The meal was just coming to an end when a party of four haggard men wearing Mackay plaids stormed into the Great Hall. Tristan rose and came around the table to receive his men. Mairghread stood by her chair with Wee Liam in her arms. She looked to her husband, and then her father, and back to Tristan. Tristan was speaking softly with the men, but the entire scene spoke of bad news. Tristan sent the men to the kitchens for a meal, and he turned back to the table where eight sets of eyes watched him with concern and foreboding. He returned to the table and helped Mairghread back into her seat. He lifted their son into his lap before speaking.
“The Gunns and de Soules attacked one of ma villages and fired the fields. The entire crop was lost. They head this way and have been terrorizing everyone who crosses their paths. Fortunately, most of the villages in the surrounding area were vacated, and the people safely locked behind our castle walls. They lost their homes, but they didna lose their lives or their livestock. Neither of them is daft enough to try to lay siege to Varrich. They ken we will outlast them, and they would most likely lose more men than they can spare. They are only a day out.”
Brighde gasped and looked to Alex. He may have been distant the entire meal, and he might be displeased with her, but her instinct was to turn to him. He took her hand and pulled her from the table. He led her down a passageway to a set of stairs she knew would take them eventually to the battlements. Alex did not say a word until they were outside. Once on the wall walk, he checked to be sure no one was within earshot before turning to her.
“Ye heard the same as I did. Are ye really going to continue to avoid what must be said? I didna want it like this at all. I never wanted ye to think that I would marry ye out of obligation or because ye have nay other choice. I wanted ye to ken that I marry ye because I want ye and nay other. Nay other ever again. It is ye and only ye nay matter what.” Alex held both her hands in his. She knew they were cold even though they felt clammy to her. She licked her lips before answering. This was not how she had wanted to offer her solution either, but she had little choice left.
“I will stay on here and accept yer offer of protection. As ye leman nae as yer wife.”
To the day she died, Brighde would never forget the look of excruciating pain that crossed Alex’s face. She knew at that moment what it was to watch someone’s heart break. Hers felt the same way as he dropped her hands and stepped back.
“How could ye even suggest something like that? What kind of mon do ye think I am? Have I so dishonored us both by taking yer innocence before we wed that ye think that is all ye can offer? Ye think I would continue to dishonor ye? I have never had a leman, and I have nay intention of having one now. I intend to have a wife.”
“Alex, I canna marry ye. I dinna ken if I’m precontracted,” Brighde’s voice came out hoarse and strained. “This is the best that I can offer ye. Do ye want to marry me only to find out that ye must set me aside because another mon claims me as his bride? I canna be aught more than a leman. Perhaps kenning that I have been with another mon will be enough for de Soules to give up, but I doubt it. Nae where money is concerned.”
“So ye would marry me once we ken where de Soules stands when he kens ye have laid with me?”
Brighde’s pause was all that Alex needed. He shook his head as he looked at her in disgust.
“Do ye really believe that ye can stay on as ma mistress forever? If I dinna wed ye, then one day I will have to wed someone else. I willna have a choice. Do ye think ma bride deserves to enter a home where I keep a mistress or where I slip off to bed another woman in a croft she and I share? Do ye really think that I would ever stray from ma marriage vows once made? To anyone? And what if I was to sire a child on ye? What then? Ye would have our child named a bastard and ruin their life before it ever began. Can ye stand the idea of watching me wed someone else and watch as ma bairn grows in her belly? I ken I could never set ye aside to watch ye take up with another mon, to watch his seed grow into the family I will always ken I should have had with ye. I’d kill him before sharing with any other mon what has only been mine. What should only ever be mine. I canna keep doing this with ye, Brighde. This isnae aboot any precontract. This is only aboot ye and yer unwillingness to believe I can make ye a good husband. Yer refusal to trust me to be faithful. Instead, ye would have me become exactly what ye hate. It's be ma wife or naught at all.” Alex choked out the last of his speech before spinning on his heels, so she could not see the tears stream from his eyes. He stormed away leaving Brighde alone. She fell back against the wall and watched him walk away.
