A Walk Along the Beach

by Debbie Macomber

  “What is it?” I asked, breaking into the silence.

  “The X-ray shows a shadow,” Dr. Annie said.

  Puzzled, Harper and I looked at each other, both of us shocked into silence. I found words first. “What does that mean?”

  “It could mean all sorts of things.” She looked to Harper. “Because of your medical history, I want you to head to Aberdeen, to the ER. This late in the afternoon, it’d be impossible to get you into a doctor’s office.”

  Harper reached for my hand, her grip punishing.

  I waited until we were outside before I spoke. “Let’s not panic. Remember, your blood tests showed you were in perfect health. We need to think positively. Like Dr. Annie said, it could be any number of things. This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s cancer.”

  For the life of me I don’t know how we made the forty-minute drive in one piece. I barely remembered getting into the car, traveling into the city, and locating the hospital. Neither of us spoke. Not a single word during the entire drive.

  When we walked into the emergency room, I paused, shocked to find the entire room was crowded with the sick and injured awaiting their turn. After checking in, we were fortunate to locate two seats together. A baby coughed next to me and the man sitting directly across held a towel around his bleeding hand.

  An hour passed. Then another before Harper was called in for a more detailed look at her lungs. Waiting for the results seemed to take an eternity. I connected with Shirley and asked her to fill in for me at Bean There the next morning. Alice would cover the front and I was grateful. Before long I’d need to hire a replacement, as the teenager would be leaving for college in a couple of weeks. So many thoughts spun through my head, colliding with one another.

  Just after midnight, we were given the results. From the physician’s sober look, I knew it wasn’t good. The scan revealed a tumor on Harper’s lung. It was cancerous.

  Less than a month after the lab results showed my sister to be in robust health, the leukemia was back in the form of a rare chest tumor.

  A choked gasp filled the room before I realized it had come from me. “No,” I whispered, panic rising in me. “It can’t be. Her blood work showed no signs of cancer a month ago.”

  “I’m sorry,” Dr. Echols said. “Is there someone you’d like me to call?”

  If he meant a priest or a family member I didn’t know. All I could manage was to stare at him, unable to answer.

  Harper was the one who came to her senses first. “Thank you. What should we do next?”

  “I’m going to admit you.”

  “Now?” I asked. He wouldn’t do that if this wasn’t serious.

  “Yes. I’m reaching out to University of Washington Medical Center. That was where your sister was treated earlier, correct?”

  With my throat completely dry, it was impossible to answer.

  “Yes, that’s where I was treated the first time,” Harper answered. She was the adult in this. Not me. I was in shock, unable to put together a coherent thought.

  I remained in a stupor; it felt as if someone had zapped me with a stun gun. I was frozen, hardly able to function.

  We waited until three that morning before a bed was available. Dealing with the shock of it, I knew I was incapable of making the return drive to Oceanside. Once Harper was given a gown and had a bed, the nurse handed me a pillow. Fortunately, the chair could be made into some semblance of a bed, not that I expected to get much sleep. Harper drifted off and I suspected she’d been given a sedative. Frankly, I could use one myself.

  As dawn approached, the shadows leaped about the walls in the room like demons sent to torment me. My head was full of all my sister had endured in her first fight against cancer. I remembered how deathly ill the chemotherapy had made her. The loss of her beautiful blond hair. She lost so much weight I barely recognized her. Here we were again.

  Round two.

  Harper would need to deal with it all one more time. My heart was sick. I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Not again. Oh God, please not again.

  Knowing Lucas would be up early, I slipped out of Harper’s room and went down the hallway to a waiting area. It wasn’t quite five yet. Sitting in the chair, near the edge of the cushion, I stared down at my phone. My throat clogged. A minute passed before I found the courage to push the button that would connect with him.

  “This better be important,” Lucas barked into the receiver.

  My brother never had been much of a morning person.

  “It’s Willa,” I choked out.

  “I know who this is. Is it Dad again?”

  Dad? I hadn’t thought to call him. The fear of what this news would do to him felt like someone slammed a hard fist against my chest, knocking me off-center, losing even more of my precarious balance.

  “No. It’s not Dad.”

  The silence was heartbreaking.

  Finally, Lucas spoke, his voice a husky whisper. “Is it Harper?”

  For the life of me, I couldn’t answer. With a sudden surge of uncontrollable emotion, I burst into sobs. Covering my mouth, I tried to stop, to regain control of myself. I knew what we faced.

  “Willa, tell me.”

  My brother’s words broke through the fog of shock and fear that all but suffocated me. Sucking in a deep, controlling breath, I waited until the shaking stopped and I could breathe normally once again.

  “It’s back,” I managed. No need to explain further.

  The line went silent.

  “Where are you?”

  “Aberdeen. I’ll know more when I talk to the doctor. He said something about sending Harper back to Seattle. It’s where she wants to go, as her friend John is an attending physician there.”

  “I thought the blood work was good?” His disbelief reflected mine. This couldn’t be happening. We should have had more of a warning. Only a few weeks ago everything had been perfect. Our fears had been vanquished. All was well.

  Only it wasn’t.

