Jed was the first person to call it quits for the night, and it quickly became an exodus after that as people registered how late it had gotten. Eva said her good nights and slipped into the bathroom to brush her teeth, then padded barefoot to Casey’s room.
She found him sitting on the end of his bed, his head lowered. He’d taken his shirt off but hadn’t gotten any further with undressing and her heart turned over in her chest at how sad and burdened he looked. He lifted his head the moment he heard her, throwing her a tired smile over his shoulder, but, like the rest of his brave-facing tonight, she knew his heart wasn’t in it.
Kicking off her shoes, she climbed on the bed and tucked herself in behind him, wrapping her arms and legs around him and resting her cheek against his back.
He accepted her comfort for a beat before moving subtly away.
“Better get in the bathroom before someone else beats me to it,” he said.
She let him go, waiting until he’d closed the door behind him before undressing and climbing into his bed. She lay staring at the ceiling, going over the night’s events in her mind.
There had to be a solution to this problem. There had to be.
The door swung open a few minutes later as Casey returned, and she watched him strip off his jeans and fold them neatly before placing them on the chair in the corner. She smiled to herself over how neat he was, so different from her, then scooted over as he joined her in the bed. He reached out to turn off the bedside light, and she waited for him to turn to her in the darkness.
He didn’t disappoint, pulling her into his arms. She went willingly, her touch gentle as she caressed his shoulders and back. Neither of them said anything, the only sound their increasingly labored breathing as they teased and stroked one another.
Maybe it was her imagination, but it seemed there was an added urgency to Casey’s lovemaking when he finally slid inside her. She gave herself over to his rhythm, giving him what he needed, and it wasn’t long before she was clutching his hips and shuddering into climax.
Afterward, he curled his body around hers and pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck. She tried to muster the courage to talk about the band again, now that it was just the two of them in the darkness, but she had no new arguments to make. After a while she felt his body relax behind her, and eventually she drifted toward sleep herself.
Maybe tomorrow would bring new insights.
*
She woke to the sound of boots in the hall and discovered she was alone in the bed. The clock told her it was just past dawn, and she sat up and yawned. She wanted to see Casey before he left the house for the day, so she threw back the covers and dressed in a hurry. She regretted not stopping to check her hair when she reached the kitchen—everyone was there already, empty breakfast plates in front of them, coffee cups in hand. She mustered a smile and ran a self-conscious hand over her no-doubt messy hair.
“Let me guess—you’re all early risers,” she joked.
“Saved some bacon for you but you’ll have to cook your own eggs,” Sierra said.
“I’ll do it,” Casey said, pushing back his chair.
He was wearing one of her favorite tops, a forest-green T-shirt that matched his eyes and he kissed her good morning on his way to the stove.
Breakfast conversation was focused on the day’s chores, but the discussion quickly deteriorated into a good-natured argument between Jesse and CJ over whether she was allowed to pitch in, even in a small way.
Eva smiled into her coffee and tried not to laugh too obviously when CJ got Jesse with a good zinger. She was so distracted she was taken by surprise when Casey announced he was heading into town to pick up supplies from the hardware store. Gulping down her coffee, she shoved back her chair and grabbed her plate to take it to the sink.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” she said.
Casey waited by the door for her, and she exited ahead of him. He shot her a questioning look as he joined her on the porch.
“All good?”
“I just wanted to have a quick word with you. The offer from this Jimmy guy—Rory hasn’t rejected it yet, has he?”
She could tell by the way his expression blanked that he didn’t welcome her question.
“I don’t know. We didn’t discuss those kinds of details. I assume Rory will tell the guy we’re not interested.”
His gaze slid away as he talked, and he lifted a hand to rub the back of his neck. He obviously hated that the band was passing up an opportunity because of him.
“Why don’t you tell him to hold fire until you’ve all had a bit of a chance to think?”
“Time isn’t going to change anything. Not from my point of view.”
“I know you feel that way now, but maybe something will come up.”
He rested his hand on her shoulder and ducked his head to kiss her forehead. “I appreciate the thought, but nothing’s going to change, babe. I’ve made my decision. The guys made theirs. Do I think they’ll resent me at some point because I cost them their big break? Yes. Can I make them take the showcase without me? No.” He lifted his hands to signal his helplessness.
“But—”
He kissed her forehead again and turned away. “I need to get to the store, get this order in.”
She bit her lip as he strode away from her, effectively cutting off their conversation. Talk about stubborn.
The sound of the kitchen door opening behind her made her turn and she gave Jesse a smile as she slipped past him on her way back into the house. She did her bit to clean up, then got ready for the day and drove to the elevator.
She was so sick of her own thoughts by then that she plugged in her earbuds and cranked up her hip-hop playlist. She allowed herself a short break for lunch, sitting in the open doorway of the van, then she got back to it. By midafternoon she’d completed the final section of the outline and she rode the cherry picker to the ground and walked to the edge of the highway so she could get some perspective on her work.
