REX (Finding Love)

by Beth Michele

  And I feel like the luckiest fucking guy in the world.

  I lift her hand and starting at the bottom, place closed-mouth kisses along the underside of her arm, my lips drifting along its length, goose bumps shimmering on her skin in their wake. I allow it to fall and gently pick up the other one. This time, letting my tongue trail her flesh, the soft moans leaving her mouth urging me on.

  Her shoulders are next, and I move behind her, kneading them, her head falling to the side as I do. I kiss my way down to the clasp of her bra, releasing it, and her skin prickles as the straps glide slowly across her arms. “Lean back, baby,” I say, and when she does, I reach around to the hardened pink tips of her nipples, squeezing them between my fingers, watching them stiffen further. Seeing how aroused she is, knowing how her body is humming for me, makes me ache to take her right now. But I want to go slow. I’ve never had this with anyone and I don’t want to do anything to fuck it up.

  “Rex,” she whimpers, and I smile against her hair. I love how well I can read her… in every way.

  “I know, baby.” One of my hands descends her belly, following the curve of her waist until I reach her panties. I dip a finger inside, exhaling a long, uneven hiss of breath when I find them soaked with her desire. Lowering myself to the carpet, I slip them down her legs, before pushing back up to my feet.

  I spin her around to face me, letting her watch as I rid myself of the remainder of my clothing. Her eyes drink me in, gaze landing on my erection, thick and hard, practically pointing against her stomach. Taking both of her hands in mine, I lean forward and kiss her forehead, the tip of her nose, her chin. With one final kiss to her lips, I walk her back to the bed, lying us both down. Blood roars through my veins, the need to please her overwhelming me. Putting myself second was never a part of who I am, until I met Vanessa. Now with her, it’s the only thing that matters.

  My mouth finds hers and she teases me with her tongue and teeth, nibbling at my bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth. I don’t linger there long, wanting desperately to taste her, to watch her eyes glaze over as I make her come over and over again. She stops me though, tugging on my hair to bring me back up to her.

  “Show me.” Her voice is strained, and my head tips in question.

  “Show you what, baby?”

  “Show me… love,” she whispers, a tear crawling down her cheek, my heart ceasing to beat at the realization that no one has ever done that for her.

  I lower my head and shower her face with kisses until all the wetness disappears, then reach next to me on the table. But she grabs my hand, shaking her head.

  “No. I’ve been on the pill, Rex. And I don’t want anything between us now. I just want to feel you, with nothing else.”

  “I’ve always been safe. I’ve never—”

  She interrupts me with a finger to my lips. “I trust you, Rex.”

  Three words that send me fucking reeling, as if I’ve just climbed the tallest mountain.

  “Good. Because I would never hurt you.”

  The intensity of her stare is blazing, cutting right through me. Vulnerability cracks the surface of my tough exterior, making me want to look away. A small part of me even feels the need to run, fear clamping around my chest. But I can’t. And I won’t. Because those eyes fill me with hope for a second chance—to rewrite my story.

  “Rex.” She says my name and there’s promise in her voice, like that moon Tyler and I used to chase as kids is somehow within my grasp. I hold myself up with one arm, taking my other hand and caressing her face, pressing my lips to the corner of her mouth, down her jaw then back up again.

  Her fingers take the lead, encircling my erection, and I nearly come right then, just from her touch alone. She teases her entrance with my hardened cock, rubbing me back and forth over her slit, moisture covering the head. I’m not even inside her yet and feeling her pussy without any barrier is fucking amazing.

  I reach down between us, covering her hand with mine as she guides me inside, both of us watching as my cock disappears, a low guttural noise tearing from my throat the moment I enter her. “Oh fuck,” I groan as her wet heat surrounds me, squeezing and holding my cock—and it’s pure, fucking bliss. I’ve never not used a condom before, and now that I have, I don’t ever want to have to wear one of those fuckers again.

  Eager lips open to connect with mine as I thrust in and out at a slow pace, our breathing and bodies intertwined, her hands clinging to my arms for support. She’s practically panting into my mouth and I break us apart, my breathing uneven, her skin flushed pink.

