LOGAN

by Lynn, Sandi

  Opening the door and stepping outside, I didn’t see him, so I took a few steps down the driveway. That was when I saw the two of them kissing down the street in front of what I assumed was her car. Tears sprang to my eyes and I felt sick to my stomach. Every part of me wanted to walk up to them and claw both their eyes out. But I didn’t. I remained calm and took myself back in the house.

  “Did you find him?” Owen asked.

  “No.” I tried to give a small smile. “I’m sure he’ll be back in a minute.”

  A few moments later, Logan walked through the door and I couldn’t bring myself to look at him.

  “You ready?” he asked.

  “Yeah.”

  We said our goodbyes and hailed a cab back to his apartment.

  “That was nice of my dad to throw that party for me,” he spoke.

  “Yeah. It was.” I played it cool even though I was hurt.

  Stepping inside the apartment, I set my purse on the table and went straight to the bedroom. As I was changing into my nightshirt, Logan walked up from behind, wrapped his arms around me, and began to softly kiss my neck.

  “Not tonight, Logan. I drank a little too much and I’m not feeling well.” I pulled away.

  “Okay. Is there anything I can get you?” he asked.

  “No. I just want to go to sleep.”

  He sighed as he stripped out of his clothes and climbed into bed. Climbing in, I lay the other way, so I didn’t have to look at him. Hooking his arm around me, he kissed my head.

  “I hope you feel better, baby.”

  I ignored him and closed my eyes as the tears started to slowly fall.

  * * *

  Logan

  The next morning, I slipped out of bed before Brooke and made a pot of coffee. The alarm was going off soon and I was awake all night thinking about today.

  “Good morning,” I spoke as Brooke walked into the kitchen.

  “Morning,” she mumbled.

  “Hung over?” I asked as I handed her a cup of coffee.

  “Not really.” She took a sip and then walked away and took a shower.

  I was already nervous about skating today and I didn’t need her attitude on top of it. Something was bothering her, and I’d bet she was still mad at me for yelling at her yesterday. Walking into the bathroom, I stood there and watched her soap her naked body through the glass doors. God, I wanted her. Pulling down my pajama bottoms, I stepped out of them and opened the shower door.

  “Care for some company?” I smiled as I stepped in.

  “I’m already done,” she spoke as she stepped out, leaving me in the shower alone.

  “Brooke, come on. I’m sorry for yelling at you yesterday. I already apologized. Why the fuck do you have to be so stubborn?”

  “I’m not. We don’t have time for sex. Just hurry up and take your shower so we can leave.”

  Wow. Her attitude towards me really sucked. How long was she going to hold a grudge? When I finished my shower and got dressed, I found her sitting on the couch, looking at her phone.

  “I’m ready.” I grabbed my bag.

  She got up from the couch, grabbed her bag, and walked out of the apartment ahead of me. This was going to be a long fucking day with her.

  After lacing up my skates, I stood in front of the clean, glistening ice and took in a deep breath. I waited for one of Brooke’s little pep talks, but she didn’t give me one. She put on her skates and stepped onto the ice, leaving me there at the edge on my own. As soon as my blades hit the smooth surface, I took off. Slowly at first, but then I picked up some speed as I skated around the perimeter. It wasn’t too long before my leg started to hurt, and I slowed down.

  “Are you in pain?” Brooke asked.

  “A little bit.”

  “Push through it.” She skated away.

  I stood there and looked at her as I shook my head. As I continued to skate around the ice, I caught up with her.

  “I don’t like your fucking attitude.”

  “And I don’t like yours. Are you going to let a little bit of pain stop you? You’re supposed to be a man.”

  “You know what? Fuck you, Brooke.” I skated away from her. Now she had really pissed me off.

  She stepped off the ice and took a seat on the bench. The ice was mine now and it was time to bring Lightning Logan back into action. Thoughts of her attitude invaded my head and every time I looked at her, I became even angrier. Skating around the ice, my breath hitched as my heart raced and the feeling that I once knew finally returned. Pushing through it, and skating as fast as I could, my leg began to take the brunt of not just a little bit of pain, but an excruciating pain, sending me down on the hard surface. As I sat there on my knees, with my palms facing down, I struggled to get back up, only to fall again.

  “Get up, Logan,” Brooke spoke as she skated over to me.

  “I can’t,” I shouted.

  “Yes you can.” She got down on her hands and knees in front of me. “Do you want to play hockey again?” she shouted at me.

  I felt like a failure. I hadn’t been on the ice for more than an hour and I was already down for the count.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, you better figure it out. There are people waiting for you and waiting for your return. You aren’t going to be Lightning right away. What part of that do you not understand?”

  “If I can’t be, then there’s no reason for me to play anymore.”

  “So you’re just going to give up?” she yelled.

  “Maybe I am!” I shouted back. “This isn’t about you, Brooke, and wanting to be the hero that saved Lightning Logan and got him back into the world of hockey.”

  She stood up. “Is that what you think?” she shouted so loud that it echoed throughout the arena. “You think I did all this because I wanted to be some kind of hero?”

  Looking up at her, I spoke the words that I would regret.