  “She has a cancerous tumor on her lung.”

  “I’ll call you later this afternoon.” Lucas was a take-charge kind of man. “You can tell me what you know then.”

  How calm and in control he sounded.

  I was a wreck.

  “We can do this,” he told me.

  The confidence in his voice settled over me. I needed that, desperately.

  “Harper can do this,” he added. “We’ll be there with her. She got through this once; she can do it again.”

  We ended the call. The nurse, who must have heard my sobs, brought me a cup of coffee and sat with me for a few minutes. Before she returned to her station, she gently squeezed my shoulder. It was almost as if she knew I was going to need all the internal fortitude I could muster.

  CHAPTER 20

  Willa

  We had three days at home. Three days before Harper would check back into the University of Washington Medical Center. Three short days to prepare ourselves for the battle. Harper was strong, far stronger than I was. I did my best to hide my anxiety, without much success. My sister was the one assuring me, the one lifting my spirits. That she would need to go through the entire horrific process of chemo again seemed outrageous and grossly unfair.

  I wasn’t sleeping well, barely eating, dreading every minute, but gearing up for the fight. I refused to let Harper go through this alone. Like before, I intended to be at her side, her advocate with the medical team. It went without saying that Lucas would be with us, and Chantelle, too. I was fortunate to have Shirley, who was willing to take over for me at Bean There. Leesa would supplement at the counter after Alice left for college, which was a relief as well.

  Lucas and Chantelle’s engagement party was coming up. Harper and I were attending, and then Harper would go directly from the party to check in at the hospital. We convinced Lucas not
to tell Chantelle about Harper until after the party, for fear it would put a damper on everyone’s mood. This was Lucas’s and our soon-to-be sister’s time, and Harper was determined not to do anything to ruin it. I agreed with her decision.

  It was left to me to tell our father the news. At first, I toyed with the idea of keeping Dad in the dark for fear the news would send him spiraling back into the bottle. In the end I decided my father was an adult. Harper was his daughter. His favorite. He was responsible for his own actions. I would do what I could to help him, but my priority was Harper.

  Before we left for Seattle, Harper went out for the evening with Leesa. I was grateful she had such a supportive and encouraging friend. Knowing they would be gone for some time, I invited Dad to join me for dinner. I cooked his favorite meal, pork chops and fried potatoes with onions. No matter what I cooked, he almost always had an excuse for why he couldn’t come to dinner: He was scheduled to work. He had someplace he needed to be. He was meeting a friend. I’d heard it all before.

  Something in my voice must have alerted him to the fact that this wasn’t a run-of-the-mill invitation. This wasn’t the time to come up with a convenient excuse. I sincerely doubted it was my pork chops that persuaded him.

  Dad arrived a half hour after Harper left with Leesa for a night on the town. I wouldn’t begrudge my sister this. To my way of thinking, she should have all the fun she could now, especially with what lay before her.

  “Hi, Dad.” Holding the screen door open for him, I stepped aside so he could enter the apartment.

  Like a whirling dervish, Snowball, a ball of white, raced from the living room and into the kitchen.

  “When did you get a cat?” Dad broke into a huge grin.

  “I didn’t. Harper did.”

  Amusement brightened his eyes. “She’s a little fluffball, isn’t she?”

  I grinned as I carried our plates to the table. “She certainly is.” I had no idea what we would do with this kitten while Harper was in Seattle. It seemed a shame to leave the poor thing on her own for days on end.

  Dad sat across from me at the table. “This is a nice surprise. Where’s Harper?”

  I lowered my gaze, fearing he would be able to read my worries. “She’s out for the night.”

  He reached for his fork. “She’s turned into a beautiful young woman, hasn’t she?” Then he turned his attention to me. “When are you going to find yourself a young man, Willa?”

  This wasn’t the direction I wanted our conversation to go, but decided it was as good a time as any to mention Sean. “Actually, Dad, I am seeing someone. His name is Sean O’Malley and he’s a photographer.”

  “Really?” Dad’s eyes widened, as if he was surprised by my news.

  “He’s currently on assignment in the Philippines.”

  Impressed, Dad arched his brows.

  “Would you like to meet him?” I asked.

  “Of course, when the time is right.” He grinned and I could see that he was pleased.

  Dad attacked his meal with gusto. I suspected he didn’t often eat a home-cooked meal. He didn’t lack for meals. Working at the casino, he had access to several restaurants. I noticed he’d gained a middle-aged spread since he’d started his job as a blackjack dealer and hoped it was from food and not alcohol. When he finished, he planted his hands on his stomach. “I can’t recall the last time I enjoyed dinner more.”

  “Thank you, Dad.”

  “You cook for that young man of yours and he’s sure to stick around.”

  Smiling, I said, “I’ll do that.” Standing, I cleared away our dishes. Without asking, I poured us each a mug of coffee and carried them into the living room, silently inviting my father to join me.

  Dad claimed the sofa and I took the chair. Leaning forward and placing both of my hands around the mug, I looked to my father. “I wish there was an easier way to say this.” I swallowed hard.

  “Willa? You in trouble?” Instantly he stiffened.