What have I done? I have ruined nae only ma life but his too. He doesnae deserve me playing him for a fool. He is right, and I ken it. I kenned it before I even suggested it. How could I have ever thought he might consider keeping me as a mistress? I didna even think one day he might marry someone else. I thought we could live much like a married couple without risking our vows being set aside. I’ve never had any intention of leaving with de Soules nae matter what. I canna keep using that as an excuse.
It’s about bluidy time ye were honest with yerself. Ye’ve kenned all along that ye were lying every time ye blamed possibly being precontracted as yer reason. Ye have feared he would turn out to be like yer father, and he would betray ye just as yer father betrayed yer mother.
Except I have kenned since the moment that I awoke in his chamber with him holding ma hand as he slept there to guard me that he is naught like ma father. He has proven at every turn he couldnae be more opposite than ma father. Ma grandmama warned me that men stray, but instead she should have taught me to look for a mon like Grandda because that is exactly what I have found. And now what I have lost.
Ye’re a coward, Brighde Kerr. Ye made this mess through willful blindness and selfishness.
I have to fix this.
“Alex! Alex, wait!” She ran for him, but he refused to do more than turn his ear towards her. He kept walking away from her. It started to drizzle while they talked, and now the stones were slick. She tried to carefully pick her way around the slippery stones as she kept running. Her footsteps must have been enough for him to turn around.
“Dinna run--” Alex did not have time to finish his warning as he watched Brighde slip and lurch towards the ledge of the wall. He pushed himself into a sprint and lunged forward to catch her before she could go over the wall or hit her head against it as she continued to slide. He caught her and pulled her to him.
“Alex,” she sobbed almost uncontrollably. “I’m sorry. I’m so vera sorry. Please dinna leave me, too. Please dinna let go, too.” Alex could barely understand her, but he caught the word “too.” He tried to think who else had left her, and he realized everyone left her at one time or another. It began when her mother died, and her father rejected her. Then her grandparents died, and she returned to a mon who deserted his role as her father.
“I love ye, Alex. I love ye, and I dinna want to ever be with anyone else. And the idea that ye could marry someone else makes me feel wretched. I dinna want to live if I must ken ye are with someone else when it could be me. Alex, I’m sorry. So, so sorry.” She kept repeating the last part over and over as though it was a mantra. He cradled her in his arms as she shook from head to toe.
“I love ye, too, lass. I have from the vera start. I only wanted ye to realize ye could feel the same way. If I couldnae have ye, there would never be anyone else. I couldnae do it. It’s ye or naught. Ye’ve had ma heart since ye collapsed in ma arms in a storm.” He smiled down at her as he wiped her tears away. “Ye seem to be making this a bit of a habit.”
She offered him a wobbly smile as she sniffed. Through trembling lips, she retorted, “It isnae ma fault it rains every day in Scotland.”
“Mayhap, but ye arenae denying that ye keep falling into ma arms.”
“Aye, and I will for the rest of our lives if ye will let me.”
“Tha mi a 'guidhe gach rud a tha mi agus a h-uile rud a th' agam.” I love you with all that I am and all that I
have. “From this day forth, there is naught that will pull us apart again.”
“Alex, I am so sorry. I have caused ye so much pain when all ye have ever done is stand by me, catch me every time I fall, and love me. I’ve lied to ye and to maself. It hasnae aught to do with the precontract or even de Soules really. It has been the nagging and constant fear that ye might leave me just as everyone else I’ve loved has. I thought if I could keep ye at arm’s length, then it wouldnae hurt so badly when ye finally left too. Except, I have never felt such a supreme pain as I did now as ye walked away. I kenned ye wouldnae come back. I kenned I could only push ye so far or so many times before ye wouldnae keep subjecting yerself to ma rejection. I dinna think I could ever survive the feeling of watching ye walk away. Dear God and all the angels, I dinna ever want to see that look of pain on yer face again, and to ken, I was the cause of it. I will never be able to properly show ye just how much I regret ma words, ma actions, ma choices.”
