by Ruby Dixon
Fall?
Will we get our own cave?
Yes. He touches my flat stomach. I will fill this, and we will make a new cave together with many kits.
Eek. So much talk about filling me. I’d be appalled at the crudeness of his words if I wasn’t so turned on at the thought.
He leans in and rubs his nose against mine. Also, I am ten hands old. How old are you?
That makes me sputter. Your hands or my hands?
My hands, of course, he tells me with an arrogant tilt to his head. They have the right number of fingers.
You’re forty? Holy crap, Rokan! That’s old!
Is it? He looks amused. I thought we were of an age.
I’m twenty two!
His brows furrow. So young. How long do humans live?
I don’t know. Seventy or eighty years?
He looks alarmed at that. My mother is a hundred brutal seasons old. He reaches out and taps my breast. You are lucky you have a khui, then. It will keep you healthy for much longer than your human world would. My people live to be very old. Vadren has seen a hundred and sixty-two brutal seasons and is still agile on the hunt.
I gawk at him. Holy crap. A hundred and sixty-two years old. I guess forty isn’t that old for his people after all. Rokan doesn’t seem forty. Like he said, it’s almost like we’re the same age. How old are your brothers?
Aehako is twenty-seven. He is young, but he is a good hunter. He has a mate and a kit. My other brother, Sessah, is two and a half hands of age.
His hundred year old mom has a kid that’s ten? This is crazy. Maybe they hit maturity and just stop aging for a long, long time. Who knows? I remember Aehako from our ‘rescue’ party and he looks to be the same age as Rokan, not fifteen years younger. I guess that between twenty and say, eighty, there’s not a lot of difference to these people.
So strange.
What about language? I ask him, confessing the other part that’s worrying me. I won’t be able to talk to anyone.
He frowns. You will. The others will go to the Elders’ Cave and learn the hand-talk language.
And get their brains lasered? I worry he’s wrong about that. How do you know?
Because when Vektal’s mate and her companions arrived, they could not speak our language. We learned their language in the Elders’ Cave and they learned ours. How would this be any different?
He makes it sound so simple, but I still feel uneasy. Until I got my cochlear implant, I always felt isolated, with Maddie translating for me when someone absolutely had to talk to me. I was limited in who I could talk to, and it was awful. I’ve been fine, for the most part, without my implant, but I worry about being isolated all over again. But Rokan wouldn’t lie to me.
Then again, I wonder if Rokan realizes how self-centered some people can be? How easy it is to just talk over someone? I just don’t want to be left out, I tell him. Or a burden.
He looks shocked at the thought, as if it has never crossed his mind. Why would you be a burden?
Because I can’t hear when they talk to me?
He scowls. You have many words to say. It is not your fault they do not know hand-speak yet. It is easy to learn, so there is no excuse for them to not welcome you as part of the tribe.
Sweet man. And this is why I love you.
His eyes gleam with arousal. Save your love words for when we are by the fire, or I am going to throw you down in the snow and put my cock in your cunt even now. The look on his face makes it seem like he thinks that’s a pretty damn good idea at the moment.
Eeep. I feel a hot blush stinging my cheeks. I’m pretty sure that if we mated right here, we’d scare off the ponies. Plus, I’m thinking about my yeti stalker. Let’s go back to the cave, all right? So you can romance your woman properly.
He takes my hand in his and we set off for the Elders’ Cave.
The walk back to the Elders’ Cave seems laughably short, compared to how yawning a distance it seemed when Rokan was unconscious. We make it there in no time, and I have to admit that I’m glad to see the smooth, snow-covered dome of the place as it rises into view. There’s a storm picking up - because of course there is - and a light snow is falling from the skies. We’ve gathered a bit of fuel - mostly dried pony poop - during our walk, but I hope there’s enough fuel back at the ship itself so we can stay in tonight and relax.
