by Jerry Cole
He was finally about to drift off to sleep when his phone buzzed on the nightstand. He took it off and answered almost instantly without looking at who was calling him.
“Hello?”
“What did you do?” his sister said. She sounded more surprised than annoyed, but he was sure he heard an undercurrent of irritation in her voice.
He sat up. “What did he tell you?”
“No,” she said. “I want to hear it from you.”
“I don’t know,” he replied. “I don’t really know why he freaked out or anything. It was just weird and he—I don’t know what happened, Sage.”
She was quiet for a beat.
“Sage—”
“Did you offer him money?”
“I thought he wanted—”
“Wait, did you offer him money after you had sex with him?”
Basil’s mouth had gone dry. “I thought that was what he wanted.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she asked, her voice raising. “What the fuck, Basil? I would have never talked to him about you if I knew you were going to treat him like shit.”
Basil shook his head. “I don’t understand how I treated him like shit.”
“Then you need to sit the fuck down and have a long ass think, because you might actually be a terrible person,” she said quietly. “I knew sometimes you could be a bit of a jerk, but I didn’t know you were actually awful.”
Basil’s head was throbbing. His sister had never accused him of being terrible before, and they had gotten into plenty of arguments in the past. She didn’t even sound that angry at him, she just sounded incredibly disappointed, and Basil wasn’t sure how to take that.
He had always taken pride his kid sister looked up to him, even when they didn’t agree on the way things should be.
“I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings,” Basil finally said.
“This was supposed to be a fun thing,” Sage replied. “You said this would just be a funny, cute thing, and it would give Trevor some extra cash. But no, you had to make it fucking terrible. You used him and then you treated him like a fucking cheap prostitute. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?”
“I didn’t think I was treating him as a cheap prostitute,” Basil said. “I just thought…he seemed upset and this is a job, so I thought I would offer him more cash. It seemed like the sensible thing to do.”
“Jesus,” Sage said. “Do you hear yourself? You’re such an asshole.”
“I resent that,” Basil replied.
“I don’t give a fuck whether you resent it or not!” Sage replied, her voice rising in volume again. “I hope you realize you’re turning into Dad. Just to make it perfectly clear, that’s not a fucking compliment.”
He was about to say something in retort, but she hung up before he could, and he was left staring at his phone trying to swallow down the lump in his throat.
Before he could turn off his phone, he got a text from Sage. She told him she would be there tomorrow to pick up Trevor’s phone and wallet. She didn’t even specify the time.
***
Basil’s conversation with his sister was obviously all he needed to get shitfaced. He had been drinking a little, not much, but after his sister told him he was a terrible person and that he was turning into his dad. He couldn’t forget the way she sounded, so mad and unforgiving. He knew he probably didn’t deserve to be forgiven and that made him feel a hell of a lot worse. He knew he would probably never see Trevor again and he was going to have to tell his parents they had broken up.
Even though he had only come out that very day, he knew he would have to correct his mistake. The plan started to make more and more sense in his head as he kept pouring alcohol down his throat. By the time he stumbled out of his apartment and into the Walker mansion, he was sure he was going to tell his parents exactly who Trevor was to him.
He was no one.
He was some guy Basil slept with. The only guy, but nevertheless, that was all he was. That’s what Basil told himself as he went down the stairs of his apartment, opened the door and left it open, and walked through the back of the mansion. His mother would probably be outside on the patio, reading something, since the weather was nice.
She told him once she had a job, but Basil had never asked what it was. It didn’t seem to require she leave the house and Basil was happy for her, he had never understood what her job was. He had asked too many times as he was growing up and he was pretty sure it would be weird if he asked her again.
He wanted to avoid talking about Trevor but he wasn’t sure there was any way he could. That was the reason he was dragging himself over to the house he grew up in in the first place. He just didn’t know if he was going to be brave enough for that. He finally got to the back patio, the one where all the fancy furniture was, and when he didn’t spot his mother sitting anywhere, he fell onto the chaise lounge near the sliding glass doors. He hadn’t worn a coat and it was getting cold again. He knew he should probably go inside, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
The lights were on, he could see the expensive furniture and the art inside, but he couldn’t see anyone there.
Maybe that was a good thing. Maybe he should be alone.
He sank into the seat and looked up at the stars. He blew out and watched his breath in the air. Then he closed his eyes and sighed.
***
Basil woke up to a concerned looking Lupita hovering over him. She had been their housekeeper for a while and he rarely saw her anymore, even though she lived in the house. The estate was too big to be completely and independently run by his parents, so it made sense they had people working there full time. At least that was what his parents had told Basil when he was a little boy. As an adult, he knew it was just another expression of his privilege and he should have probably been more ashamed of himself than he was. The housekeepers didn’t just clean the main Walker residence, they also cleaned his apartment, and he felt a little bad about it. But not bad enough that he had told them to stop. As long as he lived in his parents’ house, he didn’t think it was bad he enjoyed the luxuries that came with it. One day, he would inherit the mansion, and he knew he would need staff to run it. He wasn’t ashamed of that.
