into the kitchen just then with Noah following her.
“Why are you two here?” I asked annoyed when Noah kicked my shin as he walked past. For being eleven now, he was still an asshole and even more dangerous around cars then he was at two. He was a little fucker.
“We came over for dinner. Aiden and Charlie will be here in a few minutes.” She looked around the kitchen. “Is Arie with Lexi?”
“Nope,” Casten replied. “She’s heading for Canada eh.” He added a Canadian accent on the end.
“Canada?”
“Yep,” He nodded. “Axel’s fault,”
Axel’s temper was exactly like mine. How do you think he reacted?
In a very quick movement, he had his younger brother on the ground and in a headlock while Casten screamed bloody fucking murder for Sway to rescue him.
Spencer answered so I let the boys wrestle around on the kitchen floor while Sway tried to get them away from each other.
“Spencer?”
“Yeah?” I could hear the faint sounds of his truck’s engine in the background.
“Where are you at?”
“I’m just outside of Burlington, why?”
“Because...Arie is the back of your truck,”
“What?” he panicked. “How the fuck did she get back there? Jameson, it’s snowing and has been for the last half an hour.”
Jesus Christ!
“Pull over.” I demanded. Now I was the one panicking. Sway was beside me urgently clinging to my side trying to hear everything we said. Emma rushed behind her knocking all three of us forward into the granite counter.
There was silence for probably close to five minutes while I heard Spencer getting out of his truck.
“Jameson...” Spencer’s voice was amused. “Your daughter would like some words with you.”
Shit.
Arie must have taken the phone because the next thing we heard was her screaming. “Those two better pray for lives because when I get home,” she growled. “I’m gonna...I’m gonna kill those assholes!” Her voice marred slightly by her shivering.
“Without a doubt...you are your mother’s daughter.” I laughed at my ten-year old daughter’s use of words. We tried to teach them to not swear but really, were we good examples? No.
After that night, the boys kept their practical jokes to a minimum.
I ended up having a conversation with Axel later that night after Arie arrived home and we were sure she was all right.
“Hey buddy.” The door creaked open as I stuck my head inside.
Axel looked up with a furtive glance. “Hey Lil, I gotta go...dad’s here...yeah...all right...see you then.” His cheeks flushed as she said something else. “I...love you too.” He whispered and then hung up quickly.
Chuckling, I moved inside his room. “Love huh?”
He shrugged leaning back on his bed tossing his phone on the night stand. I noticed a picture next to his lamp of him and Lily when they were about four when he began to speak. “Why not love?”
“Love is a strong choice to use when you’re twelve, buddy.”
“I know that...but it’s true.”
“Fair enough but you need to be careful. You’re young and so is Lily.”
He sighed, that same sigh I used. The one I used when someone warned me about Sway when I was younger. Sure, it turned out well for us; we just celebrated our twelfth wedding anniversary. I was still just as much in love with her as I was the day I said “I do”. I also knew enough about Axel that his intentions with Lily were genuine. Without a doubt, he loved her.
“Do I really not get to race in Phoenix?”
“You need to learn there are consequences, Axel. You and Casten both. What you did with Arie today could have really hurt her.”
“I know...but dad...” he whined. It was difficult for me because if someone had told me at twelve I couldn’t race...I would have had a shit fit of epic proportions, no lie. I think I actually did at one time or another, I’m sure of it.
“All right buddy but if you mess with Arie again...I’m turning her loose on you.”
“Oh dear god,” He teased with a smile. He knew damn well what she was capable of. Arie had repercussions down to a goddamn art.
Patting him on the back, I stood. “I say the same thing about my sister.”
I found Sway in our room rubbing Arie’s back as she slept in our bed. “How is she?” My hand ran up Arie’s back brushing her rusty locks to one side, her breathing, slow and steady.
“She seems good. I called Dr. Sypher. She said to keep her warm and hydrated.” Sway’s eyes met mine and I could see the wariness in them. “Her temp is 94.5...that’s a concern.”
Sway and I spent the rest of the night in bed with Arie, scrutinizing every shiver and breath she took. Something very strange happens when you become a parent. Suddenly, and in an instant, you’re not longer focused on you and you alone. There is this tiny human looking up to you for comfort, reassurance, care and most of all...love. It was a huge responsibility and I thought being a NASCAR champion was hard. Parenthood had nothing on that.
It turned out Arie was fine. She did end up with pneumonia from it but she was alive and the boys seemed to have learned their lesson. We couldn’t ask for much more than that.
Cold Pits – Sway
Whether you want to or not, there comes a point when you’re interested in what the public thought of you. I don’t care who you are, you will at some point. I did.
I don’t know why I hadn’t Googled myself but when I did, I wished I hadn’t.
It was times like this that I forced myself blind and only saw what I wanted to. It didn’t matter. All I saw were lies but then I started to believe them.
