Maddie hops down from the stool to collect her purse and pulls her cell out. “I’m just going to…” She trails off. We don’t need an explanation as she taps the screen and then puts it to her ear.
“I’m so sorry, sweetie. I know this isn’t how you wanted it to go.” She holds me to her again and thankfully refrains from saying any kind of I told you so.
I should have told him that first night when I found him in Brett’s office at the after-party. I should have been brave and just laid out all my truths right there. But instead I got swept away by him and actually started to believe that we could have something.
“Nothing,” Maddie says, dropping her cell and shaking her head sadly. “I should probably go in case he goes home. Things are already tense enough with him and Brett, this is the last thing either of them need.”
“I think that’s probably for the best,” Mom agrees.
They both share a look, having a silent conversation that only lifelong friends can before Maddie turns to leave.
“Maddie,” I call before she disappears. “I’m sorry. This really was an accident.”
“Chelsea,” she sighs. “Some things in life are never planned, but that doesn’t always mean they’re going to be a disaster. You’ll get through this, we all will. Just have faith.” With one final smile, she walks away.
Faith.
I wonder if that’s what has kept her with Brett all this time.
“Do you mind if I just go to the pool house so I can be alone for a bit?”
“Of course, sweetie. You do whatever you need. I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Thank you, Mom. Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome.”
Her eyes don’t leave me until I slip inside the pool house and turn to the bedroom.
I don’t even bother kicking my shoes off, I just curl up in the center of my bed and allow more tears to come.
The next thing I know, Mom is gently shaking my shoulder to wake me.
When I drag my sore eyes open, I find she’s brought a tray of dinner out for me.
“You need to eat, sweetie.” And just to prove that she’s right, my stomach rumbles right on cue.
“Thank you.” I pull myself so I’m sitting against the headboard and she places the tray on my lap.
I stare down at my favorite, Mom’s homemade mac and cheese, and my stomach growls once again.
“Do you mind?” she asks, pointing to the other side of the bed.
“Of course not.” As she gets settled, I reach for the fork. “Did Maddie find him?”
“She messaged about an hour ago and still hadn’t then.”
“Jesus. This is all my fault.”
Mom doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. We both know my statement is true.
All of it is my fault.
If I were on birth control, this would never have happened. If I were brave enough to confess all then this wouldn’t have happened.
I’m a fucking mess, and all I’ve done is prove to him once again how untrustworthy I am.
He’d be stupid to ever look twice at me, at either of us again after this.
I blow out a frustrated breath.
“He’ll be fine. Shane’s got a sensible head on his shoulders. He’s probably just taking a bit of time to get his head around everything. Don’t forget, you’ve had weeks to get used to this huge change in your life, he’s just had it dropped on him. That must be some kind of shock.”
I nod because there’s not really anything else to do.
What I really want to do is get out and start searching for him. But what good would that do? He clearly doesn’t want to see me or talk about it because he would be here if he did.
“Are you going to school tomorrow?” Mom asks, dragging me from my plans of driving to the houses of everyone I know in the hope of finding him.
“I have no idea right now.”
“I trust you to do the right thing for you. If you need a few days, then take them. Just please try not to fall behind. I know things are up in the air right now, but not graduating won’t help.”
“Don’t worry, I have every intention of graduating and still going to college, even if it’s a couple of years late.”
“One step at a time.”
Once I’ve finished eating, Mom kisses my cheek and takes the tray, leaving me to my own misery. After using the bathroom, I shed my clothes and pull Shane’s jersey over my head before climbing back into bed and almost immediately falling back to sleep again.
I’m awake before my alarm the next morning but as it starts blaring, I make no move to get out of bed. The thought of walking into school where everyone knows my secret fills me with dread.
I probably should go just in case Shane does, but something tells me that he’s going to avoid that place just like I am.
Rubbing at my sore eyes, I smooth my bed hair down with my fingers.
I need to see someone, I need to talk to someone. Someone who understands me.
When I woke in the middle of the night to pee, I found the strength to pull my cell from my purse.
I had so many messages, none of which I opened other than the couple from Rae checking in on me. No one else cared when I wasn’t in the middle of the next big drama to hit Rosewood High so they can fuck off.
As expected, I had nothing from Shane. I almost shut it down without reaching out but in the end, I decided that I at least needed to try.
I found his name and typed out a million different messages to send him but, in the end, I deleted them all and went with something simple.
Chelsea: I’m sorry. Please let me explain x
I wanted to tell him again that I loved him, try to explain how much both he and this baby mean to me, but there’s no way I could express it in a message, so I’ll have to wait until I see him again.
When I light it up, I find a lot more messages but the only one I care about sits unread just like it did after I sent it last night.
With a sigh, I find the next best person.
Chelsea: Do you have classes all day? I need you.
The little blue ticks appear almost immediately, and the typing bubble pops up.
Luca: Breakfast? I’ll be there in a couple of hours.