He didn’t think there was any reason why he should be ashamed of that. He had been born to privilege, he was going to die with it, and he didn’t think there was anything wrong with that. His parents certainly had expectations of him and he didn’t think they were that out of order. His sister might have wanted to insult him, but he loved and admired his father.
He didn’t think that was a bad thing.
“Mr. Walker,” Lupita said. “Would you like a blanket? Some hot chocolate?”
“I’m fine,” he replied, sitting up and yawning. His head was pounding from how much he drank and he was cold, colder than he expected to be. “Do you know where my mother is?”
“She’s inside,” Lupita replied. “Do you want me to tell her you’re waiting for her?”
“If you would,” he replied, sitting up. “Thank you.”
She nodded and went inside.
A few minutes later, his mother was outside with him. She brought him a coat and they were looking at the stars. He was still not saying anything. He could count the times he had been this drunk in front of his mother on one hand and none of them had ever been pleasant. He had been a teenager those times and his mother hadn’t seemed particularly impressed. He didn’t think she seemed that impressed now, but at least she didn’t appear to be particularly angry.
“What’s wrong?” she said after a while. He loved her for not asking him that before, but he hated she had to ask him in the first place.
He swallowed. “It’s Trevor.”
“Is he okay?”
Basil cocked his head, questioning her.
“You said he had to go because he wasn’t feeling well,” she replied to his silent inquiry.
“Oh,” he said, swallowing again. “Yeah, he wasn’t.�
��
“Is he okay now?”
Basil shrugged, taking a deep breath. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s about Trevor,” he said.
“Oh,” she replied. She took a sip of her drink and cocked her head as she watched him. “You said.”
Basil took another deep breath. For some reason, he was nervous. He knew he should just come out and say it, that it would be better if he ripped it off like a band-aid, but he was struggling to formulate the words. It hadn’t felt like lying when he had come out with Trevor though that had been a lie. This was his truth, his sad pathetic truth, he thought bitterly, and it was time his mom knew about it.
He didn’t think she would tell his dad, but he couldn’t be sure. All he was sure of was his mother deserved to know the truth. He hadn’t lied to her for one entire day and he already felt like absolute shit about it, he didn’t want to feel any worse.
“I don’t want children, Mom,” he finally said. He had grabbed the cup of cocoa and was using it to heat up his hands, but he wasn’t drinking it at all. He didn’t want anything else to drink. He didn’t want to be there. He wished he had dragged himself home and stayed under the quilt all day and night without getting up.
She blinked. He couldn’t really see her face even with the ample lighting outside, which luckily meant he couldn’t read her expression. Not that he was trying. He was staring steadily at the cup in his hands, saying nothing.
“You don’t?” she finally asked.
“I mean, fuck,” he replied. It was one of the first times he had sworn in front of his mother and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. “I want children one day, I guess. You know I’m only twenty-five, Mom. I don’t know, most of my friends aren’t even thinking about children yet.”
“That’s not true,” she said quietly.
“Okay, let me rephrase that. Most of my normal friends aren’t thinking about having kids yet. They’re thinking about where they want to live, or whether they like who they are with long-term, and you guys are telling me I need to have Walker children and that’s so fucking scary.”
“Having children is a blessing,” she said.
“No, I know,” he replied. “But it should be my blessing. It should be my decision to do it.”
“That’s true,” she said quietly. “But, are you doing anything else?”
He scoffed, setting his gaze on her. “Really?”
“Well, think about it—”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I’ve already thought about it. All my life I’ve done everything I could to please you and Dad. This is one of those things, except this would change everything for me. First, you set me up to go out with the most boring person in the entire world. I don’t think she’s ever had anything interesting to say. Then when I introduced my boyfriend to you, you instantly jump into baby-making. Like not even a beat about me having a boyfriend, you might as well have just told me you would be right back, you were getting a turkey baster.”
“That’s hardly fair,” his mom replied, irritation creeping into her voice.
“I know it’s hardly fair!” he snapped back, sitting up and staring at her. “How do you think it feels for me? I have to be your breeder. That’s fucking gross, Mom.”
“Our breeder?”
“Yeah,” Basil said, nodding vigorously. It wasn’t until the words were out of his mouth that he realized just how angry he was by all of this. “That’s exactly what you want me to be. You and Dad wanted me to take over the business, that’s fine. So what did I do? I went to business school, like you told me to. You threw the biggest fucking fit ever when I even mentioned minoring in English. Not even actually studying it, just having a couple of classes related to English, and you guys were so adamantly against it. It was as if me having an interest outside of what you wanted me to be into was the world’s biggest offense. You know what I did?”
She didn’t say anything. She kept watching him, but at that point, he wasn’t sure that he could stop. Or that he should.