  “Yeah, I do. You gave up your dream and all the attention that went along with it. But if you were the one responsible for putting me back on the ice when the doctors said it was impossible, you’d always be known as the one who saved me and my career and I know somewhere deep down inside, you want that. You want that fucking glory!” I shouted. “Now get the fuck out of here and leave me alone!”

  “You know what, Logan. Now that your leg is healed, you’re an asshole. I liked you better when you couldn’t walk. Give up. I don’t fucking give a damn what you do anymore. Without me, you wouldn’t even be out here. Fuck you and your hockey bullshit. And you call yourself a man. Why don’t you go seek some consolation from Lina? I’m sure she’d be more than happy to let you fuck her again.” She skated away.

  Lowering my head, I tried to regain my breath. Shit. Why did she throw Lina into this? Oh God, did she see Lina kiss me last night? Was that why she had such an attitude with me?

  I stood up and slowly skated my way off the ice to go after her. I needed to explain.

  Chapter 27

  Brooke

  As I made my way out of the arena, I quickly hailed a cab and shut the door as Logan hobbled out. The cab pulled away before he could stop it. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so I closed my eyes and let my heart break for what I said to him. Was I upset for what he said to me? No. I knew he didn’t mean it, but I had to let him believe that it hurt me more than anything. I had to break him in order for him to realize what he was giving up.

  The cab pulled up to Logan’s apartment building and I asked him to wait a few minutes. My phone was going off like crazy with calls and text messages from Logan. I didn’t have time to waste. I unlocked the door to his apartment, grabbed my suitcase, and flew back down to where the cab was waiting for me.

  “Where to, lady?” he asked.

  “Just drive until I figure it out.”

  I opened up my contacts on my phone and dialed Brandon.

  “Hello.”

  “It’s Brooke. We need to talk, and I need a place to stay for a while.�
��

  “What happened?”

  “I’ll explain when I get to your house. Are you home?”

  “I was just getting ready to leave for the office, but I can wait. It sounds urgent.”

  “It is and if Logan calls you, you haven’t heard from me. Got it?”

  “Yeah. Brooke, what the hell is going on?”

  “I’ll tell you when I get there.”

  When I reached Brandon’s penthouse, he opened the door and immediately took my suitcase from me.

  “What is going on?” he asked.

  “Logan and I had a huge fight and I left him.”

  “What?! What did you fight about?”

  “That’s not important. What is important is that I need to stay away from him until he’s back in the games.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he thinks he doesn’t want to play hockey anymore. He’s afraid of failure and letting everyone down by not being able to play like he used to. What’s the one thing that always pushed him to be better?”

  Brandon stared at me for a moment.

  “Well, I know that he always took his anger out on the ice regarding our dad.”

  “Exactly, and he needs to feel that anger again, only this time towards me. If I stick around, he won’t try as hard and it would be easy for him to give up. His anger is what fuels him on the ice.”

  “Ah. I see where you’re going with this. But you do realize that he’ll be heartbroken. I know he loves you.”

  “And I love him too. That’s why I have to do this. He needs to think that I went back to California. So please, don’t let him know that I’m staying in New York.”

  “I won’t. If you think this is what’s best for him, I won’t screw it up. You’re more than welcome to stay here.”

  “Thanks, Brandon. I appreciate it.”

  * * *

  Logan

  Opening the front door, I called out for Brooke. She wasn’t answering her phone or my text messages. Walking into the bedroom, I noticed her suitcase was gone.

  “Fuck!” I yelled as I placed my hands on my head.

  Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I cupped my face in my hands. I blew it. I said some awful things to her and pushed her out of my life. Things I didn’t mean. Things I wished I could take back, but it was too late. I picked up my phone and sent her another message.

  “Brooke, please, baby. I’m so sorry. I need you to forgive me and come back.”

  I waited for a response, but one never came. I dialed Brandon.

  “Hey, Logan. What’s up?”

  “Have you heard from Brooke, by chance?”

  “No. Why?”

  “She’s gone, bro.”

  “What do you mean, she’s gone?”

  “I said some horrible things to her at the arena and she took off. When I got back to the apartment, her suitcase was gone.”

  “I’m sure she’ll be back. Maybe she just needs some time to cool off. Don’t worry about it. Listen, I have to go. Owen and I will stop by later tonight and we can hit the bar and talk over a few drinks.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you later.”

  Damn, my leg was hurting. Lying back on my bed, I placed my hands behind my head and looked up at the ceiling. Anger had consumed me, and I never should have said those things to her. I loved her. I was crazy about her, and the fact that she left hurt like hell. A hurt worse than anything I’d ever experienced. Closing my eyes, I fell asleep and woke up to my brothers standing over me.

  “What the fuck?”

  “Get up, bro. We have some drinking to do.” Owen smiled.

  “You okay, Logan?” Brandon asked.

  “No. Actually, I’m not.” I climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom.

  “What did you say to her that was so bad you made her leave?” Owen shouted from the bedroom.

  “I told her that she wanted to be the hero that put me back on the ice.” I walked into my closet to change.

  “Ouch. Dude. What the fuck were you thinking?”