Chelsea: Thank you x
He sends me back a hugging gif. I have no idea if he knows, if he’s spoken to either Shane or his mom, but whether it’s my simple message or the big news, he knows I need him and he’s dropping everything for me.
I want to feel guilty. It’s the last week of the semester. He really should be in class but instead he’s coming to rescue me from myself. I guess he’s used to it at this point.
With two hours to waste, I have a shower and do my hair and makeup. On the outside, it makes me look almost normal but inside I’m still a broken mess and I fear I will be until I get the chance to be in his arms again.
Standing in front of the mirror in just my underwear, I stare down at my belly. I swear it’s bigger today.
I run my hands over the smooth skin and try to imagine what it might look like in a few months’ time when there is no more hiding it.
I turn to the side and I can’t help but smile at the slight bulge that never used to be there.
When I first found out, I thought I’d hate my body changing. I’ve spent years working on it, to be strong enough to do everything cheer required of me, but standing here right now, I don’t care all that much. All I want is for the little person I’m growing to be happy and healthy. There are plenty of women out there who have a baby and get back to their sport, that’s my aim. My cheer dream is far from dead, just postponed a little while I do something more important.
Glancing at the time, I jump into action knowing that he’s going to be here soon. I pull on a pair of yoga pants and an oversized hoodie before slipping my feet into my sneakers.
A knock on my pool house door has my heart jumping into my throat. I assumed he’d wait in the driveway. Thoughts o
f it being Shane standing there has my pulse racing as I practically run for the door.
My face drops the second I find Luca.
“Hey,” I say, my usual cheer long gone.
“Seeing as you were expecting me, you don’t look all that pleased about me being here.”
“I-it’s not that. I’m really glad to see you, I just thought…”
“It might have been Shane,” he finishes for me.
“You know?”
He shakes his head. “I know something is going on. Mom rang to see if I’d seen or heard from him, but I have no idea what’s actually going on. I’m hoping you’re going to tell me though.”
Grabbing my purse, I look up at his kind face and into those eyes that are so like the ones I so desperately need.
“Shall we? I’ll explain on the way.”
I wave at Mom who’s watching us from the kitchen door. Luca nods at her so I can only assume they’ve already spoken.
“Your carriage awaits,” he says, opening the passenger door for me.
“Thank you.”
After jogging around to the driver’s side, he makes quick work of turning the engine over and backing out.
“Go on then. Hit me with the drama.”
“I’m pregnant.”
“Fuuuuck, girl.”
“It’s Shane’s.”
“Jesus, no wonder he’s gone MIA. I think I’d leave the country if the girl I was banging came out with that.”
“Nice, Luc. Real nice.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare out the window. I was kinda hoping he’d be a little more supportive.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… I mean, it’s just my worst nightmare. But… fuck. I’m sorry. Ignore me. So, how’d it happen?” I turn to look at him. “No, shit. I didn’t mean how, I meant… how far along are you?”
I laugh at him and it feels so good after the hours of stress I’ve had.
“Twelve weeks.”
“Whoa, so really pregnant.”
“I’m not sure anyone at nine months would agree with that, but yeah, it’s not new.”
“So you’ve known a while.”
“Yeah. I should have told him by now but… it was just so huge, I didn’t even know where to start.”
“I get that, but yeah, you should have told him. So I’m assuming from his disappearing act that he’s found out.”
“One of the squad pinned my ultrasound picture all over school.”
“What?” he spits. “Why would she do that?”
“She hates me,” I mutter, rolling my eyes. “He freaked out, rightly so, and left school.”
“Shit. No wonder Mom’s losing her mind.”
“Uh huh.”
“Jesus, Dad’s going to have a field day with this.”
I tell Luca about their dad finding us together the other night and losing the plot, the grimace on his face as I explain has dread sitting heavy in my stomach for what’s going to happen when he discovers this.
Luca takes us to our usual diner and we slide into our booth before we order the same food, the only difference is my hot chocolate.
“That’s why you didn’t have coffee last time,” Luca says, figuring me out.
“Guilty,” I say with a laugh.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m just asking because I care but…” I hold my breath as I wait for what’s to come. “Are you keeping it?”
“Yes,” I say without any hesitation. “I knew the second I found out that there wasn’t any other option.”
“Okay.” He smiles softly at me. “I think you’re going to be a great mom.”
“I sure hope so.”
Silence settles between us but it’s not uncomfortable.
“Do you think he’ll come around? Do you think he’ll want this with me?” I ask, hoping like hell I get the answer I want.
“Honestly, I have no idea what he’s going to do or want with this.”
My heart sinks, it was the response I was expecting but equally the one I didn’t want.
The bell above the door to the diner chimes making Luca look up but I don’t bother, the chances of it being the guy I want is slim to none and I guarantee that if it were Shane, Luca would have said something instantly.
“Can you message him, see if he’s okay?”