There was tons of hate websites on me and Jameson. There were pictures of my husband with other women and pictures of my kids. It made me sick. I wasn’t worried about the other women, I had no need to. I knew it was happening, there was no way for him to get away from them at times and yes, photographs were snapped at times making it seem like he was with them...he wasn’t. I will admit though, when Jameson denied it was happening, that irritated me. Especially when it came to Nadia, a woman who was around him constantly and there were many pictures of them together. I knew what the pictures represented but he’d blown them off as though they meant nothing.
To me, they meant something.
Lying to me wasn’t the answer. I knew why he did it but lying was never the answer.
Even with those pit lizards, and Nadia, all over my husband and Jameson insisting it wasn’t happening, what bothered me the most were the pictures of my children. It felt like an invasion of privacy. Like having your home broken into, only now the whole world saw. Free to judge your dirty laundry the way they perceived it. Only they based their theories upon lies.
Three cups of coffee and half dozen donuts later, I was still on the internet.
Jameson called around four to tell me that he was on his way home from the shop. He and Justin had been preparing the sprint cars for next season and he was set to leave for Daytona tomorrow night for the beginning of Speedweeks. Every spare minute he had was spent at the shop with JAR Racing.
So by five, I was now wearing sweats and still on the internet while contemplating making comfort cookies or fudge, lots of fudge.
I couldn’t believe some of this bullshit out there. The articles and debates about Darrin and Jameson were sickening. I knew what really happened but the idea that there were assholes out there that were still caught up in it some twelve years later was maddening. I won’t lie. There was part of me that thought Darrin was still alive. It’s the thoughts that scare me the most now that we had children. Those were the fears that screamed for me to convince Jameson to run away with me and never look back.
When Jameson had finally come home, my laptop was in pieces on the floor in the kitchen.
He smirked. “Did it talk back or something?”
“According to Wikipedia.
..” I began but stopped when his eyes flashed with anger.
Jameson groaned and walked out of the room. “Not that again.”
I told him everything I had read and then all the sites that believed Jameson had killed Darrin and all the crap about Darrin still being alive when he turned sharply on his heel to face me. “I don’t care what those fucking websites say. He’s dead as far as I’m concerned. Don’t Google that goddamn shit again.” His face was dark and demanding. “I mean it Sway.”
Despite what the websites said, even if Darrin was alive, it didn’t matter. As Jameson said, as far as he was concerned Darrin was dead. We’d moved on, so we thought. Everyone thinks we have this perfect life because we make millions each year and Jameson gets to race in an elite series every year but we have problems just like everyone else. We fight just like every other married couple over the same shit every other married couple fights about. But we had other pressures most don’t see. Our lives were in the public eye.
“I won’t.” I finally said nearly in tears. It’d been a rough day.
He sighed.
“Honey, I just...I don’t want this. I want to forget about it and...I can’t. I’ve tried but I can’t. So please, help me by not bringing it up.”
I understood why he wanted to forget, but in the same sense, I didn’t really want to forget everything. It was something we needed to remember for the sake of our children. The moment we let our guard down with them was the moment something would happen.
Too many times I’d had to have Van rescue me at the track or a restaurant when a crazed fan took it too far. That’s why I never forgot. It was a reminder of how hostile this world really was and how fragile the lives of our family were.
Jameson wanted to forget and I would respect that because his was more of the violence. Regardless of what many people believe, Jameson is not a violent person and tends to shy away from conflict in racing if he can. But he does believe in his ability and if someone questions it, lord help them.
Tommy stopped by on his way to Dog Hollow that night. “Hey Sway,” he called out and then headed up to get Casten and Arie. I didn’t pay much attention to him as he frequently took my kids for the night. Tommy may not be the most mature person I’d ever met but for the most part, he was good with my kids and that’s all that mattered to me.
“I’m borrowing them.” He told me before leaving.
Later that night, I apologized to Jameson.
“I’m sorry.” I told him crawling into bed.
He was on NASCAR’s website checking out an article they wrote about him the other day.
He looked up for a moment and then back down at the screen.
“I’m not okay with you believing that shit they put on the internet.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“I know.” His expression didn’t seem like he knew though.
“Are you mad at me?”
“No honey.” He sighed resting his head against the headboard and pushing the laptop aside.
His arms wrapped protectively around me. I realized what his expression wasn’t telling me that his arms did. He wanted to protect me and couldn’t. It wasn’t that he couldn’t, he just felt that he hadn’t so far.
That was a fear Jameson constantly had. As my husband, he felt it was his responsibility to do this and he couldn’t. Not just with Darrin but with everyone...look at Garrett when he came into our hotel room and then somehow got my cell phone number.
Jameson couldn’t be with me every day and that scared him. Over the years I began to understand the feeling but I would never truly understand what it meant to Jameson to provide a safe place for me and his children. It’s a feeling only a man can understand.
Despite my feelings to what I found on the internet that day, I never brought up everything I found but then again I thought I’d leave it alone for now.
Tommy returned with Arie and Casten the next day and his new girl he’d met the night before.
She went on to talk about how she loved my kids and thought they were the greatest, especially Casten.
That’s when I asked Tommy’s intentions.
