by Ruby Dixon
I stare at my sister. Does she not believe me when I say I’m happy? I’m not leaving Rokan. He’s my mate and I love him. In fact, I’d be loving on him right now if she hadn’t shown up today. Maddie, this is our home now.
It doesn’t have to be! There are two crashed ships we’ve seen so far! It doesn’t mean there aren’t more! We can try to find a way home—
I don’t want to go home. Signing it to her feels brutal. Angry. Why do you think I hate it here?
Because I do! She slams hands on her chest. How can you like this place? My ass freezes every damn day! There are no real toilets! No phones! No showers! No cheese! No French fries! No nothing, Lila! We’re giving up everything!
So we give up some foods and beach vacations. I have gained so much—
You’re deaf again, Lila! How can you sit there and tell me you prefer this?
I flinch at her words. Farli’s gaze moves between us, back and forth, an uneasy expression on her face.
I’m sorry, Maddie signs when I’m silent. You know I didn’t mean it—
I am deaf, I reply. You think I haven’t noticed? My sister makes an unhappy expression and I shake my head, continuing on. But you know what else I’ve noticed? It doesn’t change who I am. I can talk to you. I can talk to Rokan. I’m just as capable as anyone else on this planet. It’s not holding me back, Maddie. You may think it’s awful, but I feel like I can accept my hearing for the first time in my life. It doesn’t change who I am. I’m the same person, whether I have the implant or not. It doesn’t define me.
I know, Lila. I know that. You know I love you.
I love you too, Maddie, but I love being here. I love Rokan. I love all of this and it feels exciting to me. I want to keep learning and growing stronger. And I’m sorry if you don’t like it here, but that doesn’t mean I want to leave. There is nothing back on Earth that holds a candle to what I’ve got with Rokan. Nothing.
I drop my hands, done.
Maddie’s mouth trembles, and she nods slowly. Okay. I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. She gets up from her seat by the fire and flounces away. She storms into the double doors that lead to the other end of the ship and disappears from sight.
I watch her go, sad. I hate that this is coming between us. Maddie’s miserable, it’s clear. She’s never been a big fan of the cold, and maybe she doesn’t get along very well with the tribe. I don’t know what it is. But even if we had a choice, I’d choose to stay here with Rokan. Even now, I’m antsy at him being gone so long.
Farli waves a hand to get my attention. I give her a small smile. That had to be awkward to witness. “Sorry about that.”
She points to the computer screen that’s still showing the map I left up a few days ago and says something. I think she wants to learn sign language.
“Sure,” I tell her. Might as well. It’s going to be a bit before my sister returns from wherever she stomped off to, and someone has to be here to catch Farli when she passes out.
ROKAN
I am slow to arrive at the cache. It feels as if my strength is at a low ebb, but at least my head does not ache. I take my time, choosing my steps carefully as I walk, because my mate would be very upset if I were to get hurt. And then I cannot help but grin to myself. My mate. Li-lah is my mate. She has accepted me. All we need is a quiet moment and I will claim her as mine.
With Farli and Li-lah’s sister Mah-dee here, that quiet moment has been delayed, and my aching cock does not want to wait another moment to take her. Now that I am so close to fulfilling resonance, my body craves it even more. I do not want to take myself in hand again, though. Not when she is so close and willing.
When I return to the cave, my Li-lah sits near the fire, alone. Farli is spread out on the furs, unconscious, and Mah-dee is nowhere to be seen. Li-lah’s eyes are red but she smiles at my return.
What has happened?
My sister is angry, she tells me.
That one is always angry, but I do not say it aloud. What can I do to help?
Li-lah gets up and comes to my side and wraps her arms around me, pressing her cheek to my chest. “You just be you and love me like you do.”
I stroke her hair. I can do that.
It is an oddly quiet afternoon. Li-lah is not very talkative, preferring to lose herself in work. She insists I keep up her lessons, and so I correct her as she scrapes the skin of the quill-beast I have brought for food. She makes a stew of half of the meat, letting the rest thaw on stones for myself and Farli, who prefer our food raw.
