REX (Finding Love)

by Beth Michele

  After hiding my dirty clothes in a big pile in the closet, quickly scrubbing the dishes, and making sure the bathroom is presentable, it’s nearly seven. I take a fast shower to scrub the remnants of my day off before sliding on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then running my hands through my hair a couple of times.

  The loud knock that sounds is music to my fucking ears, the smile on my face evidence to prove it. And when I open the door, my lungs seem to have a problem functioning. Staring back at me is the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. It’s not just the golden mane surrounding her high cheekbones or the way her shirt hugs her tits, or even the curvy waist and hips leading down to those luxurious legs. What really makes me lose my breath is the light in her eyes, the tip of her lips that tells me she’s just as happy to see me as I am to see her.

  My gaze lands on the tin of popcorn she’s holding on to for dear life. “I see you brought your staple,” I say, and she laughs, holding it out for me to take.

  “Yes, for sustenance.”

  The tin and her purse drop to the floor with a thud as I yank her inside, wrapping my arms around her waist, needing to feel her against me. One of my hands wanders to the back of her neck, holding her close. Then I kiss her, our lips fitting together so perfectly it’s as if she is the only person I was ever meant to kiss. And as she opens for me and my tongue slides against hers, I’m alive. More so than I’ve ever been—more so than I ever dreamed I could be.

  She’s awakened me, lifting me from a place of darkness. I’m not fucked up when I’m with her. I don’t feel like I’m damaged beyond repair. And while I know she can’t be the one to fix me, she makes me feel like I’ve got a shot at something I never thought was possible, that I rejected for so long.

  Happiness.

  She moans into my mouth as my thumb strokes back and forth over the sensitive skin behind her ear. When she reaches between us and takes my face in her hands, I feel like she’s got me.

  God, she so fucking has me in every sense of the word.

  Our kiss becomes softer but she continues to lick at me, her tongue lashing out to catch my lower lip, and I let her because, well, it feels so fucking good.

  “I think that’s a pretty good start to our makeout session.” She smiles against my mouth, fisting her hands in my hair. “I like your hair longer like this, it gives me something to tug on.”

  “You know… it’s a good thing you finally stopped pushing me away because I would’ve resorted to drastic measures.”

  “Oh really.” She angles her head back to get a better view of my eyes. “And what might those have been?”

  “Well.” I hook a finger through her belt loop, tugging her closer. “I might have kidnapped you and tied you up until you submitted.”

  She smiles as if she likes the idea, mischief written all over her face. “Hmmm…,” she moans, licking her lips and my cock hardens.

  “You into that, Blondie?” I ask, trying to quell the discomfort in my jeans.

  She grins. “With you, maybe.”

  “Well, I don’t think I’d want you tied up, I like your hands on me too much.”

  “Well, maybe I could tie you up.” She smirks, brushing her lips against mine again.

  “Now that’s definitely food for thought. Speaking of which, you hungry?” I reluctantly let her go and grab my wallet from the table, tucking it into my back pocket.

  Her hand goes to her stomach just as it starts to growl. “Yeah, I guess I am. I haven’t eaten since lunch.”

  “Come on. Let’s go feed you.” I weave our fingers together before we head down to the elevator, passing a guy on the way who gives Vanessa the once over. My jaw pinches tight as my hand squeezes hers. I’ve never really been one for public displays of affection before, but it doesn’t bother me with Vanessa. I actually like it. Or maybe I just want everyone to know she’s mine.

  “What do you feel like eating?” I ask when we get down to the street, looking to my left and right, trying to figure out which direction to go in.

  “I’ve got a craving for Italian. There’s that small place I walked by on the way here, around the corner from you.” She points just down the block to the right. “What’s it called? Gianni’s?”

  “Yeah. We can go there. The food is actually really good.”

  The walk to Gianni’s takes all of about two minutes. I hold the door open for Vanessa when we get there, only to have some drunken asshole plow into her on his way out. She loses her footing and stumbles back, my arms shooting out to catch her.

  Rage grabs a firm hold of me, clouding my vision. “What the fuck, man? Why don’t you watch where the hell you’re going!”