Her three portraits soared above her—stark, strong black on a white background. There was so much to do yet, so much shadow and highlight and color required to bring her vision fully to life, but she could see she’d gotten the bones right. She’d laid a good foundation, and it was only going to get better from here.
She dusted her hands off as she walked back to the van, ready to move on to the next phase, excited by her work. Not for the first time, she was grateful that the committee had taken a chance on her and allowed her to do what she loved on the side of this defunct structure. She was honored by their faith in her, and she was going to make something beautiful for them to be proud of.
She was smiling as she changed the cartridge in her respirator, and then it hit her—this feeling she was experiencing right now, the privilege she had of creating for a living, was something Casey was denying himself. He was so talented, and performing gave him so much joy, yet he was going to turn his back on the chance to turn his passion into a career and share his gift with the world.
It was wrong. Why shouldn’t he be allowed to pursue his dreams? Then she remembered their conversation about hitting it big, and realized Casey was so bound up in duty he wouldn’t even acknowledge that creating music for a living was his dream. He’d carved out a small space for music in his life and refused to let himself imagine or want anything beyond that. He was allowed only so much of what he loved, but no more, because otherwise he’d be letting his family down.
It hurt her to think of him denying his true self in the name of duty. She didn’t believe for a second that his family would want him to do so. Jesse was living his best life on the pro rodeo circuit, and Sierra was pursuing her ambition to be a helicopter pilot—why wasn’t Casey allowed to chase his own dreams? It made no sense to her. In fact, she was certain that if his siblings knew what was going on, they would be offended and upset that Casey was making this sacrifice on their behalf without even giving them the opportunity to find a way to make it work.
Standing in the hot afternoon sun, resolve hardened inside her.
She loved Casey too much to watch him sacrifice his own happiness.
Sliding the van door shut, she walked around to the driver’s side and climbed inside. Her hands were trembling as she put the key into the ignition, because she knew there was a very strong possibility that Casey would view what she was about to do as a betrayal.
She really, really hoped that wasn’t the case. But she honestly didn’t see what else she could do. She’d tried talking to him, and he’d shut her down. There was no reason to believe that was going to change.
Her jaw set, she put the van in gear and headed for the ranch to do what needed to be done.
Chapter Seventeen
Casey came back from town mid-morning with wire to fix another break Jed had found in one of the fences. The two of them rode out together to make the repair, and it was late afternoon by the time they got back.
His thoughts turned to the band and last night’s events as he took care of his and Jed’s horses while his brother went inside to make some business calls. He’d worked hard all day not to dwell on a situation that wasn’t going to change anytime soon, and mostly he’d been successful.
But as he rubbed the horses down, he couldn’t help remembering the look on Rory’s face last night. He and Rory had gone all through school together, from elementary to senior high. They’d been on the football team together; they’d jammed together in the very early days when neither of them could really play.
He’d never seen his friend look so disappointed and defeated, and it killed Casey that he was the one who’d made him that way.
Can’t please everyone.
He knew it was true, but it didn’t make it any easier.
Sick of himself, he pulled the stall door closed behind him. He didn’t think of himself as a brooder, and he wasn’t in the market to become one, so he very deliberately pushed the subject out of his head and went in search of a shower.
He let himself into the house and was halfway across the living room when Jesse caught him.
“Case. You got a minute?” Jesse stood in the wide doorway to the kitchen, a cup of coffee in hand.
“Sure. What’s up?”
Jesse gestured for him to come join him in the kitchen and Casey entered to find Jed and Sierra seated at the table. Jed was frowning, and Sierra was sitting back in her seat, arms crossed over her chest, looking about as pissed as he’d ever seen her.
“Grab a seat,” Jesse said, taking one himself.
Casey considered his siblings, not liking the tension in the air. “What’s going on?”
“You’re crazy, that’s what’s going on,” Sierra said, her eyes bright with anger.
“Sierra,” Jed said sharply.
“Why didn’t you tell us The Whiskey Shots were offered a showcase in Nashville?” Jesse asked.
Casey flinched. How the hell did they know about the showcase? Had one of the guys called the house and blabbed?
And then it hit him: Eva.
Eva had told them.
“Casey?” Jesse prompted, a frown on his face now.
“Because it wasn’t relevant,” Casey said.
“How can you stand there and say that?” Sierra asked. “And how dare you turn down an opportunity like that without talking to us about it first.”
“It’s my decision. My band. Therefore it’s none of your business,” Casey said. He could hear the defensiveness in his own voice and hated it.
He had no reason to feel defensive. Angry, yes, but not defensive.
“No way is it not our business,” Sierra fired back. “Not when your reason for saying no is us. In what parallel universe do you think we would ever ask you to sacrifice your music for the ranch?”
“What Sierra is trying to say is that you don’t have to do this, Case,” Jesse said. “We can find a way to make this work.”