Mah-dee eventually emerges from her hiding place, her mouth a firm, unhappy line. She hugs Li-lah and joins us by the fire but it is clear that she is not pleased. Farli wakes a short time later, and eagerly begins to sign at my mate, trying out the new language. She chatters with her hands enough to distract all of us, and the evening is filled with Farli’s questions and Li-lah’s thoughtful answers.
Farli fills us in on what is going on with the tribe since we left. Shorshie and Vektal’s baby, Talie, has her first tooth. Claire’s belly has seemingly grown double in size overnight. Leezh is carrying another kit. Jo-see and Haeden spend most of their time in their bed together, much to the amusement of the tribe.
And Hassen? Hassen has been given a mild exile. He does not have welcome furs in any of the caves, until the snows are too brutal for him to go out and hunt. Vektal has gone soft on him and given him a light punishment. Farli tells me that Hassen’s sadness and remorse is so great that it is difficult to punish him more. What can be harder on him than losing Li-lah?
I do not know if I agree, but I suspect there are other reasons that my chief would not send Hassen away completely. Exile did not work on Raahosh, anyhow, because his stubborn mate simply tried to follow him. I will ask Vektal about it, though. I am still angry that Hassen did such a dangerous thing to my Li-lah. There must be some punishment.
But those are thoughts for another day. Tonight my attention is on my mate. Even though Mah-dee is silent, speaking with Farli lightens Li-lah’s heart. I can tell by her quick, light movements and the way her eyes sparkle. By the time she begins to yawn, her sweet smile has returned.
Sleep, I declare after Li-lah yawns four times in a row. There will still be words to be said in the morning and we must travel back to the tribal caves. They will be looking for both of you, I say to Farli and Mah-dee.
Farli rolls her eyes. I know how to take care of myself!
Yes, but your mother is like mine, and mine still fusses over me at my great age.
Farli snorts, but then my Li-lah yawns again, and sleeping furs are unrolled near the fire. I make one bed for myself and Li-lah, ignoring Mah-dee’s raised brows. She has to know that I will sleep with her sister in my arms? We are mated. That is how it is done.
Li-lah’s cheeks are bright red in the glow of the firelight, but she climbs into the furs next to me. I start to pull off my tunic, but Li-lah makes a squeak of alarm and Mah-dee’s eyes are wide. Ah. Humans and their strange modesty. Very well. I lie down and tuck my mate against my chest. Her khui is humming a loud song in tune with mine, so loud that I wonder that Mah-dee and Farli can even sleep.
As for myself, her teats push up against my chest and she fits so perfectly in my arms that my cock remains stiff and aching for long hours after the others have drifted to sleep. I am too aware of my mate’s body, her sweet scent.
How very close we were to mating and fulfilling resonance, only to be denied by Mah-dee and Farli’s arrival.
Tomorrow, I decide. Tomorrow, I take my mate to my home and I will claim her as mine.
I wake Li-lah early the next morning and she sits up in the furs, her hair a wild nest atop her head. She yawns hugely and then a surprised expression crosses her face. She puts a finger in her ear and wiggles it.
What is it? I ask.
She shakes her head after a moment. My ears popped and I thought I heard something. It’s my imagination. There’s nothing now. Her hand goes to her hair and she smooths it
, a shy expression on her face as she glances over at her sleeping sister before looking back to me. When do we leave?
After you eat. There is no reason for us to stay longer.
She licks her lips and then signs, I wish there was. I wish we were here by ourselves. And her khui hums louder, the look in her eyes telling me exactly what she is thinking.
I bite back a groan, because my body is responding to hers. My cock always rises in the morning, but with Li-lah at my side? It will be aching for many hours now. There are private caves here, I tell her. We will go to one of them, quietly, and I will lick your cunt until you quiver—
She grabs my hands, blushing, and looks over where Farli and Mah-dee sleep. I want that, she signs after a moment. But not with them right here.