“Fire crotch,” he quirked an eyebrow at me and I smiled knowing he hated that nick name. “Are you using my children to get women?”
He kind of choked. He kind of snickered. And then again, he kind of laughed. All that confirmed my theory.
“Why would you think that?”
“Oh I don’t know, maybe because all these women seem to love my kids.”
He shrugged and reached for a beer in the fridge and then sat down beside me at the table. I could see Arie and Casten talking with the new girl in the living room.
“Hey, I was thinking maybe they could come with me to Jacksonville for the weekend.”
“No, Casten has a race and Arie has dance class.”
“Oh, well, how about I claim them on my taxes then?” He blurted out.
“Why?”
“They spend enough time with me. It’s only fair.”
“Are you really that stupid?”
“Sometimes.” He admitted and then caught a glimpse of Jameson walking down the stairs. He leaned forward. “Don’t say anything to Jameson,” he caught himself and then glared. “Never mind, you will.”
“Oh hey Jameson,” I grabbed his hand as he walked past. “Tommy here wants to claim our kids on his taxes.”
Jameson stopped and looked at Tommy. “Why?”
“That girl in there thinks are kids are his. He’s trying to make it legit.”
“I never said that.” Tommy added and then wrinkled his nose. “It sounds horrible when you say it like that.”
“Is it true?” Jameson asked him and then poured himself a cup of coffee. He looked into the living room at the girl and then smiled at Tommy knowing what he’d done.
“Yeah,” Tommy hung his head in shame. “It’s true. In my defense, they could pass for my kids.”
“Why do lie to these girls?” I asked Tommy shaking my head in laughter. “What’s not to love about an overly confident orange head with commitment issues?”
“I don’t know why I subject myself to this torture.” Tommy rose from the table but grinned despite are verbal abuse and took another beer from the fridge on his way out.
Every year when our family is finally all together we take a big family picture. I mean everyone.
We have our family, Spencer and Alley, Aiden and Emma, and then Jimi and Nancy, including all the grandkids.
This was never a good experience in the ten years we’d been doing it. Something bad always happened. It was similar to the holidays we spent together.
So that morning around nine, we all met at the Carolina Beach in North Carolina.
I might point out right about now that Emma and Nancy arranged this every year. No one in their right mind, in our family anyway, questioned anything Nancy said, ever. And Emma, well we just went with the flow, it was easier that way. It was similar to trying to control Axel and Casten’s hair in the morning. If you messed with it, it was worse. Mess with Emma, life became hell.
Getting my family there without an argument was an ordeal.
It started in the car on the way there when Arie laid into Jameson about want to get her nipples pierced. I for one tried to warn her that today was not a good day to be asking him questions like this but she never listened to me. I don’t why I thought she’d start now.
“Dad,” Arie caught his attention and he looked in the rearview mirror at her. That’s when she went in for the kill with her pleading eyes and smile. “I was thinking that I would like to get my nipples pierced.”
Jameson’s nervous chuckle rang through the car at Arie’s request. “She’s not serious, is she?”
I shrugged and pretended to find my cell phone interesting. “She’s your daughter. What do you think?”
“Dad, it’s just my nipples. No one will see it but me.”
“Or maybe you just want—” Arie’s hand cut off her
younger brothers remarks before they could be heard.
“Never mind,” Arie mumbled slumping back into her seat. “I never get to do anything.”
“Oh yeah?” Jameson challenged. “Sway,” he turned to me. “Who is that little girl you take to dance lesson’s each week?”
I laughed and that shut Arie up about wanting a piercing. I had a feeling I needed to school her on when to bring up this sort of thing. But if I was being honest with you, I wasn’t exactly okay with the idea of my eleven-year old daughter having a nipple pierced just because her cousin did. If only Spencer knew that his beautiful blue eyed only daughter had done this at ten. He didn’t know by the way.
Jameson was grumpy the entire driver because he had to catch a plan to Daytona in a few hours and then his daughter talking about piercing herself wasn’t exactly helping his mood.
He also claimed he had no time to be taking pictures.
Axel was being just as grumpy because he’d apparently changed out the rear end in his midget only to have it leak oil all night.
Arie was not thrilled about getting her picture taken either. I don’t know why she did this but she never wanted her picture taken and Casten, well he was adding fuel to the fire. Any time he sensed his siblings annoyed in any way, he tried his hardest to send them over the edge. Nancy found Casten humorous because if you take Spencer, Emma, Jameson, and me and add all those personalities together...you got Casten Anthony Riley.
“Leave me alone asshole!” Arie pushed Casten on the ground when we got out of the Escalade. “You’re such a little jerk.”
“Arie,” Jameson warned in his stern fatherly tone. “Knock it off.”
I cringed at my little girl’s use of words.
“He started it.”
“I don’t give a shit who started it. Just act like normal children.”
Arie snorted sarcastically. “And how do normal children act, dad?”
“How should I know,” Jameson shrugged checking his phone and Casten chuckled at him picking himself up from the pavement. “Where the fuck is everyone at? Let’s get this shit over with.”
And that it why my children cuss like truckers.