by Ruby Dixon
Across from me, Kira rubs her eyes. They are hollow with lack of sleep. Across the cave, Mah-dee is staring out into the cold. They both look exhausted and frail.
I hate that Haeden is right.
Mah-dee and Kira must be protected, and I cannot leave the group until they are safe. My brother’s mate has a young kit she must get back to. And Mah-dee cannot stay here in dangerous lands.
I mull this for a few moments, and then nod slowly. I will go back to the tribal cave with them, and then I will seek Li-lah on my own. It gnaws at my gut to think of leaving her here in Hassen’s arms, but he will keep her safe until I can come for her.
I have no other choice. I cannot risk the safety of my brother’s mate for Li-lah. Not when Li-lah is safe. I will come back for her.
I will not tell them this, though, or they will seek to stop me.
So I tap my forehead. “We should return. My knowing tells me this is what we should do.”
Raahosh nods slowly, brows furrowing. “You’re sure?”
“I am.”
“Then why not wait here?” Kira asks.
I play on her worry for her kit. I do not want to stay here. Li-lah will not be returning, and the sooner I can separate from the group, the sooner I can go find her. “My knowing tells me we should return to the tribe. Already you have been away from family for too long.” Each of them is missing someone back at the home caves - Raahosh misses his Leezh, Haeden misses his Jo-see, and Kira cries every night for her young kit that she left at home to make this journey. “I do not think we should stay.”
“This is your knowing speaking to you?” Haeden asks.
I nod.
“Your knowing?” Mah-dee spits at me. “What, are you psychic?”
“Actually, kinda?” Kira says.
Mah-dee throws up her hands. “Oh sure. Why not? I’m going to bed.”
“You should get some sleep,” I call after her retreating back. “For your journey back to the tribal caves.”
She gestures at me with one finger, and that puzzles me. Does she think I speak their hand language? I decide to memorize the signal in case I need it to talk to Li-lah. I practice it a few times and then pack my bags for the morning.
My knowing sense is never wrong, and now that I have said it aloud, I know it to be true. We will return to the caves, and when the others are back home, I will quietly slip away and hunt for Li-lah on my own. It is then I will find her.
It will not be right away, but I will find her. I must be patient.
6
LILA
It’s been almost three weeks, and I think I’ve slept for all of two hours.
I can’t relax. Not stuck here alone with Hassen. Not with him hovering constantly, offering me food and watching me like he’s waiting for something to happen. I still haven’t figured it out.
He’s nice enough, I guess, for a guy that kidnapped me away from everyone else. But the fact remains that I can’t help but resent him for taking me away from the others and dumping me here. I can’t talk to my sister, and I don’t want to talk to him, which leaves me with a lot of free time to plot how to escape.
I’ve got it all figured out, too.
Hassen leaves the cave regularly to go hunting, and it’s not like I’m tied up. Maybe he’s arrogant enough to assume that I won’t ever try to leave? Or maybe he knows that if I leave, he’ll just come get me? Whatever it is, I’m not guarded and for long stretches of time, I’m by myself. This gives me time to catch furtive naps, pack my bag, and hide away the spicy trail mix he keeps trying to feed me. My snowshoes are nowhere to be found, so I’ve spent the last few days stuffing my boots with extra fur that I’ve been ripping off of one of my blankets. I don’t have a knife, but when Hassen leaves, I take one of the bones and sharpen the tip against one of the rocks by the fire until it’s almost a shiv. Almost.
I’ve had a lot of time to consider where I’m going to go, too. I’ve seen some survival shows on television, so I know water and shelter are the most important things. Water’s pretty much handled, though I know you’re not supposed to eat snow because it lowers your body temperature or something. I’m not sure that applies to me with my new space-heater of a parasite, but that’s not my biggest worry. It’s shelter. With the coo-ee in my chest, I can withstand the terrible cold a bit longer, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be able to handle it for a long period of time. I’ll need shelter, which means I need someplace safe to go that Hassen won’t find me. I’m not exactly sure where that is yet, but I’ll know more when I see scenery. I’m thinking trees, maybe a nice snowy forest, something where it’ll be easy to gather foodstuffs.
