Lost In You

by Jade Winters

  ‘I do, not forgetting this morning. Here we are,’ she said pulling into her driveway. ‘I hope Maggie hid all my sex toys.’

  Heidi laughed. ‘Maggie?’

  ‘Maggie’s a family friend. She’s like a mother to me.’

  ‘No competition then?’ Heidi said as she looked out of the window at the size of Vanessa’s house.

  ‘Not unless you feel threatened by seventy-eight-year-old women.’

  ‘That all depends. She might be a fit-looking pensioner.’

  ‘Even if she was,’ Vanessa planted a kiss on Heidi’s lips, ‘you’d still have nothing to worry about.’

  Vanessa casually got out of the car, grabbed the shopping bags and led Heidi into the house. Inside was beautiful; elegant, but in an understated sort of way and not at all what Heidi had expected.

  ‘You approve?’ Vanessa asked.

  ‘Are you crazy? What’s there not to approve of?’

  Vanessa’s gaze followed Heidi’s, as she looked around with wide eyes. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing. It’s just … I thought your house would be all marble floors and golden chandeliers,’ Heidi said.

  ‘Oh God, no! Even if I had a sheik’s money I wouldn’t sell out my sense of style like that.’

  Impressed, Heidi’s gaze roamed over the sweeping wooden staircase. The kitchen was spacious, about the size of my flat give or take a few feet, but true in keeping with the style of the rest of the house. It was charming and functional.

  ‘Now, you can help me, but I’m still the head chef. I call the shots,’ Vanessa said as they unpacked the ingredients.

  Heidi had peeled potatoes, washed vegetables and poured nearly a bottle of wine by the time everything was cooking away on the stainless-steel hob.

  The front door slammed shut and Vanessa and Heidi exchanged glances.

  ‘Expecting someone?’ Heidi asked.

  Vanessa sighed. ‘My niece.’

  Just as the words left her lips, Kelli walked into the kitchen and stopped in her tracks. Her face was like that of a trapped animal at the sight of Heidi in Vanessa’s kitchen.

  ‘Hi, Kelli,’ Heidi said lightly.

  ‘Hey, Heidi,’ Kelli said without hiding her shock. She turned and grimaced at Vanessa.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Vanessa asked.

  ‘You! You just had to infiltrate the one place I can go to get away from you?’ Kelli shouted.

  ‘Kelli,’ Vanessa started.

  Kelli turned away from her and looked at Heidi. ‘Not everyone falls for your charms, Vanessa. Some of us can see right through you.’ With that she stormed out of the kitchen.

  ‘See?’ Vanessa said helplessly. ‘You see what I have to put up with? What did I do wrong this time?’

  ‘You didn’t do anything. Let me see if she’ll talk to me.’ Heidi placed her glass of wine on the counter and went in search of Kelli. She found her sitting in the garden on a patio chair. ‘Hey, are you okay?’

  ‘No. No, I’m not. She even had to take you, Heidi. First, she tries to destroy the centre. Now she’s taking you too, leaving me with no one to turn to.’

  ‘Do you mind if I join you?’ Heidi sat in a seat opposite Kelli, when Kelli gave a nonchalant shrug. ‘I understand how all of this looks, but it’s not what you think. We all got off on the wrong foot and I’m not blameless either. All of this could have been avoided if we’d acted using our heads instead of our emotions.’

  ‘So you’re saying you don’t care if the centre closes?’

  ‘Oh God, yes. Of course I do. I only wish I would’ve dealt with things a bit better from my end. I’m not saying it’s right, but your aunt and uncle run a business. Buying and knocking buildings down is what they do. I suppose if it wasn’t their company, it would have been someone else one day. Change is inevitable. It’s just that some people deal with it better than others.’

  ‘But what about the doc—’ she stopped.

  ‘The documents you gave us were very helpful. There were many wrongdoings, which I hope will be put right because of your actions.’

  ‘Did you tell Vanessa it was me?’

  ‘No, and I never will.’ They sat in silence for a few minutes and Heidi stared up at the blue cloudless sky waiting for Kelli to speak.

  ‘Did she tell you about my mum?’

  ‘Yes. This must be so painful for you both—’

  ‘For us both?’ Kellie snorted. ‘She doesn’t care. She won’t even talk about her. It’s like she never existed.’