“Aye, ye can. Marry me. Pledge yerself just as I would pledge maself to ye. I would never let ye go. I will always come back.”
“Alex, I couldnae want aught more than to marry ye. I would marry ye right this moment. Aye, I will marry ye.” Brighde looked into Alex’s smoky eyes. She wanted to be sure he understood the significance of what she just said. The look of happiness assured her that he did.
Alex felt his chest expand painfully as his heart swelled. Only moments ago, he thought his head might explode as his heart shriveled into a pebble. He had never felt the kind of pain that Brighde had inflicted upon him, not even in battle. His mind whirled as he tried to make sense of everything that happened since they stepped onto the battlements. He looked into her luminescent silver eyes as he stroked her hair. The hair he could not wait to have strewn across his pillow that very night as he made love to her over and over. He understood the significance of what she said. She declared three times her desire to marry him. They were now married by consent. In Scotland, marriage by consent was even more binding than a handfast and nearly as much as being wed by a priest.
Alex pulled them to their feet and lifted her into his arms before carrying her to the door. He pushed through and began making his way down to the floor with the family chambers. He was looking forward to reclaiming his bed and making it theirs. Finally. He just stepped off the last stair when Magnus and Tristan came barreling towards them.
“They’ve been spotted just on the other side of the last hill. They made better time than we could have anticipated.” Tristan announced.
“The others are in the armory already,” Magnus noted.
“Alex, do ye really think they would attack in the dark?” Brighde gripped his sleeve.
“Nay. Nae outright, but they’ll put their archers up in the trees to lob a few arrows to test our defenses. They will wait until they can see as our wall design is too thick and complicated with its angles and twists to try to scale in the dark.”
“Alex, we have to go. Da is waiting for us.”
Alex pulled Brighde in for a hard kiss before letting go slowly.
“Wait with Mairghread and Siùsan. Mairghread kens what to do.” With that, he was gone and Brighde was left standing alone watching his retreating form as he rushed down the stairs. She looked down the passageway and heard voices from one of the chambers. She recognized them as Mairghread’s and Siùsan’s.
She approached, but when she heard more of their conversation, she paused. The door was ajar, and she could hear everything clearly.
“It’s about bluidy time she pulled her head from her arse. Alex is an excellent mon and would make a better husband than just about any mon I ken, including ma own. I love Tristan more than I can explain, but he was as utterly clueless as yer husband when he courted me, and that’s all thanks to the woman he was diddling before he met me. Alex isnae like that at all. There willnae ever be a woman coming out of the woodwork to ruin things.”
“Ye have the right of that. Yer other brother was a right arse as well when he was wooing me. I dinna ken how men who are so brilliant in war can be so completely and totally stupid in peace. Callum couldnae see the trouble he had until it was nearly too late to stop it. She should be praying a rosary daily that Alex doesnae believe in mistresses and doesnae have a long line of women trying to snag him into marriage.”
“It’s a good thing I like her so much. I dinna ken if I could have put up with her dithering about if I didna ken how sweet and kind she normally is. She’s perfect for Alex.”
“Ye ken that, I ken that, Alex kens that, and the whole damned clan kens that, but it certainly took her a far sight longer than anyone else to see it.”
“I wasna quite sure what to make of her little announcement at supper, and I thought Alex was going to have apoplexy. Then he dragged her off. If ye hadnae sent Callum up to check on them, I dinna think any of us would be so calm aboot the men going out to stand watch. I dinna worry aboot them now I ken they arenae having to talk Alex down from any ledges.”
Brighde had stepped into the doorway by this point and cleared her throat softly. The two women looked up from their sewing completely oblivious to anyone who might have been listening. Neither of them blushed or seemed embarrassed to be talking so openly about the woman who caught them.
