Tainted Kiss (Tainted Knights Book 1)

by Terri Anne Browning

  I scrubbed my hands over my face, telling myself that she was right. She just needed time to get it all straight in her head. She wasn’t going to tell me good-bye. She wasn’t going to throw me out of her life.

  “What do you want me to do, Santana? Tell me what you need, and I’ll give it to you.”

  “Time,” she whispered brokenly. “I just need a little time.”

  “H …” I cleared my throat when my voice started to catch. “How much time?”

  She bit her bottom lip hard and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  I stood up, needing room to pace, to breathe, before I broke down and begged her to just forgive me.

  To love me.

  “You’re killing me right now,” I muttered.

  Her chin trembled. “I’m sorry.”

  “I want to give you what you want, but … I don’t think I can leave you. Not when this is still unfixed.”

  “You should go back to the tour. Then, when you get home, maybe we can talk then.”

  I turned away from her, my heart cracking because she was crying now, but she was also telling me to go. To leave her.

  “Go back,” I repeated. “You want me to just walk away and leave you here?”

  “Y-Yes.”

  I wanted to put my fist through a wall. It didn’t matter that I would break my hand, that I wouldn’t be able to play the drums again. Nothing mattered right then. I didn’t do it for the simple fact that I didn’t want to scare her.

  Clenching my hands tightly, my next inhale was rough and painful.

  Turning back to face her, I crossed to the bed and leaned over her. Tears were running unchecked down her beautiful face as I pressed my forehead to hers.

  “Okay,” I told her. “I’ll go. I’ll miss you like hell, but I’ll go.”

  “Kale …” When she breathed my name, I would have given anything to have everything magically fixed. To have her tell me she loved me and trusted me. That I could stay and hold her for the rest of the night.

  “I love you.” I kissed her forehead and straightened. “Remember that when you’re thinking about everything, doll.”

  ***

  I didn’t wait around for Emmie to get me a chartered plane, or even arrange a ticket on a commercial flight for me. I just went straight to the airport and grabbed the first plane out. It didn’t matter where it was going, I just needed to get the fuck away from Los Angeles.

  It took me to some small town in Oregon, and then I had to wait three hours for the next flight out to meet up with the guys on the road, but I didn’t care. It was like I had shut down. The pain of walking away from Santana when all I wanted to do was hold her and make her love me back was crippling, so I blocked it out and focused only on music.

  Travis had a car waiting for me at the airport when I got to Louisville the next morning. The guys had arrived there the night before, but our first show wasn’t until that night. The others had to do an early morning radio show at five-thirty that morning, which had apparently gone well from the way Gray was all hyped up about the concert.

  It was Thursday, which meant I had missed two shows.

  Emmie had called in a favor and gotten the drummer from Trance to fill in for me. The guy had some wicked talent, but my bandmates were glad to have me back. It wasn’t the same whenever any of us wasn’t performing with the others. We had been doing this for years, so it threw us all off when any one of us wasn’t there.

  We were a family in a weird sort of way. These four guys were like brothers to me. I might not like them at times, but I loved them.

  I moved on auto pilot over the next few days. I played for the crowd, rocked the house with the guys, but as soon as the music stopped, I felt like a fucking zombie. I would just go back to the bus and crash. If Travis said we had parties we needed to go to, I told him to fuck off. I slept, ate, played the drums, showered. Repeat.

  I couldn’t completely leave Santana alone, though. There wasn’t a power strong enough to keep me from breaking complete contact with her while I gave her the time she had asked for.

  Every night, I sent her one text. Only one. I love you. That was all I told her, wanting to remind her every fucking day that it was the one thing in the world that would never change.

  She never texted me back, and I didn’t really expect her to. Hoped, yeah, but never expected.

  Another week passed, and we were only three days away from the end of this fucking tour. I was ready for it to be over, yet dreaded the end.

  When I got home, would Santana be ready to talk? Would she want to still be with me?

  Or would I go home to nothing?

  TWENTY TWO

  Santana

  I had never been to a real concert before. I had an idea of how loud it would be, but not even my expectations could compete with how utterly deaf I felt. Yet, at the same time, I could hear every sound coming from the stage in front of me.

  It was kind of exhilarating.

  At least, it would have been if I hadn’t been so nervous I felt like I might vomit at any minute. Having already had all the vomit fun I ever wanted to experience the week before, I wasn’t exactly thrilled with my digestive system right then.

  I had no one to blame for the butterflies in my stomach but myself, though.

  “We can wait over there!” Kin screamed in my ear.

  I could only nod, knowing I wouldn’t be heard over the roar of the crowd, as well as the band currently playing on stage. My hands were clammy, but Kin didn’t seem to notice or she didn’t care, as she linked our hands and tugged me past the security team that stood between the crowd and the stage.

  We were out of sight of the band performing, which was a good thing because, if Jace had really been looking, he would have seen us. As much as I knew that guy had been missing his girl, I knew he would have said fuck the rest of Tainted Knights’ set and jumped down to get Kin. So, even though we knew we couldn’t be seen, we still ducked down behind the huge security guys as we climbed the steps to backstage.