  He curses under his breath, then mumbles a couple of insincere apologies before he shuffles down the street, struggling to maintain his balance.

  “You okay, baby?” I clasp her shoulders, looking her over from head to toe.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. He just startled me is all,” she assures me with a bright smile.

  “Gotta love the effects of excessive alcohol,” I snarl as we head into the restaurant, the past shoved in my face in an instant.

  “Wow, it’s really dark in here,” Vanessa comments, the only illumination coming from overhead lighting and small red votives on each table. “Do we just seat ourselves?” she asks, and I nod.

  We find a booth in a quiet corner. Vanessa goes first and I slide in next to her. “So what’s good here?” She picks up the menu and begins flipping through the pages.

  “Pretty much everything. I think the veal parm is their specialty, though. I’m actually gonna get the shrimp parm. That’s really good, too.”

  “Okay,” she asserts, closing the menu. “I’ll get the veal. So,” she fastens her hands together in front of her on the table as we wait for the server, “I saw Olivia today. She tried on wedding dresses.”

  “Oh yeah?” I hook an arm over the back of the booth, settling in close to her. “How did that go?”

  “It was great. She found the most beautiful dress and she’s so happy. I really see how much your brother loves her. He’s really good for her.” Vanessa looks up at me with those enormous blue eyes and I tug on my lip, feeling like I should say something, but not knowing what the hell to say.

  “Yeah. I’m happy for my brother, too.” I lay my hand on top of hers. “It’s funny to see him like this, though. He’s usually all business with women, or,” I chuckle, “the arm candy he was sporting over the years. This is a completely different side of him I’m not used to seeing.” I stare down at our fingers, the past creeping up on me, my memories on overload. “We were so different growing up, you know? He was playing little league while I was hanging out with my friends on the railroad tracks trying cigarettes for the first time. He was running track on the school field while only several feet away, I was smoking weed.” My laughter at the recollection turns into a bitter scowl. “I didn’t understand it until I found out we had different fathers, then it all made sense.”

  “What was your dad like?” She rests her other hand on my knee, and I appreciate the fact that she’s trying to turn this around for me.

  Nadine, one of the waitresses here, shows up to take our order. “Hey, doll, how are you?” she asks, placing all of her attention on me.

  “I’m good. Nadine, this is Vanessa, my….” I hesitate, not entirely sure what I should say. But I certainly don’t want to say the wrong thing. “Girlfriend.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Vanessa says, the smile lifting her lips and the way she squeezes my thigh tells me I made the right choice.

  “Damn it, Rex. That means there’s no chance for me then, is there?” She raps her pencil against her pad, tossing Vanessa a playful wink.

  “No. Sorry,” I reply, as Vanessa huddles up closer to my side, marking her territory.

  “All right, then what can I get you to eat?”

  “We’ll have one veal parm and one shrimp parm, and I’ll have a beer.” I turn to Vanessa. “What do you want to dr
ink, baby?”

  “Just a large water with lemon, thanks.”

  As soon as Nadine walks away, Vanessa taps my chin. I shift to face her, rewarded with a hard kiss on the lips. I’m barely able to resist the temptation to drag her tongue into my mouth.

  “What was that for? Not that I’m complaining.” I twist a strand of her hair, curling it around my finger.

  “Can’t your girlfriend give you a kiss?” There’s a subtle lift of her head and I internally give myself a high five. I’m getting better with this stuff.

  “My girlfriend can give me anything she wants,” I whisper, my lips resting just above her ear.

  “I’ll make a mental note.” There’s a visible change in her breathing, her legs shifting under the table. “Wait, what were we talking about?” She laughs, just as Nadine sets our drinks down then ambles away. “Oh yeah, your dad. I want to know what he was like.”

  “Hmph,” I sigh, “I guess what I remember most is that he was always around. Even though I knew he had a very busy job, he always left his shit at the office, and when he was with us… he was with us. I think he probably overcompensated too at times for my mother, but he always had us on the forefront of his mind.” I rub my chin thoughtfully. “He was funny and he made great peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

  After a few more minutes, Nadine brings our food, disrupting my trip down memory lane. “Here you go. If you need anything else, let me know.”