  “Baby, you feel so good. Jesus. You’re so warm and snug. My cock likes it in there,” I tease. “He might stay a while.” And she lets out a laugh mixed with a whimper, as I continue to sink into her, savoring this—her body, our connection.

  I love that I can be with her like this and still joke, still be me. I don’t have to say all that lovey dovey shit, because even though I’m crazy about her, that’s just not me. And she doesn’t expect me to be anyone I’m not. It makes me feel weightless, as if I could take flight. She accepts who I am and there’s no better fucking feeling in the world.

  “Oh God, Rex, you feel amazing,” she murmurs. “I want you so much.” Her breathing is ragged, sweat beginning to glisten on her forehead.

  “You have me, baby,” I groan, locked in her gaze as I push in and out of her pussy, my chest heaving, muscles drawing tight. With a clenched jaw, I rock into her and she arches her hips, both of us giving, taking. It’s no longer just our bodies that are entwined now, it’s our hearts, too.

  “Ahh, I’m close,” she moans, and I duck my head, taking her nipple into my mouth, licking and sucking the way I know will make her come apart.

  “Come for me,” I urge, and she squeezes my biceps, her nails biting into my skin.

  “Oh my God, Rex.” My name rolls off her tongue as she spasms around me, pulsating, and I know I’m not far behind. “I want to feel you come inside me,” she breathes out and I completely lose it, pounding into her a few more times before I come with a ferocity I’ve not experienced before.

  Dropping my head against her chest, I attempt to catch my breath, which is utterly impossible. My hair and body are drenched with sweat, my cock soaked in her juices. In other words, I’m in heaven.

  “Do you have any idea how amazing that felt?” I manage to lift my head and meet her eyes, pausing just above her lips, our breaths colliding.

  “Hmmm… I think I have some idea.” She smiles, and then I take one last look into those soulful blue eyes before my lips find hers, putting everything of my heart into this one kiss so she knows this is real for me.

  Our mouths separate, but our eyes remain connected. Nothing else exists right now. Nothing else matters.

  “You know I’m crazy about you, right? I mean,” I pause, hoping to find the words, “I know I don’t always say the right thing,” I shrug, “but… well I am.”

  “I think you do just fine.” She raises a hand to let a finger skate over the rough stubble on my chin. “Just be you, Rex. Because that’s who I fell in love with.”

  A strange tingling radiates throughout my chest, hearing her say those words again. Never in a million years could I have imagined this, or her. But now that it’s happening, I can’t envision anything else. I close my eyes, inhaling what I hope will be a calming breath as the fear of loss creeps back into my psyche, freezing my limbs, rendering me immobile.

  She must sense it too, because something changes in her smile. A tiny line marks a path across her forehead. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I roll off of her, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. “I’m going to get us a cloth to clean up.”

  When I come back from the bathroom, she’s sitting up on the bed with a scowl, arms crossed over her chest. “Don’t do that.”

  “Don’t do what?”

  “You know what.” She glares at me. “Don’t shut me out. Not after everything.”

  I heave
out an aggravated sigh, unsure as to whether it’s because she knows me so well or because I have to reveal the truth. I sit next to her on the bed, about to slide the washcloth between her legs when she stops me with an expectant stare.

  “It’s just fear, baby. I lose the people I care about. It’s that simple. I lost Tyler, my father….” My gaze slips from hers and I glance out the window. “I don’t want to lose you, too.”

  Her soft hand trails down my arm, bringing my eyes back to hers. “You’re not going to lose me, Rex. We just found each other.” A wide grin draws the tiny dimple from her cheek. “Well, unless you do something to fuck it up.” She giggles and I jump on top of her.

  “You got jokes now, huh?”

  “Perhaps,” she grins, “but I’d probably be a lot funnier if I had some food in my stomach. Please tell me you have food?”

  “Hmph… you know I have popcorn.” I nip her ear and she laughs.