  ‘Please believe me when I tell you this: your aunt is hurting, deeply. Adults are a funny bunch of people. She thinks by her being strong, she’s helping you. She thinks she’ll be letting you down if she shows any sign of weakness.’

  ‘She told you that?’

  ‘She didn’t need to. I can tell by her actions. It’s not every day I get strong independent business women crying on my shoulder.’

  ‘She cried?’ Kelli asked incredulously.

  ‘Until she fell asleep; I think she’s leaving the ball in your court. She’s waiting for you to go to her.’

  Kelli looked thoughtful. ‘I’ve been horrible to her. I said I wished she was dead instead of my mum.’

  ‘Grief makes us say things we’d never normally say to another person. We lash out because we want them to hurt as much as we do.’

  ‘I can’t believe my mum left me.’

  ‘What your mum did, Kelli, it wasn’t to hurt you. To the ones left behind, it can seem like a selfish act, but no one can know another person’s pain. In the end, not even you could save her, so how do you think your aunt was supposed to?’ Heidi deliberately compared Kelli to Vanessa to show her that they were in the same boat. ‘She loved both of you very much and neither of you have any fault in her choices. Only she had the power to save herself, and she chose her way, sweetheart, not Vanessa’s and not yours.’

  Kelli looked over her shoulder. Vanessa had appeared in the doorway behind her while she was talking. They stared at each other for a long while.

  ‘It’s true. I miss her so much, Kelli. You’re all I have left of her,’ Vanessa admitted.

  Kelli showed no aggression towards Vanessa. She was quiet, at peace. Suddenly she jumped up and ran into Vanessa’s open arms.

  ‘I’m sorry, Aunty Vanessa.’

  ‘So am I,’ Vanessa said, squeezing Kelli tighter.

  Vanessa gave Heidi a grateful nod over Kelli’s shoulder.

  The sound of the doorbell ringing spoilt what was a touching moment between aunt and niece.

  ‘I’ll get it,’ Vanessa said, giving Kelli one last hug.

  Kelli walked back outside and said to Heidi, ‘I feel like such a bitch.’

  ‘Things can only get better from here—’

  ‘So are you two hooking up now?’

  ‘We’re ….’ Heidi’s cheeks flushed.

  Kelli giggled. ‘It’s all right. I know the score.’

  They both turned their heads towards the open door when they heard shouting in the house. Craig’s voice boomed.

  Oh shit. Heidi looked around the garden for an escape route. All she saw was high walls, which she might have been able to climb when she was ten, but not now. His voice drew nearer and her hands actually started to tremble. Whether it was through fear or the adrenaline pumping through her body, she didn’t know.

  The thought of Craig berating her in front of Vanessa and Kelli made her feel sick to her stomach.

  ‘Where is she?’ Craig’s voice thundered.

  Kelli jumped to her feet and stood frozen as Craig came out of the house, storming directly towards them.

  ‘Oh shit, he knows, Heidi, he knows I’m gay. He’s going to kill me,’ Kelli said.

  Heidi was beside her in seconds. ‘You’ve got nothing to worry about. It’s me he’s after.’

  Kelli looked puzzled. ‘You?’

  ‘Get the fuck out of my sister’s house, or I swear to God, I won’t be responsible for what I do to you,’ Craig s
houted as he strode into the garden, red-faced and panting.

  Heidi backed away. She caught sight of Vanessa standing near the back door, surveying her with something akin to disbelief.

  ‘Uncle Craig—’

  ‘Shut it little girl!’ He turned his attention back to Heidi. ‘Get out! Out!’

  His bulging temples were more frightening than the crazed look in his eyes. Heidi ran around him and towards Vanessa. As she reached her, Vanessa crossed her arms. The tears in her eyes said it all.

  ‘Don’t say anything, Heidi, just go.’

  ‘I wanted to tell you this morning, but I couldn’t. Not after last night,’ Heidi said, praying Vanessa would understand.

  ‘You should have told me before I made the biggest mistake of my life.’

  ‘A mistake? You can’t mean that. It’s not true.’

  ‘Isn’t it? I wish I’d never laid eyes on you. Now do as my brother said, get the fuck out of my house.’