  “Thanks,” we both say before she saunters away.

  “You know the one thing that sticks out for me, though?” I recall, taking a swig of my beer. “He took me to his office one day and all of my school drawings were taped on his wall.” Even now, my heart warms at the memory. “I remember how happy that made me, that he was proud of me, that he thought my pictures were good.”

  She lays her fork down on her plate. “Just think what he would say if he could see you now. You’re exceptional, and you’re spreading your gift to the world, Rex. Your art is on people’s skin… forever.”

  “Yeah.” Contentment rolls around inside of me because I know she’s right. I love what I do. It’s the one thing that has always made me feel as though I have some worth… until now.

  There’s an easy silence that accompanies us as we continue eating, yet Vanessa seems distracted. When she finally breaks the quiet, I understand why. “My dad never had time for me like that. Work was everything to him. It’s what he lived for. That’s why he always bought me things. I think maybe he thought that could take the place of his love, but he was so wrong.” Sadness pours from her eyes and I want to take it from her, to rid her of the pain. “I didn’t care about any of it. I would have given anything if he had just paid attention to me, climbed a tree with me, or came to one of my school plays… anything. By the time he and my mother decided to grace me with their presence at my graduation, I just didn’t care anymore. It was too little, too late.”

  She holds her head up high, letting out a deep breath. “But you know what, I’m all grown up now, and it is what it is, right?” But she doesn’t sound all that convincing to me.

  “Hey.” I caress her with my voice, wrapping my fingers around her wrist, drawing her gaze to mine. “I guess one thing I’ve realized is that we’re never too old to be affected. It still hurts and that’s okay, baby.”

  She lays her head on my shoulder and I press my lips to her hair. “I don’t know how to get rid of the anger though, how to let it go. I just don’t think I can.”

  “One day at a time. You might not be able to today, but maybe at some point you will.”

  “Boy….” She lifts her head with a lopsided grin. “That therapy is really working wonders. I’m impressed,” she says, and I knock her shoulder playfully.

  I don’t realize how long we’ve been talking until Nadine finally comes back again to clear our plates. “Do you two want dessert or coffee?”

  “What do you think, Blondie?”

  She holds her hand against her belly, scrunching her nose up. “I’m stuffed. But maybe some to go?”

  “Good idea. What does Gianni have for dessert tonight?” I ask, and she points to a chalkboard behind her. “Cheesecake, chocolate fudge cake, carrot cake, cannoli, and homemade vanilla ice cream.”

  “I’ll have a piece of the chocolate fudge cake, please.” She continues staring at the board. “Rex, what are you gonna get?”

  “I’ll have a piece of cheesecake. Thanks, Nadine.”

  “Oh good!” Vanessa says with excitement. “I was hoping you’d get something different so I could try it.”

  “Oh, no you don’t,” I warn, sliding out from the booth. “Hands off. You’ve got your dessert.”

  “What?” She fists her hands on her hips, eyes pinched with intimidation.

  “Sorry, Blondie. That shit won’t work with me. I’m not scared. But….” I pull her by the hand out of the booth. “If you’re really nice, maybe I’ll give you a bite.”

  “I can play nice.” She casts me a flirty smile, just as Nadine comes back with our to-go bag, and I pay the bill.

  “Here you go. All set.” She hands Vanessa the bag. “Oh, hope you have an umbrella by the way, it’s pouring out,” she adds as we steer ourselves toward the door, peeking through the window at the torrential downpour.

  “Oh shit. It’s seriously raining.” I glance over at Vanessa to test the waters, see what she wants to do.

  She nods, an excited glow in her eyes. “I’m game if you are. We really don’t have far to go anyway.”

  I fucking love her adventurous side. The fact that she’s not worried about her hair or any of that shit is such a turn on. And now I can’t wait to get her back to my apartment.