Then tonight, when we are in the privacy of our own cave. I vow I will lick her cunt for hours. I want to bury my tongue inside her and taste every fold and then I will bury my cock inside her. And we will resonate. It will be glorious.
Li-lah nods up at me. Tonight. We just have to make it through today.
And then my sly mate strokes my tail, a wicked expression on her face.
Today? Today will be very long.
With Farli and Mah-dee to keep us company, the day goes by quickly, even if the travel does not. I carry both my pack and Li-lah’s, and Farli carries Mah-dee’s. The two humans are slow to move over the snow, and it is late when the familiar cliffs that house the tribal caves come into view. I see old Vaza guarding the entrance, and along the path, there are neat rows of small, growing plants - Tee-fah-nee’s work.
“Ho!” Vaza calls out as we approach, raising his spear.
“Ho!” I call back, and Farli races ahead, sprinting despite the heavy packs she carries.
Li-lah’s hand slips into mine, and I can feel her nervousness. This is frightening to her, because she worries she will not be able to communicate. I want to pull her close and snarl at anyone that will dare to make her uncomfortable. My mate is perfect. If they cannot understand her, they are the ones with the problem, not her.
I need not worry, though. A moment later, people begin to pour out of the cave, all eager to greet the newest tribesmate. My brother Sessah races forward, and I grab him just as he flings himself at Lilah and I. I swing him in the air, grinning. “Little brother, do not knock down my mate!”
“I want to say hello,” he calls out, waving happily at Li-lah. He makes a new gesture, one that makes my heart swell with pride. Welcome home, he signs to Li-lah, and then looks at me. “Did I do it right?”
I rumple his messy hair and set him down. “You did well.”
Li-lah smiles and signs a greeting back to him, looking at me. Your brother?
I nod. The little one. He is full of energy.
I see that. The worried look on her face has faded, and when Sessah reaches for her hand, she gives me a look of amusement and lets him lead her forward.
Others swarm around us, and then there are humans calling out with excitement to meet Li-lah. Meh-gan, Claire, and Mar-layn give her hugs in greeting, while Leezh is trying to remember her signs and Shorshie laughs at her efforts. Tee-fah-nee, Jo-see, and No-rah greet my female and then my Li-lah is being swept away on a sea of well-meaning people eager to say hello. I watch her go, amused how Sessah clings to her hand and how even now, someone is trying to hand her a kit to hold. How did my mate ever think she would not fit in?
Off to the side, I see a flash of yellow mane, and Mah-dee hangs back from the group, a sad expression on her face. Out of the entire tribe, she does not look pleased that her sister is so welcomed. Is she jealous?
Vektal appears a moment later, striding away from the crowd and heading toward me. He raises a hand in greeting, his daughter Talie tucked against his chest. The kit has grown bigger with every day and right now, she is batting a hand against her father’s face, smacking his chin over and over again while making gurgling kit noises. “Glad to see you back, my friend. You have brought your mate home?”
I clasp him on the arm in greeting. “I have. I think Shorshie and the humans have carried her away.”
He nods. “The moment she came into sight, Georgie handed me my daughter.” He grins at the child in his arms and pretends to bite the little hand thumping on his chin, which makes Talie howl with laughter. “We were about to send hunters out after you, since Mah-dee and Farli disappeared to go find you.”
“We were out hunting and were delayed. I took a blow to the head and Li-lah nursed me.”
My chief looks concerned. “Have the healer check your wounds.”
“I am better,” I tell him, but I shall. I will not risk my health, because I must be at Li-lah’s side, always. “Hassen told you that we resonated?”
He nods, distracted by Talie’s tiny smacking hand as she swats at his nose. “He was not himself when he returned. He apologized, and offered to leave the tribe forever. I gave him exile, but not a harsh one.” Vektal glances over at me. “He should suffer for his misdeed, but the truth is, we need him for the upcoming brutal season. It will be upon us soon and the storage caves are not full. You know as well as I do that he is a strong hunter. One of the strongest. Am I punishing all of us if I send him away?”