“Come in and grab a leine. I dinna ken how they manage to rip so many shirts in so short a time. Tristan has already ripped three while in the lists. He claims his muscles just dinna fit.” Mairghread snorted at that. “More likely, he needs to pay more attention and show off less. Then they wouldnae get nicked.”
Brighde approached the women, wary after what she just heard, but willing to join them because she did not want to be alone.
“I ken ye heard us, Brighde. There isnae any reason to tiptoe around it. We are glad ye are finally going to be joining the family. We’ve been mighty impatient for ye and Alex to get on with things. We thought once ye rode back in after spending the night together that ye resolved things. A little time for intimacy usually works things out, but that didna seem to be the case for the two of ye.”
Brighde was taken aback yet again by Siùsan straightforward approach to her relationship with Alex. She hoped to keep some things private.
“Dinna be embarrassed. Truly. Both Siùsan and I shared intimacies with our husbands before we wed, and Siùsan handfasted before she said her vows before a priest.” Mairghread shrugged. “So what if ye did things a bit out of order. If it works for ye both, then I amnae going to question it. Alex clearly loves ye and adores ye. We could all see ye felt the same way. We were just growing a bit impatient with ye after we each promised nae to meddle.”
Brighde picked up a leine that she recognized as Alex’s and sat beside Mairghread on the window seat.
“When ye put it that way, I do sound nae only pigheaded but rather nitwitted. I feel horrible for how I’ve treated Alex. I dinna ken why he still loves me.”
“He loves ye because he sees past this to who he kens ye really are in yer heart. Callum saw how vulnerable I was to rejection and that I feared it at every corner, but he also saw more in me than I saw in maself. In turn, I had to look beyond his thoughtless words and careless choices to see who he was trying to become for me and for this clan. That’s who I fell in love with even though it certainly wasna easy.”
“But Alex is already the mon he needs to be, so why would he be so intent upon having me. I come with nay dowry, I have nay clan alliances for the Sinclairs to gain, and I’m bringing a war to yer doorstep. How can any of ye want me to stay?”
“I didna have a dowry either. Callum kenned it and still agreed to the betrothal. I ran from him and caused him to break his arm and dislocate his shoulder, and he still kept coming for me when I needed him most. Ye canna always pinpoint just what it is that makes someone love ye. Sometimes it’s the smallest pieces combined that make ye loveable. Dinna question it and dinna take it for granted.”
Brighde thought about Siùsan’s final words and the wisdom in them
. She appreciated the frankness the other two women used when at first it stung. Now she realized she was a part of a family who wanted her and valued her enough, to be honest.
The minutes slipped into hours as the women waited for word from the Sinclair men and Laird Mackay. They each took turns pacing. When they finished all the darning, they each read from a book Mairghread started during her confinement but never had time to finish. When none of them could keep their eyes open any longer, they climbed into Callum and Siùsan’s oversized bed. Brighde thought about how many nights she spent in Alex’s bed. This was the first time she would sleep somewhere other than his chamber. She was glad for the company and did not want to be alone in a bed that reminded her of him when she did not know what was happening. But all the same, she wished that she was sharing the enormous bed with Alex and making love to him instead of dozing fitfully, waiting to hear whether she brought half the Highlands and Lowlands to the Sinclairs’ door.
~~~
The sun was just above the horizon when Callum, Tristan, and Alex quietly peeked in on the women. All three were still asleep. Callum removed his boots and sword while Tristan and Alex each lifted his lady into his arms. They nodded to one another before moving to their own chambers. Alex opened the door to their chamber, that is how he thought of it now when Brighde’s eyes fluttered open.
“Alex,” she said in a groggy whisper.
“Aye, lass.”
“Is all well?”
“It will be, come morn. Sleep, mo leannan.”
Brighde craned to turn her head towards the window where she could see hues of pink and blue telling her that it was already morning.
“What has happened, Alex?” She struggled to sit more upright in his arms. Instead, Alex sat down on the bed and shuffled his way to leaning his back against the headboard. He played with a lock of her hair before answering.
His Highland Prize (The Clan Sinclair Book 3) Page 21