  I shook my head.

  “You need money for that coffee place of yours? I don’t got much, but I’ll give you what I have.”

  His unexpected offer, his concern, touched me, and tears welled in my eyes. If only it was that easy. If only all it took was a bank loan to cure my sister, how much simpler life would be.

  “It’s not me, Dad,” I said, struggling to get the words out. “It’s Harper.”

  All the blood drained from my father’s face, and for half a second I feared he would drop the mug or pass out. He opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. Tears welled in his eyes.

  “The cancer’s back?”

  I nodded. “There’s a tumor on her lung. It’s a rare form of leukemia.”

  “Oh Willa, no. No.”

  Setting aside my coffee, I joined Dad on the sofa and the two of us hugged. His tears fell against my shoulder as we clung to each other.

  After he broke away from me and composed himself, he asked, “Where is she now?”

  “With friends. She needs this time away. It would be hard for her to see you this upset.”

  Nodding, Dad sniffled and ran his forearm beneath his nose. “Last time…I failed you and Harper. Lucas, too. I want to help. I want to be there for all of you. What do you need me to do? Tell me. If you want me at that hospital with you, I’ll find a way, no matter what. If you need anything, anything at all, you call me.”

  That did it for me and I broke into tears. My father had floundered, taken to booze when the family needed him most. From the determined glint in his eye I knew he would do his best to not abandon us again. We needed him. Harper needed him, but so did Lucas and so did I.

  “Is there anything I can help you with now?” he asked.

  Snowball appeared, racing across the floor, chasing some imaginary foe. “Actually, will you take care of Snowball?” I asked. It would help not to worry about Harper’s silly cat, and it would make my dad feel like he was contributing, which he was.

  “Of course. You don’t hesitate to call me, you hear? Any time you need me, I’ll find a way to be there.”

  “I will, Dad.” We hugged again.

  “I love you, baby girl.”

  “Love you back,” I said, my arms tightening around him. I couldn’t remember the last time I told my father I loved him or heard those words from him.

  * * *

  —

  “Come on, Willa,” Harper urged. “Let me paint your toenails, too.”

  “Not lilac,” I protested. We’d been in a flurry getting ready for Lucas and Chantelle’s engagement party, hosted by her sister, who was to be the maid of honor.

  “The lilac matches my hair.” Harper’s smile briefly faded.

  If her last experience was any indication, my sister would be losing her beautiful silver/lilac-colored hair within a few weeks. In her first bout with cancer she’d been completely bald, although, ill as she was, her hair was the least of her concerns.

  “How about blood red for me,” I said, needing to turn her thoughts away from what awaited her.

  “Got it,” she said, dipping her hand into the plastic basket at her side and pulling out a bottle of deep red nail polish.

  I pulled my foot out of the basin of hot water and reached for a towel to dry it off. “So what’s with the gift?” I asked. Harper had returned earlier with a brightly wrapped gift box and set it down by her purse. She’d said it was for the happy couple. “It’s an engagement party, not a shower, you realize.”

  “I do, but I don’t know that I’ll be able to attend any of her wedding showers, so I decided to give her my gift now.”

  “Which is?” I couldn’t help being curious.

  Harper jiggled her eyebrows. “Something Lucas is going to love.”

  “Harper!” I could well imagine my sister picking out skimpy black lingerie for
Chantelle. Rolling my eyes, I finished drying off my feet so my sister could paint my toes.

  “Have you heard from Sean?” she asked, as she unscrewed the top off the polish.

  “Not much. He’s out in the boonies, but it sounds like it’s going well.” Sean had explained this assignment to me before he’d left. It had something to do with the effects of climate change in the ocean waters in that area of the world. From the last brief email that arrived, it sounded like the project had proved to be more involved with the changes they had already found due to the drop in the water temperature, which affected nearly every aspect of life on this tiny island.

  Keeping her head lowered, Harper continued to spread red polish across my big toenail. “Did you mention…tell him about me?”

  “Not really.” With Sean half a world away, it didn’t seem right to dump this news on him, seeing there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t fly home, and if he did try to make such arrangements it would leave the entire project in a bind. Leaving could hurt him professionally, and I refused to be party to anything that would damage the career he’d worked so hard to build.

  “What did you say?”

  “Just that you were undergoing some tests and there wasn’t anything to worry about.” Sean hadn’t questioned me further, and for that I was grateful. I doubted I could have continued with the lie.

  “Good.”

  “I thought it was for the best.”

  Harper went silent before she said, “I think so, too. He’s good for you, you know?”

  I shrugged, not wanting to discuss Sean; that only made me miss him more. He’d been away a little more than a week and I already felt lost without him. A zillion times a day I’d think of something I wanted to tell him, something I wanted to say. Instead of moping and feeling bereft, I’d taken to writing him long letters, sort of like a journal. I wrote about my worries and fears for Harper, about this battle we were about to engage in and how surprised I was by my father’s determination to help. I told him news from Bean There and how grateful I was for my staff and their willingness to lean in and give me the space so that I could be with my sister. At the end of each entry, I wrote how much I missed him and that I was quickly falling in love with him.