And then I feel my cheeks heat up, because of course I’m not thinking about relaxing. I’m thinking about sex with Rokan. Sliding under the furs together, bodies bare, and just doing it. Finally sealing the deal. Letting him get me pregnant. I’ve never even had sex, much less had a guy come inside me without protection, and I’m nervous and excited about it. My chest has been purring a mile and minute all day long, and Rokan’s been sending me heated looks all day, so I know he’s thinking about the same thing.
When we approach the doors to the Elders’ Cave, though, I’m surprised to see new, fresh footprints churning the snow at the entrance.
Rokan points them out the same time I see them. Someone is here, he tells me.
Who? Someone in your tribe?
Or the metlak you found. He steps forward, knife out, gesturing that I should wait behind him.
Oh crap, I hadn’t even thought about the metlak. I pull out my own knife, hoping it’s not my ‘buddy’ from before. Something tells me he wouldn’t be happy to see Rokan again. “Be careful,” I whisper as he goes in.
I stay at the bottom of the ramp as he disappears inside, worried. It’s probably just his tribes’ mates coming to check up on us, considering we’ve been gone for a while. Surely that’s it.
Impatient, I wait for him to come and give me the signal that it’s safe to go in. As each moment ticks past, I get a little more anxious. What’s taking so long? Is he all right in there or is there a fight going on that I’m unable to hear? Is something happening?
Just when I think I can’t stand it any longer, a stout figure appears out of the shadows and bursts through the door and down the ramp. The fur hood is pushed back and then I see bright blonde hair and a beaming, round face.
It’s Maddie.
I shove my dagger into its sheath and then jog forward as best as I can in my snowshoes, my arms going wide. “Maddie!” My sister’s bangs are overgrown and hang down in her face, almost obscuring the bright, new khui-blue of her eyes. Her face looks thinner, but the grin is totally my sister and she looks healthy and whole, and just as barbaric as I do.
As she gets closer, I fling my arms around her and weep tears of joy into her tangled hair. It’s been so long since I’ve seen her, and so much has happened. I knew she was safe, and I knew she was nearby, but seeing her brings it all to the forefront, and I can’t help but cry a little.
Okay, maybe a lot. But it’s a good cry.
Maddie pulls back and studies my face, her eyes bright and shiny with her own emotions, and then takes a step back. She checks me over as if making sure that I’m one piece and not mistreated. Typical Maddie - she’s always been my protector. Then she smiles and signs, Good lord, look at you!
Well, look at you, I sign back. You look like one of them!
You’re one to talk! Your eyes are so creepy!
Oh, like yours are any better? I laugh, because of course we’ve both got glowing, creepy eyes now. It’s part of the khui-thing. I don’t even mind that she says it, because seeing her eyes with no whites? That’s throwing me off, as well. She looks strange to me, so of course I look strange to her. It’ll take some getting used to.
She flips me off and then I can’t stop laughing. I hug her again, and it just feels so good to have my sister at my side. It’s like a little piece of home has settled in and made everything on the ice planet click. It doesn’t matter where I’m at. If Rokan is at my side and my sister is here?
This is home just like anywhere else. I can be happy in this strange new world.
19
LILA
What are you doing here, I ask my sister, once the ini
Because my first instinct at seeing that my sister here? Disappointment. Now Rokan and I don’t have privacy to fulfill our resonance. It makes me a bad sister, because while I’m thrilled to see Maddie, I’m also frustrated that her timing is so terrible. Couldn’t she have shown up tomorrow? Tomorrow, I would have been ecstatic to see her.
Then again, I suppose it’s good that she didn’t show up while we were under the blankets and wrapped around each other. I should count my blessings.
She gestures, and I force myself to pay attention. Farli and I slipped out yesterday, she said. This place isn’t far from the cave, so we figured we’d jaunt over here and say hello.
Slipped out? I ask. That sounds a little ominous.
Yeah. We’re not being held prisoner, of course, but the tribe seemed to think we should give you guys some space. She rolls her eyes. They don’t seem to realize you’re my sister and we need each other.