  Once there, she released me and took a peek through the huge black tarps that covered up the steel frames of the stage. She was so excited to see Jace she was practically dancing. I couldn’t seem to find that kind of enthusiasm.

  What if Kale decided he didn’t want to wait for me to figure everything out?

  What if he hadn’t missed me as much as I had missed him?

  What if …?

  There were a million what ifs rolling through my head. Regardless, I couldn’t wait another day to find out if those what ifs were real or not.

  It had taken me three days after I had gotten home from the hospital to figure out that being sick had really fucked with my head. I had been so out of it that it had screwed up everything, and I’d been too deep in the fog to see clearly.

  To see that Kale was the good guy I knew he was all along.

  To see that he wouldn’t have cheated. Why would he? He cared about me. I knew he did. Maybe he hadn’t told me he loved me until the week before, but he had shown me in a hundred different ways. The fifty plus texts he would send a day. The voicemails he would leave just to tell me random things and to hear my voice on the stupid recorded message. It had been in the way he had talked to me until the middle of the night just so I could go to sleep with his voice being the last thing I heard.

  I hadn’t needed a private hospital suite or those exquisite flowers he had given me to show me that he was the man I should be spending the rest of my life with.

  All I had needed was those simple three words he had been texting me every night since he left me.

  I love you.

  They were my favorite words in the entire world. So simple. So fucking powerful.

  Now, as I stood backstage, waiting for the five Tainted Knights guys to wrap up their set, I wanted to run on stage and jump Kale’s bones. I wanted to scream to the world that I loved him. At the same time, I wanted to run in the opposite direction because I was terrified that I had fucked it a
ll up by sending him away.

  Not knowing was better than the knowing … right?

  No. No, it definitely wasn’t better.

  Kin turned toward me, her smile so radiant it was a wonder she didn’t give our location away backstage. “It’s almost time,” I thought she said as she bounced up and down on her toes.

  I swallowed my nervousness and moved in closer beside her.

  Shifting the tarp to the side, I looked out onto the stage. The lights were hot and brighter than the sun at midday. They flashed from white to red to blue to green then back to white and began the whole kaleidoscope of colors all over again. The lights felt like the heartbeat to the song, shifting to the rhythm.

  Cash was only a few feet away, on his bass, while Sin was on the other side of the stage. In the middle was Gray with his guitar, but he was so into his music he didn’t seem to notice the crowd that were losing their minds as they rocked out with them. Meanwhile, Jace was all over the place. I didn’t know how he could sing and run around the stage, interacting with the crowd and his band and remember the words to every song. The crowd was eating it up, singing along with them and screaming for more.

  I took all of them in within a few seconds before my eyes were going to the only person I was dying to see.

  When I had seen him performing at First Bass, I’d been enthralled. Right then, he was covered in sweat, beating his drums to a rhythm that made my heart race. His hair was soaked, droplets flying through the air as he lost himself to the music, shaking his head wildly.

  As I watched, a drumstick went sailing through the air, and people in the middle of the front rows became hysterical as they fought over who had caught it. Kale never paused. He had an entire case of drumsticks right beside him, and he pulled out another one and kept playing.

  He looked good. Sexier than I had ever seen him. However, there was something about his face. Something was off, but I couldn’t see him clear enough to decipher at first.

  The joy that I had seen on his face at First Bass was absent. He was completely into the music, but his heart wasn’t there.

  Regret filled me. All I wanted to do was run out there and beg him to forgive me. I shouldn’t have waited so long. I should never have sent him away in the first place. My nerves were pushed to the back of my head. All I could think about was making this better, making it up to him.

  Telling him I love him.

  The song was about to end. I could tell by the way Kin was dancing around beside me. I knew she would end up jumping Jace as soon as the song was over.

  I moved out of the way, figuring I would get trampled by my friend if I didn’t.

  Gray was still playing, finishing with a guitar solo, but she couldn’t wait any longer. She stepped through the slit in the tarp and rushed on stage.

  Cash nearly lost his balance as she bumped into him, but she didn’t even look back as she jumped into Jace’s arms. I caught the sight of his face for only a nanosecond. The sheer pleasure there lifted my heart a little. Then Kin was kissing him, her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands fisted in his hair. Two security guards started toward them, but Cash stepped in their path, shaking his head.

  I stayed where I was out of sight, but still able to watch the stage.

  Gray took the mic from Jace’s hand, which were wrapped tightly around Kin’s waist, and told the crowd goodnight. Laughing, he and the other three headed my way while Jace just stood there, kissing his girl.

  I stepped farther into the shadows as the tarp shifted and Cash and Sin walked out. I twisted my fingers together, watching Gray come through next. When his sand-colored eyes landed on me, they widened with surprise, but then he grinned. He started to open his mouth, but I shook my head and quickly pressed a finger to my lips in a silent plea not to give me away. With a wink, he nodded then went on his way.

  I counted down the seconds until the tarp shifted again and I saw his sleeved arm. Then instinct took over. I moved forward, grasping his wrist and pulling him completely through.

  “Fuck,” he grunted as his head snapped around.