  “Yes, well. I’m starving. Why don’t we go shopping and I’ll cook for you?”

  “I’m thinking we need to stay naked and order take out,” I suggest, trying to convince her by attaching my lips to her nipple, flicking my tongue over the crest.

  “Sold!” She laughs, and I cease the torture once she agrees. “I could go for some Chinese food. Sound good?”

  “What do you want?” I sweep the washcloth between her legs and then clean myself up, too.

  “Hmph… chicken with broccoli and vegetable fried rice.”

  “Okay.” I toss the cloth in the laundry and throw on my boxers. “Their number is in the kitchen. I’ll be right back.”

  As I’m walking into the other room, I can’t help but think how right this feels, she and I. It feels so normal and I don’t know if I’ve ever had that in my life. I’ve had crazy, insane, and fucked-up—but never normal. And normal feels pretty damn good.

  “Okay,” I announce, coming back into the bedroom. “They said they’re really busy and it’ll be about an hour. I know you’re really hungry. Do you want me to go pick it up?”

  “No, thanks. I can wait.” Her eyes drift from mine, summoned to the window by the light of the moon. “Wow, that is some moon. I don’t remember the last time I saw one so bright.”

  I bounce on the bed beside her, immediately taking hold of her hand, twining our fingers together. “Me neither.” And then I chuckle out loud thinking about one of the few memories from my childhood that actually makes me smile.

  “What is it? What’s so funny?” she asks, and I kind of want to share it with her.

  “I was just remembering something. When I was younger, Tyler and I used to try to chase the moon. Sometimes at night, when we were outside on the front porch, we’d see it and just bolt, trying to catch up to it.” I smile, thinking about the look on Hunter’s face. “Then Hunter would take off running down the street after our asses. He always told us the moon kept moving so we’d never be able to catch it. But that never stopped us from trying.”

  “So that’s where you get your tenacity.” She rests her head on my shoulder. “I used to wander off with Stella sometimes,” she says, and it’s so quiet I almost miss it. “There was this field around the corner from my house and it was filled with wilting wildflowers and overgrown weeds. I remember wondering why no one took care of it, thinking how beautiful it could be if someone just paid attention to it. So,” she laughs as if lost in the memory, “I filled my ladybug watering can up and made Stella take me there every day. It didn’t hold much water, but I thought maybe if I gave them a little bit, some of them would come back to life. ‘They just need someone to care for them,’ I kept telling Stella.”

  Sadness seeps from her words, a piece of me hurting for her. But she has a chance to move forward now and I hope she takes it.

  “And did they?” I ask, kissing the top of her head. “Grow?”

  “No. But I still kept going back, hoping one day they would.”

  “What will you do about your father?” I carefully broach the subject even though I know it’s weighing heavily on her mind.

  “I don’t know.” The apprehension in her voice thickens the air around us. “But I’m trying to be open. Thinking about maybe giving him another chance. Everyone deserves that I guess, even though it scares me that I’ll get hurt all over again.”

  I swivel my body around so I’m facing her, clutching her face in my hands. “You are amazing. You know that?” And she shakes her head, disbelief swimming in the depth of her eyes. “Well, you are. And you know what else?”

  “No,” she says, and I’m determined to get this out, to say it as best I can, pushing back the unease constantly forcing its way to the back of my throat.

  “You’ve been showing me little by little that it’s okay to be me, and that maybe in some fucked up way, I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t gone through the shit, you know? And,” I pause, swallowing down this foreign emotion she makes me feel, “I look forward to tomorrow now, more than I ever have in my entire life. And that’s because of you.”

  “You’ve given me hope, too.” And as she presses her lips to mine, I feel it.

  I never knew hope could feel so good.

  My nails have seen better days. I think I’ve bitten every single one on the subway, heading to see my father. I’m sure the people on this train think I’m some kind of lunatic, plotting my next scheme. Nerves rack my belly, and even though Rex was so sweet and wanted to take me to breakfast, I had to say no. The last thing I need is food rolling around in my stomach. The opportunity to lose it is too great.