  Blinking away the tears, Heidi brushed past her and left.

  The flower of love was pruned before it even had the time to grow.

  Chapter Thirty

  Vanessa climbed into the bubble bath and let her body sink under the water. Alcohol hadn’t worked at easing the tension in her body; she only hoped hot water and Epsom salts would do the job. She closed her eyes and tried to be mindful, but Heidi’s betrayal rampaged through her head. They had made love all night and not once did Heidi so much as give an inkling about the bomb that was going to explode the following morning. Not once. Vanessa had spent the whole day trying to understand what kind of person Heidi was to be able to do that. Not even Vanessa could be that cold. To release private confidential papers on the internet made Vanessa feel personally violated. Despite her attempts at damage control, contracts had been cancelled, partnerships that she had built over the years wiped out in a matter of seconds, all because Heidi couldn’t wait to destroy them. It sickened Vanessa to think she had let Heidi into her home while she had been laughing at her the whole time. Heidi may as well have taken a knife out of the drawer and stabbed her in the back.

  Vanessa let her arms bob on top of the water. She slid her head under and held her breath until her lungs burnt from the lack of oxygen. If only she could stay under, then she wouldn’t have to face the uphill battle of trying to fix Craig’s fuck-ups. Whenever there were problems, it was always down to him; and now, the woman she cared so much about, and connected with, in a way Vanessa didn’t think possible, had added her own crap to the mix.

  Without opening her eyes, Vanessa sensed someone in the room. Instinctively, she pushed her head out of the water and snapped her eyes open to find Kelli standing there. She had been crying; a lot by the looks of it. Vanessa had done her best to shield her from Craig’s rage by sending her to her room, but that didn’t mean she didn’t hear the barrage of abuse he hurled at Vanessa.

  ‘Can we talk?’ Kelli said.

  ‘Of course we can. Do you want me to get out?’

  ‘No, stay where you are,’ she said sitting on the toilet seat.

  ‘Okay, whenever you’re ready.’ Vanessa assumed Kelli wanted to talk about Lauren and she was more than ready to give her the support she needed.

  ‘I wrote you a letter.’ Kelli’s jaw was tense. ‘But it’s best if I tell you in person.’

  Vanessa waited.

  ‘It’s about some things I found in Craig’s office.’

  Vanessa frowned. Kelli hadn’t been back to Craig’s house since the funeral. ‘In his office? When were you in his office?’

  ‘The other day, when I made copies of all of his dodgy dealings with the local authorities.’

  ‘Jesus, Kelli.’ Vanessa jerked into a sitting position, pushing waves of water over the bath’s edge. She was too shocked by what she had just heard to be concerned with the water or her nudity. ‘Please tell me you weren’t the one who gave Heidi the ammunition to ruin our company’s name.’

  Kelli’s silence was her reply.

  ‘Oh my God. Why, Kelli? Why would you do something like that?’

  ‘Because what Uncle Craig was doing was wrong; didn’t you always say we have to tell the truth?’

  In one sentence, Kelli and Vanessa knew it. ‘Well, yes, but ….’

  Kelli raised her eyebrows. What Vanessa said next would either make her look like a woman of her word or a hypocrite. She couldn’t risk Kelli thinking the latter.

  ‘You should have spoken to me first.’

  Kelli’s eyes narrowed and she nodded in agreement.

  How could Vanessa have expected Kelli to come to her with this when they’d barely said a decent word to each other in over a year?

  Vanessa lay back down in the water, fast regretting leaving the wine bottle downstairs. ‘Okay, I respect what you did. You made a mature decision and it was the right one. I’m proud of you.’

  ‘But you’re still angry at Heidi aren’t you.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about her.’

  ‘You never want to talk about anything important, that’s your problem—’

  ‘I said I—’

  ‘No, please hear me out. That’s why I wanted you to stay in the bath. So you can’t shut me down, or hide in your office or run off to work. I thought it was just me you did it to, like there was something wrong with me, but I can see now … you do it to everyone.’

  Vanessa had never felt so vulnerable in her life, so exposed and to hear Kelli say such things tore at her heart. ‘Kelli, I’m sorry. There’s nothing wrong with you—’

  ‘But there’s something wrong with Heidi, right? I mean that’s why you didn’t stick up for her?’