From there, I don’t know where I’ll go. I don’t know where the big blue guys live, or if I even want to head in that direction. What if they’re all like Hassen? I want Maddie, but late at night, when I’m alone with my thoughts, I worry. I worry they won’t let me find Maddie. What if they separated us deliberately? What if this is some weird devil-guy ritual to separate women until we fall in love with our captors or something?
Because I’m pretty sure Hassen isn’t looking for a Charades partner.
That’s why I need to leave. Because even though it’s crazy-stupid to trek out into the wild on my own, it feels even more crazy-stupid to stay and just hope he remains a gentleman the whole time. I’m not that dumb. He’s got all the power and I have none, not even a knife.
Like it or not, I’ve got to ditch my zero and become my own hero.
Hassen returns to the cave about mid-morning, like he always does. He brings in a freshly-caught kill, like he always does, and finishes butchering it by the fire. Then, he stokes the flames higher so he can cook my portion.
I go and sit across from the fire with him because I want to watch how he makes it. I need to know how to make a fire if I’m going to survive. Actually, I need to know how to do an overwhelming list of things, but I’m trying not to worry about that. One thing at a time.
Hassen is poking at the coals with a stick - no, wait, a bone, a really long, curved one - and when he stirs them up, he then crumbles something that looks like dried poop and pushes it into the coals. He leans down to blow on them, and when he looks up, our eyes make contact. Crap.
I see a smug smile curve his mouth and it bugs me, because now he’s going to think he’s wearing me down. So arrogant. He feeds a few more bits of the springy, pale wood to the fire, then washes his hands before returning to butchering his kill. I’m glad I have a strong stomach, because the sight of him hacking at that poor critter makes it tough to have an appetite.
He pulls a juicy (ugh) bit free and I’m pretty sure he’s going to offer it to me again. I’ve noticed that he eats his meat raw and it wigs me out a little. Instead of handing it to me, though, he leans over and tries to feed it to me.
I slap his hand away.
The chunk of meat goes flying across the cave.
We stare at each other, shocked. My heart thunders in my chest, terrified. What’s he going to do now that I’ve lashed out at him? Is he going to hit me back? Hold me down and force-feed me?
His eyes narrow in my direction, and it takes everything I have to remain still. Hassen slowly gets to his feet and picks up the meat, then tosses it into the fire. The look on his face is stony, and my heart is beating a mile a minute.
This can’t go on.
I can’t keep slapping at him. And he’s not taking the hint.
I need to go. Now. Tonight. Soon. ASAP.
Hassen is sullen as he sets up the stew pouch tripod over the fire and adds a handful of snow, and then dumps in the meat he’s been cutting up. He gives me a resentful, why-can’t-you-see-how-generous-I-am look and then storms back out of the cave. I’ve clearly put him in a bad mood.
Time to go, my brain reminds me. Time to effing go.
I hesitate.
I’m scared.
If I go out there, it could be a death sentence. What if Maddie never finds me? What if I freeze to death? What if
I can’t make a fire or find anything to eat or a million other things that can go wrong?
But what if I stay? Am I going to be stuck with just Hassen for the rest of my life? Is this the alien version of that story about the girl that lives in a secret room in the basement? Can I live utterly dependent on the jerk that stole me for the rest of my days and be okay with that?
What if the others are just over the next ridge and I haven’t even realized it?
I’ll never know unless I try. If worst comes to worst, Hassen will find me again and drag me back. Actually, worst comes to worst, I’ll turn into a human Popsicle. I guess there’s a sliding scale of ‘worst’ after all. But either way, I can’t stay. I return to my blankets and pull out the bone shiv I’ve sharpened, and grab my bag. I shove my feet into my boots hurriedly and lace them tight.