  I sigh Rex’s name, and that coupled with the crazy smile taking residence on my face is yet another indicator that I’m psychotic to anyone watching. But I can’t help myself. He was so wonderful yesterday. And he’s in love with me. Me. The girl who never thought she had a chance at love. The girl who got a front row seat to doors slamming and curse words flying down an empty hall, but the walls are always listening—I certainly was.

  But I feel like that’s behind me now. Or it will be once I talk to my father. I’m getting a second chance at something I’ve wanted since I was a child, but never thought possible. And while I still don’t completely understand my father’s motivation, I’m going to try to believe that it’s genuine. Because the man who visited me the other night seemed nothing like the distant and unaffected stranger I grew up with.

  The subway doors open and I stride through the crowded platform, shaking off the apprehension sticking to me before trudging up the stairs leading to street level. The air is murky and troubled, quite possibly a twin to my respective mood. But I ignore it, steadying my breath, attempting to remember everything I learned in yoga class. Even though that was three years ago.

  “V!” I hear my name and recognize the voice calling it, spinning around to find Olivia with a huge smile on her face, hands on her hips. “Uh, hello? You didn’t get my messages? Hmph? Perhaps you were indisposed?” She clucks her tongue with a devious smile.

  “Yes, I do believe I was,” I grin, “and it was very pleasurable, if I remember correctly.”

  “Oh, I don’t doubt it,” she jokes. “Remember,” and then she mouths a silent Grayson, at which point I start laughing, a much-needed distraction to lift my spirits. “So how did it go with your dad? That’s why I was trying to reach you.” She attempts to hide the Victoria’s Secret bag behind her back and I just shake my head.

  “Actually, I’m on my way to see my father right now.” My tone drops significantly upon the mention of his name.

  “Really? What’s going on? Is he all right?”

  “Well, that depends on how you look at it. He told me that he wants to try to have a relationship.” I’m still beyond stunned that this is even happening. The way Olivia stares back at me, eyes wide, mouth open, she seems to agree.

  A minute later, she finally picks her gaping mouth up off the cement. “Wow, that’s huge. What are you going to do?”

  “Even though it scares the shit out of me, I decided that I’m goi
ng to give him a chance.”

  That’s when she lunges for me, dropping her lingerie bag and purse to the ground, hugging me harder than she ever has before. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispers in my ear, “so, so proud.”

  I heave out a breath, simply because Olivia is the one person who knows how hard it has been for me over the years. The ways in which my upbringing, or lack thereof, has affected my life have been staggering. Of course, now I realize that I don’t have to let it rule me, and at my age, it’s high time I learned that.

  “Thanks, Liv,” I reply, and she lets me go just as someone bumps into us and curses, struggling to get past.

  Gripping my shoulders, she stares intently into my eyes. “You’re one of the bravest people I know, Vanessa Hilliard. It takes courage and strength to do what you’re about to do, and you’ve got it in spades.”

  I help her gather her bags from the pavement. “That means a lot to me.”

  “Make sure to let me know how it goes. Don’t ignore my texts this time.” She winks, digging in her purse and pulling out some lip gloss. “I’ve got to run home and then go see my publisher but I’ll leave my phone on.”

  “Okay,” I promise, as she finishes putting a shine to her lips. “Oh, and by the way. I almost forgot. Rex told me he’s falling in love with me and I’m in love with him, too.” I say it off-the-cuff, meanwhile my heart is jumping in my chest. “Just thought you might want to know.”

  For the second time, her bags along with her lip gloss tumble to the cracked sidewalk, but this time she squeals, “And you were planning on telling me this when?”

  “It just happened last night,” I confess, wearing my heart in my smile. “Being with him makes me happy. Like insanely happy.”

  “I’ve always wanted that for you.” She moves closer, tugging on the sleeve of my blouse, her lips turning up in a genuine smile. “You deserve it.”

  “You know what, Liv?” I stare up at the sky, and even though it’s a dark gray, it doesn’t seem to matter anymore. “I finally feel like maybe I deserve it, too.”