  ‘That’s different. Heidi betrayed me, our company.’

  ‘No, she didn’t.’ Kelli was on her feet. ‘Don’t you see, she just stood up against something that was wrong. She didn’t have to. She could have walked away and just left the people at the centre to fend for themselves—’

  ‘Like I did with you,’ Vanessa said as she recognised her actions had been the opposite to Heidi’s, and the people at the centre weren’t even blood related. Hot tears mingled with the bath water on her cheeks.

  ‘I wasn’t exactly easy to help. I see that now. That’s what I’ve learnt from people who truly care about each other. We can make mistakes, and if we learn from them, we get a second chance.’

  ‘Is that what we have, Kelli? A second chance?’

  Kelli nodded. ‘And you can have one with Heidi as well. She loves you, and I know you feel the same—’

  ‘Don’t be silly, I’ve only sl—’ she paused, ‘known her a few weeks.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. I knew I was in love after a few seconds.’

  Vanessa’s eyes widened. ‘You’re … in love? With who?’

  Kelli grinned. ‘Someone I met at the centre.’

  ‘I’ve missed out on so much with you, haven’t I?’

  ‘We both have, but I’m not going anywhere. I can’t say the same about Heidi though.’

  Vanessa gave a wry smile. ‘Who’d have thought I’d have learnt a valuable life lesson from you today. Thank you, Kelli.’

  ‘Thank Heidi. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t even be speaking now.’

  ‘You know what? I think you’re right. Even I have to admit she has done some good.’

  It was too late to do anything about the company’s reputation. Besides, whatever Craig had coming to him, he well and truly deserved. Somehow, after the dust settled, she would rebuild her father’s reputation with a company he would be proud of.

  And Heidi? Vanessa would just have to wait and see what the future held for them.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Heidi sat with her elbows on her desk, staring blankly out of the window. Since yesterday afternoon, her mind had been in a daze. Fear and anxiety hadn’t left her. The fear came from seeing rage and hatred on Craig’s face; the anxiety from the thought of never seeing Vanessa again. Heidi had always been able to switch moods if she was
feeling down, but this one was different. Her decisions normally only affected her; but choosing to release the personal papers about Berkley O’Neil was more far-reaching. Why hadn’t she stopped to think of the lasting damage it would do to a company Vanessa loved?

  Thinking back, before they had become intimate, the least Heidi could have done was warn her, giving Vanessa a chance to prepare herself for the onslaught. However, she hadn’t. Heidi’s moral compass had lost its bearings. She had been selfish with the need to have any part of Vanessa that she was offering. Heidi was no better than Craig in that sense; her actions had been thoughtless.

  Now Heidi was afraid; of the future and of the past; yesterday especially. The look of hatred in Vanessa’s eyes told her there was no going back this time. If she wasn’t so tired of all the ups and downs the past few weeks had presented, Heidi would have buried her face in her hands and cried.

  Footsteps approached, then Harry’s voice sounded as he poked his head around her door. ‘Visitor.’

  Heidi let out a frustrated breath. ‘I told you I don’t want to see anyone today.’

  ‘Oh, I think you’re going to want to see this person.’ He grinned, baring all his teeth. ‘She’s hot!’

  Heidi rolled her eyes as Harry moved aside and seconds later, like a vision from the heavens, Vanessa came into view. Dressed in leather skinny jeans and knee-high boots, she didn’t look hot, she was sizzling. Heidi almost forgot to breathe as her eyes roamed the length of Vanessa’s body.

  ‘Can I come in?’

  She’s only come to remind me of what I could have had. ‘What will you do if I say no?’

  ‘Come in anyway.’

  ‘You’ve just answered your own question then.’

  Vanessa closed the door behind her. Neither woman spoke. Heidi decided that since Vanessa had come to see her, she could be the one to start off by telling Heidi what a bitch she had been.

  ‘We need to talk,’ Vanessa said.

  ‘About?’ Heidi asked.

  Vanessa removed a hairband from her wrist and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. The slow motion of her action was distracting; making Heidi envisage what a turn on it had been having Vanessa’s hair sway and caress her naked breasts.