  “You ready?” I take hold of her hand. “Let’s make a break for it.” And we dash out the door, heavy raindrops drenching us instantly, thunder pounding our ears. Vanessa squeals and we run as fast as we can toward my building.

  “Ahhh!” she squeals again, the force of the rain nearly drowning out the sound of her voice. We finally get to the front entrance, weighted down by our soggy clothing, but Vanessa is laughing and it’s contagious.

  Once inside the door she shakes her head from side to side, flicking droplets of water all over the floor. “Oh my God, I’m soaked,” she says through a fit of giggles. But her laughter stops the moment I meet her gaze and hold it.

  “Even soaking wet, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  I watch as her face transforms, that dazzling smile I’ve grown familiar with, come to look forward to, appears, but this time it’s mixed with something else—a shyness that I’ve yet to see from her. A different side of her to appreciate.

  I close the unwanted gap between us, her chest rising and falling with heavy breaths as is mine. The heart that I didn’t think I had stumbles inside my chest because I realize I almost lost this—lost her. Stepping even closer, I lift my thumb to her cheek. Beads of water fall from her long, thick lashes, and I pad them away, never once leaving her eyes.

  “I can’t believe I almost let something so precious slip right through my fingers. I’m such an asshole.”

  “No. You’re not.” Her head does a subtle shake, a small smile on her lips.

  My ears hone in on the sincerity in her voice and it calms me, slowing my heartbeat. The worry of loss still looms over my head like a dark shadow as I wait for it to pounce. I’ve become way too accustomed to losing the things I love most in this life.

  My brain short circuits. Why is that word in my head? It shouldn’t be. It can’t be. Because I know nothing about it. And bad things happen to the people I care about.

  I forget about everything and sweep my tongue across her mouth, the taste of rainwater on her lips, the sweet scent of raspberries swirling around me. She reaches for me, a shiver rocking my body as her gentle hands caress my neck, slanting my head, guiding me to where she wants me. And I’ve never wanted anyone this fucking much in my entire life. When her tongue enters and find
s mine, the thread of control I was barely hanging on to snaps and I cup her ass, a low moan escaping her throat as my aroused cock rubs against her.

  I could keep going, ignoring where we are, but she cuts off the kiss. Her breathing is ragged, cheeks flushed red. She peeks up at me with those steely blues, blinking several times while chewing on her lower lip. When she opens her mouth to speak, I suddenly feel sick to my stomach.

  “Rex, I… I….”

  Panic seizes my chest, my organs burn as I wait for what she has to say. Maybe she’s changed her mind about me, somehow realized I’m not good enough for her.

  “What is it? Just say it!” My insides are screaming with my words as I force myself to breathe.

  “I… I missed you,” she confesses, her voice shaky.

  A whoosh of relief flows through me and I exhale my assumptions in a big breath. It’s pathetic that I always assume the worst.

  “I missed you too, baby.” I palm her cheek, stroking her skin. And then I realize it’s not enough. That’s not telling her how I really feel. Dr. Billings reminded me I need to do more of that. So I stuff the fear back down my throat, steel myself for honesty and say the words. “You know… when you walked out on me that night, well, after I forced you out with those awful things I said… I felt you leave me. Your light, it was gone, and it was the absolute worst feeling in the world. All I wanted to do was see you smile and hear you laugh again.”

  Stunned blue eyes stare back at me, but then a brilliant smile brings her lips up at the corners. “You missed me?” she says softly, almost as if she’s trying to reconcile it in her mind, as though it’s so hard to believe.

  “I missed the fuck out of you.” I press my forehead against hers, inhaling a shaky breath. “I want you to stay with me tonight. Will you stay?”

  “Yes,” she breathes out, without an ounce of hesitation.

  “I love that fucking answer.” I plant a kiss on her forehead, then throw her and the bag over my shoulder without warning as I take quick strides toward the elevator. She lets out a squeaky little noise of surprise that makes me stab at the button three times before the fucking door finally closes. The wetness dripping from her hair tickles my neck, her rounded ass hovering next to my face. And I can’t resist, I move my head an inch and bite down on it through the fabric of her jeans.