Nothing to Lose

by Angela Winters

  “Between that and his vendetta against me over Okun,” Justin said, “he’s not going to be any use to you.”

  “So stop holding out,” Sherise advised.

  “No,” Elena finally said. “He was going to get ten percent. He was really just in it to ruin Justin’s career and . . . be with me.”

  Sherise smiled slyly. “You were going to get rid of him after you got your money, weren’t you?”

  “So you wanted to get rich?” Justin asked.

  “You don’t understand at all,” Elena said, with a disgusted expression on her face.

  “There was one thing,” Sherise said, “one thing I didn’t have time to figure out, but I think I know now.”

  Elena turned to her; her eyes were beginning to well up with tears.

  “Your sister, Rose.” Sherise paused to gauge the effect of the name on Elena; it was massive. “Not long after everyone found out that the pension was raided and they’d lost their entire retirement savings, Rose committed suicide.”

  “Doesn’t make sense,” Justin said. “She was a twenty-six-year-old woman. She wasn’t dependent on that pension. Your father was the one who lost all the money.”

  “You’re right,” Elena said in a shaky voice. “It doesn’t make sense. It wasn’t a suicide.”

  “So, what happened?” Sherise asked.

  “I guess you could say she took Justin’s advice.” Elena wiped a single tear that trailed her left cheek. “She filed a lawsuit against the company right away. She was going to fight for Dad. She was just a teacher, but she knew the law and . . .”

  Elena paused, looking down as she swallowed hard to maintain her resolve. “She started getting threats,” she continued. “At school and at work. People would drive by her house and leave her untraceable notes.”

  “My firm didn’t do that,” Justin said. “We’d have no reason to.”

  “No, it was Okun,” Elena said. “She was so scared that she bought a gun. Then one night, I showed up at her place and used my key to get in her house. Just like usual, but she was such a mess by then, she thought—”

  Sherise gasped. “She shot herself.”

  “She just got the gun,” Elena said. “She’d only taken a couple of classes. She didn’t know how to use it and she was scared to death. She must have been fumbling with it in the dark and . . . I heard a shot.”

  “It was an accident,” Justin said.

  “It wasn’t!” Elena directed her grief at him. “It was a result of what you and your firm did. Everything has consequences. None of this would have happened if you hadn’t fought to find a way to help a company cheat its workers.”

  “Your sister is dead because of Okun,” Sherise said. “Not Justin’s firm.”

  “She’s dead and my father has nothing because of both of you.” Elena looked at Justin. “I couldn’t touch Okun executives. They’re superrich and they’ve all lawyered up. But you were free and clear, and I felt it was time that someone other than my family started suffering the consequences of what you did.”

  “Well, you failed,” Sherise said. “And now you’re going to suffer. You see how that works? If you live just to cause pain, you only get pain in return.”

  “I don’t have to listen to your threats,” Elena snapped.

  “But we’ve had to listen to yours,” Sherise answered. “We’ve had to listen to your lies, which could ruin our lives.”

  “He deserves it.” Elena stood up and looked down at Justin. “I think you know you do.”

  Sherise looked over to Justin, who looked to be suffering inner turmoil, before turning back to Elena.

  “By the way”—Sherise pointed to her smartphone, which had been sitting on the table the entire time—“I’ve been taping this whole conversation. Didn’t really need to, but just in case.”

  “Go to hell” was all Elena could muster before snatching her purse and walking off.

  Sherise sat back in her chair, a victorious smile spreading across her face. “That went easier than I expected.”

  “What did you expect?” Justin asked, sounding annoyed. “It wasn’t as if she could deny any of the evidence. What was she going to fight?”

  “She’s a bitch,” Sherise said, turning to him. “Bitches fight, whether or not they have a chance. It’s what we do.”

  Justin shrugged, looking down at his lap. He brushed away lint that wasn’t on his pants. Sherise was worried. She watched him avoid eye contact with her, and it bothered her.

  Sherise reached over and placed her hand over his on his lap.

  “This isn’t your fault,” she said. “You did your job. You didn’t cause any of this. You would never want any of that to happen.”

  He looked at her with a solemn expression. “I know, I just—”

  “You just what?” she asked. “You’re a good man, Justin. You have a good heart. You would never do something that would hurt innocent people on purpose.”

  He smiled, but she could tell he wasn’t really feeling it.

  “You can’t doubt yourself because some crazy bitch comes along and decides to blame you for something you could’ve never expected to happen.” She took his hand in hers and placed it on her belly. “This is who you are. A father, a husband, and someone who—I thank God every day—loves me.”

  “I do love you,” he said. “I love our family.”

  “And we just saved it,” she said. “Together.”

  Billie waited anxiously outside his front door, waiting for him to open it. Her stomach was in knots because she knew this would start out ugly. But there was also a sense of calm because she knew what she wanted out of it.

  But would he even give her a chance? She heard a commotion at the door, on the other side. He could see her through the peephole. She smiled and held up the white tissue she’d taken out of her purse, hoping that he would at least give her a chance and open the door.

  She heard an annoyed sigh and a few more seconds of waiting before the opening of locks.