Her words fill me with guilt. I have missed her, but there’s been so much going on. My sister, in her typical headstrong fashion, has ignored the advice of the tribe — good advice, too — and decided to come find me on her own. I ignore the stab of frustration I feel. Maddie loves me and has my best interests at heart. She worries about me.
How could she possibly know that I’ve been doing just fine without her? That I’ve been enjoying the freedom Rokan and I have to go hunt and do as we like? That his lessons on how to take care of myself have been empowering and I feel stronger and more capable every day? That I was about to suggest to him that we stay in the Elders’ Cave for another week or so, because I’m not ready to join the tribe?
But Maddie wouldn’t know any of that. To her, I’m the scared, weepy little sister. I always have been.
I just smile and squeeze her hands briefly.
She gives me a chiding look and signs again. Of course, then we got here and you weren’t here. Where did you guys go?
It’s a long story, I tell her, gesturing at the ship and indicating we should go inside. Rokan got hurt and we had to stay in a cave for a few days while his head got better. I—
She grabs my hands and stops me from signing. Are you all right? Do we need to talk?
I’m puzzled by the serious, worried look on her face. I’m fine. Are you all right?
She waves off my concerns. The tribe is nice, if a little overly helpful and Brady Bunch. I mean, are you okay? First that caveman Hassen stole you, and then he comes back without you, and I thought I was going to lose my shit on all of them. But then Hassen says you resonated to Rokan and you’re his mate? Without even asking? That’s bullshit. Do we need to run? The look on her face is deadly earnest. I have some food on me, and weapons. You say the word and we’ll blow this joint. We can figure out how to survive together. You don’t have to be anyone’s little wife.
Little wife? What the hell? I love Rokan, I tell her.
No, that’s the resonance talking, she says with a roll of her eyes. They told me all about that. It doesn’t give you a choice. It’s forcing you to think that you love him because it wants you to have his babies. You don’t have to fall for this shit, I promise. We’ll find a way to break resonance.
I’m not falling for anything. It doesn’t matter if it was my choice or not. Maybe it wasn’t at first, but I love him now. I want to be with him. He’s good to me. You’ll like him, too. He’s wonderful.
Maddie looks skeptical. So wonderful he stole you from the first guy?
No, he rescued me. Big difference.
Whatever. Did he get you pregnant?
Now I’m getting annoyed at my sister. She means well, but she has all the subtlety of a hurricane and doesn’t seem to grasp that I can be in love with Rokan. All she sees is that the sa-khui are the enemy. Not yet, and that’s a personal question.
There’s hurt on her face. I’m your sister, she signs with rough, jerky movements, upset. What am I supposed to think when you get kidnapped and you’re staying away with a guy until he knocks you up? How am I supposed to handle that? Her fists clench, and then she keeps signing. I know we’re stuck here for now, but we can escape, I promise. You don’t have to stay with him. You—
I put my hands over hers, calming her frantic signing. “I love him,” I tell her. “We’re together. That’s all there is.”
There’s a flash of hurt on her face, and she nods slowly. She pulls her hands from mine. Okay. We’ll do it your way for now.
Thank you. Hurricane Maddie’s wrath has been averted for now. I gesture at the entrance to the ship. Let’s go join the others?
Maddie’s silent as we enter the ship, and she keeps a protective arm on my waist. I don’t shrug it off, but it irks me a little. I can take care of myself, but she’s acting like I need help to go up a snowy ramp. Really? Suddenly, it feels as if there’s a massive gulf between us - she wants me to be scared little Lila, I think, because it lets her be Big Bad Maddie. But I don’t need a protector.
I can take care of myself, and it makes me feel strong. I’m capable. But I don’t need my sister to be my protector anymore, and I wonder how that will make her feel.
When we get inside the ship, Rokan is there, arms crossed and talking to a girl. She’s about a foot taller than I am and all lean, gangly arms and legs. Her chest is just as flat as Rokan’s, but her features are like a delicate female version of his. Her long black hair is braided into an intricate series of loops decorated with colored bands, and her horns are a dainty version of his big, arching ones.