I say nothing. He is clearly unhappy with his decision, and I understand. Hassen is a friend and a good tribesmate. He is impulsive, perhaps, but I do not sense bad in him. And Vektal is right - if there is a choice between feeding the tribe or exiling Hassen - the tribe must take priority. “You are my chief and I abide by your decision.”
He grunts and Talie smacks his mouth again. “And Li-lah,” he asks. “Will she be frightened? If he approaches her again, I have told him he will be permanently exiled.”
“He no longer wants Li-lah,” I tell him. In this, I am confident. “He wants resonance, not her. When he found out that I was Li-lah’s mate, I could see he was defeated. He will leave her alone. As for my mate, if she is scared of him, she will show him her knife. She is fierce when she needs to be.”
Vektal nods, pleased. “A fierce female is a good one.” No doubt he thinks of his own Shorshie.
I watch Mah-dee trail behind the others, and glance over at my chief again. “What about Mah-dee? Should we worry that Hassen will take her and try to force resonance on her?”
Vektal snorts at that. “You have not been at the cave, so you have not seen it. Mah-dee and Hassen hate each other. She snarls at him and he is determined to avoid her. There is no spark between those two.”
“Mmm.” My feeling pricks, telling me there might be something there. I think of Haeden and his Jo-see, who bickered and fought until resonance. Now, they are so hungry for each other they cannot be pried from their furs. “Has Mah-dee shown preference to any of males?”
Vektal shakes his head and switches arms, and Talie immediately starts to smack the other side of his face, babbling. “She has not. There is hope she will resonate, but it might take time, like Jo-see and Tee-fah-nee.”
I nod. “My mate and I will need a cave of our own, and privacy. I know that Mah-dee should come and stay with us because she is family, but my Li-lah is shy. She will not feel comfortable if her sister is near when we mate.”
The look he gives me is full of understanding. “Resonance has not been filled yet?”
“Not yet.” I try to keep the heaviness out of my voice. “But soon.”
“Is she fighting it?”
I shake my head. “Her sister has poor timing.”
Vektal laughs, and Talie whacks him on the nose and giggles. “You will have a private cave, my friend. Your mother has already taken over one of the storage rooms and prepared it for your mate’s arrival. As for her sister,” he thinks for a moment. “Asha can cave with her.”
“Asha?” I am surprised. “Then-”
He nods slowly. “It is broken between them. Hemalo beds with the hunters.”
I think of quiet, gentle Hemalo. He is not a hunter, and once, many turns of the seasons ago, he loved As
ha. “I am sad for him.”
“Sometimes resonance is a curse,” Vektal says. “And sometimes, it is the greatest gift.” He pulls his daughter close and gives her a smacking kiss, which makes Talie giggle all over again. “The sooner you claim your mate, the sooner you will know this for yourself.”
20
LILA
Even though I’m deaf, the signs of a party are obvious. Skins of strong-smelling drink are passed around, and someone’s face is contorting in an ecstatic rendition of what must surely be singing. Farli is racing around, painting bright circles and dots on people’s exposed skin, and yet another woman hands me a fat blue baby, beaming at me.
It’s sensory overload, but the best kind.
All my worry about coming to the tribal cave was for nothing. These people are warm and friendly, and everyone has been trying to sign some sort of greeting to me. They really want me to feel welcome, and it’s so sweet I could cry. My poor Rokan has been pulled away by his chief, and now he sits talking to another woman in the corner of the room. Maddie has drifted toward my side to interpret, and she winces when someone staggers past, a skin in hand, yelling something up at the ceiling that I can’t hear as someone else plays a drum.
You should be glad you can’t hear this, Maddie signs. These people are nice but they are terrible singers. Just awful.
I giggle and rock the baby in my arms. It’s so stinking cute, with little nubby horns, pale blue skin and a wee little tail. The mother - a quiet redhead - just smiles at me, content to hang out and let me admire her baby. I hand him back after a few minutes, and turn to Maddie. I don’t remember her name.
Harlow, she spells out.
“Thank you, Harlow,” I say aloud.
Harlow says something long and involved, but I can’t catch all of it, and look to my sister.