  “What do you want?” he asked as he opened the door.

  Porter stood in the crack of the door, his demeanor making it clear that there was no way she was coming into his condo.

  Billie felt bad when she saw the defeated look on his face. He wasn’t really angry as much as just unhappy. This was supposed to be what she wanted, what would make her happy. She got it, and she was more miserable than ever.

  “I need to talk to you,” she said softly.

  “Tara is gone,” Porter said. “She’s back in Detroit and she’s not coming back. I don’t care what you do to my career, Billie. There’s nothing left to say.”

  “I hope you’ll give me a chance to apologize to her too,” Billie said.

  “No, I . . .” Porter paused for a second, thinking about her words. “ ‘Too’? Are you trying to say that you’re here to apologize to me?”

  “I am.” She offered a smile. “And it’s sincere, Porter. I promise.”

  “I don’t believe anything you say, Billie! You’re not the Billie I was married to.”

  “You’re not the Porter I was married to either,” she said. “So I think we’re even on that, don’t you?”

  He shrugged. “Why? I’m not going to change my mind about Tara.”

  “That’s your right,” she said. “Tara is your daughter. Even though I love her like a daughter, I know I have no right to her. It would break my heart if I couldn’t speak to her again, but I’ll respect that, if that’s your wish.”

  He was clearly skeptical; his stance was still protective. “You’ve never respected my wishes with my daughter, Billie. Since we’ve split, you’ve undermined me and went against what I wanted.”

  Even though what Porter said wasn’t true, she wasn’t going to bring that up. Before this ordeal started, she’d bent over backward to stay in his good graces regarding her time with Tara. But today wasn’t the day to point out anyone’s failings except her own.

  “It won’t happen again,” Billie promi
sed.

  “Apologies don’t mean shit,” Porter said. “They’re just words. You’ve threatened to destroy everything I’ve worked for. You threw so much bullshit my way. You think you can just come here and apologize and it’s over?”

  “It will be over,” she said. “At least for me. I can’t answer for you.”

  “And I don’t want you to!” Porter snapped. “You play nice now, but next week you come back with another threat. Why would I believe you?”

  “You don’t have to believe me,” she said, trying to stay calm and not throw his mistakes in his face. “I just have to tell you the truth, and this is the truth.”

  He threw his hands in the air. “I don’t know what the truth is anymore. This is so fucked.”

  Billie realized that Porter wasn’t moving and letting her inside, so she decided just to go ahead.

  “I feel awful, Porter. I really do. You may not believe me now, because I seemed so delighted at making you suffer.”

  “You were delighted,” he said. “I saw your face. You were loving it.”

  “I was,” she admitted. “You’d made things so difficult for me for a long time, and I’d always had piecemeal ways of getting back at you.”

  “By destroying my career?”

  “You’d threatened to do the same for me, Porter. Remember . . .” Billie stopped herself and took a deep breath. “That doesn’t matter. What I did was wrong and I let it get out of hand. There’s no excuse. I’m just going to ask you to forgive me.”

  “The damage is done,” Porter said. “I’ve been reprimanded, Billie. I made a fool of myself and I think I ruined my promotion.”

  Billie was surprised to hear Porter say this. He never, ever admitted he’d done anything wrong. Here he was admitting a role in his own demise. Maybe she wasn’t the only person who was going to grow from this experience.

  “I’ll do everything I can to counteract that,” she said. “I promised to make sure Gil and I would sing your praises, and I’ll follow through on that.”

  Porter pressed his lips together and his brows furrowed. He seemed to want to believe her. His stance loosened as a few inches of space now existed between him and his front door.

  “Why are you doing this?” he asked.

  “Because I’ve lost everything,” she said. “I know, that’s not when it’s supposed to happen. I should’ve known before what I was doing was wrong, but I didn’t. I’m not perfect. But seeing Tara run out of that restaurant, and standing there feeling like the most wicked, selfish person in the world, really hit me.”

  Porter lowered his head, clearly upset over the topic. “She hates us both, if that makes you feel any better.”

  “It doesn’t,” Billie said. “I never wanted her to hate you. I know the role I played in this, hurting the person I love most in the world. But I’m grateful to her because it finally shook me awake.”

  Porter finally let his body calm down. His shoulders lowered as he stepped aside and opened the door. Billie cautiously walked into the condo that she once called home. It was an emotional moment for her. It had been a long time since she’d been here.

  “This is what my problem is,” she said, looking around.

  “What about ‘this’?” he asked.

  “I lost my fantasy,” she said. “The fantasy that we had and I never really got over it.”

  Porter’s eyes widened and a hopeful expression came over his face. “Are you saying you—”

  “No,” she corrected immediately. “I’m not saying I want it back. I’m just saying I never got over losing it. I dealt with the pain, but not the anger.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Can you just say what you’re trying to say so we can get this over with?”

  “I’ve said it,” she insisted. “I’ve apologized and promised it won’t happen again. Also, I want to let you go.”

  “Let me go?” he asked. “What do you mean?”

  “We failed,” she said. “We both failed and lost our chance at forever with each other. I didn’t want to accept that, but it’s true. I just wanted to blame you, but doing that forced me to hold on to anger and resentment. The further I got away from you emotionally, the more I had to see what was coming.”