I can’t stop staring at her. She’s the first female alien I’ve seen, and I had no idea she’d look so different. It’s fascinating to see the big, strong features of the sa-khui on a delicate female face, and as Rokan says something, she laughs, chattering at him, and for a moment, she looks really, really young. She’s a teenager.
Holy cow, she’s a huge teenager. That shouldn’t be surprising given that all the aliens are enormous, but I’m still surprised.
She looks over at me and smiles eagerly. To my surprise, she begins to sign. Hello, I’m Farli. She spells out her name with careful precision.
You learned sign language? I ask, surprised.
Her smile falters and she looks over at Maddie. My sister signs, Farli wanted to learn how to say hello to you, so I taught her. That’s all she knows so far.
I told her she can learn the hand-speak from the Elders’ Cave, Rokan adds. She is eager to learn.
Maddie looks over at Rokan’s gestures, a frown on her face. She gives me a curious look.
I taught the computer sign language, I tell her. And then I had it teach him so we could talk.
Oh. Guess you’ve been busy.
I laugh at that and gesture, Busy is an understatement. A little.
Rokan approaches me, his movements easy and fluid, and I can feel myself purring as he moves close to me. For a moment, I think he’s going to sweep me into his arms, princess-style, and I start blushing. But he only touches my cheek, and then signs, Since we have visitors, I will go to the nearby cache and get fresh meat so there will be enough to eat.
They have food, I point out. And you’re still recovering. How is your head?
My head is fine. And it will give me something to do. I will not be gone long. He gives me a sheepish look and touches my cheek again. Do you understand?
I think I do. Our sexy little rendezvous we were planning has been interrupted by my sister and her friend. It’s just an excuse so he can retreat for a bit while they chatter my hands off. Go, I tell him. I’ll start a fire.
I will bring back more fuel. He gives me a light, tender kiss full of promise and looks into my eyes, then sighs heavily and heads out the door.
I watch him leave, my body aching and my nipples tight under my tunic. Man, our visitors really do have the worst timing. I turn back to my sister and Farli.
Did we chase him off? Maddie asks, a skeptical look on her face.
“Just us for now,” I say aloud and sign as well. “He’s going to get food.”
The cave - funny how I’m starting to think of the crashed ship as a cave now - interior is a bit more messy than when we left it, and I attribute that to Maddie, who’s a bit of a slob. The fire’s down to nothing but coals, and so I move to it and begin to stoke it higher, feeding it fuel. Within moments, I’ve got a cheery, roaring fire once more, and I set up the tripod and put on some tea.
I sit down and Maddie’s looking at me as if I’ve grown a second head. What? I ask.
How did you do that?
I’ve been learning how to take care of myself, I tell her. I can hunt and trap now, too. I’m not great at either yet, but I’m getting better every day.
She blinks. Oh.
This isn’t like home. I’ve been trying to learn everything I can. Have you?
I learned that if I show up at the fire every morning, someone will feed me. Does that count?
I snort and look over at Farli, who is watching our hands move with a fascinated expression. We should include her in the conversation. I know what it’s like to be excluded.
Of course. She’s going to want to learn the language. Everyone back at the tribal cave has been trying to learn some basics so they can talk to you. I’ve been teaching them the easy stuff but there’s a lot to cover.
I have to blink back sudden tears. That’s so sweet and unexpected. They have? They’re learning sign language to talk to me?
She nods. They’re very excited to meet you. The ladies are really nice. There aren’t very many alien girls, though. Two older women, two about our age, and Farli here. All the other women are human.
I remember Rokan saying something about that and nod absently. I glance over at the entrance, but no sign of my mate. I rub my purring chest. Weird to say ‘mate’ and have it be no big deal. It feels right. Natural.
I wasn’t lying, you know, Maddie says. If you want to get away, I’ll go with you. It doesn’t matter where we go as long as we’re together. We can wait for Farli to be distracted and take the packs and get out of here. Rokan’s gone right now so it’s perfect timing.
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