I move to the front of the cave and peer out. There’s only a very light snow falling, and the skies are a lighter gray than the dismal, stormy gray they were yesterday. That’s improvement, I suppose. I look around for Hassen, but he’s trudging away in the distance, his back to me. Out to hunt more food, maybe, or get more fuel.
Now’s my chance.
I sling my bag over my shoulder and step forward. Without snowshoes, I sink to my knees, and gasp. It’s cold out here, colder than I expected. I rush back into the cave, grab one of the blankets and wrap it around my shoulders, and then race back out again.
The first thing I need to do is get out of sight. I stagger through the deep snow, my feet sinking with every step, and head around the wall of the cliff until I can’t see Hassen any longer. That means he can’t see me, either. I’m that much closer to freedom, now. And I picture Hassen’s angry face when he realizes I’m gone and it makes me pick up the pace.
My gloved hand grips the cliff wall as I push forward, my shiv in the other. I stagger with each step but I continue forward, because I’m not going back. I’m not going to sit on my butt and wait for him to decide that I’m not an agreeable enough captive. If I’m on my own, I’m on my own.
The cliff gives way to a ridge, and I climb up it. In the distance, I can see pink, fluttery things waving against the snow, and what looks like a stream. It’s not frozen, which is strange. But there’s landscape in that direction instead of the endless white hills back where I was, so it’s a good way to head. I tug my hood down tighter around my face, because the cold is chapping my skin, and head onward.
I walk for maybe a half hour, putting distance between myself and Hassen’s cave, before the worst happens. I’m high on the ridge, looking down on the valley below. I need to get down fast, because I’m visible up here and I need to hide from Hassen. I take a step on the downward slope. The snow beneath my feet gives with a crackle of ice and then I’m tumbling forward. I land on my ass, flop onto my side, and then roll, roll, roll all the way down the snowy side of the ridge before it ends abruptly.
Then, I go flying the last ten feet and land on my belly in the snow below.
The breath whooshes out of my lungs and I lie on the snow, on my stomach, trying desperately to catch my breath and get rid of the dizziness swimming in my head. Wasn’t expecting that.
I’m not expecting the hand that grabs the heel of my boot, either, and hauls me forward.
Shit. He found me.
I slam a hand into the snowy ground, frustrated, as I’m dragged backward. I twist and turn around to glare at Hassen…
Except it’s not Hassen.
It’s a yeti.
I think.
My eyes go wide and I stare at the creature. It’s so weird. From the back, it looks like a dirty teddy bear with a long, shaggy tail and no ears. The fur is a matted, filthy grayish-yellow, and it smells so bad. Like wet dog times ten. I can’t see its face as it drags me behind it, but the hand that grips my boot is 3-fingered and looks almost human. It’s so strange. I’m too shocked to be frightened.
There are other people here? Yeti people?
The yeti-thing turns, looking off to the side, and I see an enormous, round eye. It glows blue, just like Hassen and all the other blue aliens. As I watch, the creature throws its head back and its mouth works, like it’s calling or crying or something. I don’t think it’s a word.
The yeti pauses, does the call again, and then waits.
A few moments later, another shadow appears and I look over to see another yeti, just like the first.
Shit.
I look around for my shiv, but it’s nowhere to be found. If I had a few minutes to dig around in the loose snow, maybe I could find it. But something tells me I won’t get that chance.
The one dragging me forward starts walking again, and I lift my head so I’m not scraped raw along the ice. The new one walks next to it, and they ignore me, for now. Is it because I didn’t scream? I’m still too afraid to make a noise.
The new one looks back at me and then touches the other’s arm. They’ve realized I’m awake and looking back at them, I think. I freeze in place, terrified, as both look back at me. What do I do now?
One squats next to me and I can tell by its spread legs it’s clearly male. Eesh. Its face is matted with dirty fur and there’s a puckered scar where the other eye should be. It looks at the other, makes a small gesture with its hands, and then reaches out to touch my hair.
I remain still and the other makes a noise with its mouth, then a gesture with its hands.