  “What?”

  “That I’m starting over again.” She sighed, feeling emotionally overwhelmed at the thought of it. “That I’m over thirty and I have to start over, and I can’t use what you and I had as a crutch to pretend as if I’m not back at square one.”

  “So your plan is to ignore that we were ever together?” Porter asked. His eyes expressed a sense of pain at the thought. “We were married, Billie.”

  “I’m not ignoring that.” She held her hand to her heart. “I would never want to forget our good years, but I’m letting it go. There’s a difference. I shared my life and my hopes with you. I still share love for Tara with you, but you can’t be a part of my life, my heart, anymore. It will only hold me back. I’ve got to start over and this is the first step.”

  “This is about that guy, Michael, right?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “No, this is only about me. I thought it was about Tara, and then I thought it was about you, and then I thought it was about Michael, but it’s about me. Just me.”

  Porter looked exhausted as his arms fell to his sides. His expression grew sad and Billie realized that she’d reached him. He got it. This was really over. After all of this time, it was over between them.

  “I guess I have to say ‘sorry’ too,” he offered, his voice choking a bit.

  “You don’t have to,” she assured him. “Not unless you really mean it.”

  “But I screwed you over really good at times,” Porter said. “I admit it. I was an asshole to you after you left me. I was so angry that I lost you.”

  “I was angry you lost me too,” she added.

  “I’m still angry,” Porter said. “I look at you, Billie, and . . . Shit, I just fucked up my life when I cheated on you.”

  “You did.” She smiled. “But you can fix it. You just have to move on.”

  He was shaking his head as if not ready to accept what he had to do. “I’m supposed to live a life that doesn’t include you at all? I’d prefer to have you in my life and trying to ruin it than not to have you in it at all.”

  “No, you wouldn’t,” she said. “You’ve been miserable. None of your relationships have worked since, because of it. Trust me, you’ll be much happier.”

  “What about Tara?” he asked.

  “That’s up to you, Porter. You know I want to see her. I love her desperately.”

  “I know,” he said. “I’ve used that to my advantage too many times and look where it’s gotten me.”

  “It’s gotten you a daughter who still loves you, even though you might not deserve it,” she said. “Just like me.”

  He frowned as if trying hard to figure this all out, and Billie felt her stomach tying in knots. She’d been at such peace letting go of Porter and telling him so. But where Tara was concerned, her heart still belonged to the girl. That wasn’t as easy. It killed her watching Porter now. It was only seconds, but it felt like several minutes to her. She waited patiently, not saying a word.

  “I need time,” he said. “I need time to work on my relationship with her. I need you to stay away during that time.”

  She nodded, feeling her heart flutter. “Whatever you want.”

  “That might take a while,” he warned. “I’ve fucked things up pretty good.”

  “We both did.”

  “I’m not like you, Billie,” he said. “I can’t do what you’ve just done. I’m not . . . good, like you.”

  “I’m not good,” Billie said. “I’m just human.”

  He shrugged. “So, what now?”

  “You call me when you’re ready to let me see Tara,” she said.

  “What about work?”

  “I can be professional,” Billie said. “You won’t have any more problems from me. Can I count on the same
from you?”

  He smiled and nodded. “I’ll do my best.”

  That was the best she could ask for, and Billie wasn’t going to ask for more. She couldn’t control what Porter did; and from this point onward, she wouldn’t try. She only could control how she let what he did affect her, and what she did in return.

  After leaving Porter’s apartment, Billie felt an amazing burden lift off her. She was amazed at how holding on to resentment weighed her down to the point where she could feel it physically. It was already a bright, sunny day out, but suddenly it seemed brighter. No, she wasn’t stupid. She knew that everything wasn’t as simple as one conversation, but she had crossed a threshold and felt like she was on the path to freedom now. She was walking into a world of possibilities.

  The first thing that came to Billie’s mind the second she stepped off the bottom step of Porter’s building was Michael. Even though she’d known she wanted to be with him, with this burden behind her, she was seeing him in a whole new light. She was remembering all of the exciting moments and fun they shared and how he brought out passion, which was just pure and real. She felt great about herself when she was with him. He made her laugh and made her want to enjoy life again.

  “Hobbies,” she said to herself. He’d said that one had to have hobbies in order to really be living.

  “This is bullshit,” Terrell said. “I’m out of here.”

  “You can’t leave,” Erica told him. “I’m telling you, Terrell, this is not a game.”

  Erica was grateful that she and Alex were able to get to Terrell before anyone else could. Alex had his number from Jonah’s investigators. When Erica called him, she had a hard time getting him to understand what was going on. He denied having done anything, but he finally agreed to leave his apartment and meet her at the drugstore two blocks away.

  Once there, Erica pulled him into Alex’s car. He was angry at seeing Alex with her, but he didn’t have much time to complain. Gratefully, Alex’s mother lived only three blocks from the store. They quickly hurried him up there. Once inside, Terrell was growing increasingly angry, making it difficult for Alex and Erica to concentrate and figure out what to do next.