  “I didn’t mean it. I was just so mad. And then she said something about Lina. Did either one of you tell her that I fucked her?”

  “No,” they both answered.

  “Are you sure?” I poked my head out of the closet.

  “Dude, why the fuck would we tell your girlfriend that?” Owen frowned.

  “Did something happen between you and Lina last night?” Brandon glared at me.

  “Sort of. I mean it was her, not me. I walked her to her car, and she kissed me. I didn’t kiss her back.”

  “Do you think Brooke saw?” Brandon asked.

  “Yeah. I do,” Owen chimed in.

  After pulling my shirt over my head, I stepped out of the closet and glared at him.

  “Why do you think that?”

  “She asked where you were, and I told her you just walked outside with Lina and she went out there. When she came back in, I noticed a strange look on her face before I asked her if she found you.”

  “FUCK! I knew it. She had an attitude all night with me. I tried to have sex with her, and she said no.”

  “Shit, bro. Come on; there’s a whole lot of drinking to be done.” Owen hooked his arm around me.

  * * *

  Opening my eyes, I placed my hand over my pounding head. Jesus, was I hung over. The last thing I remembered was some girl hanging all over me and Brandon telling her to get lost.

  “You’re up.” Owen smiled as he walked in my room with a cup of coffee.

  “Barely,” I moaned. “Why aren’t you hung over?”

  “I stopped drinking pretty early, but you were already too wasted to remember, and by the way, I didn’t dig that pussy remark you threw at me.”

  “Sorry, bro. I don’t remember. I just wanted to forget everything.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry about what happened between you and Brooke. But if you want my advice,” he sat down on the edge of the bed, “don’t give up on her just yet. She’ll come around. She’s hurting right now and needs time to put things into perspective.”

  “I love her, man. I love her so much that it hurts. I can’t explain it, but I feel empty inside. I’ve never felt like this before over a girl. It’s like she made me whole. I thought hockey was the only thing that could make me feel that way, but I was wrong. I was never whole until I met her.”

  “That’s some pretty deep shit right there.” Owen smiled. “Listen, I gotta go. I have training, hence the reason I stopped drinking last night. I need a clear head today.”

  “Thanks for the coffee.”

  “No problem, bro. You know I’m always here for you. Why don’t you go hit the ice? You know that always makes you feel better.”

  “Not this time, Owen.”

  He sighed as he got up from the edge of the bed. “I’ll call you later.”

  The emptiness I felt in my heart was unbearable. The accident, hockey, my leg, and all the pain were nothing compared to the ache I felt now without Brooke here.

  Chapter 28

  Brooke

  I had been awake all night thinking about Logan. I missed him already and it hurt like hell.

  “Morning,” I spoke as I walked into the kitchen and saw Brandon sitting on the stool at the island.

  “Good morning. How did you sleep?”

  “Like shit. I was thinking about Logan all night. How did it go?”

  He sighed. “Well, he drank himself into oblivion and we had to carry his dumb ass to his apartment because he couldn’t stand. He’s really hurting, Brooke. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, if you want my honest opinion, I can see him going into more of a depression than being angry.”

  I poured myself some coffee and leaned against the counter.

  “Trust me, Brandon.”

  As I was drinking my coffee, my phone beeped with a text message from Logan.

  “Brooke, please don’t do this to us. I’m sorry and I’m begging f
or your forgiveness. Please come back to me. I love you.”

  A tear sprang to my eye as I typed a response.

  “Go back to your life, Logan. Your life before me. What you said was true, I did want to be the hero that saved you and got you back to playing hockey. I wanted all the attention and glory of being the one who gave them Lightning Logan back. That was the only reason I agreed to take the job. You were a challenge and the sex was one of the perks. I’m sorry you fell in love with me. That was never part of the plan. I don’t love you, Logan. You need to understand that. I used you for my own personal gain and I’m sorry.”

  Tears started streaming down my face and the ache in my heart intensified. I hated this. Every single fucking part of it, and I prayed that when the time came, he would forgive me.

  “How can you be such a cold-hearted bitch?”

  My hands were literally shaking as I typed a message back.

  “This is who I really am, Logan. The person I was with you was a façade. Our time is over. Your leg is pretty much healed and now you can move on with your life.”

  “Fuck you, Brooke! If that’s how you feel, fine. I will move on and curse the day that I ever met you.”

  “Oh God.” I covered my mouth with my hand.

  Brandon got up from the stool and wrapped his arms around me.

  “Remember, you’re helping him. You’re giving him his life back.”

  I knew what I was doing, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Hurting the man I was deeply in love with was the hardest thing I’d ever done.

  * * *

  Logan

  “FUCK YOU!” I screamed as I threw my phone at the wall.

  My body was on fire and my veins were throbbing. The anger that sat inside me was like nothing I’d ever felt before. I was ready to lose it. Crack. Go insane. I wanted to kill someone. I clenched my fists and was ready to punch a hole in the wall. My leg hurt and I didn’t care. That was nothing compared to the heavy heart that resided inside me.

  I walked to the bedroom, got dressed, grabbed my hockey bag and stick, and hailed a cab to the ice arena. When I walked in, there was no open ice available.