“How?” Casey demanded. “How are we going to replace my labor? Getting a ranch hand in alone would set us back minimum of two thousand a month. We’ve been on half wages for weeks now. So, what, are you guys going to drop to nothing to pay for an outsider? How about all the repairs I take care of? You want to start paying a real mechanic to take them on while I dick around in Nashville chasing a pipe dream? Do you have any idea what that would add to our bottom line? We’re barely making interest payments as it is, and I am not going to be the one who pushes us over the edge.”
“I don’t know how yet,” Jesse said with infuriating calm. “But there has to be a way. Case, you are way too talented to walk away from this chance.”
“You think I haven’t gone over all the options? The only reason this place is still treading water is because we all agreed to take minimal wages. We’ve got no fat left. None,” Casey said, his neck stiff and hot with anger. “This is Mom and Dad’s place, and I will burn my fucking guitar before I let it go under. So this subject is officially done, okay? And I don’t want to hear another fucking word.”
He strode to the door, opening it so hard it hit the nearby cupboard. Then he was outside, his boots loud on the wooden porch boards as he powered toward the front steps. He was halfway down them when he saw Eva walking toward the house. He saw her take in his anger, saw the wariness and regret flash across her face, but it was too late, he was already barreling toward her, driven by hurt and anger.
“You had no right to talk about my business,” he said. “If I’d wanted them to know, I would have told them.”
“I know you’re angry. I know you probably think I betrayed you—”
“I don’t think, I know,” he interjected.
“—but I couldn’t let you sacrifice yourself like that,” she said.
“Excuse me? You couldn’t? Who the fuck are you to make my decisions for me?”
She flinched, visibly paling. “I care about you. A lot. I want you to be happy. You’re an artist, Casey. You were born to make music, to perform. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice your dreams.”
“I told you I’m not interested in fame and all that bullshit. Just because you want to see your name up in lights doesn’t mean I’m the same, Eva. I’m happy with my life just the way it is.”
“So you don’t want to tour? You don’t want to stand on a stage in front of thousands of people and feel the love as they listen to your music? Can you really look me in the eye and say that?”
Her blue eyes blazed into his, demanding the truth.
“At least be honest with yourself, if not with me,” she said.
Anger exploded in his brain. “You don’t get it, do you? Life isn’t always about getting what you want. Most of us don’t have the luxury of indulging our dreams.”
He was yelling now, couldn’t seem to stop himself. Eva’s eyes were shiny with tears as she clenched her hands in front of her, the knuckles white with tension.
“I know you’re angry with me. I know I shouldn’t have broken your trust, but Casey, I have been where you are now. I put my dreams on hold for five years because I was being a team player, and it nearly broke me. I couldn’t bear to see you do that to yourself when it doesn’t have to be that way.”
Casey raked his hands through his hair, his whole body shaking with the force of his feelings. “At the risk of repeating myself, who the fuck are you to take that choice away from me? Did I ask you to fix my life? Did I ask you to give me the benefit of your almighty wisdom?”
“I did it because I care,” she said simply, her voice thick with emotion.
“If this is what you caring looks like, spare me,” he said. “Give me a big fucking pass.”
“Casey.” Sierra’s voice was sharp with censure, the single word ringing out like a gunshot, and he glanced over his shoulder to see her standing at the top of the porch steps.
“Stay out of this,” he warned her.
“You need to calm down,” his sister told him.
“Back. Off.” He spun to face her, grinding the words out through his teet
h.
When he turned back, Eva was disappearing around the corner of the barn, her stride long and urgent. He moved to go after her, still vibrating with the righteous fury of her betrayal, but Sierra was there, putting herself bodily in his path.
“You’ve said enough, don’t you think?” she said.
He glared at his sister, but she simply glared right back, daring him to take it further. After a long beat, he took a step back.
“How can you be so smart and so dumb at the same time?” she said.
“You tell me.”
Turning on his heel, he headed for the barn. His roan gelding, Meteor, lifted his head as Casey grabbed a bridle from the tack room and came into the stall.
A handful of minutes later he was riding away from the house, the wind in his face and the devil at his back.
*
Eva straightened the duvet cover on the bed with shaking hands, smoothing the fabric out. Then she turned and started stacking her research books.
The busywork gave her something to do, which was very important because if she stopped fussing she was going to cry. She could feel the tears sitting at the back of her eyes, but she didn’t want to give in to them.
Wasn’t sure she deserved to give in to them.
Because Casey was right—she had taken away his choice. She’d done so in full knowledge that it was not what he wanted. She’d acted arrogantly, telling herself she knew better than him, telling herself it was for a good cause, that she was making his dream possible. Or at least giving him the best chance of making it possible.
Did I ask you to fix my life?
The memory of his words—his anger—made her stomach lurch and she had to pause and press a hand to her mouth.
He’d always been so sweet and gentle and funny with her, and being on the receiving end of his rare anger had been so much worse than she’d anticipated.
If this is what you caring looks like, spare me. Give me a big fucking pass.
She’d thought she was ready to face the repercussions of her actions. She’d thought she was prepared to face whatever was coming her way when Casey found out she’d spoken to his family against his wishes.
The Rebel and the Cowboy (The Carmody Brothers Book 2) Page 23