“I’ll try but I sent one last night after Mom phoned and it’s gone unread.”
Our breakfast is brought over and I mostly poke it around my plate.
“You really should be eating that, you know.”
“I know. I’m just worried.”
“It will be okay. Just give him some time. He’ll be back.”
I sigh, hoping that he’s right. But while his cell sits on the table, silent, I can’t help thinking the worst. That things are done between us.
33
Shane
Zayn’s attempts to get me to school this morning we’re pointless, there was no way I was showing my face. Not until I knew the truth, and that meant talking to Chelsea, and I can’t see that happening anytime soon.
The alcohol did its job last night and by the time we’d drained that first bottle everything started to get a little hazy. It was exactly what I needed.
That being said though, when I woke this morning it was with a raging hangover and a massive reality check.
Other than a trip to the bathroom, I remain on Zayn’s den couch. He and Harley disappeared to school over an hour ago and his mom’s away on business, so I’ve got the peaceful house to myself to wallow in my misery.
Well, that is until the doorbell starts ringing.
“Ugh, go away,” I call out, not that they’d be able to hear me from the back of the house.
It rings a few times before stopping and I breathe a sigh of relief that whoever it is has left. That’s soon ruined though when it starts up again.
“For fuck’s sake.”
Assuming it’s a delivery or something important, I pull on my pants and head for the front of the house.
I don’t bother looking out, I just grasp the handle and twist.
“What?” I bark much to the surprise of the visitor. “Mom?”
“Hey,” she says, almost shyly, rocking back on her heels holding a tray of takeout coffee.
“How’d you find—” It’s a stupid question, everyone in this town talks, especially the moms, and I overheard Zayn telling his last night that I was here so I should have expected this really. I feel like an idiot for not even considering it would be her.
“Can I…” She gestures into the house. It feels weird inviting her into someone else’s house but I stand aside regardless and allow her in.
She follows me through to the kitchen where I take a seat at the island, I can’t take her back to the den, it probably still smells vaguely of last night’s weed. I’m surprised she can’t smell it on me to be honest since I haven’t bothered showering or anything yet.
She sits opposite me, her eyes never leaving my face. Concern is written all over hers. I don’t need to hear a word to know that she knows.
“How are you doing?” she asks softly.
“I have no idea,” I reply honestly, dropping my attention to the counter in front of me.
“Here, I brought your favorite.”
I take the cup when she hands it over but don’t say anything. I have no idea where to even start.
“I saw her yesterday.” That gets my attention. My heart slams against my ribcage as I wait for her to say more.
I might have lost myself in my own despair yesterday but at no point did I forget her and how she might be dealing with all this. It pissed me off that after everything, all the games and lies that I could still be concerned about her but I think it’s time I accepted that it’s just how this thing between us works. She’s worked her way so deep inside me that I fear I’m never going to be rid of her.
“How is she?” I hate myself for asking but I know that if I don’t, it’ll only eat at me.
“M
ortified. Embarrassed. Angry. Hating herself.”
“Good.”
“Shane,” Mom warns.
“What? Do you have any idea what that was like yesterday? I thought we were…” I blow out a breath. “I thought it was serious. That she felt like I did.” I feel like a pussy admitting this but I need to tell someone.
“Things aren’t always quite so black and white, baby.”
“You’re defending her?”
“No. I’m just saying that she probably had her reasons. People make mistakes all the time, Shane. You just have to—”
“Like Dad?” I ask, spinning this back on her.
“Um… yeah, him especially. All I’m saying is that hiding in here isn’t going to help with anything. You’re both hurting and the only way to get all the facts is to talk.” I run my hand down my face and rub at my jaw. I really don’t need this little pep talk on top of the hangover pounding at my temples.
“How are you feeling, about… about the baby?”
My chest compresses as she says that one word.
Baby.
It’s the realization I don’t need that this is all very real and not the nightmare I hope I’d conjured up in my sleep when I first woke.
I shake my head, struggling to comprehend what all this really means for me. For us.
“She’s really pregnant?” I ask, ever hopeful that yesterday was a really bad joke.
Mom reaches into her purse and pulls out the poster that started this whole thing. I stare down at the image which is almost as familiar as the back of my hand after all the time I spent staring at it yesterday.
My breath catches as I stare down at it once again. My copy is folded in my pocket for when I feel the need to remind myself that this is all real.
“She is. Twelve weeks.”
“Fucking hell.”
“And it’s… m-mine?”
“She assured me that there was no other option.”
I blow out a shaky breath.
Flying off the handle and accusing her of lying was so easy. But even as I shouted those things at her, I remembered how sincere she was when she told me the truth about the other guys, about how she’d only been with Jake.
My hands tremble as I finally allow the truth to settle within me. I’m going to be a fucking dad. A fucking eighteen-year-old dad.
FIERCE: A High School Enemies to Lovers Romance (Rosewood High Book 4) Page 27