Are they…talking? Do these things sign to each other? I raise my hand and make a greeting gesture in ASL. Hello, nice to meet you. They won’t understand it, but I feel like I need to say…something?
Their weird, fish-like glowing eyes focus on my hands. One makes a gesture similar to mine, then tilts its head back and makes another noise that I can’t hear. The other moves a hand to its face, almost like a scratch, but even that looks like a sign of some kind to me. I try to repeat the motion.
They both cock their heads, and for a moment, remind me of dogs.
Then, they look at each other and purse their small, round mouths, their hands moving in what look like crude signals - or scratching at fleas. Then the one grabs my boot again and continues dragging me.
I’m not sure if this is worse or better than being Hassen’s cave candy. All I know is that I’ve traded one captor for another.
ROKAN
We leave with a protesting, angry human, who wants to stay to find her sister. Even Kira has no sympathy for Mah-dee’s frustration, because she wants to return home to her kit. The journey back is long and takes many days. Mah-dee fights the entire way, until even Kira’s sympathetic demeanor cracks and she snaps at her.
We all hurry, making good time, and when we return, the tribe streams out to meet us, overjoyed. Mah-dee is angry and makes a great fuss, and I feign an easiness I do not feel. If I am to get away from the others, they must not suspect that every step away from Li-lah is torture. So I smile and joke with the rest, my gaze on the distant hills we have just left behind.
The moment the others turn to go back to the caves, I shoulder my bag and quietly head away. Now is my chance.
Now Mah-dee is safe, and I can go find her sister without endangering the safety of the others.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Taushen calls, racing up to my side.
I do not stop. Already too much time has passed. “To find Li-lah.”
“You are? But we will set out in the morning with a group.”
“No. Everyone should stay. I will find her. It is my task.”
He frowns, jogging after me. “What about Mah-dee? She will want to come with you.”
“She will slow me down. She needs to stay.” I look at him. “Tell the others there is no need for a hunting party. My knowing is telling me that I will find Li-lah. It tells me I must do this alone. You are needed here to hunt.”
Taushen frowns. “I want to come with you, then.”
I mull this idea, but my knowing does not respond. No, Taushen will not find her. I will. My knowing sense grows stronger
every time I think of her.
My ‘knowing’ about Li-lah’s rescue does not include others…just Li-lah and myself. Every time I mentally add Taushen, or Mah-dee to the idea, it feels wrong. “It will be just me, Taushen. Tell the others where I have gone so no one worries, but she is mine to find. Everything I am tells me this.”
He protests for a bit longer, but when I do not give in, he returns home, dejected. He will try to console Mah-dee, a thankless task if there ever was one.
I take to the trails to try and find where Hassen is hiding with his human prize. Without the humans to slow my steps, I can race as fast as possible through the snowy valleys of my home lands. I know these trails, and I am fast. By myself, it only takes a handful of days to return to the edges of the mountains.
Hassen will still be close to the strange sky-cave. With a human in tow, and one as fragile as Li-lah, he will not go far. That means he is still in metlak territory, and she is in danger of the ever-present sky-claws that have descended upon the land. I want to stomp a boot on his stubborn head for taking her from the protection of the others.
And I want to do more to him if he’s convinced her khui to resonate. I am a calm, rational male most of the time, but when I picture Hassen with Li-lah, I am filled with anger. I know my friend has taken her because he so desperately wants a mate but it does not mean I will not throttle him when I find him.
So I hunt for him. I follow each snow covered, twisting trail through the mountain passes, looking for hunter caves. He will take her to one of those, because they are filled with supplies, and he will need to keep her comfortable. I know every rock on this side of the mountains, so it is just a matter of finding them before he moves her. He knows someone will be searching for them, so he will take her to the spot we are least likely to find her. And he will do his best to keep her hidden from us, even if it means moving her from place to place until she finally resonates to him.
I have to find her before then.
A day of searching passes. Then another. And another. My body is tired, but I do not give up hope.