“I kept my head down and did what I was told,” he continued. “Because that was what you told me I should do all my life, wasn’t it? That’s what it was to be a Walker. Sage never got it, at least not as much as I did, because she wasn’t going to be the one who passed on our name. But if I ever stepped a foot out of line—it was never about me, I realize now. You might have been interested in parenting me, but for Dad, it was all about the name. The Walker Mills. The Walker Mansion. The Walker Heirs. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
“Stop it,” his mom said. Basil didn’t think she sounded particularly forceful or committed, so he kept going instead.
“Why should I stop it?” he said. “The worst part is you are part of it. I can see my dad being a real fuckin’ weirdo about this, but why you, too? Actually, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. Or I probably do already know. You talk about the expectations that came attached to him when you married into the family a lot. Was I one of those expectations? When I have kids, am I going to have to tell them to have kids too so the Walker name can keep going?”
“Basil, you’re drunk,” she replied, not unkindly. “If your father hears you…”
“Let him hear me,” Basil said, raising his voice. “He needs to hear me. He needs to hear how unhappy I am because of everything he made me do. I actually and foolishly thought I would be contributing to the business, but I’m not! I’m not! You made me study business for nothing. I can do spreadsheets like a pro, I’m great at conflict solving, I graduated Magna Cum Laude from an Ivy. My professors were dying to write me letters of recommendation so I could go work at big places, places that had something vaguely related to my interests. But no, that was not necessary, because I could always come back here, right? I would always be the Walker heir. Except I don’t do shit. You know it, he knows it, everyone knows it. I couldn’t even study what I wanted to study, and I don’t even do anything!”
She sighed, slumping forward. “That’s going to change,” she said. “Your father just wants to ease you into the process.”
“There’s no easing me into the process!” Basil snapped. “It’s just me doing whatever you guys want me to do and then getting confused when I think about how unhappy I am. Of course I’m fucking unhappy. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to see it.”
“Because of Trevor?” His mother asked.
Her reply made him want to punch something.
“No,” Basil scoffed. “No, not because of Trevor. By the way, he’s a fake.”
She cocked her head. “What do you mean he’s a fake?”
“He’s not real,” Basil said. “He’s an actor. I hired him, y’know, so you and Dad would get off my back about where I put my sperm. Because I knew you guys wouldn’t let it go. Because it’s easier to hire a fucking actor than to have an open and honest conversation with you. Great parenting, Mom. Way to fucking go.”
She was about to say something, but by then, he had already stormed off back to his apartment. He didn’t even look back.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Trevor woke up in a cold sweat when his alarm rang next to him. He normally relied on his phone, and it was weird to reach out and turn off the alarm clock he so rarely used, but his phone was still at Basil’s place. Of course the first thing that would pop into his mind was fucking Basil. The thought was immediately followed by wondering if there were any painkillers on his nightstand, quickly realizing there weren’t, and swearing under his breath. He vaguely remembered being put to bed by a concerned looking Sage. That was after they were done with their conversation, of which Trevor could only remember snippets. Thankfully. He was pretty sure he made a fool of himself. He would have to ask her about it when they saw each other again. He just hoped that wouldn’t be very soon. He didn’t want to get kicked out of the apartment she had so kindly shared with him, and he was pretty sure he was out of a job.
He would ha
ve to call Jo again soon. She said she would give him his job back. He didn’t like the idea he would have to go back to her so quickly after he had quit. She probably knew acting wasn’t a particularly steady job, but he still didn’t want to look at her when she asked him what happened.
“I fucked him and then he asked me how much more money I wanted.”
That didn’t even sound good in his head. He sighed as he sat up. He didn’t have any classes on Mondays and normally he got up a lot later, doing his assignments sometime in the afternoon. He had an audition at noon, and he knew parking would be a fucking mess. He would have to get there ASAP. There would probably be a ton of competition. There was no way Trevor was going to get the job. Especially not when he was already this tired. There were bags under his eyes, there was no way he would be able to follow directions well, and his mind kept wandering back to stupid Basil. He didn’t understand why he couldn’t just stop thinking about him. He’d had plenty of encounters that had gone wrong. Stupid fucking Basil. He ruined everything and now he might even ruin this audition for him.
Trevor would have considered canceling it, but he was pretty sure he was out of a job. He needed to get acting work as soon as possible. It was a commercial, some television ad, but he wasn’t sure what for. He could always go back to modeling, but he didn’t want to do that. He wanted to be an actor.
He stood up and walked over to the bathroom. Every step he took felt like it was jackhammering his brain. The nausea seemed to get worse and worse as he approached the bathroom. He had definitely overdone it last night. He stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom, splashed his face with cold water, and stuck his face under the faucet. He knew he should probably go to the kitchen to get himself a drink, but he couldn’t do that. The prospect of going anywhere seemed terrible to him.
He turned the shower on and stepped inside after making sure it was hot enough. The water made him feel a little better, but the way it hit off the tile of the bathtub made him want to shoot himself. He needed to kill the pain. He walked out of the bedroom, looked around, and wondered where he put the painkillers the night before. He needed to do his best, even if his best couldn’t get him very far.