  The moment his eyes fell on me, his entire face changed. The look that had been absent on his face while he had been performing was back now, those hazel eyes drinking in the sight of me.

  “Doll,” he breathed as he scooped me up. His laugh rumbled through his chest as he swung me around twice.

  I held on tight, not because I was afraid he would drop me, but because I couldn’t get close enough.

  “I missed you,” I cried in his ear, burying my face in his neck.

  “What are you doing here?” He set me on my feet, but didn’t release me. “Scratch that. I don’t care why you’re here. I’m just glad you are.”

  I cupped his face in both my hands, soaking up the sight of him. “I love you,” I didn’t hesitate to say.

  Kale went completely still, his face tightening as he looked down at me.

  My heart dropped into my stomach as all those fears and uncertainties came flooding back. Maybe he regretted telling me he loved me. It was too soon. Love wasn’t supposed to happen this fast.

  Except, it had, and I didn’t want to waste another second not telling him how much I cared.

  “I love you, Kale.”

  His lashes lowered when I said it again, hiding his thoughts from me, but I didn’t stop.

  “I’ve loved you almost from that very first day. I knew it when you confronted Wade, and I knew it before that stupid picture. I still knew it when you were walking away, giving me the space and time I asked for. I … I never should have let you leave me then without telling you how I felt, but—”

  His head lowered in a flash, his lips sealing mine in a kiss that melted my knees. I sagged against him, holding on to his shirt for dear life as I kissed him back. It was a long while later before he lifted his head.

  “I love you, too.”

  “I’m so sorry I sent you away. If I’d been thinking straight, I never would have done it.” I swallowed hard. Licking my lips, I tasted him there. “I trust you, and if I hadn’t been so sick, I wouldn’t have even thought twice about that picture.”

  “Doll.” He kissed me again, this time quick and hard, but it still had the power to shut me up. “Let’s get the fuck out of here. You’re saying shit, and all I can think about is sliding between these damn amazing legs. I’m not going to fuck you backstage.” He glanced over his shoulder as the tarp shifted behind him and Jace stumbled through with Kin still in his arms, both of them tearing at each other’s clothes as they continued to kiss. Rolling his eyes, he stepped back and took my hand. “We need a room and a bed. Now.”

  Anticipation sang through me as I entwined our fingers. “I’ll follow wherever you lead, babe.”

  People were already moving up on stage, taking down the Tainted Knights stuff so the next band could set up. I saw Travis talking to a small group of people. The guy barely lifted his eyes when he noticed Kale, but when he saw me, they widened and he stopped speaking as we walked by.

  I lifted a brow at him, but kept walking, holding on tightly to Kale’s hand.

  Out in the parking lot, I saw the tour bus in the distance, but he didn’t take me there. Instead, we headed for the main entrance. There, taxis were lined up for several blocks, and Kale lifted his hand to hail one. Opening the door for me, I slid in, and then he got in behind me.

  “Where are we going?” I whispered after he had leaned forward to say something to the driver I didn’t catch.

  “The closest fucking hotel with room service, doll.” His arm came around me, pulling me close, but he sat so that he could look down at me. “I still can’t believe you’re here. This feels surreal right now.”

  I grinned up at him. “Kin and I have been planning this for weeks now. Long before I got sick. Of course, Emmie helped us out a little.”

  He frowned. “Travis didn’t know?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t think so. He seemed surprised to see me when we were leaving.”

/>   I’d never seen him look so wide-eyed before. I wasn’t there to worry about Travis or anything else, though, except for Kale.

  I snuggled closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder and looking up at him through my lashes. “I love you.”

  He inhaled sharply and pressed his lips to my forehead. “I love you, too.”

  The drive to the hotel took ten minutes. As soon as the taxi stopped, Kale tossed the driver a few bills then pulled me out of the car with him. He held my hand as he led me inside.

  Getting a room only took a few minutes, and then Kale was pulling me onto an elevator, where he stood stiffly beside me as the metal box lifted. There was no one else with us, but he didn’t try to kiss me, or even touch me.

  I hid my smile, knowing he was trying to be good. We both knew that if we so much as gave each other a steamy look, there would be no stopping the tsunami of need that would crash down on us.

  TWENTY THREE

  Kale

  As the elevator lifted, I mentally counted the floors.

  On the fifteenth floor, I saw her smile out of the corner of my eye. On the eighteenth floor, a soft giggle escaped her. The twentieth, she shifted from one foot to the other. The elevator slowed, and as it came to a stop on the twenty-fourth floor, she was practically vibrating.

  My dick tightened painfully behind the zipper of my jeans, making it hard to breathe without causing myself pain.

  As soon as the doors started to open, I grabbed her around the waist and lifted her. With a contented sigh, she wrapped her legs around me, her head lowering to my shoulder, where she kissed my neck.

  “Almost there,” I muttered to myself, trying to stay calm as I looked for our room.

  Her tongue snuck out, tracing little circles under my ear. “Not quite,” she whispered in that little purr she knew could bring me to my knees.

  I tightened my hold on her. “You’re killing me, doll. I’m trying to walk without crippling myself from this raging hard-on.”